FicWad

He had worn hands.
He sat there, spinning a round can of chewing tobacco like a wheel between his fingertips.
And the whole time I was sitting there,
I thought of you
In the back of my head, like a whisper

And in his eyes I saw one of the seven deadly sins
Lust.
And it was there, in his lower lips, in his hands, in his wandering eyes and
I
Could see his stare from across the room and I

Found myself on a bed, with this man who is EVERYTHING you're not and I could
Feel my heart beating, screaming, telling me to go but
I could hear her, on my shoulder telling me to stay a while to

Listen to the words of persuasion rolling off his lips like rubies.
He told me it wouldn't mean anything..
That I'd still love you after....

And in that room..alone with that man,
who was shorter than me,
and just wanted me to be another notch on his belt
I thought of you...

Even though he told me not to.
And as his hand wandered up and down my back
Telling me it was OK
and as I leaned in,
face burning with shame
mind spinning with wonder and hate
FOR myself
his hand touching my face
like it was LOVE
LIKE HE GAVE A FUCK
I didn't think of you.

I pushed you away.
Like I always do.

And he tasted like cigarettes.
He tasted like a man..
A bad boy...a boy who got in fist fights
Got kicked out of class
Went to summer school...
He was nothing like you

And it felt horrible but good at the same time and he
pushed me down onto the minnie mouse beadspread and I said no.
I said no.
But he didn't listen.
And I thought of you.
And I
thought of
You.