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-The NEW 3-Stooges!-

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- Chapter 1: Spooks on the Loose-

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The lawyer looked out at the assembled ladies and gentlemen, cleared his throat, and read from the papers before him.

Lawyer- "It turns out that Anna Nicole revised her last will and testament just before she died. In her final version of her will, her $478 million estate would go not to her newborn daughter, her lawyer Howard K. Stern, or Larry Berkhead. Instead, it will all go to her third cousin twice removed, Lindsay Lohan, and her two friends, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears."

Paris- "Hello..."

Lindsay- "Hello..."

Britney- "Hello..."

All- "Hello!"

Britney- "Oh boy, we're rich! Woo, woo, woo!"

Paris- "Quiet numbskull!"

-Bonk!-

Lawyer- "Ladies, ladies, please! You all get to split the $478 million, but there's a catch: the three of you have to spend one night in the late Anna Nicole's haunted mansion.

Lindsay- "Nyuh! S... S... Spooks! I'm afraid of ghosts!"

Paris- "Calm down, fire crotch. Britney and I will be with you, remember."

Britney- "Hey, what happens if we don't make it through the night?"

Lawyer- "If the three of you don't spend the night there, all the money is to be split between Howard K. Stern and Larry Berkhead."

Both Howard K. Stern and Larry Berkhead give each other knowing looks and slip out of the room...

Later that day, as the sun sets, two shadowy figures quickly sneek into the back of the mansion.

Howard- "Hey Larry, you got the costumes?"

Larry- "Yeah, I sure do! I'll dress up like the wolf man, and you put on the ghost costume." As the sound of an approaching car is heard, Berkhead turns back to Stern, "They're here!"

Howard- "Good, they won't know what hit them!"

Both- "Ha, ha, ha!"

Meanwhile, in the front of the late Anna Nichol's mansion, Paris, Lindsay and Britney enter through the front door. Paris quickly pops some pills, and both Lindsay and Britney notice.

Lindsay- "Hey Paris, what are those?"

Paris- "Diet pills. They're hot."

Britney- "Say, could I have one or two of them? Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck..."

Paris- "No, I only have a few."

Britney- "Aw come on! I want one or two!"

Paris looks angrily over at Britney- "Alright Britney, here's two!

-Poke!-

Britney- "Ow!"

Lindsay- "Hey, leave her alone."

Paris- "Oh yeah? Well, here's five!"

-Smack!-

Paris- "Now listen you chowder heads, we have to make it through a full night in this mansion, and I don't want any trouble out of either one of you!"

The three leave to go explore the dark mansion, unaware of the eyes watching them from behind the painting of Anna Nichole hanging over the fireplace...

Lindsay- "Gee guys, it sure is dark around here."

Paris tries to flick a light switch but nothing happens- "Hey puddin' head, see if you can find a candle around here."

Britney- "Okay Paris, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck."

Britney goes off to look in one of the side rooms for a candle.

Britney- "Woo, woo, woo, where can I find a candle?"

Mysterious Voice- "Here."

Britney takes the candle offered- "Gee, thanks pal, I..." she turns around and sees a guy in a ghost costume, "Niuhh! Uhh! Uhh!"

Britney runs out of the room and the guy in the ghost costume dissappears behind a hidden passage. A few seconds later, Britney returns with Paris and Lindsay.

Paris looks around angrily- "There's no ghost in here."

Britney- "I tell you there was a ghoul here!"

Paris- "I'll ghoul you!"

-Bonk!-

As the three girls stand in the room together, a werewolf appears behind them.

Werewolf- "Grrrr..."

Paris looks over at Lindsay- "What are you growling about?"

Lindsay- "I didn't growl."

Werewolf- "Grrrr..."

Paris turns away from Lindsay and looks over at Brittany- "Oh, so it's you."

-Poke!-

Britney- "Ow!" Britney makes a fist and holds it up to Paris, "See that?" Paris hits the top of Brittany's fist, causing it to swing around and hit Brittany on the top of the head,

-Bonk!-

Britney- "OW!!!"

Werewolf pushes Paris- "Grrrrr..."

Paris turns angrily over to Lindsay- "Oh, so now I'm going to have trouble with you too, fire crotch!

-Slap!-

Werewolf pushes Paris again - "Grrrrr..."

Paris exasperatedly turns back to Britney- "I thought I told you to..." she and the other two finally see the werewolf.

Paris, Lindsay and Britney- "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" All three run away as fast as they can with the werewolf chasing them. They enter a room and quickly shut the door.

Paris- "Quick girls, let's barricade the door!"

The three quickly began grabbing chairs and end tables to barricade the door. As Britney turns around to grab something else, the ghost from earlier hands her a lamp.

Britney- "Thanks I... Nyuhh, uhh, uhh!!!"

Lindsay- "It's a ghost!"

Paris- "Yaaah!"

The three run around the room, the ghost in hot pursuit. Paris trips the ghost, who lands on a nearby bed. She then throws the blankets over it, and the three girls rush to move the furniture away from the door in order to escape.

Opening the door, they find the werewolf waiting for them.

Paris- "Nyuhh!" Responding quickly, she pokes werewolf in the eyes. As the werewolf stumbles around blinded the three run out of the room.

Werewolf- "Ow, my eyes!"

The ghost quickly gets the blankets off him- "Hey Larry, which way did they go?"

The werewolf points down the hallway- "I think they went this way Howard." The two take off once again in pursuit.

Hallway doors open left and right as Paris, Britney and Lindsay run from one room to another to another, with the werewolf and the ghost chasing the three in a crazy chase scene. As Britney and Lindsay are chased by the werewolf, they are separated from Paris who's being chased by the ghost. The two hide together in a room they run into, breathing heavily.

Britney- "Woo, woo, woo, didn't I tell you and Paris I saw a ghoul?"

Lindsay- "Alright, you were right, I... Paris? Where's Paris?" Suddenly the doorknob begins to turn, "Nyuh! It's one of the s- s- spooks!"

Britney- "What do we do?"

Lindsay snaps her fingers- "I got it! Quick Britney, go grab that vase over there by the table."

Britney quickly grabs the vase and hands it to Lindsay. As the door opens, she brings it down on the head that peeps in with all her might.

Unfortunately, it's Paris' head.

Paris- "OW!!!"

Britney- "Nyuh! It's Paris!"

Lindsay quickly helps Paris up- "Gee Paris, I'm sorry. Did it hurt?"

Paris glares angrily at Lindsay- "No. Does this?"

-Poke!-

Paris then punches Lindsay in the gut, followed by a bonk to the head!)

Lindsay- "Oof!"

Britney- "Oh boy, then you're not mad at me?"

Paris- "Who said I wasn't mad at you?"

-Slap!-

Paris quickly pulls out her text messenger and feverishly begins typing away on the pad for help.

Lindsay- "Who are you trying to get? The police?"

Paris- "No, my dad's security force. Hopefully Tad will be there; he's hot!"

Suddenly, the werewolf and the ghost appear out of a hidden passage in the closet and run into the room, chasing the girls out and down the hallway once more. They run as fast as they can from the ghost and the werewolf, eventually ending up in the late Anna Nichole's kitchen.

Lindsay- "Nyuh, what do we do now girls?"

Britney looks around and sees a refrigerator. Opening it, she sees it's inexplicably stuffed with banana cream pies- "Hey Paris, look! Woo, woo, woo!"

Paris- "No wonder Anna Nicole was a fattie!" She grabs a pie and turns to the others, "Come on girls!"

The werewolf and ghost rush into the kitchen, only to have a pie fight break out. Looking around, the ghost goes quickly to a cabinet and opens it, pulling out a plastic bag.

The werewolf points as the bag just as a pie slams into the side of his head- "Hey Howard, what's that?"

Ghost- "Chrystal meth, what else?" He throws the bag. It slams into Britney, breaking open and covering her face with meth powder.

Britney's eyes cross as she makes a funny face- "Hey Paris, hey Lindsay! Wooo, woo, woo, I'm higher than a kite! Woo, woo, woo, woo!" She proceeds to drop to the floor and starts doing shoulder spins.

Just then, police sirens can be heard outside as the police and members of Paris' father's security team rush in and grab the now pie-encrusted werewolf and ghost.

One of the police officers pulls their masks off- "So, Howard K. Stern and Larry Berkhead, eh? Come on; you two are going to the station house!"

Paris quickly yells after police officer- "Hey, I need your name and phone number!" She then turns to Lindsay, "He's hot!"

Lindsay- "Oh boy, we made it through the night! We're filthy rich!"

Paris- "Who's filthy?"

-Slap!-

Lindsay- "Ow!"

Britney Spears meanwhile is still doing shoulder spins and is now frothing at the mouth- "Woo, woo, woo! Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!!!"

-The End!-