Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Something Golden

This Is Why I'm Hot

by moocow 22 reviews

WARNING: The Warnings are NO JOKE. This chapter includes steamy Joe booty, a little rumble with an old foe, silly (and stupid) parenthesis and tons of allusions (references) and something you are ...

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: R - Genres: Angst - Warnings: [!] [!!] [!!!] [V] [X] [R] [?] - Published: 2007-03-04 - Updated: 2009-02-15 - 3891 words


A month and three days passed by like lightening, the skies clearing of summer suns and returning to the pre-autumn shades of early August.

My life had grown back to the fruitful, balanced mess that it had always been. At first, I had really disliked Adine, and her 'Paris Hilton' ways, almost thinking she didn't really care she was almost a month pregnant (and now she's two months). Along side of that, was Pete, who clearly seemed out of place, no matter how much he thought he was fooling the rest of us.

But all that changed just as quickly as wedding plans for Ryan and Jenn's wedding started pouring in, and I settled back into being just plain old Evie- (best) friend of the band, babysitter (Heather helped too, with David and Alex Stump(h)) and semi-girlfriend of a certain Jew who was illegal for me when I met him (16-18).

"Mmm," I smiled to myself as arms slipped around my waist at the kitchen counter, my hands busy with chopping up a salad for the girls who were coming over for brunch and a discussion on bride's maid dresses. Joe rested his chin on my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

"Morning sleepy head," I paused to reach for a yellow pepper. "You slept in quite a bit," I pointed the tip of the knife towards the clock. Joe nodded, keeping one hand on my waist as he took some of the vegetables and stuffed his face.

"Last night was hell on my feet," he mumbled, glancing down for a minute. "I'm almost wanting to back out of helping Pete move his things into his new house,"

I didn't let it faze me.

After some odd weeks, Adine had convinced Pete to buy them a house, in, well, suburbia. It wasn't a good thing he had such easy access to my neighborhood, living just four streets down. Though he said that it was to live closer to Patrick; bull shit. But half of it was my fault. The only reason why the rest of the girls were even starting to like Adine was because I had convinced her to actually try and make Pete not happy (because he 'already was') but to make him proud that she was having his kid.

Joe eyed me for a moment. "What's up with the silence?" he asked. I flinched slightly and nipped the knife against my fingertip. Snapping it up to my mouth, I mumbled something and turned the sink on, waiting for it to heat up.

"I was just reflecting on stuff," I hissed, letting the water run over the cut I had created. It stung. Joe hoisted himself up on the counter and continued to munch on the chopped veggies on the cutting board.

"Like," he paused to chew. "What?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Just things, Joe," I paused to dry my finger. "Don't question what a girl thinks about," Joe hopped off the counter and went back to playing 'boyfriend'. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and brought me into a sideways hug.

"Well I've got to when that girl is highly mentally unstable," Boyfriend gone, douche-bag back. I smacked him and laughed as he winced and rubbed his arm.

"Fag," I mumbled. Joe let his eyes drift over to where I had finally brought down all of Serafina's things.

"I thought you were keeping the crib and things," he whispered. I tried to keep my focus on mixing the salad.

"Adine was over the other day, and she mentioned Pete's failure in being able to build a crib," I paused to look up at his frown. "So I did what a good friend does, and let her have it and everything else I won't need," Joe sighed audibly.

"But you said,"

"Forget what I said," I snapped, wincing at my own voice. His arm slid around my waist again.

"Evie," he cooed. "What if you end up actually needing it in the future," I dryly laughed and looked up at him, pushing some of my hair back behind my ear.

"Oh don't joke about that," I spoke, patting my stomach. Joe frowned even deeper. "Oh, please don't give me that look," Joe shook his head and let his expression drop.

"Trust me Ev, the only baby you need to have next is Pa..." I held my hand over his mouth and widened my eyes.

"Shut your mouth, Jew boy," Joe smiled and shook my hand off before pinning me up against the kitchen counter and pushing his lips to mine.

"I can do that," he mumbled, letting a twinkle slip through his eyes. I smiled softly.

"They shouldn't be here for another hour," Joe twisted his mouth to one side.

"You really are a whore," I smacked him on the arm.

"Are you trying not to get some?" I asked. Joe shook his head and pushed his hands up my shirt, bringing it over my head. I giggled.

"No, I'm just trying to get you riled up," I winked and rested my hands at his belt, slowly unclasping it.

"You won't like me like that, Joe," he shrugged and switched us so I was the one walking backwards. His thumb flicked the button on my jeans open.

"Oh, I'm sure," he mumbled, watching as I stepped out of my jeans.

My back hit the back of the couch and I laughed lightly. Joe kissed up my collar bone and stayed at the base of my ear while I pushed back his button up shirt, it falling at the base of the couch.

"The couch is not necessarily the best place," I paused as Joe hoisted me up to sit on the top of it. "I'm having guests in a little bit," my voice drifted off as Joe moved his lips back up to mine.

Tongues collided and I felt the groan rising in the back of my throat. He shimmied out of his jeans and slowly pushed me back so I fell onto the couch, yelping slightly as he leaped over as well, boxing me under his arms.

"We can just flip the cushions," I giggled softly and nodded once, letting his hands curl underneath my sides and slide up my back towards my bra clasp.

"It's going to be so weird seeing them," Joe cut me off and kissed me hard.

"You never shut up, you know," he whispered, throwing my bra to the floor and covering my breasts with his hands.

I shivered at the contact of cold on exposed flesh but smiled softly. Joe very quickly seemed to get down to the point, shedding both our underwear and reaching for his wallet that rested on the coffee table in front of the couch. I chewed on my lip faintly as he rolled on a condom and leaned himself back over, kissing the side of my face.

"That doesn't mean you have to shut up completely," he whispered, bringing one of my arms above my head and locking me in an erotic position I didn't think I had ever been in.

With a gentle thrust, he was inside me and I had an epiphany. Maybe the relationship we shared was staying on a more.../physical/ attraction, while the times he cared about me was just playing the role of good old Joe, the best friend of both the 'hero' (Pete) and the 'heroine' (Me).

"Joe," I breathed.

Ok, so maybe it was more than good (great) sex, a mutual understanding for the other (in the bedroom department) and the fact we cared about each other (in more ways than one). But I knew for a fact that this type of thing would never escalate into 'love'.

"God," Joe mumbled, my mind clicking back to reality and realizing I had been in a slight daze throughout our little escapade and watched as Joe snuck his body aside mine on the oddly large couch and wrapping and arm around my waist.

"I thought the Jewish religion doesn't believe in God," I muttered.

Joe laughed and shrugged, watching as I turned slightly to try and feel for my panties. Joe pointed across the room at the lamp and I giggled.

"Oh lord," I mumbled. "Nothing beats flying underwear,"

Joe kissed my cheek.

"You can say that again,"


In two weeks time, they (as in the girls) we able to transfer a simple idea of a wedding into the whole shabang. Ryan paced uncomfortably in front of me, his lips moving in small whispers of misplacement, almost mimicking Patrick when he wed Izzy almost two years ago.

"Ryan," My head whipped up to see Evie slipping into the room, where all of us men were cooped up. But I'm sure it was worse with the girls, with all that hairspray that Adine was probably using. She smiled in my direction but stopped Ryan and began to adjust his tie like the good soul she was.

"Evie, I'm freaking," Ryan muttered, taking her loving hands down and shaking his head. Evie rolled her eyes and pointed over at Patrick who was busy bouncing young David on his knee, trying to keep him occupied.

"Go talk to the king of freaking out," Ryan laughed and Evie watched him walk across the room before sitting down next to me.

"How is the girl's room?" I asked, seeing that she was still in her jeans and cami, her hair all done up, however. She shrugged.

"If you light a match in there, I'm sure we will all explode," I laughed and the door opened slightly, Izzy sneaking in.

"Jenn locked herself in the bathroom," Izzy muttered, glancing over at Patrick who looked as though he was briefing Ryan for a mission in Iraq rather than his own wedding. Evie sighed.

"She'll be fine," Izzy shrugged and I felt my heart beating a little heavier as Joe and Andy came back in with somebody I had not seen in a long time. And judging by the way Evie jumped up and wrapped those wonderful arms around his shoulders, neither had she.

"Bobby!" she squealed, and pulled back to examine his face. He laughed and kissed her temple before greeting Ryan who almost had the same squeal of excitement.

I guess family had tighter bonds.

And I had known Evie longer than Ryan.

She eyed Andy for a moment and I remembered that things had been awkward for the longest time between everybody involved in that hospital waiting room fight, except between us. It was as though it didn't faze us because we were used to it. But I knew for a cold hard fact that Andy and Evie never fought, /ever/, even when I was added to the equation. And on top of that, her best friend, Izzy had taken sides with me (the dickwad).

"Hey," she mumbled. Bobby eyed the tension in the air like it was visible steam from a shower.

"I'm going to take the chance and ask what's happened to all the love since I've been MIA," Evie cleared her throat and seemed to give up a little easier than ever. She turned to leave but Andy caught her wrist and almost gave her this evil look. She sighed and stayed quiet again.

"Things have changed, Bobby," she whispered, tearing up slightly. "I lost my baby," Bobby's eyes widened and he blinked fast, snapping his head to me.

"You got her pregnant again?" Evie closed her eyes and in a matter of five minutes she had spilled the history of Pevie to everyone in the room.

By then even Ryan and Patrick had ceased conversation to listen in.

And in a matter of minutes Bobby and I are on the ground, throwing punches at each other's faces while Evie stands in tears, Andy and Patrick's arms wrapped tightly around her as Ryan and Joe tried to grab us off. I don't even know what got us to that point, but the moment Evie broke out of her grasp and pulled me out, I knew things were over.

"Listen," she cried, wiping at her face. "We're not here to fight," she pleaded. Bobby looked away and I winced.

"Do you not have the guts to face her when she's crying?" I asked. Evie's hand tightened into my shoulder and I looked up at her. She knitted her eyebrows together.

"You're one to talk, Pete," she hissed. Ryan gulped and Izzy managed to sneak out with poor David who was probably scared for life with the good old Wen(t)z curse. Bobby nodded.

"I tried to trust you Pete, but you always seem to snap right back to being that same spineless bastard you were the day you decided to go and leave Ev," I stood up from the chair and pushed Evie off me, wanting no more but to tackle an old foe. The moment my fist collided with the side of his face, I felt those silky hands at my shoulders, turning into asphalt and pulling me away.

It didn't end until the priest walked in and tore us all apart, all of us faintly bruised in different places.

"For goodness sakes, you're in a place of god!" he shouted before running out. Evie stared at Ryan as he looked down at his tux, trying his best to look presentable again.

"I'm sorry Ryan," Ryan sighed and shook his head, glancing up at all of us sitting scattering across the room.

"Just for the next 12 hours, let's all act like we love each other, and maybe I won't put this off," and with hesitation present, each member of the FOB clan nodded.


I sat behind the wedding party table, smiling softly as I noticed all old friends and new taking part in slow dancing across the shiny and glossed floor. I eyed Joe as he danced with a glowing Ashley, who by rumor of Izzy was 8 months and 2 weeks away from having Travi McCoy Jr. And I wasn't surprised when Joe frowned only slightly at this. Patrick and Izzy were dancing together, of course while Jenn danced with her father and Ryan danced with his birth mother, the same woman that kept the 'half' in front of 'brother'. Andy had generously accepted granting a young 17 year old's dream by dancing with Heather while Pete settled for dancing with Adine non stop that evening. I sighed and glanced down at my food to find a shadow behind me. I turned and felt my breath shudder.

"Who are you?" I asked. The burly jock-complex guy smirked and sat down in the chair next to me.

"I'm Adine's brother, Kelly," I giggled before choking on my small (and first) strawberry daiquiri of the night. He creased his eyebrows together. "What's the matter?" he asked. I shook my head and still laughed.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a bit tipsy from all this," I stared at my drink and laughed, just amazed by this 'guy's' name. His mother must have hated him.

"Can I buy you another?" I smiled.

"Sure you can, but that doesn't mean I'm going to drink it," Kelly (insert snicker) wiggled his eyebrows.

"So you are a sassy one, now, aren't you?" I giggled, leaning away slightly.

"That's the only thing I know how to do, Kelly," I snickered some more and watched as he leaned towards my ear.

"Let's meet up after this upstairs in the suite area, kay?" I shrugged and turned my head to where I saw Pete making a bee line (or in Dane Cook's case and 'i' line) towards me, Adine walking in the opposite direction towards her friends at the bar.

"Whatever," I mumbled, standing up to try and get away from two evils. But I guess Pete was the lesser. His hand gently landed over mine and pulled me towards the dance floor.

"Dance with me," he mumbled, glancing behind me to probably see a disgruntled Kelly. I snickered and he raised an eyebrow. "Are you drunk?" he asked. I hushed him.

"I'm trying to convince Kelly that I am," Pete lightly laughed and pulled me towards him again, turning me towards the center so couples surrounded us. A few notes of a new song hit my ears and I giggled as Pete made a face.

"Tell me you know this by heart," I whispered. Pete nodded and placed one hand on my waist while he grabbed my hand and held it in the air on the opposite side. He flashed a smile.

"Now I, had the time of my life, though I've never felt this way before," he sang softly, making me smile wide. "And I swear, that's the truth, and I owe it all to you," I bit my lip for a moment.

"Cause I had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you,"

Now if you've ever seen Dirty Dancing, you know by now that Johnny takes Baby and starts to move her backwards and they start a very heated dance, eyes locked in such passion. It was like Pete had taken over that role and twirled me around, our bodies slowly starting to own the dance floor that song. Especially as his hands dug into my hips and he raised me high above the crowd gathered. Afterwards, I couldn't help but laugh at his exhausted demeanor and take a risky chance by yanking him out of the lime light and towards the grand hall of the hotel we were having the party at.

"Elevator or stairs?" he asked.

I laughed and took note of the slight smell of tequila on his breath as he spoke close to my face. Strait edge my ass. I bet you my bottom dollar he had shots with Patrick, and even if it was a few, it was enough to make him forget he was previously engaged. Literally (as in before, with me) and seriously (as in right now with Adine). The moment the elevator doors closed, my back was against the wall and my hands were tangled up in Pete's hair, our lips moving feverishly against each others. It was a bit sloppy, but what do you expect from a pair of star-crossed lovers? Our bodies moved down the hallway next, switching spots as our tangled legs prevented us from moving any further.

"Pete," I whined. "You have to let me get my key card," Pete laughed and eyed my cleavage.

"Let me guess where it is,"

I shivered slightly as he snuck his hand into the padding of my bra and yanked out the key card. I held my arms around his waist as he held me against the door, his hand reached out to get the door open. The moment it popped open, however, Pete turned us and we literally fell in, Pete on his back and my body flat on top of him. But it didn't stop him from letting our lips collide again as he sat us up and expertly shed his tux jacket and at the same time close the door.

But I had to let him know I didn't want all of this.

"Pete," I lightly pushed at his chest as I sat in his lap, straddling his thighs. He pulled away and stared me straight in the eye.

"Are you letting me down, Ev?" I took a breath and nodded.

"I'm sorry,"

Pete slowly shook his head and I felt my breath hitch as anger and disappointment spread through his eyes. His hand tightened around my wrist and I closed my eyes tight, preparing for the worse.

I waited.


I felt my heart racing as I ran down the hotel hallway, the strap of my dress already broken and my mind cursing the fact I was still wearing heels. I was competing with a man who wanted sex and that's it for god's sake and I was trying to get away, and didn't even come to think to kick off my heels.

"Come here!" he whispered, knowing everybody was on this level and anybody could hear him.

His luck would be over if anybody hear us. But what confused me even more was that I didn't have the courage to scream. He was bigger than me and I knew something bad was to come out of anything I could have done to stop this crazy man (if you could even call him that). I met the hotel exit sign and closed my eyes tight. Hands landed on my waist and I shivered, the most uncomfortable I have ever left with a man.

"Your mine," he whispered, yanking me back towards my room, kicking back the door that was already open from me running.

He pushed me towards the bed and shed his tux jacket quickly, it landing where one had before. I eyed all my surroundings, trying to find that inner strength to scream for help or run. I couldn't find it, almost as if it had been stolen away from me.

And I knew the source of it.

In almost a flash my dress was pushed up, and without things being properly taken off I was violated with his fingers as his other hand and arm kept mine above my head, as I struggled. I parted my lips and managed a small scream, but I wouldn't think anybody would have heard it. In a quick motion, my mouth was shut with a hand and it was hard to breath. He burrowed himself into me and I squirmed, feeling week with each pound to my fragile body. I was always told I had a flower complex and now it was being blown way out of proportion.

But it didn't stop there.

Once he was done, I was on the ground, bleeding from the mouth and bruised at the ribs as I became a rag doll, being abused by the sister's older brother. I was too weak to even move so all I did was take it as I felt my broken bones and strong smooth hands gripping my body in violent ways. When all was quiet, and I knew he was gone, I opened my mouth and let the blood slip out from the blow to the jaw I had received a few moments ago. I reached out pathetically for my phone and called somebody I expected to listen.

"Ev, what's the matter, why aren't you down at the party?"

Joe. I couldn't bring myself to say anything about what had just happened.

"Tell Pete I'm sorry," Joe seemed to take it the wrong way and started to jump to conclusions.

"What happened?" I winced in pain and felt darkness sliding up from my toes.

"We talked but things got weird," My throat was scratchy.

"Ev, did he hurt you?" I had heard it, but that doesn't necessarily mean I answered him.

By then, I was long gone to the world and by the time I even saw the random pairs of shoes speeding into my room through my already half closed eyes, I knew I was either going to die, or never be able to live this down. It was all part of that small little family thing.

The Wen(t)z curse.
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