FicWad

The three remaining months of the tour were almost over and I was nearly close to have a breakdown. Every single day was the same. We finish the show, we go to the airport together, they take an airplane to the next city where we're going to perform live and I go back to Los Angeles. I get in the hospital almost begging for a bed, but I just pretend I'm okay and stay with Jessie until the visitors' time is over. The guys in the hospital know how far I come from every night just to be together with her, so they normally allow me to spend some more time with her. Somewhere between midnight and 1 a.m. I arrive in the airport and take a flight to the same city where the guys already are for hours and get there at around 4 or 5 a.m. Then, I take my car and start looking for the tour bus, which sometimes may take between 4 or 5 hours, as long as Adam asks the driver to park the tour bus really far away from the airport in a city that I had never been before and then, he gives me an address and they normally are 6 or 7 blocks after that. Adam's excuse is normally that a whole bunch of fans were screaming around the tour bus and that the guys needed to sleep. I asked them once about that and they told me that it never happened. The city is still sleeping when they arrive and no one knows that Simple Plan is in there. Still, I can't argue with Adam `cause he's still looking for a reason to fire me. When I arrive in the tour bus, the guys are normally up and having breakfast but, even though I'm hungry, I never join them. I just say hi and go sleep. Of course I'm always hungry after an entire night up without eat, but I'm always much more sleepy than hungry. Then, at around 1 p.m. Adam wakes me up saying I'm lazy and throwing cold water at my face. That's when I take a cold bath to try to wake myself up and go to the table to have lunch with the guys. I said have lunch? Well, there's a long, long time since I last did that `cause I normally fall asleep in the table and, when I actually get to eat something, I normally puke most part of it. I think my body wasn't used to food anymore. I had realized I was getting thinner and thinner everyday and each time a little bit more weak and I was getting afraid that maybe I was getting bulimic, but I didn't have time to go to a hospital and check that out. My day was divided in two parts, the morning and half of the afternoon was for Simple Plan, the other half of the afternoon and the night was for Jessie. As you can see, no time left for myself. Well, then, some hours after the "lunch" is time to play the show. As I'm normally too tired and no loud music would be enough to keep myself up, I had bought some pills of an energy medication with somebody else's prescription and had been drinking 2 or 3 of them before the shows, but the guys had never find out about that. The thing is that in the prescription you can read clearly that you can't have more than one of those in a space of one week and I was drinking 2 or 3 in a space of 24 hours. When the effects of the pills are gone, my body starts hurting worse everyday and I feel so dizzy that sometimes I actually fainted. I was just begging that the pills couldn't do any worse damage to me. The problem is that one pill only by week wouldn't prevent me from fainting over the stage during the show and wouldn't give me the same energy I always had in the shows and, as long as Adam wanted bad to get a reason to fire me, I couldn't just let my tiredness make me fail. Without this money I wouldn't be able to afford the whole bunch of travels that I had been doing since 3 months ago and to pay for Jessie's internment, so I had to handle it and to handle the medications I decided myself I should have. Everything was being so hard and so exhaustive that I was almost begging to stop and to give myself a break from everyone. I needed at least one day of break to take care of no one else but me before I leaded myself to death. At least tomorrow's show in Spain was going to be our very last show before vacations.

"Pierre, may I ask you something?" asked Jeff when we were in the airport waiting for our flights
"Sure. Go ahead." I replied
"Why are you carrying your wallet in your hands? Aren't you afraid of being robbed?"
"I'm so stressed out that I would feel sorry about the poor thief if he just tries to approach me. And I'm carrying my wallet in my hands `cause my bags are going to Spain and I'm going to USA. As long as I need my documents to travel, the wallet has to come with me, but I have no pockets."
"Well, now that you mentioned USA, have you realized you're wearing a T-shirt?" asked David
"Well, I've been the one who dressed myself up, so I think I realized that, David. Why?"
"You probably hadn't seen the news today, right?" he asked in reply
"I had never enjoyed watching these kind of things, specially in the past three months when the only thing I have been doing is sleep most part of the day."
"Well, Pierre, they said it's snowing bad in Los Angeles today." Said Seb
"Snowing?!" I shouted impressed that I hadn't realized it was winter in USA "Fuck! Man, why doesn't someone just show up from nowhere and shot me in the head?! I can't take these kind of things anymore! Why is everything so hard on me? I just can't take it anymore!"
"Calm down, Pierre, it's just one more day." Said Chuck
"I don't know if I'm able to stand one more day like this. I need to breath!" I shouted trying to put out everything I've been feeling, even though they didn't know about half my problems "It can be the one last day for you, but it's not over to me yet. I'll have to stay in a hotel in LA and visit my family every weekend. The fucking travels are not over! Then, if Jessie doesn't leave this hospital in another month, a routine of 2 travels by day will start over. From Toronto to Los Angeles, from Los Angeles to Toronto, and I really think I can't handle it anymore. I'm getting weak and I'm sick and tired of traveling! I need to stop in somewhere! Anywhere, I just wanna stop! I need to stop before I die!"
"Pierre, we can see you're tired. We can see that clearly because of the expression on your face, because you want to spend most of your free time sleeping and because recently you had always been in a bad mood, but you decided yourself to start over this craziness." Stated Chuck "We tried to stop you and we warned you many times that you wouldn't be able to handle it, but you did everything just the way you wanted like you always do and gave it a way to stop us from stopping you. How are we supposed to save you from you now?"
"What was I supposed to do, Chuck? Let my fiancée die alone in a hospital in Los Angeles?" I shouted holding myself not to cry as I started remembering about Jessie "You know...you know what's the worst part of it? The doctors had been telling me recently that she's getting worse everyday and I can see they're not lying every time I look at her face. She looks weak, she looks pale, she looks in pain... They're telling me they're giving it their best but nothing ever changes. They said they're almost sure that she... she's going to..." I couldn't handle saying those words and broke down in tears in that moment and that was when they realized what was hurting me the most nowadays
"Pierre, don't you ever think about that." Said Jeff soon passing his arms around me and letting me cry over his shoulder "You don't have to believe them. Doctors always think they know everything, but they're not right every time. If they were, my mom would have died 15 years ago, but I talk to her on the cell phone every night and she's pretty much alive. Someday you'll laugh about today and you'll say you were being silly on thinking she was going to die `cause you will be married with her, you'll have your own kids and you'll know that you will still have grandchildren and a long life to live by her side. She won't die. Not now."
"I desperately want to believe that." I said breaking apart and drying my tears "I'm sorry for that and thanks a lot, Jeff."
"It's okay, Pierre, you're welcome, but you don't have to ask for our forgiveness because you cried. You have the right to do that, specially after these three months you've been living."
"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

"Attention passengers to the flight 7659553 to Los Angeles, United States of America. You may direct now to gate number 5. The airplane will be leaving in 10 minutes." Said the announcer about the flight I was going to take

"Well, bye Pierre. See you tomorrow in Spain. Hope you get better." Said Seb
"Thanks, Seb. See you guys in there. Hope I have luck with the snow." I said turning myself around to go, until I heard Jeff screaming...
"Hey, Pierre!" he called as I just stared back at him "It's not cold here or even in Spain, so I think you'll need it better than me. You can have my jacket." He said taking it off and handing it over
"But, Jeff..."
"Just take it. I know you would do the same if I were in your position."
"Well, thanks, Jeff." I said taking it and walking away from them

Directing to the airplane I put the jacket on and finally found a place to put my wallet: on the pocket of his jacket.

When I returned to LA, I got the worse new I was able to hear in that day: Jessie had went to a coma. The doctors swore me they didn't know what happened or even how happened. They thought they had everything under control and the exams weren't saying she was that bad, but all by sudden, she is. She was getting worse every night I get there and that was when I had the breakdown I had been holding for a long time.

I started yelling, fighting, crying, trembling, acting insane and saying stupid things about how much all of the doctors in that hospital sucked and that I was going to bring the police to close that place. I even said that I myself would have done a better job. Then, I started breaking things at the reception and insulting everyone around me. I was about to start hitting her doctor but they called the securities of the place and the guys took me out of that place easily. After I was out of the hospital, I just headed to my car and started crying like a kid in there.

I spent long hours sat down in the car crying until I've finally been able to drive to the airport again and to start the travel to Spain. Being that late to leave Los Angeles, I just managed to meet with the guys in the tour bus at noon, still really stressed out from last night.

"Pierre, you're really late." Said Chuck
"So what?"
"Wow, nothing! We were just worried, but next time we won't mind if you're dead under a truck." He stated "Why are you so stressed out?"
"Maybe because you just can't stop talking to me after I spent an entire night awake just to hear some stupid bullshits while you were here, sleeping under your warm blankets." I shouted rushing to the second floor of the bus and throwing Jeff's jacket anywhere, not even being able to remember it wasn't mine. After that, I just threw myself over my bunk and felt asleep.

Don't know how long time I actually slept but, to me, it didn't seem to have lasted more than five minutes before I heard Jeff screaming...

"Pierre Charles Bouvier, you get your ass here downstairs and find my jacket!"
"Fuck, man! I was sleeping!"
"You've been sleeping for long enough! Now you come here!"

Completely pissed off, I went downstairs and didn't direct him one word only while looking for his jacket. I was so tired that I was seeing everything in front of me spinning around, but he would never be able to understand that. If he had a feeling of how much tired I am, he wouldn't even move in the tour bus to try to keep me sleeping.

I spent half an hour turning the first floor of the bus upside down with no sign of the jacket before I had the brilliant idea of taking a look upstairs and, in less than 10 minutes, there it was, Jeff's jacket. Then, I started returning downstairs. To my surprise, all of them couldn't take their eyes away from me with an expression that was telling me clearly they were feeling sorry about me, but I just ignored that and gave Jeff's jacket back to him.

"Here is it. Now, may I please go back to sleep?"
"Pierre, you better sit down." He said ignoring my question
"Guys, please, I don't wanna talk now. I wanna sleep, would you please let me just do that?"
"Pierre, we can't let you go sleep now, this is important. Just sit down please or you won't be able to handle what we have to say." Said Chuck in a fake calm tone of voice trying to get me calm too
"Just tell me whatever you want to right now! I'm not going to sit myself down!" I shouted in angry
"Pierre, you asked for that." Said Seb afraid to start talking "They...they called from the hospital. It's about Jessie."
"What's about her?" I asked concerned
"She..." started David "She died, Pierre."