FicWad

"I'm worried about her, Patrick,"

I held my black sweater against my chest and leaned up against the wall as I heard voices from my bedroom.

Castle De Wenz.

It made my heart oh so heavy.

I blinked in realizing it was Pete.

"What do you mean?" Patrick mumbled back. Pete sighed, well, that's what it sounded like.

"Well," there was a pause. "I mean, now that we're back in Arizona," My eyes lowered with guilt. "What if she decides to stay?" his voice croaked. I could tell he was fighting back tears.

Patrick let out a deep breath.

"Maybe you shouldn't think like that," I pursed my lips together.

"But...I don't want to loose her again," I closed my eyes softly.

"She loves you way to much to do that to you," I gulped and Pete sniffed.

"I can't loose her Patrick," he mumbled. It was muffled. "If I loose her one more time," his voice grew into a very small whisper. "I swear I'll kill myself and when I do, I'll make sure that this time I'll die,"

My eyes snapped open and I felt my throat contract.

I mean, my dad just /died/, thank you very much.

Why is Pete acting like this?

"You mean," Patrick's voice was small, he probably was more concerned than anything. Pete's voice started to rise.

"What do you think?" he shouted. "Of course! I was miserable!" I felt my defenses breaking down.

"But...I thought you were going to try again," Pete scoffed.

"Well you know what?" he sighed. "Sometimes we take chances," he paused. "And sometimes we take pills," I lowered my eyes again and jumped slightly as Patrick came out of the room and stared wide eyed at me. I shook my head and placed a finger over my lips.

"Shhhh," I whispered. He frowned before walking towards the grand stairs. I slowly slipped into my room to find Pete sitting there on the edge of my bed, head in his hands.

"Pete," I spoke.

He didn't look up.

"You heard everything," he stated.

I bit my lip, caught in the act. I closed the door behind me and started the slow walk over to where he was. The bed slightly bounced as I took a seat next to him, our bodies close.

"Look at me," I urged. He ignored me still. "Pete," I insisted.

Placing my hands around his wrists, I pulled his hands away and lifted his head up so I could see his face. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and the small line of eyeliner was smudged with drying tears. Pete gulped and I took a deep breath.

"I'm not going /anywhere/," I made sure each and every syllable dripped with sincerity.

His eyes slowly closed and I brought his face to mine, our lips meeting in the possibly the softest kisses we'd probably ever share. My hands stayed on either side of his face while his rested on my sides and back. He shook slightly and I thought it was a shiver until my fingertips resting near his eyes started to dampen with tears. I pulled back to see his wonder eyes spilling them.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I shook my head and moved my hands from his face and down his arms, taking his hands in mine. Pete lowered his eyes to them, slowly moving them and intertwining them between us.

"Can you be strong?" he asked. I waited until his eyes traveled back up to mine. "For me?" he squeaked. I gave on a full smile and nodded once.

"Yes,"

----------

Joe frowned as I told him everything that had been happening.

"So you guys didn't have sex the two times you kissed?" he smirked. "Is this a sign of the apocalypse?" I smacked him like old times.

"No," I hissed. I glanced over where Andy and Pete were horsing around. "I'm a little shocked myself," Joe nudged me.

"You know you want it," he slyly said. I glared and smacked him harder. He smiled. "I missed this Evie," I laughed before looking back in time for Pete to run full on into a wall.

Head first.

Joe immediately started cracking up as Pete laughed it all off, rolling around for a bit before he sat up and smiled sheepishly at me. I rolled my eyes. Things seemed to be getting a little too normal for me. Believe it or not, but I was relocating back to Chicago. Well, more like moving back in with the Wentz family since 'Hemingway missed me'.

"You love me," Pete joked. I gulped but forced a smile.

This was becoming torture.

We were best friends, but were kissing left and right, trying to boycott our ways out of saying 'I love you' to each other. I so desperately wanted to hear it come from him, but I knew that once I did, that it would only kill me inside, and I would never be able to say it back. But then there were days when I would just watch him and know that even I could say it at any given moment and make him the happiest man on earth.

"Pete, get off the floor, and I refuse to pay for the dents in my wall that have nothing to do with guitars," I laughed as Ryan lightly kicked him in the side. He play pouted and crawled over to me, jumping up into my lap and sitting sideways, curled up against me.

"Evieeeee," he whined. "Ryan's being a meanie," I stifled a laugh and kissed his cheek.

"It's ok Petey," Joe looked as though he was going to piss his pants.

"Dude, you don't know how much Pete actually looks like he is about to cry!" Pete pouted more before laughing.

I observed all the boys in the way they seemed so relaxed and even observed myself in close proximity to Pete in front of the others. For the next hour, we had switched positions and much to Ryan's disagreement, Joe had managed to pop Star Wars into the DVD player.

----------

"No," I hissed, waving my arms, trying to push her away. "Go away," Beverly sighed at me.

"Evie, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact we need to talk to you," I started to cry.

"But what are you trying to tell me?" I took a deep breath. "Why can't you just let me figure it out on my own," I shook my curls. "It's my life!" Beverly didn't even seem fazed. So she was still like her old self, not caring if I cried or not.

"You have to be strong," I closed my eyes tightly.

"I already know that, for Pete," I whispered. Beverly picked my head up and waited until my eyes were open to say anything.

"No," she said sharply. "For you," I raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" Beverly took a serious disposition.

"Evie, if you do not know how to keep yourself grounded, you'll never be able to live with Pete and things will unravel like last time," I gulped.

"I don't want that," Beverly sighed, looking away.

"Evie," she started. "I wasn't strong in my lifetime and now look at me. Stuck at 16 years, watching over you and everyone you love," I began to speak but she hushed me. "I pry every single day that you learn to be brave, but know your limits," she took a rushed breath. "I need you to be able to love, and truly do it," I nodded and gulped again.

"Beverly, what do I do?" she stepped back.

"You'll know when the time is right," I reached out for her, but I couldn't move my feet.

"One more thing," I called. She turned around and hummed.

"What?" I took a deep breath.

"What's heaven like?" I asked softly. Beverly smiled.

"It's like the most amazing kiss you've ever had,"

----------

You ever think to yourself in order to move on, you have to rebuild you past, no matter how...exhausting it can be? I started with Bobby. He sat at the top of the staircase next to me, his arm placed loosely around my shoulders.

"I feel like a jerk," he mumbled. I kept my vision forward.

"Good," Bobby sighed.

"I should have let Pete stay and realize I didn't have you anymore," I let out a short breath.

"You should have," I agreed. I closed my eyes. "He proposed the night before, you know," Bobby pulled away and eyed me nervously.

"Now I feel even worse," I frowned.

"I don't want to sound like a bitch but," I paused. "I'm glad your guilty conscious is getting the best of you," Bobby lightly smiled.

"I think you would have made a fantastic bride," I giggled to myself.

"Me in a wedding dress?" I rolled my eyes, looking back down the dimly lit steps. "That's crazy," Bobby smiled at my profile and nudged me.

"Can I be invited?" he asked. I whipped my head at him.

"What are you talking about?" he rolled his eyes.

"When Pete pops the question again, of course," he cleared his throat. "To your wedding, I'll be invited right?" I smiled to myself at the thought of that before nodding.

"Whatever you say, Bobby," I looked towards where Pete was napping behind my closed door. "Whatever you say,"

----------

Pete sat at my desk in my room, typing away at a Word document.

I didn't question him.

He seemed too, 'in the zone'.

Instead I decided to finally open the two week old letter my father had left me. It wasn't that lengthy, two pages at the most and a lot of it was about what he expected out of me until it reached the end, and the pen changed from blue to black. It was recent and mostly about my relationship with Pete.

Creepy, yes. But was I curious or not?

...There was one time when Pete was here, you were still in Chicago. I thought you would be with him, but you weren't. Apparently you were to dense to even realize Pete was taking a trip by himself. You want to know why he stopped by? He asked me if he could marry you.

I had to stop right there, for the fact my eyes developed tunnel vision and my heart beat picked up. Pete glanced over for one second and slowly walked over. I quickly read through the rest of the letter before shoving it back into the envelope and into my nightstand draw.

"What was that?" he asked. I shook my head and blinked hard.

"Never mind," I quickly said.

I opened my eyes and breathed out, finding my defenses completely down. Our eyes locked and Pete's right hand grazed against my left arm.

"Are you sure your feeling alright?" his lips took on a worried pout and I couldn't help but get lost in his eyes.

Curse Joe if he was to walk in and ruin this.

"I'm..." I let my voice cut off and remembered what Beverly said.

I would know when the time came.

Pete blinked and a very small tint of pink came to his cheeks. Maybe he thought I would have looked away by now.

"Kiss me," I whispered.

His eyebrows twitched.

"Huh?"

I shook my head and quickly brought his lips to mine, loving the fact I had enough courage to actually throw myself out there, and make myself vulnerable. Pete's arms moved around my waist as he brought me up and over into his lap, straddling his thighs.

"This time, I think we can do this without any problems in the future," Pete smiled and nodded slowly, picking me up for a moment before lying me down and resting next to me.

We picked up another very passion filled kiss, slowly frenching as hands mingled at the hems of t-shirts and the buckles of belts. And it wasn't a rush for once in my life. It wasn't even this slow when it was my first time. It made me feel even more loved by this man than I should have been.

Or be.

I shivered and detached our lips for a moment to bring Pete's shirt over his head while his very warm fingertips grazed my hip bones. We didn't even speak as more clothes were shed, and the more bare skin was exposed, the higher my creamy colored silky sheets rose up his bare back.

My nervous habit picked up again, my teeth curled over my bottom lip as Pete stared down at me, our eyes now being locked for five minutes. I'm surprised he was able to handle this. It wasn't just...good sex anymore. This... this is what everybody always used to tell me.

Love.

Pete had his body resting over mine, the sheet high enough to cover us just in case (of people named Joe) and to shield from the chilly air circulating the room. With his elbows and forearms boxed to the sides of my breasts, and hands curled under my shoulders, I felt the safest I've ever felt with someone.

My mind drifted and my eyes gently closed as he placed the softest of kisses to my lips. His hands moved to hold my upper sides, before he pressed our foreheads together and let my hands lightly squeeze at his biceps as our hips slowly collided in pure bliss.

I forced back saying anything; this was too special for words.

Our foreheads stayed connected the entire time, eyes boring into the others, except when it was necessary to blink hard at how mind blowing love making could really be.

The tingle went up my spine and I curled my toes into the sheets before leaning up to kiss Pete again, a very faint groan coming from the back of his throat.

I copied even softer and pulled away to find his eyes glazing over, an overwhelming feeling overpowering his heart. He thrusted himself out and gently lied next to me, wrapping the comforter around us as I rolled to my side.

"Pete," I started. He shook his head and intertwined our hands between us before closing his eyes and breathing out.

A tear slipped down from the corner of his eye and I reached up to let it moisten my fingertips. I gulped and shuffled closer into his still heated chest. I felt my lungs contract and my heart beat pick up with each passing second I kept the overwhelming feeling build upside me. His arm wrapped around my waist and I let my lips part.

Now, or never Evie.

I stared up at his half open and lazy eyes.

"I love you,"