Categories > Games > Kingdom Hearts
Notes: This is actually based on my own experience with my mother in Disneyworld's China. She did nothing but complain and I didni't blame her. I still remember the taste of those "dumplings'. Bleagh. Anyway, enjoy!
---
The higher the mountain, the stronger the wind. Xaldin often found himself at the highest peaks on every single world he's been to, and this world, known as Land of Dragons, was no exception. He knew that Xigbar had an assignment here, but he didn't worry about it since it wasn't much of his concern anyway. He had a world of his own to get back to, but he knew that he had plenty of time to explore a world full of windy mountains.
Everything looked better from above, Xaldin always believed. He had memories of believing the same during his previous life, but those same memories indicated that he wasn't much different then as he was now. He stood alone on the mountaintop, thankful that his powers kept him from passing out from the thin air. Or worse, falling off since the wind carried the most treachery at the greatest heights. He didn't really notice the cold, only the landscape below.
He had around a couple days left before he returned to Beast's castle to claim a new, powerful Heartless and Nobody. Of course Xaldin would get what he wanted; he always did. Now all that mattered was traveling this particular world for a bit, watch the people from above, eat some food--
Food. Just the thought of that made his stomach growl a bit. He never thought of trying anything around the Land of Dragons. He knew the cuisine from eating in similar worlds and he remembered the taste of Sesame Chicken, hot beef, and soups that could make someone drown in them. Only, Xaldin wasn't certain if the food would be the same.
/Probably not/, he figured.
"Hey there! I thought I'd find you here!"
Oh, good grief.
Xaldin controlled winds, but the man who called out to him controlled the ability to turn up into down. "Ah, Xigbar. So, how did everything go on this world?" He didn't turn to look at his only other Superior(technically, that is); he didn't have to.
Xigbar appeared in front of him, his hair just as long, but not full of braids, only a ponytail streaked with grey. "Did what needed to be done. Captured a giant Heart."
"So where is the Keyblader now?"
"Probably in Port Royal. That's where Luxord is at anyway."
"I see." Heart or not Heart, Xaldin wasn't surprised. He chose not think of anything else, like where the Keyblader was before he approached this land or after the Battle of 1000 Heartless. Wouldn't do any good anyway. What's done is done. "Why are you here? Was I so obvious?"
"You are always obvious, Xaldin, even when you're not. You're also pretty hungry."
"Agh. Dare I ask?"
"Nah. I'm hungry, so I figured I'd take you somewhere nice."
Nice and Xigbar were not words that worked well together, not in Xaldin's experience. No one who looked as scarred as Xigbar would ever be nice-ever. "Where?"
"To a restaurant, where else?"
"You know a place around here?"
"Looked around a bit before baiting our Hero into beating the huge Dragon beast. Saw a place I liked, and thought you would too. So, what do you say?"
Xaldin sighed. "A dragon beast you say?"
Xigbar shrugged. "Was a Heartless, so what?"
"It was a dragon! Heartless or not, such beasts are meant to be revered!"
"Unless they're Earth Dragons," Xigbar replied, snickering.
"No," Xaldin said. "It's not that." He simply looked down. "It doesn't matter now. So, where is this place?"
"I thought you'd never ask!" Xigbar smiled.
Xaldin figured that Xigbar would like this "place". Such a place was meant to fleece tourists, and Xaldin knew it because it was full of people who clearly weren't from the Imperial region. Even if it weren't, it had a bar, which didn't surprise Xaldin, because such a place would attract Xigbar. Not that he had anything against drinking, he just preferred to do it alone. Xaldin also preferred eating alone, but when it came to food, he generally took exception.
"Is this any different than what we've had before?" Xaldin asked while he picked up a menu.
"Nope, not really." Xigbar answered.
By the time the waitress arrived, the two men already decided on what they were getting. Usually, that was a good sign, but Xaldin wasn't so sure because he watched a couple people nearby complain about horrible claws of some sort of creature. He remembered something like this happening back in Radiant Garden, but his food came out fine at the time, so he opted out of thinking anything of it.
He wished he did once the soup arrived. Xaldin had ordered a "Sour" soup which usually looked like a great mix of firm tofu, searing spices, and vegetables. Xigbar had the same thing, but he just grinned and chowed down.
"What's wrong?" He asked between quick mouthfuls.
"I can see why people frequently use the bar," Xaldin answered. He waved a gloved hand at the bowl. "Looks like a sewer."
"Eh, not so bad."
One spoonful made Xaldin almost gag. "Tastes like one too! Like piss! Xigbar, this is awful!"
"Just put some salt on it!" Came the curt reply. "I did."
"Are you kidding me? You shouldn't have to put salt on this kind of soup!" Xaldin pushed the bowl away. "I try not to waste food, but that is not soup. That's something a group of waiters pissed into and then had some children shit in it!"
"Come on, you're scaring the other customers." Xigbar lapped up the soup like it was the greatest thing in the world. "Tastes fine to me."
"You have a palate of a baboon's ass!"
"Salt makes everything taste good!"
"Yes, I'll be sure to remember that the next time I swallow you!" Xaldin answered with clenched teeth.
"You do that, Xaldin." Xigbar smirked as he added another spice to the soup.
The next dish fared no better. Dumplings of any kind were usually light brown, and crispy from being fried in the finest of oils. The dumplings that came out SHINED in white with bluish highlights. They didn't look crispy at all. Xaldin thought it had to do with the region, and that maybe these were "authentic" in the region. He took one bite and almost vomited on the table.
If these are authentic, I'd rather not.
Xigbar, on the other hand, had no such problem. He ate his share like he ate apples.
"These are pretty good," he said. "Didn't need salt or anything."
Xaldin gaped. "Are you kidding me? These taste like detergent balls! They look like it too!"
"Then I guess detergent tastes great, because I love these!"
"You what?" Xaldin groaned. He pushed the plate away. "You can have the rest."
Needless to say, Xigbar did. Next course came some ribs, which made Xaldin think that things would get better. He picked up a piece and frowned.
"This is not a rib, this is a bone." Xaldin growled, but took a bite anyway. Tasted like something dipped in hoisin sauce, which proved not as bad as he thought. "Okay, it's edible, but a dog would lick at it for a second and then push it away."
"Dogs would eat the bone." Xigbar gobbled up his ribs like they were vanishing.
"They'd choke on them". Xaldin lifted up one of the very thin ribs, but not before eating what little meat remained. "Look how thin these are!"
"You don't seem to mind that much. You're still eating them."
Xaldin sighed. "Yes, true. They'd be good if there were more meat on these sticks!"
The main dish made both men smile. Xaldin couldn't have felt more relief if wind blew through the heavily curtained windows. Chicken dishes had always been among Xaldin's favorite and the memories of his Other life agreed. This particular dish had nice white meat surrounded by a thick dark sauce, fried rice, and nuts scattered all over. Xaldin smiled a rare smile as he took a large mouthful and promptly spit it out.
"Gah!"
Xigbar frowned. "What's wrong with you?"
"Do you know what this tastes like?" Xaldin glared. "Something you'd suck out of an exhaust pipe littered with rotten peanuts!" He wanted to throw the dish at anyone who thought it was remotely good. Damnit! It looked so good too!
"Just eat the rice." Xigbar shrugged.
"The rice? Don't you mean dried rice?"
Xigbar's rice drowned in soy sauce. "I don't have any problems."
"No, of course not! Remember the bit about the baboon's ass?"
"Maybe the food is bad because you lack a Heart."
"Or maybe the food is bad because it just plain is!" Xaldin shot back. "A lack of a Heart doesn't change a palate, damn you! You did this on purpose to bother me because you damned well know you can!"
"You're just a food snob, Xaldin." Xigbar looked around. "I don't see all that many people complaining."
"That's because the ones who have already left or they're getting drunk so they could get rid of the godawful aftertaste!"
"Want the rest of all that?" Xigbar pointed to the leftovers from Xaldin's food.
"Take it all! Take the piss soup, the detergent balls, these bones, the dried rice, and the contaminated chicken! Take it all!"
Xigbar gladly did took everything just like a pig. "Your loss."
"Believe me, I'm fine with that."
When the waitress asked if they wanted dessert, Xaldin only shook his head. Thankfully, so did Xigbar, and even better, he paid the bill and gave the waitress a decent tip. The food may have been bad, but she wasn't, so Xaldin could live with the large amount of munny The Freeshooter had given her.
Once outside the restaurant Xigbar asked, "So how long do you have until your next job?"
Xaldin shrugged. "A couple days, nothing more."
Xigbar grinned. "Plenty of time. I know a nice hotel."
"Don't you dare! After that fiasco, I'd trust you about as far as I could throw you! I'll choose the hotel and the next place we'll be eating!"
"No, I don't think so. Knowing you, we'd probably end up camping outside eating some sort of animal you caught, and then I'd freeze my ass off." Xigbar shook his head. "No, thank you."
"Alright then, you get to choose the hotel, but I am choosing the restaurant!"
Xigbar folded his arms, still grinning like he knew something no one else. "Fine, but it'll cost you."
Xaldin knew exactly what his friend meant, but smirked anyway."Believe me, it'll be worth it."
---
The higher the mountain, the stronger the wind. Xaldin often found himself at the highest peaks on every single world he's been to, and this world, known as Land of Dragons, was no exception. He knew that Xigbar had an assignment here, but he didn't worry about it since it wasn't much of his concern anyway. He had a world of his own to get back to, but he knew that he had plenty of time to explore a world full of windy mountains.
Everything looked better from above, Xaldin always believed. He had memories of believing the same during his previous life, but those same memories indicated that he wasn't much different then as he was now. He stood alone on the mountaintop, thankful that his powers kept him from passing out from the thin air. Or worse, falling off since the wind carried the most treachery at the greatest heights. He didn't really notice the cold, only the landscape below.
He had around a couple days left before he returned to Beast's castle to claim a new, powerful Heartless and Nobody. Of course Xaldin would get what he wanted; he always did. Now all that mattered was traveling this particular world for a bit, watch the people from above, eat some food--
Food. Just the thought of that made his stomach growl a bit. He never thought of trying anything around the Land of Dragons. He knew the cuisine from eating in similar worlds and he remembered the taste of Sesame Chicken, hot beef, and soups that could make someone drown in them. Only, Xaldin wasn't certain if the food would be the same.
/Probably not/, he figured.
"Hey there! I thought I'd find you here!"
Oh, good grief.
Xaldin controlled winds, but the man who called out to him controlled the ability to turn up into down. "Ah, Xigbar. So, how did everything go on this world?" He didn't turn to look at his only other Superior(technically, that is); he didn't have to.
Xigbar appeared in front of him, his hair just as long, but not full of braids, only a ponytail streaked with grey. "Did what needed to be done. Captured a giant Heart."
"So where is the Keyblader now?"
"Probably in Port Royal. That's where Luxord is at anyway."
"I see." Heart or not Heart, Xaldin wasn't surprised. He chose not think of anything else, like where the Keyblader was before he approached this land or after the Battle of 1000 Heartless. Wouldn't do any good anyway. What's done is done. "Why are you here? Was I so obvious?"
"You are always obvious, Xaldin, even when you're not. You're also pretty hungry."
"Agh. Dare I ask?"
"Nah. I'm hungry, so I figured I'd take you somewhere nice."
Nice and Xigbar were not words that worked well together, not in Xaldin's experience. No one who looked as scarred as Xigbar would ever be nice-ever. "Where?"
"To a restaurant, where else?"
"You know a place around here?"
"Looked around a bit before baiting our Hero into beating the huge Dragon beast. Saw a place I liked, and thought you would too. So, what do you say?"
Xaldin sighed. "A dragon beast you say?"
Xigbar shrugged. "Was a Heartless, so what?"
"It was a dragon! Heartless or not, such beasts are meant to be revered!"
"Unless they're Earth Dragons," Xigbar replied, snickering.
"No," Xaldin said. "It's not that." He simply looked down. "It doesn't matter now. So, where is this place?"
"I thought you'd never ask!" Xigbar smiled.
Xaldin figured that Xigbar would like this "place". Such a place was meant to fleece tourists, and Xaldin knew it because it was full of people who clearly weren't from the Imperial region. Even if it weren't, it had a bar, which didn't surprise Xaldin, because such a place would attract Xigbar. Not that he had anything against drinking, he just preferred to do it alone. Xaldin also preferred eating alone, but when it came to food, he generally took exception.
"Is this any different than what we've had before?" Xaldin asked while he picked up a menu.
"Nope, not really." Xigbar answered.
By the time the waitress arrived, the two men already decided on what they were getting. Usually, that was a good sign, but Xaldin wasn't so sure because he watched a couple people nearby complain about horrible claws of some sort of creature. He remembered something like this happening back in Radiant Garden, but his food came out fine at the time, so he opted out of thinking anything of it.
He wished he did once the soup arrived. Xaldin had ordered a "Sour" soup which usually looked like a great mix of firm tofu, searing spices, and vegetables. Xigbar had the same thing, but he just grinned and chowed down.
"What's wrong?" He asked between quick mouthfuls.
"I can see why people frequently use the bar," Xaldin answered. He waved a gloved hand at the bowl. "Looks like a sewer."
"Eh, not so bad."
One spoonful made Xaldin almost gag. "Tastes like one too! Like piss! Xigbar, this is awful!"
"Just put some salt on it!" Came the curt reply. "I did."
"Are you kidding me? You shouldn't have to put salt on this kind of soup!" Xaldin pushed the bowl away. "I try not to waste food, but that is not soup. That's something a group of waiters pissed into and then had some children shit in it!"
"Come on, you're scaring the other customers." Xigbar lapped up the soup like it was the greatest thing in the world. "Tastes fine to me."
"You have a palate of a baboon's ass!"
"Salt makes everything taste good!"
"Yes, I'll be sure to remember that the next time I swallow you!" Xaldin answered with clenched teeth.
"You do that, Xaldin." Xigbar smirked as he added another spice to the soup.
The next dish fared no better. Dumplings of any kind were usually light brown, and crispy from being fried in the finest of oils. The dumplings that came out SHINED in white with bluish highlights. They didn't look crispy at all. Xaldin thought it had to do with the region, and that maybe these were "authentic" in the region. He took one bite and almost vomited on the table.
If these are authentic, I'd rather not.
Xigbar, on the other hand, had no such problem. He ate his share like he ate apples.
"These are pretty good," he said. "Didn't need salt or anything."
Xaldin gaped. "Are you kidding me? These taste like detergent balls! They look like it too!"
"Then I guess detergent tastes great, because I love these!"
"You what?" Xaldin groaned. He pushed the plate away. "You can have the rest."
Needless to say, Xigbar did. Next course came some ribs, which made Xaldin think that things would get better. He picked up a piece and frowned.
"This is not a rib, this is a bone." Xaldin growled, but took a bite anyway. Tasted like something dipped in hoisin sauce, which proved not as bad as he thought. "Okay, it's edible, but a dog would lick at it for a second and then push it away."
"Dogs would eat the bone." Xigbar gobbled up his ribs like they were vanishing.
"They'd choke on them". Xaldin lifted up one of the very thin ribs, but not before eating what little meat remained. "Look how thin these are!"
"You don't seem to mind that much. You're still eating them."
Xaldin sighed. "Yes, true. They'd be good if there were more meat on these sticks!"
The main dish made both men smile. Xaldin couldn't have felt more relief if wind blew through the heavily curtained windows. Chicken dishes had always been among Xaldin's favorite and the memories of his Other life agreed. This particular dish had nice white meat surrounded by a thick dark sauce, fried rice, and nuts scattered all over. Xaldin smiled a rare smile as he took a large mouthful and promptly spit it out.
"Gah!"
Xigbar frowned. "What's wrong with you?"
"Do you know what this tastes like?" Xaldin glared. "Something you'd suck out of an exhaust pipe littered with rotten peanuts!" He wanted to throw the dish at anyone who thought it was remotely good. Damnit! It looked so good too!
"Just eat the rice." Xigbar shrugged.
"The rice? Don't you mean dried rice?"
Xigbar's rice drowned in soy sauce. "I don't have any problems."
"No, of course not! Remember the bit about the baboon's ass?"
"Maybe the food is bad because you lack a Heart."
"Or maybe the food is bad because it just plain is!" Xaldin shot back. "A lack of a Heart doesn't change a palate, damn you! You did this on purpose to bother me because you damned well know you can!"
"You're just a food snob, Xaldin." Xigbar looked around. "I don't see all that many people complaining."
"That's because the ones who have already left or they're getting drunk so they could get rid of the godawful aftertaste!"
"Want the rest of all that?" Xigbar pointed to the leftovers from Xaldin's food.
"Take it all! Take the piss soup, the detergent balls, these bones, the dried rice, and the contaminated chicken! Take it all!"
Xigbar gladly did took everything just like a pig. "Your loss."
"Believe me, I'm fine with that."
When the waitress asked if they wanted dessert, Xaldin only shook his head. Thankfully, so did Xigbar, and even better, he paid the bill and gave the waitress a decent tip. The food may have been bad, but she wasn't, so Xaldin could live with the large amount of munny The Freeshooter had given her.
Once outside the restaurant Xigbar asked, "So how long do you have until your next job?"
Xaldin shrugged. "A couple days, nothing more."
Xigbar grinned. "Plenty of time. I know a nice hotel."
"Don't you dare! After that fiasco, I'd trust you about as far as I could throw you! I'll choose the hotel and the next place we'll be eating!"
"No, I don't think so. Knowing you, we'd probably end up camping outside eating some sort of animal you caught, and then I'd freeze my ass off." Xigbar shook his head. "No, thank you."
"Alright then, you get to choose the hotel, but I am choosing the restaurant!"
Xigbar folded his arms, still grinning like he knew something no one else. "Fine, but it'll cost you."
Xaldin knew exactly what his friend meant, but smirked anyway."Believe me, it'll be worth it."
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