Categories > Original > Poetry > Hello
You know that feeling you get when you miss a step going down? That feeling in the pit of your stomach? Or that endless nausea when you fear you've lost something important? Or someone?
I kept replaying the scene in my mind, like a movie. A horror movie. Maggie kept on telling me that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have stopped it from happening.
"It's all in Gods plan, Adam." She would tell me. Chloe-Chloe and I would always tease Maggie of joining a convent. But Chloe detached herself from the world, from me. Permanently. "It's my fault she's gone. Maybe if I hadn't distracted her in the car, we'd be going to a movie right now. I kept on saying that over and over in my mind, just to hear the truth out loud.
"Chloe wouldn't have wanted you to hate yourself for it." Maggie told me in the car. I hated cars. I hated blue Honda's. The blue Honda that crashed into Chloe's red one. Unfortunately, there were no subways close enough to the cemetery where a 21-year-old girlfriend would lay peacefully for ever more. My fingernails digging into my flesh, wanting, needing to feel the pain that Chloe felt as she left her body. As she died.
On the radio, the song 'Hello' was playing by Evanescence. The song was so gentile and so pure, that there was no need for screaming, shouting or hard rock.
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
She was still in school, she was in College.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
She couldn't be dead; Chloe was so innocent, so perfect.
Hello I am your mind giving you someone to talk to
I don't have to better myself; I don't have any reason to live. What's the point?
Hello
No one understands.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
It's not possible, she can't be gone! She just can't be.
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
I'll never love again. Chloe was the one.
I won't believe it. But...maybe I should.
Don't cry.
But she'd want me to go on living, even if she couldn't.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
It's true. It's real. I'm alive, but Chloe ceases to exist.
Hello I'm still here.
My first love is gone. Chloe escaped me. Reminiscing upon the past will not bring it back, will not bring her back. There's no such thing as reincarnation.
All that's left of yesterday
It's not fair that I live, but that Chloe does not. That she died of my mistake. Chloe is now at peace in Heaven. But one must not worry, for even though she is not among the living, she is still with us in spirit, in soul and in heart. She is our Guardian Angel. I don't need to worry anymore. Chloe is free. My first love is gone. I may not love again for a year, maybe more. But I cannot stop loving. Chloe would want me to keep on keeping on, and just see where that leads me. I loved her, I always will. But I must keep on loving; Not only for her, but for me as well.
But I am here today.
I must accept this.
I kept replaying the scene in my mind, like a movie. A horror movie. Maggie kept on telling me that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have stopped it from happening.
"It's all in Gods plan, Adam." She would tell me. Chloe-Chloe and I would always tease Maggie of joining a convent. But Chloe detached herself from the world, from me. Permanently. "It's my fault she's gone. Maybe if I hadn't distracted her in the car, we'd be going to a movie right now. I kept on saying that over and over in my mind, just to hear the truth out loud.
"Chloe wouldn't have wanted you to hate yourself for it." Maggie told me in the car. I hated cars. I hated blue Honda's. The blue Honda that crashed into Chloe's red one. Unfortunately, there were no subways close enough to the cemetery where a 21-year-old girlfriend would lay peacefully for ever more. My fingernails digging into my flesh, wanting, needing to feel the pain that Chloe felt as she left her body. As she died.
On the radio, the song 'Hello' was playing by Evanescence. The song was so gentile and so pure, that there was no need for screaming, shouting or hard rock.
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
She was still in school, she was in College.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
She couldn't be dead; Chloe was so innocent, so perfect.
Hello I am your mind giving you someone to talk to
I don't have to better myself; I don't have any reason to live. What's the point?
Hello
No one understands.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
It's not possible, she can't be gone! She just can't be.
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
I'll never love again. Chloe was the one.
I won't believe it. But...maybe I should.
Don't cry.
But she'd want me to go on living, even if she couldn't.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
It's true. It's real. I'm alive, but Chloe ceases to exist.
Hello I'm still here.
My first love is gone. Chloe escaped me. Reminiscing upon the past will not bring it back, will not bring her back. There's no such thing as reincarnation.
All that's left of yesterday
It's not fair that I live, but that Chloe does not. That she died of my mistake. Chloe is now at peace in Heaven. But one must not worry, for even though she is not among the living, she is still with us in spirit, in soul and in heart. She is our Guardian Angel. I don't need to worry anymore. Chloe is free. My first love is gone. I may not love again for a year, maybe more. But I cannot stop loving. Chloe would want me to keep on keeping on, and just see where that leads me. I loved her, I always will. But I must keep on loving; Not only for her, but for me as well.
But I am here today.
I must accept this.
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