The entire situation was getting out of hand.
"I'm not a stowaway," Schuldig growled for what he swore was the last time. If the walking fashion faux pas couldn't understand that concept, he wasn't about to waste his breath.
Speaking of which, the air in this place was an awful lot like plane air. Over-recycled, stale, probably circulated a myriad of terrible viruses and/or pheromones that will drive snakes insane...
"Well if you ain't a stowaway what the hell are you doin' on my ship? Ten seconds, Carrot Top, before my trigger finger slips," the captain-Mal something-stated almost nonchalantly, interrupting any worrisome snake thoughts.
The telepath bristled. The last person who thought of him as 'Carrot Top' had found himself taking a hop off Tokyo Tower. "I /don't know/, you commie bastard, and if you'd let me go maybe I could get the hell off this...what? Ship?"
"Spaceship. She's a beauty, our girl," the perky brunette girl said over Mal's shoulder. It was like the anti-Nagi. She tapped the Captain, smiling brightly. "I like him. His hair looks like Jayne's hat."
Schuldig shuddered, sorely tempted to click his heels together three times.
Jayne adjusted said hat with on hand, other gripping a over-compensating gun. "You wanting I should kill him, Mal?"
"Well," Mal said, "I don't want to impose..."
"Happy to. Vera's been a might bit bored lately."
"I think he's telling the truth, sir," the woman Schuldig had dubbed 'Madam Dom' suddenly interjected.
"No, sir, about not being a stowaway. Look at him. He's confused, disoriented, and his accent is wrong." She paused, arms crossed and eyes hard.
"Danke?" Schuldig said, in case it might help his argument. Until he figured out exactly what was going on-which would be in about five seconds since no one seemed to know what a mental shield was-he needed to stay not dead.
Mal sighed, deep and irritated, casting a glare at the ceiling. "Fine. I'll bite. Where are you from, Carr-"
"A long time ago, in a....well, this galaxy, I think, but a different star system," the telepath interrupted, armed with a few minds' worth of information, finding it himself to stand up even when faced with lots of weapons pointed at his person.
Schuldig figured that if he'd survived half his lifetime with Farfarello in the house, not much more was going to pose a threat.
"There was been an incident because some half-assed mad scientist never learned to put his toys away," Schuldig sneered. Sure, he'd been told repeatedly not to go into that particular room but that in itself was like an order for him to do exactly the opposite. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to figure out a way to get home."
Kaylee looked unreasonably distraught. "Gosh. Cap'n, isn't there something we can do? Poor guy's all lost and, okay, maybe a little crazy but still..."
Innocent look, Schuldig told himself, use the innocent look. It worked on anyone not associated with Schwarz. Or that take-out restaurant a block from their apartment. Speaking of which...
"We can't let him wander out on a planet. Bet he don't even know-"
"Hey," Schuldig said, loudly, suddenly. "Is Chinese really the other big-shot of the universe?
Four slow affirmatives.
"Huh," said the redhead, mostly to himself. He knew Brad had said that Chinese was going to be the language of the future, had insisted for a while that the team learn it, but Schuldig didn't think the oracle's powers went that far ahead.
"Look, we don't have time for this," Mal barked, sticking his gun back into his holster. "We're heading closer to Reaver territory. Last thing we need is a distraction. Do we understand?"
For some reason, Schuldig found himself nodding along with the rest of them.
"You," the captain continued, pointing at the latest addition to Serenity, "are going to go wait in storage closet, locked up all nice and prison like."
"Captain..." Kaylee frowned, quiet but guilt-inducing.
Mal growled and threw his hands up. "Fine. The girly-man can stay with you, Kaylee, since you like him so much. Cuff him and take a gun, for him or the Reavers. We're gonna try and avoid trouble but that don't mean you get to have a tea party."
The redhead blinked. He liked guns and trouble, when he was on the right side of it. "Reavers?"
"They were humans. Now they eat them instead. After other unpleasantries," Madam Dom-Zoe, and he preferred the nickname-summarized, already walking towards the bridge.
Schuldig considered this. Then pointed at Jayne. "I want to stay with him. He has more guns."
A named gun, too, which means the man knew his business.
"That so?" Mal mused, eyebrows raised. "Well, okay then." He leaned forward, pulling the telepath closer by the collar of his shirt. They both glanced at Jayne, who was holding Vera with a manic smile. "Just so's you know, Jayne's got a bit of a thing for redheads."
Jayne's smile widened, whether he heard them or not.
Schuldig's eye twitched and he had a moment of thought before he was propelled towards the larger man.
"You kids have fun now, ya hear?" he heard Mal call from behind as a large hand wrapped around his arm and dragged him along.
The future, Schuldig decided after much thought, kind of sucked.
Sign up to rate and review this story