Categories > Anime/Manga > Saiyuki > Not Gonna Lose You
Hakkai saw Gojyo's worried face when he woke. "Gojyo..." He tried to reach out to touch that face but his arms didn't work. Gojyo smiled gently seeing him wake up, knowing that there'd probably still be an element of worry visible on his face he grinned making it look like he was fine.
"Hey 'Kai." He ran a finger across his forehead, moving a few stray strands of hair back into place. "How d'ya feel?"
"I'm...tired..." Hakkai said. "You...will you take care of them for me?"
"Them? You mean Sanzo and the other two?" the kappa raised a brow, what was he talking about...taking care of them?
"Yes. Goku will be hungry." The healer knew he was drugged, and not making much sense. "You should...make sure they're fed."
Gojyo would have badmouthed the priest and monkey right about now, but forced himself to keep quiet, simply nodding to him and agreed with what he was saying for now.
"Yeah sure thing. I can do that for ya." He forced a wide grin to form on his lips, Hakkai reached over and grabbed his hand. "You've got to take care of Hakuryu too. When I'm gone."
"Hakkai, don't talk like that will you?!" said the kappa, a little more bark in his voice than he had intended to have, panic getting the better of him he hadn't expected Hakkai to come away with something like that of all things, hell it was painful to even hear him speak like that. He sighed to calm himself and placed his other hand over Hakkai's. "Listen to me, Hakkai...you're not gonna fuckin' die or anything..."
Hakkai gave him a drugged smile. "Someday."
"Yeah, well, we all will someday...and then yeah I will." He tried giving a better smile back hoping it wasn't faltering as he thought it was. "You just need rest, and you'll be better in no time, ne?"
"I love you Gojyo." The healer blurted out with a silly looking smile. Gojyo's smile altered itself into a truer looking one. "I..." He could feel slight heat crawling over his cheeks. "Love you to, Hakkai."
Hakkai could have kissed the kappa just then, but he was feeling very drowsy and still couldn't make his arms work. Gojyo shifted to lean over him a little, brushing the side of his face with his fingers. He brought his head down to connect his own lips with Hakkai's kissing him gently, withdrawing his head a moment later to a short distance to look down at him, a smile still placed on his face.
"That's not fair..." said Hakkai grabbing at Gojyo's hand.
"Hm? What's not?" He smirked lightly, a little amused with the response he'd got.
"I can't touch you." said the healer simply.
"Aw, the drug will wear off soon." He replied not really getting what the healer was meaning by that...although technically he should, the smile on his face grew a little not noticing he was intertwining his fingers with Hakkai's.
"I can't...touch you..." Hakkai repeated feeling his eyes drifting shut. Gojyo looked to him brow raised a little wondering if he'd misunderstood the meaning of that. "Just rest..." He muttered to him, his free hand going to stroke at his hair gently.
"Yes...I think...but what if I don't wake up..."
"Don't think like that. You will wake up..." Gojyo assured him shaking his head lightly wishing the healer would just rest and stop talking like that.
"You'll be here?"
"Of course I will. S'not like I can go anywhere ya know, and even if I could, I'd still stay."
"You've got to feed Goku. He's not eaten in 500 years..." Gojyo couldn't help but laugh a little at that.
"Relax 'Kai, Sanzo's got the card, and the saru will bug him to get something, you don't need to worry. He'll get fed."
Hakkai's eyes drooped, "but he's so...hungry."
"Hakkai, get some sleep already." Gojyo said smirking a bit. "I'll take care of it ne."
"Yes Gojyo..." Hakkai said and his eyes fell shut finally.' Gojyo watched him and waited for Hakkai to fall asleep, untwining his hand from the healers to get a chair and drag it over to the bed, sitting at it and propped his head on his arm after he placed it on the sheet while his other hand went back to intertwining itself with Hakkai's again. He watched him sleep for a bit, his own eyes closing shut and fell into a nap.
Hakkai woke with a scream this time sitting bolt upright in his bed. The drugs had pulled out his sad memories and mixed them all together into one dozy of a nightmare. Gojyo got woken up from the scream as a result, crimson eyes turning to the healer a little sleepy still.
"Mmm...Hakkai?" He started bringing himself up a little. "What's the matter?"
"Kanan..." said the young man with a crazy look in his eye. "And you...I killed you...where..." he looked around. The kappa didn't say anything at first, instead he got up off the chair he sat on and sat himself on the bed, best he could anyway and embraced the brunette trying to comfort him a little.
"Hey, it's all right...looks like you just had a nightmare, ne." He went to rest his head against his shoulder. "You're still in the hospital."
"Still...wha?" Hakkai was panting as he leaned into Gojyo's touch. "What happened?"
"You don't remember?" Gojyo brought himself back up again to look at him. " You nearly...well you did collapse at the baths...then you asked me to get a doctor. He said you got a stomach ulcer...and then we came here...only that bastard monk said he wasn't gonna come, and I told Goku to stay...annnnd here we are...pretty much."
Hakkai looked at him fuzzily. "I don't...remember much past getting in the bath. I hope I wasn't too much of a bother."
Gojyo shook his head gently and glanced up to him, curiously. "You weren't a bother at all, Hakkai you never are ...you sure you can't remember much else?"
Hakkai's eyes went distant as if he was trying very hard to remember. "No I don't..." He looked to the Kappa. "Why did something happen worth noting besides the obvious?"
"Well..." Gojyo turned his gaze away for a moment, his mind telling him not to say anything.
"Oh dear, I said something didn't I?" Hakkai asked able to read the expression on his face.
"Aa," Gojyo nodded confirming that and looked back up to him. "It wasn't anything bad though." the kappa added with a small smirk. Hakkai looked at him suspiciously. "I said something hurtful."
Gojyo shook his head a small strained laugh escaping him. "Nah, with the stress you were carrying you had every right to say that we all left you to deal with everything. It wasn't hurtful...to me anyway...but," He smiled a little better now. "That's not what I was really meaning."
Hakkai put his hand over his mouth. "Gojyo, what did I say?"
Once again his mind was 'advising' him not to say anything, what if he didn't remember that? Not that he was going to listen to his mind at the moment, his minds doubt made that smile falter a little into an uneasy one. "You said...that...you...loved me."
"I said WHAT?!" Hakkai exclaimed as his green eyes grew wider.
"You heard," Gojyo retorted not going to repeat himself again.
Hakkai's face went red and he put his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."
Gojyo knew that the doubt his mind was sensing now was bad, maybe it was one of those one off things or something. "What for?"
"I wasn't meant to tell you..." Hakkai felt like he could die of embarrassment his chest felt tight. "Not like that."
The response brought a small laugh out of the kappa. "Not like that ne? You said you'd been keeping it to yourself really for years."
Hakkai's fine eyebrows showed him to be in great distress. "Oh Gojyo. This is...was...not supposed to happen."
"Hey, it's fine." He muttered, hugging him a bit, reassuringly then stood, hand running through his crimson hair again, eyes darting about to look at the various objects in the room turning back to Hakkai as he spoke.
"It's really not fine..." Hakkai's head fell further. "This could ruin our friendship forever."
Gojyo shook his head a little. "No it won't..." He turned to look at him leaning down a little to lift his head towards his. "It won't ruin anything."
"It's...meant to go on as it always has..." said Hakkai achingly.
"I'm gonna guess that you didn't remember what I said earlier, just before you decided to go to sleep, or what I did for that matter."
Hakkai stared at him not remembering in the slightest as to what had been said. "What's that?"
The kappa couldn't help but smirk at him playfully. "You reallllly wanna know?"
His question and actions had caused Hakkai to blush. "I really wish I didn't...but yes I want to know."
"I said... that I love you." said Gojyo, dipping his head down to kiss him gently withdrawing his head after a minute to look at him again, his cheeks had a little colour in them from his own blush. "Then I did that...." He added. Hakkai's mouth hung open ever so slightly. "You..." he touched his own lip. "You kissed me."
"Yeah."
"Oh my..." said the healer.
"Hmm?" Gojyo gave the healer a questioning look feeling his features faltering again, or beginning to falter. "Nani?"
Hakkai shook his head. "We can't do this Gojyo. I've been in one forbidden love all ready. I couldn't bear it..." he couldn't finish the thought and he touched Gojyo's arm gently.
Gojyo took Hakkai's words the wrong way and winced inwardly it felt like he'd just been painfully stabbed a dozen or so times. He felt a rush of anger and hurt wash over him, making him frustrated it was his turn to shrug away from the touch this time, and turned so that his back was to him.
"Why's that? Is it because I ain't female? Or... has it something to do with me being a child of taboo...or is it a bit of both?" He asked, not fully aware that his voice sounded a bit harsh and he walked to the door opening it. "I'll be back..." He said quietly, not bothering to wait for any reply from the healer and closed the door behind him, with a gentle click. Damn it, he knew he shouldn't have said anything.
Hakkai felt tears overwhelm him and he brought his knees up to his chest and sobbed. His stomach gave a sharp kick and he wailed in pain but let it hurt. He deserved it for what he had done to his friend.
Gojyo returned a while later, the scent of cigarette smoke lingered around him, he'd end up needing to borrow off the monk if he hadn't been careful. He kicked the seat, making it turn to the side a little. He never sat down though instead he went to embrace the healer tightly. He'd heard him from outside the room but had been in too much of a mood to come back straight away he'd only have yelled in frustration at him and he didn't want to do that.
"Fuck...I'm sorry Hakkai...I didn't mean to say that..."
"Don't talk to me..." said Hakkai wetly from under his blankets.
"Hakkai?..." Gojyo spoke, backing off before he done something else wrong. "shit...I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Please leave."
"But..." He started, he didn't want to leave. Not now that he'd been the cause of this to.
"Get out Gojyo. You've said enough."
Gojyo sighed in a defeated manner eventually nodding at his request, perhaps it was better to leave him be for a while.
"Fine...I'll leave Hakuryu with you...ne?...and I understand if you hate me now." He said before leaving the room, the little dragon flying into the room settling on the bed. He shut the door and headed out the hospital. It didn't take that long to get here, so he could walk back no problem.
'Goddamnit...way to fucking go you good for nothing moron! You've really done it now haven't you!' Gojyo's mind scolded him, someone or something had to do it. The kappa sighed his mood darkening as he made his way back to the inn in silence completely blanking the random female that tried to grab his attention along the way.
"Hey 'Kai." He ran a finger across his forehead, moving a few stray strands of hair back into place. "How d'ya feel?"
"I'm...tired..." Hakkai said. "You...will you take care of them for me?"
"Them? You mean Sanzo and the other two?" the kappa raised a brow, what was he talking about...taking care of them?
"Yes. Goku will be hungry." The healer knew he was drugged, and not making much sense. "You should...make sure they're fed."
Gojyo would have badmouthed the priest and monkey right about now, but forced himself to keep quiet, simply nodding to him and agreed with what he was saying for now.
"Yeah sure thing. I can do that for ya." He forced a wide grin to form on his lips, Hakkai reached over and grabbed his hand. "You've got to take care of Hakuryu too. When I'm gone."
"Hakkai, don't talk like that will you?!" said the kappa, a little more bark in his voice than he had intended to have, panic getting the better of him he hadn't expected Hakkai to come away with something like that of all things, hell it was painful to even hear him speak like that. He sighed to calm himself and placed his other hand over Hakkai's. "Listen to me, Hakkai...you're not gonna fuckin' die or anything..."
Hakkai gave him a drugged smile. "Someday."
"Yeah, well, we all will someday...and then yeah I will." He tried giving a better smile back hoping it wasn't faltering as he thought it was. "You just need rest, and you'll be better in no time, ne?"
"I love you Gojyo." The healer blurted out with a silly looking smile. Gojyo's smile altered itself into a truer looking one. "I..." He could feel slight heat crawling over his cheeks. "Love you to, Hakkai."
Hakkai could have kissed the kappa just then, but he was feeling very drowsy and still couldn't make his arms work. Gojyo shifted to lean over him a little, brushing the side of his face with his fingers. He brought his head down to connect his own lips with Hakkai's kissing him gently, withdrawing his head a moment later to a short distance to look down at him, a smile still placed on his face.
"That's not fair..." said Hakkai grabbing at Gojyo's hand.
"Hm? What's not?" He smirked lightly, a little amused with the response he'd got.
"I can't touch you." said the healer simply.
"Aw, the drug will wear off soon." He replied not really getting what the healer was meaning by that...although technically he should, the smile on his face grew a little not noticing he was intertwining his fingers with Hakkai's.
"I can't...touch you..." Hakkai repeated feeling his eyes drifting shut. Gojyo looked to him brow raised a little wondering if he'd misunderstood the meaning of that. "Just rest..." He muttered to him, his free hand going to stroke at his hair gently.
"Yes...I think...but what if I don't wake up..."
"Don't think like that. You will wake up..." Gojyo assured him shaking his head lightly wishing the healer would just rest and stop talking like that.
"You'll be here?"
"Of course I will. S'not like I can go anywhere ya know, and even if I could, I'd still stay."
"You've got to feed Goku. He's not eaten in 500 years..." Gojyo couldn't help but laugh a little at that.
"Relax 'Kai, Sanzo's got the card, and the saru will bug him to get something, you don't need to worry. He'll get fed."
Hakkai's eyes drooped, "but he's so...hungry."
"Hakkai, get some sleep already." Gojyo said smirking a bit. "I'll take care of it ne."
"Yes Gojyo..." Hakkai said and his eyes fell shut finally.' Gojyo watched him and waited for Hakkai to fall asleep, untwining his hand from the healers to get a chair and drag it over to the bed, sitting at it and propped his head on his arm after he placed it on the sheet while his other hand went back to intertwining itself with Hakkai's again. He watched him sleep for a bit, his own eyes closing shut and fell into a nap.
Hakkai woke with a scream this time sitting bolt upright in his bed. The drugs had pulled out his sad memories and mixed them all together into one dozy of a nightmare. Gojyo got woken up from the scream as a result, crimson eyes turning to the healer a little sleepy still.
"Mmm...Hakkai?" He started bringing himself up a little. "What's the matter?"
"Kanan..." said the young man with a crazy look in his eye. "And you...I killed you...where..." he looked around. The kappa didn't say anything at first, instead he got up off the chair he sat on and sat himself on the bed, best he could anyway and embraced the brunette trying to comfort him a little.
"Hey, it's all right...looks like you just had a nightmare, ne." He went to rest his head against his shoulder. "You're still in the hospital."
"Still...wha?" Hakkai was panting as he leaned into Gojyo's touch. "What happened?"
"You don't remember?" Gojyo brought himself back up again to look at him. " You nearly...well you did collapse at the baths...then you asked me to get a doctor. He said you got a stomach ulcer...and then we came here...only that bastard monk said he wasn't gonna come, and I told Goku to stay...annnnd here we are...pretty much."
Hakkai looked at him fuzzily. "I don't...remember much past getting in the bath. I hope I wasn't too much of a bother."
Gojyo shook his head gently and glanced up to him, curiously. "You weren't a bother at all, Hakkai you never are ...you sure you can't remember much else?"
Hakkai's eyes went distant as if he was trying very hard to remember. "No I don't..." He looked to the Kappa. "Why did something happen worth noting besides the obvious?"
"Well..." Gojyo turned his gaze away for a moment, his mind telling him not to say anything.
"Oh dear, I said something didn't I?" Hakkai asked able to read the expression on his face.
"Aa," Gojyo nodded confirming that and looked back up to him. "It wasn't anything bad though." the kappa added with a small smirk. Hakkai looked at him suspiciously. "I said something hurtful."
Gojyo shook his head a small strained laugh escaping him. "Nah, with the stress you were carrying you had every right to say that we all left you to deal with everything. It wasn't hurtful...to me anyway...but," He smiled a little better now. "That's not what I was really meaning."
Hakkai put his hand over his mouth. "Gojyo, what did I say?"
Once again his mind was 'advising' him not to say anything, what if he didn't remember that? Not that he was going to listen to his mind at the moment, his minds doubt made that smile falter a little into an uneasy one. "You said...that...you...loved me."
"I said WHAT?!" Hakkai exclaimed as his green eyes grew wider.
"You heard," Gojyo retorted not going to repeat himself again.
Hakkai's face went red and he put his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."
Gojyo knew that the doubt his mind was sensing now was bad, maybe it was one of those one off things or something. "What for?"
"I wasn't meant to tell you..." Hakkai felt like he could die of embarrassment his chest felt tight. "Not like that."
The response brought a small laugh out of the kappa. "Not like that ne? You said you'd been keeping it to yourself really for years."
Hakkai's fine eyebrows showed him to be in great distress. "Oh Gojyo. This is...was...not supposed to happen."
"Hey, it's fine." He muttered, hugging him a bit, reassuringly then stood, hand running through his crimson hair again, eyes darting about to look at the various objects in the room turning back to Hakkai as he spoke.
"It's really not fine..." Hakkai's head fell further. "This could ruin our friendship forever."
Gojyo shook his head a little. "No it won't..." He turned to look at him leaning down a little to lift his head towards his. "It won't ruin anything."
"It's...meant to go on as it always has..." said Hakkai achingly.
"I'm gonna guess that you didn't remember what I said earlier, just before you decided to go to sleep, or what I did for that matter."
Hakkai stared at him not remembering in the slightest as to what had been said. "What's that?"
The kappa couldn't help but smirk at him playfully. "You reallllly wanna know?"
His question and actions had caused Hakkai to blush. "I really wish I didn't...but yes I want to know."
"I said... that I love you." said Gojyo, dipping his head down to kiss him gently withdrawing his head after a minute to look at him again, his cheeks had a little colour in them from his own blush. "Then I did that...." He added. Hakkai's mouth hung open ever so slightly. "You..." he touched his own lip. "You kissed me."
"Yeah."
"Oh my..." said the healer.
"Hmm?" Gojyo gave the healer a questioning look feeling his features faltering again, or beginning to falter. "Nani?"
Hakkai shook his head. "We can't do this Gojyo. I've been in one forbidden love all ready. I couldn't bear it..." he couldn't finish the thought and he touched Gojyo's arm gently.
Gojyo took Hakkai's words the wrong way and winced inwardly it felt like he'd just been painfully stabbed a dozen or so times. He felt a rush of anger and hurt wash over him, making him frustrated it was his turn to shrug away from the touch this time, and turned so that his back was to him.
"Why's that? Is it because I ain't female? Or... has it something to do with me being a child of taboo...or is it a bit of both?" He asked, not fully aware that his voice sounded a bit harsh and he walked to the door opening it. "I'll be back..." He said quietly, not bothering to wait for any reply from the healer and closed the door behind him, with a gentle click. Damn it, he knew he shouldn't have said anything.
Hakkai felt tears overwhelm him and he brought his knees up to his chest and sobbed. His stomach gave a sharp kick and he wailed in pain but let it hurt. He deserved it for what he had done to his friend.
Gojyo returned a while later, the scent of cigarette smoke lingered around him, he'd end up needing to borrow off the monk if he hadn't been careful. He kicked the seat, making it turn to the side a little. He never sat down though instead he went to embrace the healer tightly. He'd heard him from outside the room but had been in too much of a mood to come back straight away he'd only have yelled in frustration at him and he didn't want to do that.
"Fuck...I'm sorry Hakkai...I didn't mean to say that..."
"Don't talk to me..." said Hakkai wetly from under his blankets.
"Hakkai?..." Gojyo spoke, backing off before he done something else wrong. "shit...I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Please leave."
"But..." He started, he didn't want to leave. Not now that he'd been the cause of this to.
"Get out Gojyo. You've said enough."
Gojyo sighed in a defeated manner eventually nodding at his request, perhaps it was better to leave him be for a while.
"Fine...I'll leave Hakuryu with you...ne?...and I understand if you hate me now." He said before leaving the room, the little dragon flying into the room settling on the bed. He shut the door and headed out the hospital. It didn't take that long to get here, so he could walk back no problem.
'Goddamnit...way to fucking go you good for nothing moron! You've really done it now haven't you!' Gojyo's mind scolded him, someone or something had to do it. The kappa sighed his mood darkening as he made his way back to the inn in silence completely blanking the random female that tried to grab his attention along the way.
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