FicWad

I found myself under spork attack again later that night. They'd been and done their show, me being roped into trying to juggle food and drink orders, make up and making an appearance for the rather unofficial meet n' greet.

Bert and me were sat in the middle of the bus, rather annoyingly for everyone else, cross-legged with sporks joined together in a fierce battle of serrated metal. Needless to say our hands were kind of a mess.

I stared, open-mouthed, as hand appeared from nowhere and pulled both sporks from our grasp. The same hand took a hold of Bert's collar before forcefully yanking him towards the exit.

Finally, I was able to grin.

Bert was carted out of the bus by Gerard. Gerard made his way back in, but stopped and turned, raising the sporks threateningly:

"Go back to your own bus! Annoy your own band - it's what you do best!" He called, animatedly waving the sporks around and pointing across the tarmac to the other bus that now had only one light still on, before turning and storming inside.

I giggled as he dropped the sporks in the sink before turning to face me, hands on hips.

"Wow, that stance really suits you," I heaved out between my now uncontrollable giggles, gesturing to his hands. He sighed irritably, rolling his eyes and letting his hands fall before kneeling down to me. Still giggling, he took a hold of my wrist to examine my battle scars. Or rather, battle wounds.

"It's nice to see you two getting along but try not to get yourself killed - whether pretending to or not," I smiled at him.

"Aw, it's nice to know you care," He raised an eyebrow at me before pointing his own rather battle-scarred hand to the sofa.

"Go," I sighed playfully, getting up in a strop.

"Yes daddy," I mocked, storming off to the sofa and plonking myself down in between Bob and Mikey, arms folded. I closed my eyes and raised my head.

"Hey, y'know, that actually suits her. Think she's got practice in it?" Asked Bob. I opened my eyes and looked at him, leaning forward so he could see Mikey, before swatting him playfully over the head. He shouted pointlessly, clutching his head. "Gerard! Your girlfriend's BEATING ME UP!" He called over to where Gerard was lifting what looked like an ice-cream tub (devoid of ice-cream yet full none-the-less). I guessed a mini medical box at the time, and I was right - it was filled with the perhaps more effective creams that weren't put in the first aid kit.

"I don't blame her," He mumbled as he walked over, setting the tub on Mikey's lap.

"What did you say?" Asked bob incredulously as Gerard wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up, turning and sitting in my seat before setting me on his lap.

"I said;" He began, motioning for Mikey to open the tub. "I don't blame her. If I didn't have to play in front of you on stage, I'd beat you up," He finished, grinning. I smiled, sliding towards Gerard's knees so he had room for the tub on his own lap.

"What's so bad about me?"

"Well," I began. "First there's your-" I stopped as Both Mikey and Gerard covered my mouth. I frowned, glaring at each of them in turn.

Once Gerard had found a light blue box, he removed his hand, prompting Mikey to do the same. I went to fold my arms ready to throw another paddy, but was stopped as Gerard took a light hold on one of my hands and examining them. I rolled my eyes, but I was too tired by then to stop him.

"Hey," Began Ray as he finally appeared from the back of the bus. "D'ya think we could bring you around with us next time we do a venue like that again?" He asked me. I turned my head to look at him as he opened the freezer.

"Huh? Why?" He came back out of the freezer with a beer in hand. For the first time in a while, it didn't bother me.

"'Cause you make a great women repellent," I smiled fanning myself with my free hand.

"I try my best,"

"I think it only works if they're your girlfriend," Said Mikey, leaning forward. "I think I almost drowned in estrogen," I smiled.

"I think I was drowning in testosterone," I added, wincing as the cold, white paste that came from a tube with SAVALON plastered on it's side came into contact with the first red mark. I hissed, attempting to pull my hand away.

"Ah, ah! You went playing with Bert, this is what you get," Scolded Gerard, pulling my hand back towards him before continuing to rub in the cream.

"So this is what I get for bonding with your insane friends?"

"Yep,"

"Hope I don't meet any more," He rolled his eyes. "Don't you roll your eyes at me!" The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile briefly before he squeezed some more cream onto his fingers.

"Wow, who knew it? I always knew you should've been a nurse..." Mikey trailed off, moving to avoid the hand that batted its way towards him. "HEY! That was a comp-li-ment! Y'know, the thing that's nice to be told! The thing you don't try and hit people for!" There was a sigh from next to me before Bob stood up.

"I'm off to bed," He announced, already half way to the bunks.

"NIGHT!" Everyone chorused. Except Frank, who was already out cold.

"I think I'm going too," Said Mikey, standing from the other side of me. I pouted up at him.

"What? You're leaving me with you're mean, evil, vampiric, fiend of the night, stalking, molesting brother?"

"Yeah, sorry," He pouted back down at me, bending down for a hug before straightening and pushing his glasses up his nose. "Good look with that whole 'vampiric, molesting' boyfriend thing," I scowled at him as he made his way to the bunks.

"You really think that of me?" I looked back at Gerard, those big puppy dog eyes blinking up at me.

"Well..." I said as Gerard swapped hands he was attending to. "Not if you leave that hand alone," His eyes narrowed as he went ahead and started to rub a blob of cream into my now healing cuts. "HELP!" I called as quietly as I could considering there were now three people trying (and one succeeding) to sleep. "RAPE!"

I found a warm hand covering my mouth before I could carry on. I looked up to see Ray peering down at me.

"C'mon, he's not that bad," I nodded frantically, my agreements muffled by his hand. "How is he that bad?" I tried running off a list, no matter how feeble, but his hand was still over my mouth. I stopped mid-list, looking at the hand before back up at him. "Oh, right," He removed his hand before sitting next to us.

"Well-" I was stopped, much to my annoyance, as a blob of cream was painted on my nose. "What was that for?"

"Carry on and I swear, girlfriend or no, I'll have you eating the cream," I pouted down at Gerard, doing my best to look scared. I watched in silence as he put the cream away - sliding it into the box before placing it in the tub. Closing the tub, he moved it onto the empty spot on the sofa. Scooping me up into his arms, he deposited me on Ray's lap.

"Don't let her escape," He ordered Ray, who saluted him, before picking up the tub and making his way out of my line of sight. I turned on Ray's lap so I could see him as he opened a cupboard to put the tub away.

"God you're light," Said a shocked Ray, bouncing his knees up and down to impress upon the fact as I bounced easily with his knees.

"Oh, yeah, make me feel better why don't you?" I said disdainfully, folding my arms. "Surely you'd rather have a lighter woman on your knee than a heavier one?" He shrugged.

"I honestly wouldn't care," I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly. As long as they're healthy enough," He eyed me as if to say: 'and your weight isn't healthy'. I smiled wanly, patting at his Afro.

"Nice to know you care,"

"Nice to tell you," He agreed, smiling warmly at me. There was silence during which Gerard rinsed his hands and had a quick look through the cupboards. Finally, he made his way back over.

Sitting down, he took a hold of my waist before lifting me over to his lap.

"What do I look like? A toy you can pass around everyone's lap?" He grinned, biting his lip. Normally a sure sign something rude was on its way.

"Depends what kind of a toy you are," He taunted, wriggling his eyebrows. I scoffed, slapping his shoulder.

"And that's my cue to go to bed," said a disgruntled, if not uncomfortable, Ray - standing up and making a quick dash for the bunks. There was silence a moment before we both started to giggle.

"See? This is why I'll never let you meet any of my few friends!" I said, still giggling. He stood, cradling me in his arms.

"Aw, there's got to be more reason than that to not introduce us!" He complained, carrying me over to the door and down the stairs.

"Well," I ducked to avoid loosing my head on the window above the door "That and I like you in one piece. Jacquelyn should have already guessed by now, but she'll stay quiet," I paused as Gerard lowered himself onto a patch of grass used to create a mini-island in the parking lot. "Then there's Mary," I paused again to get myself comfortably snuggled up next to Gerard on the grass. It was surprisingly warm out considering my breath formed a cloud in front of me. The clouds were heavy in the sky, but every so often they let us catch a glimpse of the bright moon or one or two twinkling stars. "She'd probably maul you for an autograph then try burying me alive," He smiled, lifting me slightly so he could slide his arm around my middle.

There was a pleasant silence. One where there was finally a patch of clear sky that was big enough to make out at least one constellation.

But silences like those are rare, and they don't always last long; this one didn't.

"Y'know...you really have lost a lot of weight," I sighed gently, snuggling myself further into the warmth of his side. Since I first started working for them, he'd lost a lot of weight himself. Not to the extent I had, but enough for it to be noticeable. He was no longer 'podgy around the edges', and his beer gut was slowly receding. As the thought crossed my mind, my hand rested itself on his stomach, the other stretched upwards, twisting what there was of his short hair to be twisted between my fingers.

"I know I have," I agreed dreamily.

"Well...any chance of trying to put some on?" I giggled half-heartedly.

"You saying you don't like dating a twig?" I stopped giggling, even if it was a slightly forced one, when his chest stopped rising. I could hear him counting slowly to ten under his breath.

I moved, sitting up.

"What's wrong?" I asked, pushing against his chest to keep myself up.
"I just..." He took a deep breath. "I'm starting to worry. And know you - you are too. You have this annoying defence mechanism to use sarcasm whenever I'm about to start a conversation that you either know what it's leading to, one you just don't want to have or one that's about a subject you're worried about," My head lowered slightly before I nodded. "So tell me - any chance of trying to put some on?" I shrugged, looking up at the night sky. Or rather - night clouds.

"I have no idea. I'll try, I really will, but it's not like it's just going to appear over night," I sniffed.

It hit me around about then that, up until then, none of them had seen me cry. I had, and still have, no explanation for it. I suppose there had been no need for it until then. Well, actually, there was probably no need for it at that point either. Call it PMS, call it pent up emotions - either way it lead to a very quick breakdown.

I tried my hardest to not cry. My eyes were starting to tingle slightly as the tears brimmed at the edge of my eyesight. I sniffed again before looking back up at the sky...clouds with a small patch that allowed me to see the sky.

Maybe, just maybe, my breakdown wouldn't have been as bad as it was if - doing what I would probably have been annoyed at him if he hadn't done - Gerard hadn't sat up, wrapping his arms round my middle. He pulled me closer, drawing my legs over his before laying back down. Resting his head against mine, he glided a finger across the edge of my eye where tears were forming in splodges.

That was all it took.

Even I lost track of things. Suddenly I was a crying wreck, sobs wracking my body as I clung onto Gerard. It was that strange ghostly crying, where your mouth is open and air is coming out, but only in a faint shell of a crying pattern. You just can't seem to actually bawl your eyes out, not matter how much you want to, because your throat won't allow it - it only allows bare whispers to escape.

I've always found this the worst type of crying. Feminine, silent crying has no effect on you physically, just leaves you with a sense of satisfaction depending on the circumstances, whilst all out childish wails leave you too drained afterward to face the consequences of your emotional breakdown.

But this type of crying is a strange mid-way, as I view it. It doesn't directly harm you physically, though normally leaves my throat dry and perhaps slightly soar the next day, but it doesn't leave you so drained of energy that you can forget what you were upset about in the first place so easily.

And I tried so hard to actually cry. To outright bawl my eyes out. To kick and scream like a three year old throwing a tantrum. But I couldn't. Something stopped me, either inhibition or just me being me, from letting everything go.

It was one of those never ending spirals. It starts with one small thing that upsets you, and from there everything gets worse. Things you laughed off that morning suddenly take priority on your list of things that have upset you recently before being instantly pulled to the bottom as something from a month, two months ago fills its place.

Gently, whispering soothing words into my ear, Gerard rubbed my back. I chocked back sobs several times in a bid to stop myself from crying, but it was no use. I'd just cling tighter causing Gerard to pull me closer.

I lost track of time, but I did finally stop crying. My silent heaves became mere hiccups and my river of tears dried to a bare trickle. I lay silently for quite some time, sniffing every so often.

I fell asleep where I was as the moon started to makes its way back down towards the horizon.