Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Comfortably Numb
You know the drill...don't know then they don't know me. yeah. enjoy!
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Gerard Way restlessly looked at the digital alarm clock opposite his bed. The glowing numbers cast an eerie shade of red across his features while he tossed and turned, trying to sleep. He glanced wearily back at the alarm clock that now read six twenty four. In an hour, he would get up and have to face the world again. Sighing, he sat up and flung the covers off his body. It was no use. He knew he wasn't going to get anymore sleep. He slowly walked from his bedroom into the living room, pausing only to flick on a lamp as he passed it. He sank into his recliner and grabbed the remote. He turned on the television but couldn't keep his thoughts on the program. Instead, his thoughts drifted to the band. He thought about the success of their second album. What he imagined he should be feeling was something like joy or accomplishment but instead, all he felt he felt weariness and paranoia. He hated getting up on stage and singing the words he and his band members had penned. He used to like performing for their fans...it was a rush that was indescribable. Only now, it was suffocating. He felt nervous of all the people watching him. It was like they were all in this conspiracy to get the best of him. They were judging him as they were watching him. It was a feeling that he hadn't been able to shake recently.
Gerard tuned the television off and leaned forward in the chair, staring at nothing in particular, letting his thoughts run through his head. This was the last night of the short three day break the band had before resuming their headlining tour. Just thinking about it made Gerard's innards twist into knots and he could feel the contents of his stomach churn. He had to change the way he felt. He knew that much for sure. He couldn't go on like this. This wasn't how being in a band was supposed to feel. It hadn't felt like this before and he was racking his brain for the answer to that question.
Gerard slowly got up and walked into his bathroom. He thought maybe a hot shower would unwind him and calm his nerves. He turned on the faucet, setting the knob to the hottest temperature possible. He stood there for a moment listening to the streams of water hitting the pale green shower tiles and watched with interest as the steam danced around him. He sat on the closed toilet, taking in the noises around him. He took in a shaky breath and exhaled slowly, letting his head fall into his hands. The bathroom was almost filled with steam and he could only see a few hazy images in front of him. Again, he thought about what the day held. Mikey was going to pick him up seven forty five and they were going to meet the rest of the guys at the airport. They had ten o'clock flight to Los Angles, where they would be doing a short set for a radio station concert. Then, at the same venue, there would be interviews and fan meet and greets. He couldn't remember if there was anything else planned for that day because he hadn't been paying attention when the band was briefed. Oh well, Mikey could just tell him in the car. He could feel a headache coming on and the heat from the shower was making him feel a bit woozy. Standing up, he rationalized that he had taken a shower the previous night and probably didn't need another one. As a result, he turned off the water.
He stood in front of his sink and wiped off a small space on the mirror. Placing both hands on the sink and leaning forward he looked in the mirror. He didn't recognize the reflection that stared back at him. There were listless brown eyes with bags underneath them and a thin mouth that turned down at the corners. The face had pale skin with the slightest hint of a flush across it. He realized the reflection that stared back at him was one that belonged to a broken person. He could feel the familiar sting of hot tears that were forming behind his eyelids.
"I can't do this again." He whispered to himself as the first of the tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He felt like the room was closing in on him and he felt like he couldn't breathe. The thoughts, the feelings of only a few months ago, were coming back to him full force. He thought he was over this. That the suicidal thoughts and depressed tendencies had buried themselves. He hadn't taken a drink in forever...not since that night. So why was he feeling like this again? In frustration, he flung open the mirror to reveal the medicine cabinet behind it. There was an array of toothpaste, deodorant and shaving necessities. Gerard's eyes drifted past those and eventually landed on the multiple pill containers that occupied the top shelf. There were anti depressants, tranquilizers and some pain killers. The anti depressants were current but the pain killers and tranquilizers...well, they were left over. No one knew he had them and he hadn't been able to bring himself to throw them away. So there they remained, staring him in the face and inviting him to take them. He grabbed the five or so bottles and quickly carried them into his living room. He sat back down in the recliner and set the bottles on the glass coffee table that was in front of the chair.
He opened each bottle and dumped it's contents onto the table. In less than a minute, there were about fifty pills, all different sizes and colors, in a pile upon the table. Gerard stared at them for a moment, swirling them around with his fingers. He liked how they felt cool and smooth against his fingers. He knew this was a fucked up answer to his problems but he couldn't see how he could go on. He couldn't see an alternative. His thoughts drifted to Mikey. Mikey, the one person who understood him. The one person who had been his partner in crime for twenty something years. He felt a pang of guilt about his intended actions. He loved his brother more than anything in the world and knew this would hurt him. Gerard knew he would eventually understand. He was sure of this.
He got up and retrieved a pen and paper from the kitchen along with a bottle of water from the fridge. He took the pen and scrawled out a message.
Mikey,
I'm sorry. I love you
Gerard.
Short and to the point. He laid the paper on the coffee table and opened the bottle of water. With a shaking hand, he picked up the first pill, an antidepressant. He put it in his mouth and took a swig of water. He reached for another and another. Within a minute, the water bottle was empty and no pills remained on the table. Gerard leaned back into the chair and waited for the end to come.
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Gerard Way restlessly looked at the digital alarm clock opposite his bed. The glowing numbers cast an eerie shade of red across his features while he tossed and turned, trying to sleep. He glanced wearily back at the alarm clock that now read six twenty four. In an hour, he would get up and have to face the world again. Sighing, he sat up and flung the covers off his body. It was no use. He knew he wasn't going to get anymore sleep. He slowly walked from his bedroom into the living room, pausing only to flick on a lamp as he passed it. He sank into his recliner and grabbed the remote. He turned on the television but couldn't keep his thoughts on the program. Instead, his thoughts drifted to the band. He thought about the success of their second album. What he imagined he should be feeling was something like joy or accomplishment but instead, all he felt he felt weariness and paranoia. He hated getting up on stage and singing the words he and his band members had penned. He used to like performing for their fans...it was a rush that was indescribable. Only now, it was suffocating. He felt nervous of all the people watching him. It was like they were all in this conspiracy to get the best of him. They were judging him as they were watching him. It was a feeling that he hadn't been able to shake recently.
Gerard tuned the television off and leaned forward in the chair, staring at nothing in particular, letting his thoughts run through his head. This was the last night of the short three day break the band had before resuming their headlining tour. Just thinking about it made Gerard's innards twist into knots and he could feel the contents of his stomach churn. He had to change the way he felt. He knew that much for sure. He couldn't go on like this. This wasn't how being in a band was supposed to feel. It hadn't felt like this before and he was racking his brain for the answer to that question.
Gerard slowly got up and walked into his bathroom. He thought maybe a hot shower would unwind him and calm his nerves. He turned on the faucet, setting the knob to the hottest temperature possible. He stood there for a moment listening to the streams of water hitting the pale green shower tiles and watched with interest as the steam danced around him. He sat on the closed toilet, taking in the noises around him. He took in a shaky breath and exhaled slowly, letting his head fall into his hands. The bathroom was almost filled with steam and he could only see a few hazy images in front of him. Again, he thought about what the day held. Mikey was going to pick him up seven forty five and they were going to meet the rest of the guys at the airport. They had ten o'clock flight to Los Angles, where they would be doing a short set for a radio station concert. Then, at the same venue, there would be interviews and fan meet and greets. He couldn't remember if there was anything else planned for that day because he hadn't been paying attention when the band was briefed. Oh well, Mikey could just tell him in the car. He could feel a headache coming on and the heat from the shower was making him feel a bit woozy. Standing up, he rationalized that he had taken a shower the previous night and probably didn't need another one. As a result, he turned off the water.
He stood in front of his sink and wiped off a small space on the mirror. Placing both hands on the sink and leaning forward he looked in the mirror. He didn't recognize the reflection that stared back at him. There were listless brown eyes with bags underneath them and a thin mouth that turned down at the corners. The face had pale skin with the slightest hint of a flush across it. He realized the reflection that stared back at him was one that belonged to a broken person. He could feel the familiar sting of hot tears that were forming behind his eyelids.
"I can't do this again." He whispered to himself as the first of the tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He felt like the room was closing in on him and he felt like he couldn't breathe. The thoughts, the feelings of only a few months ago, were coming back to him full force. He thought he was over this. That the suicidal thoughts and depressed tendencies had buried themselves. He hadn't taken a drink in forever...not since that night. So why was he feeling like this again? In frustration, he flung open the mirror to reveal the medicine cabinet behind it. There was an array of toothpaste, deodorant and shaving necessities. Gerard's eyes drifted past those and eventually landed on the multiple pill containers that occupied the top shelf. There were anti depressants, tranquilizers and some pain killers. The anti depressants were current but the pain killers and tranquilizers...well, they were left over. No one knew he had them and he hadn't been able to bring himself to throw them away. So there they remained, staring him in the face and inviting him to take them. He grabbed the five or so bottles and quickly carried them into his living room. He sat back down in the recliner and set the bottles on the glass coffee table that was in front of the chair.
He opened each bottle and dumped it's contents onto the table. In less than a minute, there were about fifty pills, all different sizes and colors, in a pile upon the table. Gerard stared at them for a moment, swirling them around with his fingers. He liked how they felt cool and smooth against his fingers. He knew this was a fucked up answer to his problems but he couldn't see how he could go on. He couldn't see an alternative. His thoughts drifted to Mikey. Mikey, the one person who understood him. The one person who had been his partner in crime for twenty something years. He felt a pang of guilt about his intended actions. He loved his brother more than anything in the world and knew this would hurt him. Gerard knew he would eventually understand. He was sure of this.
He got up and retrieved a pen and paper from the kitchen along with a bottle of water from the fridge. He took the pen and scrawled out a message.
Mikey,
I'm sorry. I love you
Gerard.
Short and to the point. He laid the paper on the coffee table and opened the bottle of water. With a shaking hand, he picked up the first pill, an antidepressant. He put it in his mouth and took a swig of water. He reached for another and another. Within a minute, the water bottle was empty and no pills remained on the table. Gerard leaned back into the chair and waited for the end to come.
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