FicWad

.Ether/025



"Cloud."

It was a statement and not a question, although there was a great deal of uncertainty coursing through her being. Tifa Lockheart stepped forward, shoes crunching on loose gravel, slow and careful. Hesitation grew with each passing step and she was halfway afraid to look away from the man on her wooden deck, afraid that he would vanish from sight. Afraid that she was seeing things in the moonlit night. Everytime he left -- for a mission or a long delivery, she always felt herself missing him the same; wondering when he would happen to return. Perhaps she should have gotten used to him being away. Gotten used to him not always picking up the phone when she or Yuffie or Barret called.

At least he was getting better with that thing.

Tifa climbed the wooden steps of her bar, planks creaking ever so slightly. She wasn't entirely sure how she was going to greet him. She never was sure. The last time he had disappeared he had returned to find her unconscious on the floor of Aeris' church. So much had changed during the course of the past month. So much had changed between /them/, within the makeshift family they had suddenly come into possession of. She could tell the changes existed from the way he answered his phone when he did; the way he took off work to picnic with Marlene and Denzel after the latest threat had blown over.

And then there was the way the corners of his lips seemed to curl in a slight smile, barely visible.

She placed a hand on her hip, cocking her head to the side as if considering the man before her. "You've returned. In one piece, I see." Shifting her weight on one foot, Tifa looked him over, good-natured. Always a little awkward, this was how they greeted each other. Physical contact wasn't something they shared too often. She herself wasn't altogether against the occasional hug but Cloud wasn't one for public displays of affection of any sort. He had always been a bit of an introvert. Withdrawn. Not one for flashiness or speeches, yet still a leader through and through.

"I said I would return." The words were punctuated by a slight nod. To most outsiders he would seem to have no real visible emotions but since he had returned to her bar years earlier to help Avalanche, she had grown more and more talented in the art of reading Cloud Strife and the subtle nuances of expression he displayed time and again. And at that moment he seemed conflicted. Trapped somewhere between remorse at being away for so long and shrugging off the fact if it were nothing serious. Tifa forced back a sigh, clearing space slowly to lean back against her bar's wooden balcony. The air was cool and crisp that night and while she knew that they would eventually retire to the bar's interior, she wanted to relish the weather and the stars overhead while she still could.

"How's work with the WRO? I saw Reeve last week, but..." She considered the words a moment, I chased Rufus Shinra out and he followed suit. Oh by the way, have you heard that everyone's favorite megalomaniac seems to be fixated on me? didn't seem like the best way to finish the sentiment. She smiled a little, clearing her throat. "The bar was busy and we didn't get a chance to talk." It wasn't entirely a lie. By any means.

"Work is good. I think Reeve wants me to stick around. Thinks I'm good for business." His boots clunked forward on aged wooden planks as he took his place beside her, hands on thebanister.

"Well, I can't imagine why not. You get the job done and people look up to you. Don't tell me you're underestimating yourself again. Just a lonesome errand boy? Cloud..." She gave him a curious look, obviously wanting him to say otherwise.

He shook his head, a little smile peeking over the folds of his upturned collar. Tifa, always worrying about him, suddenly becoming a mother hen when there was no need be. "No. I'm just... coming to terms. And I know I'm not alone. Even if no one is around me, I'm not alone." He met her gaze a moment, held it, and then looked down upon the expanse of Edge, sleepily laying beyond the little bar.

Tifa could feel something wavering in the pit of her stomach at those words. She understood well. Coming to terms -- getting to know himself better. She could recall when he returned to her bar after the bombing mission, meeting with her again for the first time in years. Recalled the painful grip of unease in her gut when he recounted tales of which had never happened -- at least never happened to him. Now the lies were gone, leaving only Cloud Strife, with all of his quirks and idiosyncrasies. Cloud had a lot to come to terms with. A lot to get used to after so long living in the collective shadow of everyone else. Of the great General, his best friend, fellow children growing up.

And even the shadow of the one girl he seemed most to want the attention and affection of.

She knew he would eventually break free of the shell he had formed around himself. She could tell from the way he had responded -- Never alone. Cloud had changed and that battle with Sephiroth had something to do with it. She had a feeling there was more to it. Perhaps a personal epiphany of sorts.

This was all well and good, but Tifa was still stuck between being relieved in the slow changes in her friend -- the way he was opening up more and more, and being frustrated at his still constant disappearing acts. And then there was the nagging confusion -- her feelings for Cloud and how deep they truly ran.

She breathed out, smoothing wayward strands of dark hair as she looked up toward the sky. "It's almost as clear out here as back home."

He looked up as well, silently staring into twinkling twilight. "Less pollution without the reactors."

Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she turned around, leaning against the wooden banister in the same fashion as Cloud, wondering briefly if her chocobo had met with her flock, yet. If Altair had found a sense of belonging with her peers. She sighed. "Sometimes Edge almost feels like home." And it was the truth. Almost. Sometimes Tifa wondered if any place would feel the same as Nibelheim.

Her old bar had almost felt like home. She had gotten used to it. Grown complacent. And then with a flick of a switch it was gone. An entire Sector gone; kissed goodbye forever. Home no more.

"The kids missed you. Denzel and Marlene. They ask for you."

Cloud quirked a look her way and she could see the guilt. Still, she pressed on. "I missed you."

"Tifa." He shook his head again and reached for her arm, holding her just below her shoulder in reassurance. The physical contact shocked the brunette, but Cloud had been full of surprises since the Geostigma had come and gone. "It's not..."

She sighed again, weeks worth of pent up worrying and frustration slowly eking out. "I thought things were getting better -- we would all get closer. I thought we had a second chance to be a family. Maybe a third. I've lost count. But I don't know... And sure you're answering your phone more often but you still disappear and I really wish--"

She was cut off when he gently squeezed her upper arm and looked her square in the eyes, Mako gaze held firmly. "I'm sorry, Tifa."

Something in his actions, in the slight tinge of sadness in his voice shook her and she wasn't entirely sure if she could breathe. Nor was she sure if she could look away from him, for fear that the moment would be lost.

"I'm sorry I can't give you what you want."

And then she knew she couldn't breathe and yet somehow managed to blink and turn toward the moonlit homes andalleyways . Suddenly it was a lot colder than she had realized and she was left wondering where this conversation was headed, what was going to be said next and whether or not Cloud was going to hop back on his bike and leave again for another delivery. Leave her with the children and the ringing phones. The bar and those strange encounters with the President of Shinra. Why was it that everyone thought they knew so well what she wanted? Tifa Lockheart was not thattransparent...

Even if Cloud was very much in the right to make such an assumption. And perhaps that was what stung the most. He was right. He had figured it out and this conversation would be over. He would shut himself out again and go off on his own for the next few weeks.

But he surprised her again.

"I can't. At least not now. ...But you're wrong. I do consider you my family." He paused a beat. "You and Marlene and Denzel. Even when I'm away... I'll always return."

She turned to look at him again, the words ringing in her ears and her hair whipping into her face. She knew he was speaking the truth, speaking from deep down where he usually hid things away, and she could tell how hard it was for him to get those words out to her. With a nod, she turned bodily toward him, forcing a brave smile on her face.

"I'm sorry I can't give you what you want."

Those words held so many meanings, but she would have to think of that later. Tifa had expected no different from Cloud. That was why she didn't force anything between them, even though she wanted a closer connection. It would take a lot more work -- and thought Tifa wanted nothing more than to help him along, she knew that the inner workings of Cloud Strife would be better left to Cloud Strife. She would just have to be supportive of him. That was all she knew how to do at that moment.

"Will you be staying the night? Since you're home and all... We have some catching up to do."

Cloud appeared thoughtful, as if mulling over some great question he had in mind. "Pancakes for breakfast?"

She couldn't help a grin from spreading on her features at his small request and nodded in affirmation.

"Absolutely."