FicWad

During my explorations, I'd come upon a stream running through the heart of the forest. I'd taken to wandering the forest in the hopes of seeing Skyblade again, and by the time I was fourteen, I could navigate the paths in my sleep and knew every stream, clearing and incline like the back of my hand. Even the forest animals that tended to flee at the sight of humans had grown accustomed to me. All I saw of my elf-prince, however, were my memories of warm laughter, a chaste kiss and a promise of protection for my brother.

I found the stream tucked between a rocky ridge and a patch of grass. Cool, crystalline water bubbled out from a sieve of tree-roots onto a bed of bluish pebbles, while tiny silver fishes darted among the reeds. The entire place was concealed by a thick wall of trees and bamboo trunks. I was probably the only one who knew it existed.

So the stream became my refuge whenever I wanted to be alone, and that day I desperately wanted to be alone. I collapsed onto the soft grass, gasping and shaking from having run most of the way. Sensations crashed over me-the rubbery feeling of my limbs, the telltale wetness between my thighs and the dull ache in my abdomen and lower back. With them came the hated memories of jeering words and cruel laughter, popping up like malicious imps and mocking my attempts to escape them.

Drowning in anger and humiliation, I stripped down to my undershirt, tearing my dress in the process. I stared at the ruined garment regretfully. The pale yellow dress had been my favorite. Now the sight of ribbons on the bodice, bell-shaped sleeves and flowing skirt made my tears come faster, and when my eyes fell on the ugly brown splotch on the back of the skirt, something in me seemed to snap. I flung the dress away and waded into the stream, bending down to splash water between my legs. The air was bitingly cold where it touched my wet skin. The water that ran down my legs was tinged red at first, then to my bitter satisfaction quickly turned clear.

"Amihan."

With a startled shriek, I looked up and was greeted by a horrible sight. Somehow, Skyblade had entered my sanctuary without making a sound, and had picked up my dress and was looking at it thoughtfully. I stood ankle-deep in icy water with my legs splayed apart and my thighs barely covered by the thin undershirt, and prayed for death.

He raised his gaze to mine. "I smelled blood."

A very quick death. "Go away," I croaked, tugging at the hem of my undershirt as cramps rolled over me again. "Just go away, please."

Hurt flared in his eyes just before his face settled into an expressionless mask. I bent my head in agony. I'd wanted so badly to see my elf-prince again, and now that he was here I was driving him away. But sweet Lady, couldn't he have come when I wasn't bleeding and in pain and feeling lower than the belly of an earthworm?

Something warm settled around my shoulders. I looked up to find him standing before me, so close I could see the faint dimple in his left cheek. He had taken off his white shirt and draped it around me. My eyes popped even wider. I'd seen his bare chest before, but something about the way the light played over the contours of his slim, golden body seemed to mesmerize me. A wave of heat rose from my neck to my hairline. I tore my gaze away and opened my mouth to thank him properly, but warm fluid trickled down the inside of my thigh at that moment and my words came out as a panicked squeak. "By the Lady, please leave!" I begged, stumbling away from him. "Please, Skyblade, just go!"

"Shh." His fingers covered my mouth to silence me. "Sit down, Amihan. The water will stop the flow of blood temporarily."

"What?!"

His lips quirked upward. "Sit down. In the stream."

I sat down, shivering when the water hit my behind. I watched in confusion as he untied his beautiful black and gold sash and twisted it into a cord. After a pause, he picked up my dress again and shook it out, and I cringed at the sight of the horrid brown stain. "This is a lovely dress," he remarked.

"Thank you," I said stonily.

"Who made this?"

"I did."

There was that thoughtful look again. "Did you? Hmm. Very nice."

I glowered at the dress. "I'm going to burn it."

"Why?"

"Why?" I echoed. "Because it's ruined, that's why."

He tilted his head. "You think so? I can't be sure, but I think soaking it in cold water can remove the bloodstain. This dress is too pretty to destroy."

I shrugged. At his gesture, I handed him back his shirt and sat hunched over in the stream, sunk in gloom and fully expecting to find him gone in the next moment. Driven away by disgust, no doubt. I couldn't decide whether that or having him stay around out of pity was worse.

"Amihan."

I looked up. He was still there, holding out his shirt and the makeshift cord. "Do you know how to put a baby's nappy on?"

I nodded slowly.

"Good. Use the sash as a belt to hold it up."

Minutes later, I stood on dry grass again, his white shirt twisted up between my legs and held around my waist by his sash. In my thin-strapped undershirt, I looked like a child playing dress-up in her warrior-father's clothes. He looked me over and smiled. "Better?"

"Yes. Thank you." I stared down at my feet, unable to meet his gaze. He touched a finger to my chin and tilted my face upward. "I'm so sorry, Skyblade," I whispered, closing my eyes. "I cause you nothing but trouble, and now I've even ruined your clothes and humiliated myself in front of you."

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does!" I burst out, my anger suddenly returning full force. "Of course it does! I hardly ever meet you and every time I do I make such a complete fool of myself that I'm always scared you'd never want to see me again, so of course it matters! I think about you all the time and I know you wouldn't want to be with someone as uninteresting as me, so of course it matters! I love you so much and you won't believe me even if I tell you because you think I'm still a child. Well, I'm not a child anymore!" I shouted, glaring at him through my tears. "I'm /not/! I'm fourteen years old and I finally get my first bleeding and I've just been laughed at by my friends because they think I'm a stupid, disgusting baby who doesn't know the first thing about being a woman, and I--I'm so afraid they're right and--"

He moved then, hauling me into his arms before I could blink, cutting off my disjointed rant. The feel of his warm, smooth skin against mine was startling and, at the same time, oddly soothing, and all my senses were suddenly jolted to life. He ran a hand through my hair before releasing me enough to look down into my face. My mouth fell open. In contrast to the delicious warmth of his body, his face was impassive and his eyes coldly furious.

"Who laughed at you?" he asked in a tone that sent a chill through me.

/Oops/, I thought. "N-nobody important." He continued to stare at me until my nerve cracked. "My cousin Marikit and our friends Tala, Sebio and Lawin. We were sitting around telling stories when--this happened." Humiliation swept through me again, and my gaze dropped to the level of his chest. "Tala saw it. She started making a scene, so of course everyone else wanted to see. Then Lawin began to laugh, calling me a sloppy baby and telling me I stink. I ran away before Marikit could send me home."

"This Lawin," he went on evenly. "Do you like this boy, Amihan?"

I blinked, a little surprised by the question. "No, but Marikit does. She's mad at me for embarrassing her in front of him."

"Didn't your sister explain to you what needs to be done? Or your aunt?"

"They forgot." He gave me an incredulous look. "I'm small," I mumbled, thoroughly ashamed. "It's easy to mistake me for a child. I guess they forgot that I was already long overdue for my bleeding because I don't look like I'm growing up at all."

"Amihan..."

I sighed, leaning my forehead against his chest. "Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you, Skyblade. I really do appreciate your help."

"But not my treating you as a child."

I flinched. I swear I never sounded so childish until that moment. "Can we please just forget I ever said that?" I muttered, pulling away from him to pick up my dress.

"No."

"No?" I rounded on him, ready to scold him for being mean, but whatever it was I had to say melted in the intensity of his gaze. His face wasn't expressionless anymore, oh far from it, and his golden eyes burned with a light I'd never seen before. A small smile played on his lips as he closed the distance between us. "S-Skyblade?" I stammered.

"You're right," he said.

"I am?"

"You're not a child anymore, Amihan."

"Oh." My face felt as if it were on fire. Why on earth was he acting this way?

My thoughts scattered when he raised a hand and traced his fingers over my cheek, rubbing his thumb lightly against my lower lip. "I don't want to frighten you," he said in a low voice. "You have no idea how--" He broke off, and I reached out to take his hand in a comforting grip. He glanced down at our entwined fingers. "Amihan..."

"It's all right, Skyblade," I said quietly. "I'm not afraid."

His golden eyes darkened. "Do you know what you said to me the first time we met?"

"No." I unconsciously tilted my head up as he lowered his face to mine.

"You said you wish I was your brother. But Amihan-"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to be your brother." With that, his lips pressed against mine, warm and firm, his touch light as he dipped and tasted and teased. Fireworks exploded in my head, and I fell into a whirlwind of golden sparks. I sighed into his mouth, and he thrust both hands into my hair, deepening the kiss. He tasted of midsummer nights and rainstorms and molten fire--sweet, heady and utterly irresistible. There was magic in his mouth, the ageless magic of the stars, and something deep inside me kindled and blazed in response. As I dissolved into him, power surged through my body, all blue fire and silver ice, and for the first time I felt my own magic come to blazing life. Tears prickled behind my eyelids as I offered my magic to him with no thought or reservation. I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in him, never expecting that I would find myself instead.

He groaned softly, his hands gliding over my throat and shoulders, down my bare arms and along my back. My dress fell to the ground as I twined my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair. I was becoming the kind of girl Tia Isabel and Father Jorge warned constantly about, but I didn't care. This was Skyblade, my Skyblade. Anything he wanted, I would have gladly given him.

He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine, breathing unevenly through his mouth. As sorry as I was that the kiss had ended, I couldn't help relishing the feeling of power, knowing he'd been as affected as I was. He straightened and smiled at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You look flushed," he said, and I could hear the hint of smugness in his tone.

"So do you," I retorted shakily. "Um, Skyblade? That wasn't the kind of kiss you'd give a child, was it?"

He blinked, then sputtered with laughter. "Did you think it was? I mustn't have done it properly, then."

/You could try again/. I shook off the unruly thought and hastened to reassure him. "No, no, you did, you were--I mean, you certainly did." I stared down at my feet, wondering if I was ever going to stop blushing. "That was my first kiss," I added in a tiny voice.

"Do you regret it?"

"No!" I blurted, shocked that he'd even asked. "No, never. But I was wondering--"

He tilted his head questioningly.

"I felt something. When we were k-kissing, there was this power. Like something was flying back and forth between us, some sort of pulling light--" I frowned and tried again. "It felt like magic, Skyblade. It was your magic at first, then mine, and then it became something...different."

He nodded. "I felt it, too. My people have a word for it, but in your tongue it would be called 'mating' or 'joining.' Tame words that fail to describe the.../intensity/ of the experience."

"M-mating?" I gulped as the blush threatened to become terminal.

He added to my embarrassment by chuckling softly, his hands sliding down to close around mine. "When two separate energies merge, they create a third force that carries characteristics of both originators, but is nevertheless distinct and, occasionally, even more powerful than its parents."

"Oh." I was finding it hard to concentrate on what he was saying with the way his fingers were playing with mine. Judging from his smile, he knew it, too. "Does it happen often with your people? This mating of energies?"

"Only when the two are in perfect consonance with each other, which is rare enough for us. It's even rarer, though, for a human to be sensitive enough to detect the subtle shifts in energies, let alone have the power to match that of her partner in a joining. You truly are amazing, Amihan," he added, dropping a kiss on my forehead then, as if he couldn't help himself, brushing his lips against mine.

"Oh. It must be wonderful to be loved by an /engkanto/, to mate energies like that," I murmured dreamily. Now I understood why humans went insane when their elf-lovers abandoned them. One kiss, and my entire being already felt as if it had been branded.

I sensed his withdrawal before I felt him pull away, his eyes growing cold and flat. "Don't get your hopes up, kitten. Engkantos give affection freely, but respect seldom and love most rarely of all. It's getting late. You should go home."

Ah yes, the dreaded words. My heart plummeted, dispelling the euphoria from the kiss. His abrupt coolness and his speech--or should I say, his warning--chilled me to the bone. I looked down at my feet, too depressed to argue, and suddenly remembered that I was dressed in nothing but an undershirt, his sash and a makeshift diaper. I picked up my dress again, but I'd rather have skulked back home naked than wear it, and I doubted a garment of leaves would look much better. "I need to change," I said timidly.

"No, you don't." Before I could ask what he meant, he enveloped me in a hug. He felt so warm and wonderful, it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears. The warmth grew more intense, spreading throughout my body until I was encased in a cocoon of tingly heat. The stream and the clearing faded away as brilliant golden light surrounded us. I shot Skyblade a look of alarm, but even he was melting into the light. I realized what was happening an instant before I heard his voice in my head, whispering: "Don't be afraid."

The next moment, the light vanished and I found myself standing in the middle of the room my sister and I shared. Only the clothes I was wearing--or lack thereof--convinced me that I hadn't just dreamt the whole thing. I dug through my sister's belongings for some suitable cloths, then removed his poor, bloodstained shirt. I hung the shirt on a chair then unwound the beautiful sash that still bore his scent.

"Amihan! Amihaaan!"

Oh sweet Lady, Sinag was home. I glanced around wildly for a place to stash his clothes. The garments solved the problem, however, when both began to glow gold in much the same way Skyblade had before vanishing into thin air. My heart flopped painfully. As if I needed a reminder that I could never hold on to him, no matter how much I tried.

My sister stormed in and yelled at me for a good ten minutes for trying to worm out of my chores by running away. I told her what happened, editing out the appearance of a black-haired, golden-eyed elf-prince and the kiss that would haunt my dreams for the next two years. She stared at me with eyebrows arched, as if doubting the wisdom of my own body in declaring that yes, I had officially left childhood behind. I met her skeptical gaze serenely. I couldn't think of a better way to be initiated into womanhood than to be kissed as a woman should be by the man she loved.

Never mind that he didn't love her in return.

In the end, my sister pursed her lips in mystified annoyance and left me alone to boil rice and fry salted fish for dinner and reflect on how bittersweet love could be.