I was too shocked to speak to her all the time she was 'crying' heavily onto my shoulder and so, the moments passed awkwardly and slowly until Frank walked past us.
"Hey, Frank!" I called to him as he almost continued walking onto Bob's ward. He turned around startled at first but then smiled slightly as he crossed over to us.
"Hey, have you seen him then?" he asked, shuffling his feet slightly. Remembering that I couldn't admit to having been to the ward, I shook my head and could have sworn Sally smiled faintly.
"Have you?" I asked and he nodded.
"I went a while back, before Brian, Ray and I went for a coffee in the cafeteria." He looked off into the distance. "He's a mess..."
"I can't believe that bitch would do this to us!...to him." Sally spoke for the first time and at her words, I felt the anger rising inside me, pumping the blood around my body so much faster that I could hear it flow and began to want nothing more than to rip her face off or gouge her eyes out.
Frank, who shifted awkwardly, changed the subject, "You know where Gee is?" he asked looking at me. Again, I shook my head.
"Go find him, I wanna talk to Sally." He pulled me up and pushed me in the opposite direction as he took my place in the orange seat next to Sally who was attempting to mask a look of contempt.
Reluctantly, I did as I was told and walked off, glancing back at them every so often until they were out of sight in an effort to catch a glimpse of something or to hear something that would explain everything, but it was no use; they were also watching me, waiting for me to disappear.
I was right to assume that Gee'd be outside having a smoke.
The front of the hospital was the first place I checked, I went straight there after Frank told me to leave them and sure enough, I saw him; half leaning on the wall, staring up into the darkness of the sky gently puffing away on his cigarette. His eyes were glinting in the shadows as light from passing ambulances and such hit them.
I walked up to him silently, reluctant to break his thoughts, and waited until I was comfortable beside him and against the wall before I started speaking, "You're okay then?" I asked, cursing myself inwardly for stating the obvious, he wouldn't have said something as pathetic as that.
"Physically; yes, I am okay." He answered, not looking at me, still gazing into the sky, with a fake and polished accent that I couldn't place; he was mocking me.
"So, you're not okay mentally?" I tried to sound calm, but I was concerned that he wouldn't be; I sure as hell wasn't!
He took another drag before answering, "Well, I think I am, but many people don't." he stepped away from the wall and took a magazine that I hadn't noticed before, out from under his arm. He held it out loosely, I took it and began to read; it was an article about how he was loosing his mind and was now being charged with attempted murder.
I looked to him disbelievingly, "This is bullshit!" I spat.
He laughed softly, "Of course it is Mikes, but a lot of people believe the shit they read." He sighed, "I'm considered a freak by many as it is, and this isn't gonna help!"
"Attempted murder?" I laughed, "It was assault that they arrested you for!" which made me realise that I never found out for definite if Sally -bitch- had dropped the charges.
"No, they're not charging me." He smiled, staring me in the eyes and reading my mind before turning back to the sky and sparking up another cigarette. We lapsed into a comfortable silence. A silence in which I found the opportunity to steal one of his smokes and light up for myself.
"You heard Sally talking on Bob's ward." He wasn't asking. I didn't look at him as I nodded but I felt him watching, he continued, "So you believe me now that she's the fucked up one out of her and Sara?" he asked.
"They're both fucked up!" I was suddenly angry as I realised the mess we were all in at the moment was Gerard's fault, "And it's your fault we ever got involved with them!" I started walking away, afraid of how much I suddenly wanted to hurt him.
"Actually Mikey," I felt him speak into my ear as he grabbed my arm tightly, he was trying to keep calm but there was slight venom to his words, "It's my fault Sara became part of our life although, overall, I don't regret that..."
"Overall, you don't regret that?" I repeated, seething, in his face as I tried to shake his hold on my arm
"No I don't!" he answered defensively, "But anyway, Mikey, it is your fault that Sally is part of our lives" he poked my chest for emphasis, "and Sally's the dangerous one; she's the reason Sara is the way she is and so technically she's the reason we're in this mess." I'd stopped trying to break from his hold; letting his words sink in, "It's your fault Mikey." He finished and let go off me, returning to his place on the wall.
"That's not fair!" I turned back to face him, "Don't say that!" Although, he was right, I just really didn't want to hear it.
There was more silence as I stood staring at him in a furious daze, his eyes still glinting frantically as he looked to the sky smoking yet another cigarette.
"Excuse me sir?" the woman I remembered as Maria, the receptionist, broke my daze and I turned to see her inches away from me, "Sir you can't smoke out here; it doesn't give a very healthy image of the hospital." She said to me.
"I'm not the one smoking." I snapped at her, in no mood for being polite, and walked away.
As I was crossing the parking lot, I heard Gerard's exasperated voice, "Well where the fuck am I allowed to smoke then?" Momentarily, I felt sorry for Maria but it passed as I got lost in my thoughts again and I kept walking only half aware of my feet actually moving.
"It's not my fault!" I muttered repeatedly under my breath as I continued walking numbly, trying to convince myself. I just kept walking and, again like in a bad movie, it began to pour from the heavens. "I fucking hate Britain!"
DAMN! tis shorter and tis later; I had to tidy stuff :( Just kinda a filler :)
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