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"Absolutely not."

"Oh, come on, Nami! Please?"

"No way, Luffy. That's just asking way too much."

Seven of the eight Straw Hat Pirates stood belowdeck, surrounded by gifts for Sanji. It was his birthday today, and they were planning to surprise him. Sanji, for his part, was off cooking a great meal for them all, apparently unaware that they were planning this for him. Or, indeed, that they knew that it was his birthday at all. The only reason they knew at all was because Luffy had overheard somebody mention it during his time at the Baratie, and through some minor miracle actually remembered it.

At their last stop in port, they had each purchased for him a gift. Robin had bought him a new suit. Chopper bought him a set of new cook books. Usopp had bought him a new pair of fancy dress shoes, and Franky had got him a pair of sunglasses. Luffy almost got him a huge selection of fresh meat before it was pointed out to him that it would all go bad long before Sanji's birthday. The rest of the crew eventually managed to guide him into picking out an ornate new Spice Rack. Even Zoro had made his contribution to the pile, getting Sanji an expensive set of new knives.

In fact, the only member of the crew who had not bought Sanji something was tight-fisted Nami, who knew very well that she could very easily get away with not getting Sanji anything at all. She found it much more economical to simply bat her eyelashes at Sanji and have him instantly forget her lapse.

Of course, that didn't sit well with the other Straw Hat Pirates, which led up to their current discussion.

"You know that it's what he really wants," Franky pointed out.

"I don't care. I will not doing it."

"Nami, as Captain, I order you to do it!"

One minor beating later, Luffy was apologizing quietly while holding himself in the corner of the room.

"Just do it, Nami. It's not like it'll cost you anything," Zoro said.

"Nothing but my pride! Absolutely, under-no-circumstances not!"

"Please please please please pretty please, Nami?" Chopper begged.

"No amount of pleading will make me change my mind!" Nami declared loudly.

"How about if we paid you?" Usopp asked.

"No matter how much you pay me, I won't-"

Nami stopped dead in the middle of her sentence as her brain caught up with her mouth and stopped her from saying anything rash. Her brain worked for a few moments, doing rapid calculations.

"All right, all right," Nami sighed. "I'll do it for...one hundred thousand Beli."

As the other Straw Hat Pirates dug around in their pockets for whatever money they had, Nami stood confident in the center of the room. She knew very well that none of them had much cash to speak of. They were notoriously bad at managing their finances, and what little they managed to squirrel away had been spent on Sanji's gifts. Nami wouldn't have to go through with it, and would manage to shut them up with their begging-

Nami watched in horror as Robin pulled a purse seemingly out of nowhere and removed the entire sum from it. A sprouted hand tossed the wad of bills towards he, and she absently caught it. She flipped through the bills quickly. All one hundred thousand Beli were there. She swore quietly under her breath.

"Alright, fine, I'll do it then."

All around her, her shipmates burst into cheers and shouts of joy. Nami pinched the bridge of her nose. Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?

Suddenly, everybody fell silent as Zoro hushed them all. "Everybody shut up, I can hear him coming."

Indeed, now that they were quiet, they could hear the clop/, /clop/, /clop of a man in fancy dress shoes walking down the hallway. They quickly hid themselves, crouching behind various objects.

The door cracked open, and Sanji poked his head in.

"Oi, what's going on in here? Why are you all making so much noise?"

"Surprise!" the rest of the crew shouted, bursting out of hiding. Sanji started at the noise, but was not half as shocked as he was when Nami suddenly ran forward, threw her arms around Sanji's neck, and kissed him right on the mouth.

"Happy birthday, handsome!" she said, in perfect accordance with her instructions.

Luffy, Chopper and Usopp started up an offkey chorus of 'happy birthday' while Franky brought out the cake that he had made earlier today while Robin kept Sanji out of the kitchen. With all the fuss and commotion, it took several minutes to realize that something was wrong.

"Sanji? Sanji-kun? Are you alright?" Nami asked, shaking him slightly. Sanji's face had turn and ashen grey, and he was staring forward right through everyone.

"Cook-san, is something wrong?" Robin asked, stepping forward.

"Oi, Sanji, say something!" Usopp called out, concerned.

"You know, Nami," Zoro said impassively, "I'm not sure Love Cook there was ready for that much happiness all at once."

"Sanji-kun! Say something! You're scaring me!" Nami said, shaking him violently.

"Doctor!" Chopper cried, racing back and forth in a panic, "Quick, somebody call a Doc-oh, right."

Chopper ran forward, little stethoscope at the ready. Robin gave him a boost with a series of sprouted arms, and he pressed the end to Sanji's chest and listened.

"I can't find a heartbeat! I think he may be in Cardiac Arrest!"

"What?" Nami shouted incredulously.

Suddenly, Chopper heard a lub-dub as Sanji's heart started back up again. The color returned to Sanji's skin, and before long his heart was beating a steady rhythm once more.

"He's coming out of it!" Chopper shouted excitedly.

"Nami-swaaaan!" Sanji shouted excitedly as life returned to his face. "I knew all along that we were meant for each other! I'm so glad you are finally coming around..."

The other pirates exhaled in relief as Sanji began rambling. They would likely have to put up with Sanji going on like this for weeks, but at least the crisis had been averted.