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Roy angst and introspective, no pairings. Slight Roy/Riza and Roy/Maes if anything, but probably only if you squint. Hughes-fic in disguise. Spoilers for episode 25, and end of series, but that's all.

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, or the song.

In the midst of celebration, there's one thing left to do.

July 18 - Central City, Amestris
Maes~
It's hot, today. I know, ridiculous for me to start a letter this way, but it's the sort of thing you'd appreciate. By now, you'd probably be harassing me to turn up the fans or relax regulations enough to let us all take off our wool jackets. Havoc would make some sort of comment about how the high command should get the idea and make the uniforms out of something a little lighter.

And something in what he said would remind you that you only stopped by to tell us about Elysia's latest exploits, and the pictures would fly.

God, I can still hear your voice, Maes. I'd give anything to watch you walk through my office door about now.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes

Elysia's doing so well. She'll be starting kindergarten this fall. I try and go visit whenever I can, but I just don't have the time.

And I'm not really sure whether you'd be happy or sad that Gracia has never even looked at another man. She still wears her wedding ring, Maes. But then again, so do you. She still missed you, they both do.

But not as much as I do.

But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone.

Now that all the family business that you would think is more important is out of the way...

We won, Maes. Bradley's dead and gone, the homunculi slaughtered (so Al says, and I have no reason to disbelieve him). I'm not Fuhrer, but I'm content where I am.

I know... I know I always said that was my only goal, to be Fuhrer. But without you there to push me on, it lost its sparkle. I'm content that I cut out the corruption at the heart of Amestris. I can settle for that. Even if it means I failed you.

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

So where am I now? Central, just one more mid-rank cog in this great machine. Oddly, I don't even care anymore. Now that my 'mission' is finished, nothing seems to matter.

Everyone always says that war is the price you pay for peace. Gracia accepts your death, even if she won't move on to any other man. Havoc says that I give up too easily, that I'm dishonoring your memory by not striving for the goal I originally set. Hawkeye asks me, every now and then, if I would rather you still be alive, and Bradley still running his idiotic war, killing innocents at every turn.

I can never answer her Maes, because my heart betrays me.

The price was too high.

God, Maes, you were too high a price to pay.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Alphonse Elric is back in his body, I know you'd want to hear that. You really thought of those boys as surrogate sons, I could see it every time you looked at them. You told me once that the first time you saw them, you knew they needed a parent.

And you decided to be that parent for them, Maes, that dad that they needed so much. And in the end, you died for them as much as you died for me, I think.

But the news isn't all good, either. Alphonse is back in the flesh, but he doesn't remember anything about the time he spent in armor. Nothing after the night he and Fullmetal tried to bring their mother back.

And as for Fullmetal... well.

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Fullmetal... Ed. He's gone, Maes. No trace of him, and the government has declared him dead. Alphonse believes he's still alive somewhere, as does the Rockbell girl, and Armstrong. You know what an optimist he's always been.

I...

I know, in my heart, that he's alive somewhere. Maybe it's just because I've lost too many people already, because I lost you and I can't stand to lose him too, to have another casualty rest on my head. Maybe it's just because my days are so boring now, without the shrimp to harass.

But both of you are gone. Just like that, and it's left something empty inside me that no food can fill, no flame can sear away, not even Riza and Havoc can help it mend. Something echoing and empty where you and Fullmetal used to be.

How did it all go so wrong?

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I used to see it all so clearly. Purging Amestris of the stain that Bradley and the Ishbalian massacre left on it. Rebuilding the nation in what I thought was the right way. Doing it right this time.

But it's all gone wrong.

I killed Bradley myself, did I tell you that, Maes? I killed him, with his skull and my flames, and I should have felt triumphant. I was avenging your death at last, I should have been rejoicing, or arrogant, or at least satisfied.

But in the end, I only felt sick.

Bradley's son, couldn't have been older than Nina Tucker was, lying dead... I tried to carry him out when the house went up, but I knew he was already dead, he was so light in my arms...
I still see his face sometimes in dreams, right along with the Rockbells, and countless Ishbalians, and you.

I failed all of you. I got my coup, but it was far from bloodless, and now I'll never be able to wash the stain from my hands and heart, not ever.

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

I'm sorry, Maes. I didn't mean to lay all this on you. I meant just to tell you that we won, that I finally did what I set out to. I didn't mean to bitch at you. If you were sitting here next to me, you would have dragged me out for a drink by now.

Heh, that's a good idea. Maybe I'll go have one, after I drop this off at your grave. On second thought, it'll probably be two. Or maybe more. Tomorrow is Saturday, after all.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

It should have been me, you know.

Back at the Academy, we always used to joke about how someday I'd use my flame too near a batch of gasoline and go up in a blaze of glory. I never thought... I never dreamed... I would have given anything for you to have not died before me, Maes.

Anything.

It should have been me, dead in that alley. Not you. Not the father, the family man, the one who was so loving, so kind. It should have been old Hardass Mustang, not you, Maes Hughes.

Never you.

And it wasn't even you they were after! They killed you because you knew too much, because you were trying to warn me. I remember your last words clear as day, the sound of the gun going off somewhere behind you. I thought for a moment it was me that had gotten shot, because it felt like my heart was being ripped out.

But it was just you.

I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

And in the end, I avenged your death, but what did it really matter? You're still dead. Killing Bradley didn't give Gracia her husband back, or Elysia her father, or me my best friend.

We've always been there for each other, Maes, and now you're not.

Just me, all alone.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

Well, I'll wrap this up and head out now.

It's starting to rain.
~Roy

'Til then I walk alone...