Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Akatsuki Bloopers

Akatsuki Bloopers

by Park 4 reviews

These are all the accidents that happen on set in Akatsuki. Read if you dare. Find out the horrible truth.

Category: Naruto - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Other - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2007-02-22 - Updated: 2007-02-23 - 1422 words - Complete

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.


Akatsuki bloopers

(Brought to you by the ninja paparazzi)







TAKE 1: How long Orochimaru's tongue really it:


"How long is your tongue really Orochimaru? Un?" Deidara asks.

Orochimaru raises an eye brow and sticks out his tongue.

-An hour later-

"Damn..." Deidara mumbles. "How many chicks do you get with that tongue!?" He screeched.

"None. I'm gay. And my tongue reaches ninety yards...."

"..........i think I just my mouth......ew....."


TAKE 2: More evidence Orochimaru is gay:


Kisame barged into Orochimaru's room.

There he was scarred for life by the sight that awaited him.

There he saw Kabuto and Orochimaru making out.


TAKE 3: Orochimaru's remodel:


As Deidara went to fetch the snake for dinner, he heard chanting.

As he swung the door open, he saw a sight just as horrifying as Orochimaru and Kabuto.

There, he saw a large poster of Michael Jackson hanging on the wall, Orochimaru bowing to it.

Now Deidara knew why Kisame had ran down stares screaming like a little girl the other night....


TAKE 4: Orochimaru a pedophiliac?


Now that both Deidara and Kisame had run down the stares screaming like little girls, Itachi had to go get Orochimaru for dinner.

As he swung opened the door he was greeted by the sight of the snake molesting a Kaguya boy.

And the screaming like a little girl process repeats itself.....


TAKE 5: Why you should never get Itachi drunk:


Itachi giggled wildly as he downed another bottle of sake.

"And there was that one time I had a dream about kissing Sasuke and then tying him to my wall!" he shrieked.

Poor Kisame stared, completely mortified.

"He's just so cute!! I just want to molest him!!"

'Wow' Kisame thought. 'I really do learn something new everyday. My partner is gay, incest-prone and a pedophiliac! What a combination...I almost feel bad for that Sasuke kid.'


TAKE 6: How Deidara proved he was a man:


Deidara was once again being hit on by Zetsu, of all people.

"So, wanna go to my room and make seedlings?" he purred.


"Then prove it" Hidan snorted across the room.

"FINE!!!" Deidara roared, unbuttoning his pants.

Well, Zetsu had to run to the toilet to vomit, because he had been flirting with a man.

Hidan shut up for once.

Kisame roared with laughter.

Tobi hid under the table.

Itachi went, officially, blind.

Kakuzu began to get ideas of selling him to Playgirl magazines.

And wherever the hell Sasori went when he died, he snickered.


TAKE 7: 'Zetsu's pollinating again.':


It was spring, once again, and Zetsu was in an unusually good mood lately.

"There must be something wrong with him." Hidan mumbled.

"No. He's fine." Tobi said.

".... Then where is he and why is he acting freakier than usual?" Itachi asked.

"He's just pollinating again."


TAKE 8: How Zetsu got splinters in his bung-hole


As Zetsu munched on Sasori's wooden arm, Tobi shook his head.

"Wot?" (What) Zetsu asked through a mouthful of wood.

"You're going to regret than later Zetsu-san" Tobi murmurs.

-Hours later when Zetsu is in the little plants room-

"Holy f!!!" He screeched.


TAKE 9: Bad pick up lines:


It was a terrible day when Tobi overheard Zetsu trying to make pickup lines.

He had accidentally walked in on the fly trap sweet talking a petunia.

"So, what's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?" and "Wanna go somewhere private and pollinate with me?"

Tobi was rather terrified of Zetsu after that.


TAKE 10: Kisame's worst fear:


"EEEEEEEK!!! ITACHI, SAVE ME!!!!" Kisame screamed. Once again, he sounded like a little girl.

The big, blue, shark man came running through the halls, arms thrown over his head.

He jumped onto the Uchiha heir, nearly flattening him.

"There's a spider in my room!!"



TAKE 11: A cross dressing shark:


Itachi stepped out of his room and knocked on Kisame door.

There was a quick shuffle in the room and Itachi got annoyed.

Swinging the door open, he was greeted by the shark man dressed in a pastel pink dress, with lipstick and blush on his cheeks.



TAKE 12: Hidan watches soap opera's?


Kakuzu was so rudely awaked to hearing weeping and a constant "no Yuki!! Don't do it!! NOOOOOOOOO, you stupid bastard, she's not good enough for you!!!" and he had had enough.

It was too bad for him he didn't recognize the voice.

As he barged out of his room and swung Hidan door open, he saw a truly terrifying sight.

He could take dead bodies, he could take severed limbs, he could take Hidan's rituals, but not this. Nothing could have prepared him for this.

There, he saw Hidan, in a arm chair, eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down his face, a carton of ice cream in his arms, watching a....soap opera.

"What the hell Kakuzu!?" he screamed in a weak voice. "Can't you tell I'm watching a manly show!?"


Before poor Kakuzu could even retreat, Hidan flung himself into his arms weeping.

"Why did Yuki have to go back to that slut Ayame? Why!?" he sobbed.

Kakuzu got stuck consoling Hidan the rest of the night....poor, poor Kakuzu.


TAKE 13: What does Kakuzu really spend his money on?


It was Saturday, and the Akatsuki had no missions. And since they had no missions, Kakuzu left to do his usual 'outing'.

Everyone was bored, so, they followed him.

That was when they found out what Kakuzu really spent his money on.

They watched dumbly as he bought star trek season five.

A truly terrifying day it was.....


TAKE 14: Tobi's question:



"What Tobi?"

"Why is your hair so long?"



"It is, now shut up."



Utter silence.

".....Why am I hurting your brain Deidara-sempai?"

".........Tobi, shut up before I kill you....."

-Ten minutes later-


Deidara whimpered pitifully.


"Where do babies come from?"


Well, all that I'll say is, Tobi learned a hell of a lot more than he ever wanted to know.


TAKE 15: 'He's afraid of the boogieman?':


Deidara awoke to a knock at his door.

He groaned into his pillow and rolled over.

"Deidara-sempai...?" Tobi's voice was muffled through to door.

"what....Tobi....what?...What the hell do you want at..." he rolls over to check the time. "THREE IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING!!!?"

"God?" came Hidan's voice.



"No, no, Hidan I think he meant...."

"Never mind what I meant!!" Deidara yelled.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" a chorus of voices came.


Utter silence over came the Akatsuki base.


"What?" Deidara whined.

"The boogieman is in my closest."

Deidara's eyes slowly open. Did he hear him right? Oh, please, don't let him hear him right.



Utter silence once more.

"Deidara-sempai!" Tobi began to whine.

Jumping up, Deidara stormed out of hit room.

And he wound up switching a nightlight on in Tobi's room, reading him a story, bashing his closet in, covering his window with foil, and stabbing the hell out of the underside of Tobi's bed.

In the end, Deidara stormed down the hall, grabbed Miyu, the blue haired female of Akatsuki, and made her sleep with Tobi to make him feel better.


TAKE 16: Tobi not such a good boy?:


As it was, Tobi and Deidara were on a mission.

Deidara had, supposedly went to go get fire wood.

So Tobi happily took out a copy of Playboy's latest magazine and happily began flipping through the pages.

What Tobi didn't expect, was to see Deidara come back early and find him.


TAKE 17: Caught in the act:


Everyone was out on missions, but Zetsu was awaked to loud moaning and groaning, so he went to go investigate.

What he found left him dumb struck.

Leader-sama and Miyuki making out!!


TAKE 18: 'why the hell won't he die?!':


It was a usual mission at Akatsuki.

Deidara and Tobi were currently catching the four tailed biju.

The problem was, the jinchuriki just wouldn't die!

"Dear god! Die already!!" Deidara screeched.

Tobi kicked the poor man.

"Your making us look bad! Die!" Tobi cried.

-With the Kishimoto-

".............please tell me this isn't happening..........."





How was it?

My first humor fic.

Well, if it sucks, go easy please.

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