FicWad

Kirito trudged into the kitchen, bare feet sticking slightly to the tile floor and eyes half-closed. He wasn't a morning person, in any real sense of the word, though his hair had the amazing ability to look perfectly styled after rolling out of bed. A trait that Brett envied rather loudly, considering the redhead generally resembled a very ruffled and rudely awoken cat in the morning.

Idly scratching the back of his head, the telekinetic grabbed a bowl from the counter and found a chair to collapse in. Bowl, check. Milk, check. Spoon, check. Cereal...

Looking around, Kirito tried to spy where the missing piece of his breakfast was. "Uncle Schu..."

"Morning, brat," the telepath responded cheerfully without actually looking up from his task. He was elbow deep in a box of Fruit Loops with a look of utmost concentration on his face.

From his place near the coffee machine, Crawford sighed. "Schuldig, I told you not to do that. At least wait until the box is half empty."

"I can't/, Braddles. If I wait, /your son is going to get to it before I do," Schuldig explained, eyes narrowed and mouth twisted up as he dug around in the box.

"Schu, it's a cheap toy."

"I have a ton of comebacks to that, Brad, but I'm too busy right now and..."

Brett wandered in, already dressed, and blinked at his Schuldig. "Is that the box we got yesterday?"

Schuldig paused. "Yes..."

"Heh. I already got that one. It was a lightsaber spoon," Brett said with a smirk as he grabbed a granola bar. "It lights up," he added.

"God /dammit/."

Kirito stared hard at his empty bowl, trying to will unspoiled cereal into existence and failing splendidly. It wasn't fair. He was hungry and had places to go later and-

There was a cool sliding feeling in the back of his mind and he hissed. "Uncle Brad, Brett is trying to pry."

"And you noticed? Excellent job, Kirito." Crawford nodded, pleased, then looked at Brett. "You, on the other hand. Three hours of training with Schuldig or until you can make your presencse unnoticed."

The younger redhead groaned and slumped a bit. Schuldig just smirked.

Sighing, Kirito got up and left the kitchen. He could wait until lunch to eat, or at least until the others had left to go do whatever it was they had to do. He passed by Cailin, who was watching the television with rapt attention and had Schuldig's cowboy hat perched on her head.

"He's letting you wear his /hat/?" he asked in disbelief as he walked by.

Cailin giggled. "Of course! I just asked."

Shaking his head, Kirito retreated for the safety of his and Brett's room. Closing the door behind him, he made his way to his computer and sat. Power, check. Music, check. AIM....check.

xxblackR0sePrincess: Hi! ^_^
onlySane1here: Hey
xxblackR0sePrincess: wat's up?
onlySane1here: Nothing. Hiding. You?
xxblackR0sePrincess: nuthin
onlySane1here: Are we still going...uh...out? Tonight, I mean.
xxblackR0sePrincess: Yea! Its a date ^_^

Kirito blinked. Date? A real date? He thought it was just a friendly meeting.

He promptly started to panic.

onlySane1here: Great.
OnlySane1here: I have to go.
xxblackR0sePrincess: kk. Cya! ^_~

The telekinetic signed off as fast as humanly possible and pushed his chair away from the computer, staring at it like it had betrayed him.

A date?

What was he supposed to do on a date?

Crap.

*

"Uncle Crawford?" he asked, tentatively stepping into the oracle's office. The room hadn't changed in at least six years but always seemed like new territory in Schwarzhaus to anyone besides Crawford and Schuldig.

The American looked up from where he was hunched over files. "Yes?"

"Do you know where my father is?"

"On bodyguard duty."

Damn. There went his first choice to ask for dating advice. "How about Uncle Schu?"

"He just left for a mission."

"...Uncle Far?"

"He's accompanying Schuldig. Why?"

"Well...I kind of need advice." Kirito shuffled his foot, absently noting that there was a hole in his left sock. "Would you mind me asking about...uh...your first date?"

Crawford blinked, surprised for once. "I'm afraid I never had a 'first date'. I had neither the desire nor the time for one. Unless you count the time I took Schuldig with me to assassinate a world leader." The oracle's eyes went hazy for a millisecond, as if recalling something sweet.

"Ah...right. Okay, I can ask someone else then. Thanks." Scurrying out of the room, Kirito ducked into his room across the hall. "Your parents," he said, "are scary."

Brett turned his head to give his cousin a bland look before turning back to his current task. "No, really?" he drawled. He was lying on his stomach on his bed, hands gripping his Playstation control with unnecessary force. On the tv, a rather pretty game character with far too many belts was talking in a series of dots.

Kirito frowned and tucked his hands into his pocket, shuffling over to the redhead's bed. "Hey, I need your help." He poked Brett in the shoulder.

"My help? After you landed me with three hours of telepathy training?"

"Yeah, well, that was mostly your fault."

Brett considered this and decided it was, in fact, true. Then shrugged. "I am my fathers' son. What do you need help with anyway?"

"What do you do on dates?" Kirito waited patiently for a minute for an answer. "You can stop laughing now, idiot."

"You have a /date/? How did you sucker her into it?" Brett howled, RPG now forgotten.

"I didn't. I didn't even know I had one until twenty minutes ago! I thought we were just hanging out...then she said date and I really don't think she was referring to a Mediterranean fruit."

Brett snorted again and rolled onto his back. "Well...who is she?"

"That girl in my homeroom. Yumi."

"The one that wears all that gothic stuff?" Brett asked, one eyebrow raised. He sat up on his elbows and cocked his head to side. "Well, you're date will obviously be different from any that I've been on. For the same reason that I don't' go on many. It gets dull when you know a) what they're thinking and b) what's going to happen."

Kirito tried to smirk. "Poor baby. Want a hug?"

"Maybe later," Brett drawled. "I'm trying to help you but you're being difficult."

"Better than being easy." The telekinetic gave a pointed stare.

"Ooh, good one. Point to you."

Grinning, Kirito got up and walked over to the wipey board they kept on the wall, adding another notch under his name. He was still down by three. "So, anyway. What should I do?"

Brett waved a hand, dismissively. "Take her to a movie. It's the easy way out."

"Something else you're an expert about."

"Like I said, I'm my fathers' son."


*

Yumi was hogging the popcorn.

It was getting on his nerves.

He was never usually a popcorn hoarder. At least, not with Cailin. Or Brett, really- they just liked to see who could get the most out of the bucket. But it was annoying him now and that's what mattered.

It wasn't that Yumi wasn't nice. She was. She just had a tendency to try and start deep, meaningful conversations that he had no interest in. And quoted angsty poetry too much, thinking she sounded either mysterious or slightly mad. Kirito couldn't tell which.

And her hair was this weird fake red color.

That annoyed him too, for some reason.

"Oh, I feel so bad for her," Yumi was saying. "She was only killing the men due to her discontent with her own life. I can feel her inner-torment...her sorrow...the injustice she must have felt. All because of that man, who ruined a tragically beautiful romance just to satisfy his own needs."

"I would have satisfied his needs," Kirito blurted out before he could stop himself. "He was hot."

Dark eyes widened.

At least, he thought they did. It was hard to tell with all the make-up.

"Excuse me?"

The telekinetic panicked for the second time that day. "I mean...it...well, he's..."

Yumi looked thoughtful. "Tragic? Tortured? Guilt-ridden? Handsome?"

"Yes! Handsome." Kirito leaned back in his seat and stared at the screen. "Very handsome."

His date shifted uncomfortably. "Ummm...yes. I agree?"

"And those abs. Not as good as our old kitten's, but close. And our puppy. His hair is better than this guy's." Kirito waved an arm in the direction of the movie. "But still."

Yumi huffed. "You didn't even comment on how I look."

"Like a raccoon," he said suddenly. And blinked. He hadn't meant to say that part. Hadn't even realized it was true until his mouth took over for his brain. "I mean..."

"Well, excuse me! Some people are obviously too shallow to understand that this is an expression of inner pain and a creative mind," Yumi...growled? It sounded like a growl. The girl stood up, ignoring shouts from fellow patrons to sit her ass down. "You, Kirito, are one of those people."

With a flourish and whirl, the black and pink clad girl stormed away.

Cailin, Kirito noted, could pull off the whirl with far more grace.

And Uncle Schuldig had that flourish completely beat.

"I suck at this," he muttered to himself. Standing, he made his way out of the theatre and onto the street. People bustled by in a rush, chatting to their companions or on their phones. "I really suck at this."

I could have told you that before you left.

Groaning, Kirito looked around until he caught a flash of red coming towards him. "You made me screw that up, didn't you?"

Brett smirked. "Hey, you thought those things. I just pushed you into saying them."

"And why didn't I notice that?"

"Three hours of training today. And my Schuldig is the master when it comes to telepathy," Brett stated with some pride.

Kirito glared.

"Aw, c'mon, Kiri-chan," Brett sing-songed his name. "I was helping. For once. You should thank me."

The Japanese boy sighed. "Fine. I admit it. I was ready to fake an earthquake to escape."

His cousin's expression could only be described as 'smug bastard'. "You could have just told her you were gay. No faking required."

"Point to you."

"Naw, that was just a fact."

Kirito did an about face and headed in the direction of their house. Sometimes, he really hated living with telepaths.