Categories > Original > Mystery > What Are You Gonna Do
When She Meets the One
1 reviewwhat happens when your sister is shot and you find out you're a monster?
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What Are You Gonna Do
(#) The_Wingless_Raven 2006-12-05
Ok, please don't take this the wrong way...
1) You need to use paragraphs rather than jumble it all together.
2) Your sentence structure needs a bit more work, including better descriptions.
3) You use certain words too much.
This shows very good potential, and I can't wait to see where it goes. I'll be looking foward to your update. =)
~The Wingless Raven
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