FicWad

Note: Hey, all! This chapter is part of my story, but it does not follow the actual storyline, itself. Rather, it is more of a one-shot comedy scene between various characters I have not yet used in the plotline (ex. Sesshoumaru, Jaken, Rin and others). I was in a totally "chaotic" mood when I wrote this, so you all should probably get quite a laugh out of this one! It'll start out seemingly normal, but then...

I'll try to upload chapter 9 as soon as I can, which will continue the original story. What will happen?? Find out then! Oh, the tension! (chuckles insanely about tension)

Chapter 8 - Oh, Lord!

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin called to the stoic demon standing a few feet away from her. He appeared to be involved with something a few feet away from him. When Rin looked a little closer, she saw that he was staring at a squirrel sitting on the ground, a nut clutched between its little buck teeth, furiously gnashing away at it.

"Oh, how cute!" Rin gushed, running over to the squirrel. With one motion, Sesshomaru stopped her.

"Rin, don't!" he commanded, his golden eyes flashing.

Rin stopped dead in her tracks, but kept her eyes fastened on the little creature, which just kept chowing away on the nut.

"What is it, my Lord?" the girl asked, confusion mirrored on her face; she received no answer... that is, not right away.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" another voice cried out.

The demon and the girl both glanced behind them, where their eyes perceived Jaken, running full-speed toward them, looking as if he were being chased by something.

"What is it, Jaken?" Sesshomaru asked, sounding bored.

"My Lord!" the kappa shrieked again. "Something pursues me! Hurry and dispatch it before it kills me!"

He watched as his master's eyes flashed, the same way they had when Rin had tried to run at the squirrel. He recoiled.

"I-I-I'm sorry, Master, I didn't mean to command you like that," Jaken stammered, backing away several steps from Sesshomaru before he got pounded.

"You are fine, Jaken, just don't do it again," the response was. Jaken's mouth fell agape. His Master never went without punishing him when he did something wrong, especially going to the level of ordering him to kill something that pursued a weak, little kappa like him!

This was so out of the ordinary that Jaken persisted, almost without realizing what he was saying.

"But... my Lord! You always punish me for things like this! Please go ahead and do it, then I'll feel totally fine again!"

He watched, but Sesshomaru still continued to watch the squirrel chewing incessantly on the nut; it was a wonder it had not escaped to a tree somewhere by now...

"That squirrel sure is acting strange," Rin said suddenly, still frozen in the same position she had been in when she was told to halt. "Why isn't it running away?"

"That squirrel is not just a squirrel," Sesshomaru replied, finally taking one step forward; from the time Rin had first called to him up until now, he had not moved an inch.

"What do you mean, Master?" Jaken asked, still unsure of what was going on; he looked behind him, but that which had chased him was somehow gone. He glanced back at Sesshomaru, who had finally looked away from the squirrel, to fix his eyes on the top of a huge oak tree behind Rin.

"What's wrong, my Lord?" Rin questioned, noticing where her Lord was now looking.

"It's nothing, Rin, you can move, now," he answered, walking away toward the tree. As soon as he stepped away from the squirrel, it hopped away, toward a tree at the far end of the forest.

A few moments passed...

"Damn! It got away again!"

The voice was so sudden and alarming that Jaken, Rin and Sesshomaru all started and glanced around.

Running toward them all was a young man with long black hair, tied up in a kind of bun on his head. He wore blue and white clothing, similar to what samurai warriors wear on the field of battle; yet from the way he looked and moved, it seemed as though he were just an ordinary guy.

"Who are you?" Sesshomaru asked the man, who halted in his tracks, similar to the way Rin had. Now that he was closer, Rin could see that, perched on top of the man's head, was what was unmistakably a monkey. It squeaked and gibbered when it seen the other people around him.

"Now, now, Hiyashimaru, don't be frightened, we've met people before, haven't we?" The monkey just continued to squawk.

"Please shut that monkey up," Sesshomaru said, surprising the hell out of Rin. Her Master never said "please" when asking someone to do something, if he ever did. What was with him, today?

"Master, what is wrong with you today?" Rin inquired, staring her Lord hard in the eyes. He gave no response, yet another strange action on his part.

"Yes, my Lord, what is wrong?" Jaken also asked. He, too, was ignored.

There was silence, for a while, broken only by Hiyashimaru's chattering.

Then, suddenly...

BBBVVVVVVVVV!!

With a noise like a gunshot, a sound that was clearly a fart blasted through the forest, causing Rin, Jaken, the boy and his monkey to jump; Sesshomaru gave no sign that he had heard a thing; he just kept staring up at the tree.

"What in the hell was that?" the boy declared, eyes roving around him.

"Rin did it!" Jaken accused, pointing at the girl; she flushed.

"It most certainly was not me!" she defended, rising up to her full short height.

"Then it was the new guy!" Jaken continued, pointing now at the boy. Now one hand was in Rin's direction and the other was in the new guy's direction. He also took his stand.

"If you are accusing me, you little imp, then I will have to wring your neck right now!" The monkey on his head gave a sound as if to agree with his threat.

"Then who was it?" Jaken asked, more to himself than the others. He gasped.

So that was why his Master was acting so strangely, today! His stomach must have been feeling pretty messed up!

"Wasn't it, my Lord?" he spoke up. The demon turned in his direction, frustration showing on every line of his face, which was turning a light shade of red.

"It was you, Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin said, shocked. Her answer was a very small nod; Sesshomaru grinned peevishly.

"I don't believe it!" Jaken gasped again.
"What's wrong, Jaken?" Sesshomaru asked. "Just because there's something wrong with you, doesn't mean there has to be nothing wrong with me!"

Jaken started to retort, but then he asked, "What do you mean, there's something wrong with me?"

Sesshomaru smiled.

"I mean, Jaken, that you are a virgin."

There was silence for a long time, then.

"WHAAAATTT?" Jaken yelled. "What in the hell do you mean by that?"

"Oh, come on, Jaken," Rin now said, now smiling as well. "We all heard you talk in your sleep, saying how you always wanted to get laid, but you never got the chance. Admit it!"

Jaken was outraged.

"You all-!" was all he could manage.

"VIRGIN, VIRGIN, VIRGIN!" Sesshomaru and Rin chanted. The words were like daggers to the kappa's ears.

"NOOOO!!!" he screamed.

He closed his eyes, dropped the Staff of Heads, and crouched on the ground, covering his head with his hands.

"This is a dream!" he shouted.

"Did you hear that?" Rin asked Sesshomaru; he leaned in to listen. "He just said that he wants to get laid by a really fat tanuki!"

"NOOOOO!!!" Jaken yelled again. "You lie!"

Rin and Sesshomaru continued to chant over and over again.

Suddenly...

He woke up.

"Wow! What a nightmare!" he exclaimed. "Now, where am I?"

He looked around and seen that he was still in the same forest where he, Rin and Lord Sesshomaru had stopped for the night to rest; it was now daytime, the same time period it had been in his dream... was it a dream, though?
"Hi, Lord Jaken!"

The sudden cry was so startling that the kappa screamed out in fear and looked wildly around the area. Rin was sitting a little to his left, leaning against a large boulder.

"Oh, it's just you," Jaken said simply, trying to hide the note of contempt from his tone; she seemed to have understood, regardless.

"Why are you being so mean to me?" she cried, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm going to tell Lord Sesshomaru on you!"

Jaken's eyes filled with fear, but he dismissed her comment.

"Ha! You don't scare me, child! If you are bribing me with Lord Sesshomaru's wrath, then I have no use for you! I'll go to him myself!

"Lord Jaken... wait one moment!" Rin called, before he could even get up.

He turned his head toward her very slowly.

"What is it?" he snapped, gripping the Staff of Heads very tightly, so tightly that his hands hurt from the strain it put on them.

"I heard you mumbling in your sleep just now," Rin responded, her face lighting up with sudden amusement; he thought he knew what she was about to say. And sure enough...

"I heard you mumbling something about you being a virgin!" she giggled.

Jaken's mouth fell agape, just like in his dream. But this was real! It had to be!

"Oh, Lord Jaken!" a voice nearby called. Jaken turned his head as quickly from the girl as humanly (or kappaly) possible... and screamed again.

A very large and fat tanuki with black rings around its eyes had ambled over to their little campsite; Lord Sesshomaru was still missing, presumably hunting. Jaken backed away several steps. But the tanuki came closer.

"I know you want to get laid with me!" it called. It batted what eyelashes it had, and whipped its short little raccoon tail to and fro.

"NO!" Jaken shouted. "Not my dream come true!"

But that apparently was the wrong thing to say; the tanuki's face lit up with excitement.

"Oh, yes! I knew you wanted me!" it cried blissfully.

Jaken screamed again.
"No, get away from me!"

"Stop!"

"But you said you wanted me, didn't you?"

"I said nothing of the sort!"

"You said you were a virgin!"

"I DID NOT!!"

"Come here, darling!"

"NOOOOOO!!!"

_-_-_

End

Well, that was funny, wasn't it?
I might do another funny little skit later on in the story, but I thought I'd throw that one out to you!
Chapter 9 continues the story! See you there!