FicWad

**Bella's thoughts, and her feelings.....Yeah, that's it... Please, its short, so read... Oh, and it starts off when she first heard MCR's song and had to join the tour with them....Then to leads up to the next chapter.....ENJOY



This is how I feel.....

I was young, and I left the only love I had behind. I remember it as if it were yesterday. He was taller than I was, lanky, and awkward. He had these dorky glasses that made his eyes shine somewhat. God, he had this face...it was so handsome, and well formed. His chin, his eyes....I missed the way he looked at me. The day before I moved, he pressed his lips against mine, and I felt like I was floating... I touched my lips and rolled over in my bed, my chest started hurting again. Here I am, 23 and still thinking about a guy I fell inlove with when I was in highschool. He had to have some one else...Someone he loved more than I loved him.. Beep,Beep,Beep,Beep, I groaned at the sound of my alarm and shut it off. "It can't be that time already...damn..." I sat up and walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and shook my head at myself. I had changed. I wasn't a child anymore. I grew up, and found something that suited me. I was Ara, the model. The stick figure everyone wanted me to be. I leaned down and splashed cold water in my face. But what about Him? Did he change? Is he still the lanky highschool boy that was in my mind? I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. It was long and black, no longer pink like I was younger. Ray told me that I should grow it out, that I would look hot that way. He always had a thing for his hair. I smiled at the thought and ran back to my room, getting dressed. I sighed and turned on the radio, and looked at picture I had on my dresser. There they were. Ray, Greard, Frank, Bob, and...Mikey. I blushed for no reason and got dressed. Then this song came one. Welcome the Black Parade. It was by...by...My Chemical Romance. I don't know who they were, but they were awesome. I remember talking to Mimi about letting my have a small vacation and just touring with the band. Maybe help premote them...but, I knew that it would never happen. I was nothing but a model, and they were rockstars. They could rape me or something....After all, I didn't know who these guys were! I sighed and threw some shoes on. I glanced at the picture of Mikey and touched his face softly. "Hey, girl, we need to get going!" I jumped and looked at the figure in my doorway. "MIMI! have you ever heard of knocking??!!?" Mimi laughed at me. She was not too much older than me, but she was still my Manager and confidant. She was tan, like I was, but with long curly hair and these pretty brown eyes. She was a bit chubbier than I was, but, so much sweeter. She was my sister in a sense. "I'm sorry. What are you doing sitting there anyway? You have a photo shoot to do." She sat next to me and noticed the frame in my hand. "Not again. Thinking about..Mike?" I laughed and shook my head. "No, its Mikey. And, yeah, I'm thinking about him. i don't know why tho..." LIES, I knew why. It's cuz I'm still in love with him...She laughed again and pulled me up. "Well, lets get going. Mikey will be here when you get back sweetie." I nodded and we left. On the ride up there, I just sat staring out the window. I've been thinking for some time...maybe I should just, go up there, show up on their doorstep, and pray that they remember me. But, I couldn't do that either, I mean, it's been way too long. Before I knew it, I was a the studio. Mimi was ushering me to the dressing room. I sighed and got redressed. Everyday it was the same thing. Get up, get ready, redress, pose and then go on about my business. But, the money was good and I shouldn't complain. I got infront of the camera and smiled for the sake of Jon. "Ara, you look amazing. But, your eyes seem empty, are you feeling ok?" I nodded and tried my best to believe it myself. "I'm fine. I'm just a little tired. I need a vacation..." He laughed. "I know what you mean. Doing the same thing everyday gets old." I nodded my head and posed for him. After the shoot, I walked to the dressing room and found Mimi, running to me at full speed. "OMG, YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME!!!" She shook me gently as she said this, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Love you for what?" She giggled like a little girl and took a few steps back. "Well, you know that, My Chemical Romance Band?" I errupted in a grin. "Yeah?? What about them?" She took a few more back and smiled slyly. "Well, I talked to Kevin their manager, and after a few dinner dates, convinced him to let you tour." I couldn't help but squeal, jump up and down and hug her. "OMG. I DO LOVE YOU!!!" She laughed and hugged me tighter. "You better!! You don't owe me anything tho. I got a potential boyfriend in the making." I couldn't help but laugh and pull back. "When do I leave?" She giggled and took my hand. "That's the best thing, You leave,.....NOW, I've already packed your things and the limo's waiting for you outside. I can't go with you, but I can keep intouch. Now...GO!" She dragged me out the door, tossing me my bag full of clothes and waving at me. I ran down the stairs and out the door into a limo that was waiting outside for me. I smiled to myself, and sighed happily as it started moving to a destination unknown. After a few hrs, I noticed that we were in Jersey. My heart stopped a little. I was back home. I smiled as I saw the little children run, and looked up at the places that were so familiar to me. Almost instantly, I saw a huge MCR bus infront of me as we stopped at a hotel. A really cute guy was standing outside, I instantly knew him as Kevin. Mimi had good taste. I got out and smiled at him. "Hi. You must be Ara." I nodded and he shook my hand softly. "I'm Kevin, their manager." I couldn't help but giggle. "I figured. How do you like my Mimi so far?" I coudn't help but laugh a little as he blushed. "She's quite persuasive." I nodded my head. "I know. But, you gotta love her. I wouldn't be here if she didn't love me so much." He laughed and knocked on the door of the bus. I walked away a little bit and turned my back, but he made his way back infront of me. I heard footsteps behind me and he smiled. "MCR, this is...Ara." I turned and my heart stopped. There he was...There THEY were, my oldest friends. "Gee?? Mikes?? Frank, Ray, Bob????" When Gerard gave me a hug, I wanted to cry. "Arabella..." I fell softly into his arms. "Gee!! OMG, I've missed you all!!!" He pulled me back at arms length and smiled. "You've grown." I nodded and greeted the other guys. But, lastly, my eyes fell on Mikey. He grew up. He wasn't lanky, awkard Mikey anymore. He was...hotter, and....so much more better than I remembered. My heart skipped a beat and felt as if it would explode. I just wanted to kiss him and tell him that I still loved him, but, I couldn't. "Michael Way, are you gonna stand there looking like an idiot, or are you gonna come over here and give me a hug??" He smiled at me and my heart melted. I felt like putty when his arms wrapped around me tightly. "I missed you the most mikes..." He still smelled the same, he still hugged me the same, and he still gave me the sweetest look of all time. I was so inlove with this guy...Day's passed and i seemed to be right back where I left off. I thought that Mikey could feel the same about me, but....There was ALICE. The bitch. When I saw her, I knew that there was no way I'd get along with her. She was still the same since highchool. I was defeated. Everytime I saw her in his arms, ever kiss he gave her, and everytime he took up for every insult she threw at me, I felt shattered. Like, I shouldn't even try anymore. Why did I love him so much? Why did I keep these same school girl feelings when I could be with someone who would want me? Who would return the feelings I had for them? Someone like..Frank. Yeah, he was a bit childish, but he had this sweet sensitive side, and it was so sincere. He acted so different when we were younger, and now, I'm so surprised. But, I did the unthinkable. I slept with Frank. Nothing bad, he was amazing, but...I felt guilty about it. After a few more days, I felt....somewhat ok. I hated Alice still, but Frank was actually getting to me. I think...I might be falling inlove with him too....But, after that talk with Alice, I knew she was right. I was just lying to myself. I had to run. I knew I did. I couldn't be this, tag along anymore. But as alway, the guys found me. And, I told Frank what was going on...God, I'm such and idiot. I can't be inlove with two people. But he already loved me....I need to be shot...Anyway, when Mikey told Alice off infront ofme, I felt overjoyed the the point where tears fell from my eyes. But, Frank or Mikey, what Am I supposed to do??......


**Sorry, I had to get this out...I felt somewhat like Bella in a way...I don't know why...But....this is how I felt about a guy once, and. I still feel the same way about him now...grr.....lol, ok, on to the next chapter