Categories > Original > Drama > Painful Friendship
Chapter 2
You know I actually tried to go back to having normal friends. Granted I still was trying for the ones that reminded me of Christina at first. By the time my Junior year was half way over I had hung out with everyone from the cheerleaders to the Gothic kids and found I wasn't able to truly connect with any on them. I was able to put on a different mask for every group of people and get along with everyone never once feeling any of the true bonds of friendship beginning to form. None of them would do.
A month and a half before summer vacation I decided the problem must have been with me so I started going to see the school counselor every day so she could help me work it out. It was an honest effort at self improvement on my part, and just one of many tried and failed attempts. At first I thought I was on the right path; I felt like I was making good progress but there was a problem. She reported everything I told her to my extremely religious mother, after all momma knows best.
"Your school called me today at work," my mother said to me as I was doing my homework at the kitchen table. I had only just gotten home so the sun was still high in the sky and it's rays filled our kitchen with warm cheery light that bounced off all the highly polished dark wood furniture my mother had packed her house with causing a blinding glare no matter where you looked. Even with all that sun light around me the minute she had spoken I felt like I drowning in a dark pit of icy water. Trying desperately chock back down my heart that had chose that moment to decide it would rather reside in my throat than chest, I managed a strangled,
"A..about what?"
"Why didn't you tell me you had been going to see the counselor?"
"I didn't think it mattered"
"Of course it matters! If my child is having a problem I should be the first to know! Do you have any idea how bad it makes me look when I get a call like that! I'm a minister people depend on me for guidance Hazenia; how are they supposed to rely on me when you make it look like I can't even handle my own child's problems!"
"..."
"And what's this about you not having friends?"
"I have friends!"
"That's not what that lady from the school said on the phone."
"I have friends, just not very good ones."
"Well then if the one's you got ain't workin' for pray for some better ones. Lord knows anything would be an improvement or that last girl. Swear there was something wrong with her."
"Whatever."
"DON'T WHATEVER ME! That's what's wrong with you now! Hangin out with the girl all the time when she obviously had issues. And now she passed them on to you!" and that was the last I heard before I went to my room and left her to her ranting.
Momma's conclusion was the same one she came up with for any problem the world had to offer, DEMONS. Christina had, had demons! She had them and she had passed them on to my mother precious child! I must go to church, that was the answer to the problem. She would take me to church and they would cast off the demons that were attacking my immortal soul. So every day that church was open I would be there for the next month, to my great repulsion. I hated church, always had and probably always will. I have no religion myself and I didn't appreciate having others forced down my throat. But not having a choice in whether I went to church or not I decided to use annoying situation to further my goal of improving my self to gain friends. After all if I could learn to stand being in the presence of these loud-mouthed hypocrites every night with all their whooping, jumping around and falling out, then even the most disgusting high school boy would seem like pleasant company.
Tolerance is a virtue, but alas being tolerant was yet another goal I had set in my mission of self improvement for the sake of friends I was not destined to reach. The only thing that came of my attempts at improving my tolerance of others stupidity at first was a healthy hate of counselors and intense depression form constantly being told I was filled with evil every night by the fools at my mother's church. However soon I achieved something I hadn't even been seeking. Tranquility, the ability to remain in a state of calm no matter how much of a up roar was going on in the world around me. By ignoring the fact that others existed I could maintain my piece of mind not matter how obnoxiously loud and rambunctious the people around me became. It was a good skill to have but not one that would help me make friends. After ordeal I resolved that I would never set foot in a church again after that month was up, and have stuck to that resolve without fail.
The next thing on my list to try was books. Not self improvement books, just normal every day books that a high school kid might like to read. I decided that if I could find books I like to read then I could use them as a gate way to make a new friend by finding someone who liked the same ones. It was a great idea except that once I started I figured out there was not a single fiction book in the entire school library that I could not find some part of to enjoy. Every book I read I enjoyed I even liked to read the nonfiction and reference books. And the books did not in anyway help my to make new normal friends. In fact if any thing they made me more anti-social. Any free time I had my head was in a book, if someone saw me reading something they had read and commented on it, it just annoyed me that I had been interrupted. Using books to make friends was a no go.
Senior year I had decided I wasn't even going to try anymore. I had the fake friends if I wanted company and I had books to read if I didn't feel like dealing with anyone. But as fate would have it I met someone who would end up being the second person I have encountered able to meet my standards of friendship and become my current best friend the first day back in school. Zackary other wise known as Zee. He was tall, with heavenly pale skin that gave him a seemingly other worldly quality and dressed in all black baggy clothing. He had pale blue eyes like Christina but his hair was about 4 inches long and stood up in wild, jet black spikes all over his head. He was soft and a just pudgy enough that you couldn't see his abs. Instead of me noticing him and being the first to extend the hand of friendship as it was with Christina, Zee was the one who reached out to me though his approach was no where near as friendly as mine had been.
He saw me sitting in the middle of one of the many rows of rickety, old wood desks near center of the drab and dusty smelling classroom lost in the fantasy world of the book I was reading and strolled right up to me.
"What cha' reading?" he had said taking the seat behind me and leaning across his desk to talk over my shoulder.
"It doesn't concern you."
"I'm just asking, damn."
"And I'm telling you it's none of your busine...!" He grabbed the back of my chair, tipped me back and my head slammed into his desk. Pain. He snatched the book out of my hand and read the title.
"Sabrial, good book. You gonna read the other two in the series? Our library doesn't have them."
"WHAT THE HELL!" I shriked completely forgetting where we were.
"HAZENIA AND ZACKARY! WE ARE TRYING TO START CLASS IF YOU TWO WOULD STOP PLAYING AROUNG AND JOIN US PLEASE!" Mr. Massy had boomed from across the classroom which now to my surprise was filled with a random assortment of teenagers most of which were giggling or pointing by now.
"But it was him!"
"Do you want detention?! Because I can give it to you, BOTH of you! Move to the back of the room!"
"Sorry sir..." I apologized for the both of us as we gathered our stuff and took the two empty seats in the very back; Zee snickering and hiding behind my book the whole time. "I glad your enjoying yourself" I whispered to him once we had taken our seats and the teacher had gone back to his lecture.
"Yeah, I'm having a blast. Sabrial, good book. You gonna read the other two in the series? Our library doesn't have them.""
"Man you guys are a trip we ain't even ten minutes into the first day and your already get on the teachers nerves," The big black guy next to me chimed in poking me in the arm to get my attention. He was sporting a red jersey with the name of some team I had never heard of across the front and sagging faded jeans.
'Great another nuisance.'
"don't poke her," Zee commanded flatly pulling my head back by my ponytail so he could see who he was talking to.
"your pulling her hair..."
"I can do that, we're friends. Ain't we kitty?"
"It's Hazenia." I said not bothering to look up from the book I had just reclaimed form Zee's clutches.
"Your collar says kitty," he retorted indicating the black leather band around my neck with the words "BAD KITTY" on it in silver. I was poked again by the other guy.
"Are you really a bad kitty?" he questioned in a mock cutesy voice.
"You know poking is the leading cause of teen pregnancy." and at that point I decided to ignore both of them. They were obviously idiots. Anything they said or did was not my problem even if Zee was pulling my hair at the moment. I didn't even know him and such minor discomfort wasn't worth my concern.
"Poke, poke, poke" the guy taunted Zee while poking me in the side.
'just ignore them...'
"I said don't poke her."
'It's not your problem, Hazenia...'
"It ain't bothering her!"
'Don't pay any attention to them...'
"It's bothering me!" Zee snapped forgetting he was holding my pontail and snatching my hair so hard it almost unseated me.
"OW! Dammit, Zackary!!!"
"ZACKARY AND HAZENIA! LUNCH DETENTION!"
"yes sir...," again I answered for both of us and glancing over at Zee grumbled under my breath, "I hope your happy..."
"Yep," he said in a lazy I'm-so-over-it voice hand still clutching my ponytail as he fiddled with it splaying the loose end in a fan shape, "isn't it great to make a new friend." I couldn't do anything but sit there fuming. I would never have admitted it at the time but even then I think deep down I knew he was exactly what I was looking for.
You know I actually tried to go back to having normal friends. Granted I still was trying for the ones that reminded me of Christina at first. By the time my Junior year was half way over I had hung out with everyone from the cheerleaders to the Gothic kids and found I wasn't able to truly connect with any on them. I was able to put on a different mask for every group of people and get along with everyone never once feeling any of the true bonds of friendship beginning to form. None of them would do.
A month and a half before summer vacation I decided the problem must have been with me so I started going to see the school counselor every day so she could help me work it out. It was an honest effort at self improvement on my part, and just one of many tried and failed attempts. At first I thought I was on the right path; I felt like I was making good progress but there was a problem. She reported everything I told her to my extremely religious mother, after all momma knows best.
"Your school called me today at work," my mother said to me as I was doing my homework at the kitchen table. I had only just gotten home so the sun was still high in the sky and it's rays filled our kitchen with warm cheery light that bounced off all the highly polished dark wood furniture my mother had packed her house with causing a blinding glare no matter where you looked. Even with all that sun light around me the minute she had spoken I felt like I drowning in a dark pit of icy water. Trying desperately chock back down my heart that had chose that moment to decide it would rather reside in my throat than chest, I managed a strangled,
"A..about what?"
"Why didn't you tell me you had been going to see the counselor?"
"I didn't think it mattered"
"Of course it matters! If my child is having a problem I should be the first to know! Do you have any idea how bad it makes me look when I get a call like that! I'm a minister people depend on me for guidance Hazenia; how are they supposed to rely on me when you make it look like I can't even handle my own child's problems!"
"..."
"And what's this about you not having friends?"
"I have friends!"
"That's not what that lady from the school said on the phone."
"I have friends, just not very good ones."
"Well then if the one's you got ain't workin' for pray for some better ones. Lord knows anything would be an improvement or that last girl. Swear there was something wrong with her."
"Whatever."
"DON'T WHATEVER ME! That's what's wrong with you now! Hangin out with the girl all the time when she obviously had issues. And now she passed them on to you!" and that was the last I heard before I went to my room and left her to her ranting.
Momma's conclusion was the same one she came up with for any problem the world had to offer, DEMONS. Christina had, had demons! She had them and she had passed them on to my mother precious child! I must go to church, that was the answer to the problem. She would take me to church and they would cast off the demons that were attacking my immortal soul. So every day that church was open I would be there for the next month, to my great repulsion. I hated church, always had and probably always will. I have no religion myself and I didn't appreciate having others forced down my throat. But not having a choice in whether I went to church or not I decided to use annoying situation to further my goal of improving my self to gain friends. After all if I could learn to stand being in the presence of these loud-mouthed hypocrites every night with all their whooping, jumping around and falling out, then even the most disgusting high school boy would seem like pleasant company.
Tolerance is a virtue, but alas being tolerant was yet another goal I had set in my mission of self improvement for the sake of friends I was not destined to reach. The only thing that came of my attempts at improving my tolerance of others stupidity at first was a healthy hate of counselors and intense depression form constantly being told I was filled with evil every night by the fools at my mother's church. However soon I achieved something I hadn't even been seeking. Tranquility, the ability to remain in a state of calm no matter how much of a up roar was going on in the world around me. By ignoring the fact that others existed I could maintain my piece of mind not matter how obnoxiously loud and rambunctious the people around me became. It was a good skill to have but not one that would help me make friends. After ordeal I resolved that I would never set foot in a church again after that month was up, and have stuck to that resolve without fail.
The next thing on my list to try was books. Not self improvement books, just normal every day books that a high school kid might like to read. I decided that if I could find books I like to read then I could use them as a gate way to make a new friend by finding someone who liked the same ones. It was a great idea except that once I started I figured out there was not a single fiction book in the entire school library that I could not find some part of to enjoy. Every book I read I enjoyed I even liked to read the nonfiction and reference books. And the books did not in anyway help my to make new normal friends. In fact if any thing they made me more anti-social. Any free time I had my head was in a book, if someone saw me reading something they had read and commented on it, it just annoyed me that I had been interrupted. Using books to make friends was a no go.
Senior year I had decided I wasn't even going to try anymore. I had the fake friends if I wanted company and I had books to read if I didn't feel like dealing with anyone. But as fate would have it I met someone who would end up being the second person I have encountered able to meet my standards of friendship and become my current best friend the first day back in school. Zackary other wise known as Zee. He was tall, with heavenly pale skin that gave him a seemingly other worldly quality and dressed in all black baggy clothing. He had pale blue eyes like Christina but his hair was about 4 inches long and stood up in wild, jet black spikes all over his head. He was soft and a just pudgy enough that you couldn't see his abs. Instead of me noticing him and being the first to extend the hand of friendship as it was with Christina, Zee was the one who reached out to me though his approach was no where near as friendly as mine had been.
He saw me sitting in the middle of one of the many rows of rickety, old wood desks near center of the drab and dusty smelling classroom lost in the fantasy world of the book I was reading and strolled right up to me.
"What cha' reading?" he had said taking the seat behind me and leaning across his desk to talk over my shoulder.
"It doesn't concern you."
"I'm just asking, damn."
"And I'm telling you it's none of your busine...!" He grabbed the back of my chair, tipped me back and my head slammed into his desk. Pain. He snatched the book out of my hand and read the title.
"Sabrial, good book. You gonna read the other two in the series? Our library doesn't have them."
"WHAT THE HELL!" I shriked completely forgetting where we were.
"HAZENIA AND ZACKARY! WE ARE TRYING TO START CLASS IF YOU TWO WOULD STOP PLAYING AROUNG AND JOIN US PLEASE!" Mr. Massy had boomed from across the classroom which now to my surprise was filled with a random assortment of teenagers most of which were giggling or pointing by now.
"But it was him!"
"Do you want detention?! Because I can give it to you, BOTH of you! Move to the back of the room!"
"Sorry sir..." I apologized for the both of us as we gathered our stuff and took the two empty seats in the very back; Zee snickering and hiding behind my book the whole time. "I glad your enjoying yourself" I whispered to him once we had taken our seats and the teacher had gone back to his lecture.
"Yeah, I'm having a blast. Sabrial, good book. You gonna read the other two in the series? Our library doesn't have them.""
"Man you guys are a trip we ain't even ten minutes into the first day and your already get on the teachers nerves," The big black guy next to me chimed in poking me in the arm to get my attention. He was sporting a red jersey with the name of some team I had never heard of across the front and sagging faded jeans.
'Great another nuisance.'
"don't poke her," Zee commanded flatly pulling my head back by my ponytail so he could see who he was talking to.
"your pulling her hair..."
"I can do that, we're friends. Ain't we kitty?"
"It's Hazenia." I said not bothering to look up from the book I had just reclaimed form Zee's clutches.
"Your collar says kitty," he retorted indicating the black leather band around my neck with the words "BAD KITTY" on it in silver. I was poked again by the other guy.
"Are you really a bad kitty?" he questioned in a mock cutesy voice.
"You know poking is the leading cause of teen pregnancy." and at that point I decided to ignore both of them. They were obviously idiots. Anything they said or did was not my problem even if Zee was pulling my hair at the moment. I didn't even know him and such minor discomfort wasn't worth my concern.
"Poke, poke, poke" the guy taunted Zee while poking me in the side.
'just ignore them...'
"I said don't poke her."
'It's not your problem, Hazenia...'
"It ain't bothering her!"
'Don't pay any attention to them...'
"It's bothering me!" Zee snapped forgetting he was holding my pontail and snatching my hair so hard it almost unseated me.
"OW! Dammit, Zackary!!!"
"ZACKARY AND HAZENIA! LUNCH DETENTION!"
"yes sir...," again I answered for both of us and glancing over at Zee grumbled under my breath, "I hope your happy..."
"Yep," he said in a lazy I'm-so-over-it voice hand still clutching my ponytail as he fiddled with it splaying the loose end in a fan shape, "isn't it great to make a new friend." I couldn't do anything but sit there fuming. I would never have admitted it at the time but even then I think deep down I knew he was exactly what I was looking for.
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