Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Losing you

Losing you

by Gallia 5 reviews

Gerard and Mikey's reaction when they hear about the passing of their grandmother.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst - Characters: Bob Bryar, Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Other - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2007-04-22 - Updated: 2007-04-22 - 2349 words - Complete

Disclaimer: I don't know MCR...or anyone related to them...
Written by Gallia, and edited by Jinxeh.

Mikey dropped the phone on the ground and Gerard frowned, looking up from his sketch book. Mikey just stood there; tears were about to fall down his cheeks.

He looked like he was about to collapse, and he probably would have if it wasn't for Gerard walking over to him, taking him in his arms and ask him what had happened."Grandma."

It was the only word Mikey was able to say before bursting into tears on his brother's shoulder. Instantly, Gerard felt numb; his whole world crashed in as his mouth hung open slightly.

He felt the tears spring up in his widened eyes and fall down, as his brother kept crying on his shoulder.Gerard knew what that one small word meant.

But he didn't want to believe it. His arms surrounded Mikey in a hug as he felt the tears fall down his own cheeks. There were no words said between the two brothers as they stood in silence in the back bunk room of the bus, the cell phone still on the floor, discarded and forgotten.

The oldest Way brother heard the voices of his band in the other room, laughing and enjoying themselves while the bus drove to the next concert.

But the concert itself? No. He knew that he couldn't do it. Not tonight. He shook his head and bit his lip.

"I can't." He softly whispered to himself.

Mikey took a deep shaky breath and tried to calm himself down as he looked at his older brother, frowning a little, not knowing what he meant.

"I can't do it." Gerard whispered again, sitting down on one of the bunks-it might have been Frank's; he didn't know, and nor did he care-with his head in his hands.

He was torn up, he was afraid. Mikey sat down on the ground in front of his big brother and knew now what he meant by the whispered words.

He couldn't move, he forced himself to take deep and calm breath, to stay calm in front of Mikey, but he couldn't. Tears kept falling down his cheeks as he took short and rapid breaths.

He felt Mikey's hand on his shoulder but didn't look up.

"H-h-how?" He asked softly, still taking short breaths.Mikey waited a while before answering.

"Overnight."Gerard couldn't feel anything, he was totally numb. He nodded softly and took another deep breath to calm himself down, knowing that he wouldn't recover from this news so quickly.

Mikey was holding back tears, trying to look brave for his older brother.He knew that Gerard was just a bit closer to their grandmother than he was, but knowing that she was gone from the both of them, it hurt so much.

He tried to bite back the tears that surfaced in his eyes but he just couldn't.They fell down his cheeks, on the carpet floor of the small room where they sat in silence, each coping with their own grief.

The others didn't know yet, but Mikey knew that Gerard needed some time alone.Mikey left the room, his face still wet from the crying and his eyes red.

He wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie and walked towards the guys, sitting down on the couch with them, just looking down.Frank frowned, knowing that there was something wrong.

He sat next to Mikey and laid one arm over his shoulders, hugging him and letting him cry.

"Mikey? What happened?"Mikey didn't answer the first time, knowing that he couldn't speak. His breathing began rapid and short as the tears continued to fall from his eyes.

Frank asked again, looking worriedly at the others.
"Mikey? What happened?" He whispered towards the youngest Way brother.

Mikey shook his head, not answering, but his head shot up as Gerard stood in the doorway, his eyes still red from the crying and his hair hanging in front of his eyes.

"Grandma." He softly whispered, in an answer to Frank's question.

Frank slowly nodded and turned his attention back to comfort Mikey while Gerard splashed some water in his face from the faucet over the sink, biting back more tears that threatened to fall again.

He didn't want to cry anymore, not in front of the others. He walked back toward the room the bunks were in, slamming the door behind him.

Ray and Matt looked at Frank and kept their silence, each knowing that they couldn't really say anything right now.The moment he knew he was alone, Gerard slammed his fist into the wall, trying to get the anger out of his body that way.

He fell down on his knees, his head hung low and tears falling on the carpet. His shoulders shook from the crying as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He looked up, his black hair hanging in front of his eyes.Ray managed a brief smile with Gerard, knowing that words wouldn't help anything.

He helped his friend up and gave him a glass of water while he sat on a bunk, shaking from the still falling tears. Gerard mumbled a soft thanks before drinking the whole glass in just a few gulps.

He didn't say anything, he just looked at one point on the wall with his mouth slightly open, knowing that he couldn't do anything. He was unfeeling, and couldn't force himself to be anything other than that.

"I can't do it," he softly whispered again, for the second time that hour.Ray frowned a little, understanding what he was saying. He knew that neither Gerard, nor Mikey were in the mood for tonight.

"Matt is calling Brian," Ray quietly said while sitting down in front of Gerard. Gerard nodded tiredly, and dried his tears with his sleeve.

"How's Mikey?"
"Not much better than you." Ray managed a small smile, just like Gerard.He took another deep breath before running his hand through his hair.

He didn't say another word, he just tried to calm his breathing and hold the tears back.Mikey entered the room, looking at his older brother sitting on the bunk, his eyes red from the crying and his cheeks still wet from the crying.

Gerard looked up, looking straight in the eyes of his younger brother. He stood up slowly, taking Mikey in a hug, rubbing his back and telling him everything would be alright.

That everything would come out okay, in the end. Gerard looked outside the window, seeing the bus turn into the direction of New Jersey.Home...


Gerard and Mikey entered the church. Gerard looked at the ground as Mikey walked next to him. The other band members were sitting in the front, waiting for the two brothers. They both walked to the casket to say once last goodbye to their grandmother.

But for Gerard, it was too much. He closed his eyes painfully as he bit his lip to keep the tears from falling. He sat next to his mother, still looking down. His hands suddenly seemed more interesting as he just kept his eyes down, fixated on his nails.

He still had some black nail polish on them; not a lot, but a few spots here and there. He frowned, wondering if he should have gotten that off, or if it mattered. It was a strange thing, he thought, that he was worrying about this at a time like this.

The priest began to talk about his grandmother, saying the usual funeral things. He had offered to sing for her funeral, but the crop in his throat stopped him. He bit his lip and looked at Mikey, squeezing his hand and managing a brave smile.

His mother went up to the front with a piece of paper; Gerard knew it was the eulogy she had prepared. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to force the feeling of numbness away from him. The soft voice of his mother filled the small church and Gerard's eyes fell on the casket.

He shook his head at Frank, knowing that he couldn't sing today. Frank frowned and nodded slowly, smiling a little at his best friend.

Gerard's mother stopped with her speech, looking at her eldest son and her eyes locked into his. His brown eyes were filled with sadness and tears and she knew as well as anyone, that he couldn't handle it.

Gerard took a brave breath, but couldn't keep the tears inside. They fell down his cheeks as he shook his head and ran out of the church in a hurry. No one stopped him, knowing he needed his time alone to grief.

He sat on the steps of the church, and hearing the soft footsteps of his mother behind him, he didn't look up; he just stared in front of him. Like he was of somewhere else.

He felt her hand on his shoulder and finally looked at her; the tears were still falling down, and his mother managed a brave smile.Gerard stood up, towering over his mother, as he was bigger than her.

She wrapped his arms around her, hugging her eldest son in a way to comfort him. Gerard cried on his mother's shoulder, his eyes closed to block out the sight of the church in front of him.

"I can't go on," he softly whispered while pulling away from his mother. "She meant so fucking much to me."

"Yes you can Gerard, she believed in you. It's time you believed in yourself," his mother said softly.

"Believe in myself? She was the only one who believed in me and now she's gone," he said bitterly.

"Yes sweetie, she's gone. But you know she lives on with you and Mikey."

Gerard looked at her, frowning. He sat down on the steps and took a shaky breath while placing his head in his hands.

The bells began to ring behind them. Gerard looked at his mother once more before nodding to her and walking back in the church.

Mikey, Ray, Frank and Matt looked at him, smiling a little. He nodded with tears in his eyes. Picking up the casket with Mikey on the other side, the five of them carried the casket out of the church.

Gerard looked at it once more after closing the door.His eyes fell on the sky, the sun and the white clouds were the only thing he saw.

He had tears in his eyes and smiled a little, looking back at the band and nodding.


Gerard sat in the van; his clothes were still the same, the black outfit with the red tie. Mikey was in the house, with all the others.

He was completely alone. He looked at the white sheet in front of him, the pen in his hand.He wanted to write something, draw something.

Something to get his mind of everything. But he couldn't seem to bring it on paper. He had a feeling, but he couldn't write anything down.

He heard the door open.Gerard looked at Frank sitting down next to him in the backseat, leaving the wide door open next to him.

He nodded and then turned his eyes back on the white paper.

"They're asking for you," Frank's voice said suddenly.

Gerard nodded, placing some of his long black hair behind his ear. Frank sat down next to him, looking at the paper.

"Trying to write something?" his voice asked. The oldest Way brother nodded at his friend, looking at the pen in his hand.

"I'll tell them you're sleeping." Frank winked a little and left the bus again. Thankful for Frank's understanding that he needed to be alone right now, Gerard smiled slightly, and started to write.

The words came together quickly and surely; not perfectly, and the actual rhythm wasn't in his head just yet...but the words rang true, and his hand almost seemed to be writing them of its own free will.

Long ago,
/Just like the hearse, you died to get in again, /
We are...
/ So far from you/.

The words came out of nowhere. But they made so much sense to him. He looked at the first three lines, thinking of what should follow.

Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate,
/The lives,/
Of everyone you knew.
/And what's the worst you take (worst you take)/ From every heart you break? (heart you break)
/And like a blade you stake (blade you stake)/ Well, I've been holding on tonight.

Usually he wouldn't add the background chorus when he wrote, but they were in his head now, and he couldn't help himself.

Tears fell down on the paper as he remembered his grandmother. She always supported him and his brother.

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay,
/So long and goodnight, /
So long and goodnight.
/Came a time, /
When every star fall/,/Brought you to tears again.
/We are,/
The very hurt you sold.
/And what's the worst you take, (worst you take)/ From every heart you break? (heart you break)
/And like a blade you stake (blade you stake)/ Well, I've been holding on tonight.

This song was for her. It was like she was sitting right next to him, telling him what to do. She was his inspiration for a lot of his lyrics, but this song...this song was special.

Can you hear me?
/Are you near me?/
Can we pretend to leave and then,
We'll meet again, when both our cars collide...
/[chorus] /
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay.
/So long and goodnight, /
So long and goodnight.
/Well, if you carry on this way, /
Things are better if I stay. //So long and goodnight,
/So long Not and goodnight./

Writing a song for her, just for her, was his way of saying thank you. A song could go with him forever. Just like she would in his heart.
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