FicWad

Unrequited Desires

"I do not ever want to hear such filth come out of a soldier's mouth again! Do you understand cadet?" Huffing, Reno finished with his 250 push-ups. He had so not deserved such a punishment. The bitch deserved to be called a cunt eating whore. Really it was just a given. After finishing the last one, Reno got to his knees and glared up at his instructor, who just happened to be Zack.

"Sir, yes sir" God he hated the military. Above him Zack held the smug expression of getting one up on him, and yet even then Reno could see the underlying sadness in his eyes. Though this sadness was completely deserved. In fact if it were up to him he would have gotten a lot more than what Cloud put him through, and as for the woman, well I'm sure you can guess. After all, Reno doesn't just call anybody a cunt eating whore...no they have to deserve it.

With one more stern look, Instructor Zack spat out. "Good...now go shower and don't let me see you ever in Sector 6 again." Now Reno could be a good boy and leave it at that, but it was always so much more fun to be rebellious.

"Did it feel good?" Up until this point Zack had been walking back to the SOLDIER barracks, but halfway to the door he stopped. The black haired warrior slowly turned around on the balls of his feet, and you could see the annoyance etched into his usually jovial expression.

"Did what feel good Reno?" You know if it were him, he never would have responded to himself. Really if you were talking to Reno, would you really respond to something like that? Especially if you're Zack, who is probably the person he hates most.

Reno met the SOLDIER's usually warm and inviting amber eyes. "Breaking Cloud's heart." He didn't even wait for a response, but he did see the sorrowful expression that covered Zack's face. Good...he deserves it. With a snort of disgust, Reno spun around and stalked out the door. What Cloud had ever seen in that asshole, Reno will never know.

A lot more pissed then when he had set out, Reno stalked back to his room. As soon as he opened the door, he had to take a deep intake of breath. The entire place was filled with the old unwashed clothes smell, mixed with the stale smell of old alcohol. Really it was enough to make you hurl. Seriously why hadn't he cleaned this place?

"Did you bring more scotch?" Oh, yes, now he remembered. His place was a nuclear waste place because his roommate was depressed enough to be considered manic. As if he didn't already have enough reasons to hate Zack. Reno looked down to his empty hands, and mentally cursed. He had forgotten the booze!

Reno slowly tip-toed past all of the empty bottles and cd's. You know the thing he doesn't get is when you're depressed why would you listen to depressing music? Shouldn't you instead be listening to happy music, because, come on, one can only listen to Brand New and Bayside so many times before wanting to blow their brain's out.

In attempt to lighten the mood, Reno thought he would sing along to the music that was currently blaring out of their very nice, and also very stolen, stereo. "I will lie awake, lie for fun, and fake the way I hold you. Let you fall for every empty word I say." For fucks sake this music was depressing. During his little guest appearance on American Idol, Reno had made his way over to their bunk beds, and fallen on top of Cloud so that they were face to face. The strange part was that Cloud didn't even seem to notice this. He was just off in his own little world staring off into space, or to be more specific the bottom part of Reno's bed.

The red head bit his lip, and thought about the best course of action to get through Cloud's complete depressed mood, he thought he'd try humor. It worked before, it's bound to work this time as well. "Would you be mad if I said I forgot?" Cloud stopped staring at the top of the bed, and instead turned his eyes to glare up at Reno, who by this time happened to be extremely close to his face, and so while attempting to glare his eyes went cross, and Reno couldn't help but snort.

"Why do I ever rely on you for anything Reno? God...I should have just got it myself." Cloud pushed up on Reno's chest in a pouting fit, and the red head couldn't help but laugh. When Cloud wanted to he could be really cute, homicidal at times, but cute none the less.

Reno sat up so that he was now just sitting on the blond's thighs. "Take it easy kiddo...I got you something much better to play with." Cloud was trying his best to look angry, but you could see he was intrigued. Reno smiled at this, and pulled a baggy out of his jacket pocket.

He showed the weed to Cloud, and saw how his eyes seemed to light up. "I got this while I was in Sector 6...I thought you would like to join me...I even picked up a cigar so we could make a blunt." Cloud made a move to grab the baggy, but his hand stopped mid air.

"Wait...did you say Sector Six?" Not being one to catch on tones, Reno continued to mention that certain part of Midgar.

"Yeah Biggs was in that part of town, and he said that I could get some when I was there...he had like an ounce on him so it was all good...though I'm broke now...but hey that's okay, if it makes you happy then that's all I care about." The more and more he talked about his experience, the darker and darker Cloud's face got.

"And tell me Reno, what exactly were you doing in Sector 6." Cloud practically spat, and it was in that outburst that Reno finally realized why he was getting upset. Zack's lady friend lived in that sector, and Zack's lady friend was a subject that was definitely off limits.

"Come down Strife...I just had a little talk with her is all." This was definitely not the right thing to say. Cloud jerked and pushed Reno as hard as he could so that the red head when clambering to the ground.

"You did what!" Cloud had hopped out of bed and was now standing over Reno's body. "Are you that stupid? What were you thinking!" Cloud was screeching hysterically at the top of his lungs, and in an attempt to quiet him down, Reno kicked the blond's legs out from under him, so that he landed painfully on top of him.

Reno sucked in his breath, but then let it go when he saw that Cloud was right in front of his face. Blue eyes were staring down at him, and it was in that moment that Reno realized how beautiful those eyes were. Not only that though, everything about Cloud was beautiful. From his golden spikes, to his cherry pink lips. The same lips that were no more than a few inches away from his own. The same ones that his eyes seemed to be transfixed on. Reno's hands came around the small blond's waist, and his head lifted from the floor, and rose to meet Cloud's slowly lowering face.

It was in that perfect moment, when their lips almost met, that the door decided to swing open. Reno's face swung to meet their guest, and his eyes practically bulged out of his head when he saw the General of Shinra standing in the doorway. Cloud seemed to notice the same thing, for as soon as he saw Sephiroth, he sprung up from the spot he had been occupying on top of his chest.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud squeaked. "I mean General sir..." His voice took on a more normal tone. "What are you doing here?" Cloud gave a poor salute, and not thinking, Reno just continued to watch the display from the floor. The way he figured, was that he had already caught them in the compromising position, why bother with formalities now?

Sephiroth looked from the floor where Reno was lying, and then, with a small head shake, looked back at Cloud. "Cloud my tongue's been down your throat...I think it's safe if you call me Sephiroth." Reno's eyes grew to the size of saucers. Cloud had neglected to tell him that little tid bit of information. Now of course he had told him about him making out with someone else on Valentine's Day, but he had sneakily left out the part on how it was the General of Shinra.

"Damn Strife...nice going." Cloud glared down at Reno, and looked as if he wanted to kick him. Sephiroth also gave him a look of disdain, before turning his attention once more towards Cloud.

"You realize that Zack would have a heart attack if he had been the one to walk in on what I saw just now...don't you?" Reno watched in amusement as Cloud's face turned from anxious to cold in a matter of seconds.

"Oh?" Cloud turned to the side to hide his obvious hurt expression, but Reno still saw it. In fact Cloud was looking right at him when he said his next line. "Whatever upsets Zack now is not my concern...I've moved on." Cloud turned from Reno back to Sephiroth. "And so should he...it doesn't do well to dwell on the past."

It had ended on a somber note, and yet Sephiroth didn't seem to take it that way. As a matter of fact in response he began to laugh. Reno thought that this would be a good time to pick himself off the floor, and while doing so he saw the look of confusion that covered Cloud's face. But it's not as if he blamed him of anything, Reno was just as confused over the whole matter as Cloud probably.

"Why do you laugh at me? Is my pain so funny?" Oh no, he was going to start crying again. Reno had just gotten Cloud out of that crying faze, and now the general was going to start it all over again.

Sephiroth stopped laughing, and slowly walked over to where Cloud was standing. He gently cupped Cloud's cheek in his hand, and Reno noticed how the blond seemed to lean into the touch. "Oh no Cloud, I would never laugh at someone so beautiful." Cloud's cheeks tinted at that, and Reno could feel his chin hanging off the hinges. Had Sephiroth really called Cloud beautiful?

"Such things you say..." Reno himself blushed when Sephiroth leaned forward and placed his lips on Cloud's forehead.

"And why shouldn't I say them? You are beautiful...quite possibly the most beautiful creature I've ever seen." Sephiroth pulled away from Cloud. "But that's not why I came here...Zack wants to see you." Reno watched on in fascination as Cloud seemed to go into a daze as Sephiroth extended his hand. "Will you come with me my beautiful one?"

Reno saw the look of lust in Sephiroth's eyes then, and it was in that moment that he realized who Sephiroth really was. He wasn't the God like General who couldn't be touched...he was just a man, a man who at the moment was lusting after his best friend, and yet Reno could see the sorrow in his eyes. The sorrow from having to give Cloud back to Zack, as if Cloud had ever belonged to him in the first. But that's the thing that no one understood, Cloud belonged to no one. He didn't belong to Sephiroth, or Zack, but most importantly he didn't belong to him. Cloud was a free spirit, a spirit no one could bottle up and control.

He watched as Cloud slowly took Sephiroth's outstretched hand, and the funny thing was even though the general had requested, he had a look of dissapointment when it was taken. "Very well Cloud, let me take you back to your lover."

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"Turk...hey Turk get up." Reno stirred from his restless sleep, and found that he was lying in something very sticky. With a grunt of disgust, Reno picked himself up from the puddle of whiskey that he had been drowning himself in when he passed out.

With red-rimmed eyes, he gave a stern look at the barkeep, and in a voice that only a Turk can have, growled out. "Give me another." While giving him a look of disgust, the bartender slowly poured him another. Okay so he had just passed out on the barstool, but really did he deserve such a look? If he wasn't going through a little case of depression he would have shot the bastard right then and there on principle alone.

Though of course he had a reason to be depressed, I mean who wouldn't be if the biggest bastard in the world had been the one to bring you to the conclusion of your life. Love Cloud? He realized now that he did with all his heart, and sadly he had been dreaming about the time he realized this since Zack punched him, and he had been drowning himself in whiskey ever since.

As to what became of Zack, he couldn't give a damn. He had stalked away from him a few moments after he had yelled out those accursed words, and he had been wondering around since. He couldn't go back to headquarters, he couldn't face the very people who had done what did to Cloud. What disgusted him the most was that he hadn't had these thoughts sooner. Before that moment he hadn't even wished his revenge.

He raised the glass to his lips and swallowed the bitter liquid, by now he had no doubt finished an entire bottle. What he wouldn't give to be able to go back change things. What he wouldn't give to be able to make things the way they once were, before this horrible mess...before Sephiroth.

"Reno, Reno, Reno...I never pictured you as the type to sulk." Reno spun around on his barstool, and stared up at probably the only person he could stand to be around at the moment. Rufus Shinra, or rather that would President Rufus Shinra now. Really nothing had changed about him, well except that now he wore a much more expensive suit.

"What are you talking about? I've always been a nasty drunk...ever since grade school." Reno gave a small smirk, but it soon died on his lips, and instead he took another shot. Rufus however laughed.

"Oh a drunk you are, but usually a much more happy drunk." The red head snorted, before calling for another drink.

"Aye...but I would say that at the moment have a reason to be unhappy." Dull eyes looked up into the president's bright blue ones. "What exactly are you doing in a place like this Rufus...or should I say President Shinra." Rufus scoffed at the name, and took a seat beside him at the bar.

"As you know Reno...I'm rather fond of the saucer, and as to why I'm here...I came to find my favorite Turk." That's right, he had been neglecting his duties for the better part of three months, but it really wasn't his style to call in sick.

"I'm very sorry for neglecting my duties president, it's just I had a lot on my mind." He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, and it vaguely reminded him of back when they were kids and used to be there for each other, nevermind that those days had now long passed.

"Reno..." He softly began. "The more you think about him the more it will hurt." The red head couldn't help but smile at that. He turned slowly towards Rufus, and was surprised to see the blond's face filled with concern.

"Am I that transparent?" He couldn't help the bitter tone that escaped his lips, but he was just to tired to try to keep up the pleasantries at this point.

Rufus tried to give a small smile, but at the grim look on Reno's face gave it up. "I know it hurts, but you have to realize that Strife is probably dead by now." His heart twisted at those words, but a small part of him knew that it may be true. Well it did, that is until they were interrupted.

"Oh, believe me Shinra, I am very much alive."

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"Will you come with me then?" Cloud eyed Aeris, and he saw the fear in her expression. Why was she so afraid of him? More importantly, what was she so afraid that he might learn? Was the meaning to these dreams really all that bad? They say that the truth will set you free, well shouldn't that be the case now as well?

Her pupils seemed to contract, and he watched as her mind seemed to be making a decision. "If that's what you want Cloud...I'll help you find your past...your true past." The blond gave a slight sneer, before grabbing his sword and heading out of the room.

And so it went that they began tracking down the elusive turk, and elusive he was. There hadn't been hide nor hair of him in Midgar, and all of the small places they had checked had also been a dead end. In fact everything they did was a dead end, that is until they head a faint whisper of an angry drunk at the Golden Saucer.

Cloud dreaded the very thought of walking into that disgustingly cheery place, but if he was going to find his answers, he really had no choice in the matter. So they head towards the saucer, just him and Aeris, who had been strangely quiet since she had agreed to join him. The very thought of the deceit he had been victim to still sickened him

Aeris stopped right outside of the entrance, as if she was afraid to go any further. These sort of actions had been weighing heavily on his patience, and so with a scoff he just grabbed her hand and pulled her through. Really it was like it was her that didn't know her past, who she really was, or if she would ever feel sane again. God some people could selfish.

As soon as he entered the bar area in the hotel he could hear the red headed turk's drunken slur. Well now that he thought about it wasn't really much of a slur, it was more of a depressed rant. Though when he was right behind what he now realized was the new president of shinra, he did hear his name mentioned, and always being the one to make an entrance, felt the need to respond.

"Oh, believe me Shinra, I am very much alive." When dealing with Rufus Shinra it's always best to go with a sarcastic attitude like that. But then again he has never met Rufus Shinra, has he? Cloud slowly shook his head to clear away the fuzziness of his jumbled memories. It would do him no good to be confused right now. Though at the look Reno was currently giving him, he couldn't help but be a little of just that.

Cloud stared slackjawed as Reno spun in his seat, and then his eyes seemed to do some sort of twitchy action. This was all strange and stuff, but then the unthinkable happened. A lone tear rolled down the face of the supposedly cocky turk. Cloud had had this whole tell off speech planned for the red head when he saw them, and then he figured that they'd probably beat the shit out of each other, but at the look of concern the turk was giving him, all of his animosity faded into oblivion.

"You..." The red head choked out. "You're really here...no it can't be." Reno began to furiously shake his head back and forth as if to erase the sight in front of him. Was him being there really such a shock?

Without really even knowing why he was doing it, Cloud walked the remaining steps forward and pulled Reno into an embrace against his chest. As insane as it was for him to do such a thing, it was even more insane when the turk viciously hugged back. The blond slowly started to stroke the mane of red hair, and mutter words of comfort into the turks ear. "Shhh Shhh Reno it's alright...I'm here...it's alright."

Why was he comforting his enemy? More importantly why was his enemy taking comfort in him? In the back of his mind he knew why this was so, but he refused to believe it. He knew his own past. It may be fuzzy at times, but he knew it! Reno and him had never met before he tried to kidnap Aeris from the church. They hadn't!

"Reno Kisaragi get a hold of yourself for fucks sake!" At the sound of the harsh order barked to him by none other than the president himself, Reno jumped away from Cloud as if burned.

It seemed as if that one order has been all that was needed for him to get back his composure. He ran a hand through the hair that Cloud had just messed up, and placed the sunglasses resting there over his tear stained eyes. With a small smirk, the old cocky Reno was back. "Strife still alive I see...pity Sephiroth couldn't have finished the job." Cloud inwardly winced, and noticed how even though Reno had said it full of confidence, his hands were clenched tightly at his side. The red head stole a quick glance towards Rufus, who happened to be glaring at him in dissapointment. Cloud saw how he gave a small smile in apology, before focusing once more on him.

Reno glanced to where Aeris was nervously standing behind Cloud. "Aeris...always a pleasure." But it didn't seem like it was a pleasure, in fact Reno bit that statement out through clenched teeth. Cloud watched as Rufus looked on at all of this with amusement, and couldn't help but feel a little pissed. Why is it that everyone seemed to be in on this conspiracy but him? Why was he always the one to be left in the dark? Well it wouldn't be so anymore! No, now he would get some answers.

"Cut the crap Turk...I know about what we used to be." Cloud paused, ignoring the shocked looks on both Reno and Rufus' faces. "Or at least I think I do..." Cloud looked up. "But you are going to fill me in on the missing gaps."

"You...you know. But how?" Reno's voice was soft and filled with confusion, but he was never able to finish his thought.

"If you know what's good for you Kisaragi you'll stop while you're ahead." Cloud ignored Rufus for the time being, and instead focused solely on the red head in front of him.

"Let's just say a little birdy told me, and leave it at that." Cloud had meant his dreams, or hell even Aeris, but Reno hadn't taken that way.

"Sephiroth told you!" At the name, Cloud's eyes blazed with furry. What had he meant by that exactly? Sephiroth wouldn't have kept something such as that from him would he? Cloud grit his teeth. What was he saying, this was all a big lie. This was just something they were doing to try to get him to forget Sephiroth. Aeris was an ancient, she could do this. They just wanted to make him even more miserable than he already was. They were just trying to make him forget all about Sephiroth!

"No, he didn't. Because he never knew anything about this treachery." Cloud angrily pointed towards the turk. "You're the one who's been poisoning my mind against me...against him!"

Reno's fists once more clenched at his sides. "Against him?" He slowly muttered to himself, but then his mutterings got a little more violent. "AGAINST HIM!" Reno closed the space between them and hastily began shaking Cloud's shoulders. "Strife don't you dare tell me you're trying to defend the monster who has been raping you over and over for the last 6 months!"

Both Aeris and Rufus gave a small gasp at Reno's bluntness, but it went unheard by the two. Is that what they thought had been going on between them the entire time? How pathetically wrong. Though he normally would have kept it a secret, he felt no point in hiding the fact any longer. He was already going down anyways, why stop the inevitable?

"Raped?" Cloud slightly smiled. "Never..." At the revelation Reno seemed absolutely disgusted and backed away from where he was standing.

"You...you actually slept with him?" In his hasty retreat, the sunglasses had slipped from his eyes leaving the wide pupils to be viewed by all. Cloud glanced over at Aeris and saw that she seemed to be just as shocked as Reno, as for Rufus...he looked like he could give a fuck less either way.

"You're jumping to conclusions Turk." Cloud almost laughed at the sigh of relief that escaped from Reno's throat. "I never said I slept with him...I just said he never raped me." The blond glared at the turk. "Though I can't say the same thing about you."

"What? I never raped you." Reno sounded positively appalled at the very assumption.

Cloud once more gave a slight smile. "My body...no." His eyes turned more fierce. "But you did rape my mind Reno! You made me think we were something other than enemies...you made me think I knew someone who never really existed!"

Reno looked on in confusion, and seemed to be more than a little hurt at the accusations. Then something seemed to occur to him.

"Wait! Are you saying that you remember...that you remember." He had intended to finish, but Aeris interrupted his attempt.

"He remembers him Reno...he remembers Zack." There was a death like silence between the three conspirators. That is until Cloud decided to interrupt the annoying silence.

"I wouldn't exactly say I remember him...seeing as how he didn't exist before you did whatever you did to me." Whatever the response he had been expecting, it hadn't been the scoff that came from Rufus.

"Hmm, you really are just a stupid child aren't you." The president of Shinra gave a slight chuckle. "What a dissapointing clone you make." Cloud's eyes bulged at the words, and just as he was about to respond they were interrupted. The very little reflexes that Cloud still possessed, responded just in time for him to be able to catch the running bundle that flung itself into his arms.

He stared wide-eyed at the small ninja girl who had buried herself in his arms. "Oh Cloudy! When I heard that you had gone out I was so proud of you!" Despite the seriousness of the situation, Cloud couldn't help but blush a little in embarrassment. Both from the statement Yuffie had made, and the simple fact that his unused muscles were having a hard time holding the 80 pound girl in his arms.

As the girl clung to him, he noticed how Rufus and Reno were whispering to each other, and then it was Rufus who looked up to respond. "Well Strife it looks like our meeting is over for today...but I hope to be seeing much more of you. Don't dissapear for months again without telling us where you're going." Rufus gave him a mock bow, and Reno slightly nodded before following the president out. Well that was unexpected. Really who knew Yuffie could be such an intimidating influence. Cloud gave a slight chuckle as he looked down at the gushing girl in his arms and realized that there had never seen anything less intimidating in his life.

"Ummm come on Yuffie let's go." After prying the girl off of him, he took her hand and began to lead her over to the bar. Aeris took a step forward, but then stopped herself.

"Where are you going?" Cloud turned to glare at her with a look that said she was definitely not invited.

"For a drink." He gave her a small wave. "See you later Aeris." He quickly turned his back on her, and without looking knew that she had retreated. He waved the bartender over, who looked a little pissed off at the sudden commotion. But now was not the time to be concerned with that. Now was not the time to be concerned with anything. Now was just the time to get really really drunk.

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