Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > I've already given up on myself twice
I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry, but it always comes out wrong
5 reviewsLAST CHAPTER PEOPLE!!! Brendon's head is like a carcrash long live the car crash hearts? No...and don't forget always grab the pieces while they're there.
2Original
End of the line for the story but there will be a sequal so here it is...
Brendon's POV
"Okay I'm going to get Ryan, I'll be two minutes." I explained softly as I belted Elspeth up in the backseat of my car.
"Hurry Bren!" I heard her call as I raced into the darkness. I ran into the hall and found Ryan glued to the same seat as he was before.
"Brendon?" He asked raising an eyebrow.
"Come on!" I shouted as I pulled him up off his seat. "Follow me...now!"
"What? Why?" He asked as we ran back to my car.
"Elspeth needs to get to hospital, that's why." I said while climbing in the back with her and passing him the keys. We all belted up and Ryan sped down the highway to the nearest hospital.
"Why didn't you just call an ambulance?" Ryan asked while fixing his eyes on the road.
"Because it'd ruin Spencer and Hayley's day." Elspeth said weakly.
"Shh...don't speak save all your energy." I said softly while putting my arm around her and rubbing her back. She rested her head on my chest and I nervously looked out the window as we pulled up to the hospital.
"Dude get a wheelchair." I said to Ryan, as he parked the car. Elspeth stared nervously up into
my eyes, "It's going to be okay." I said anxiously.
I carefully helped her out the car the look on her face made me realise she was in severe pain. Although I said I didn't want the baby...I didn't want her to loose it, as it was the last link we had left between us. I helped her into the wheelchair and I followed Ryan to the maternity ward.
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"Brendon please get Pete." Elspeth begged as she lay in pain on her bed. I felt my body burn up with sadness; it should be me that she wants not Pete.
I got up and slowly walked over to Ryan, "Get over to the hotel and get Pete." I said quietly while passing him Elspeth's room key.
"Okay, ring me if there's any change." He said while waving goodbye to Elspeth. I stared out onto the horizon through the window. Everything had changed, not for the better for the worse, all the pieces I had left were disappearing at my feet, no matter how hard I tried to hold onto them. I just wish that I could take this stupid mask off that was called love. If only it was as easy and painless to come out of the tunnel of love. I turned around and faced Elspeth I stared innocently into her eyes. I stared and searched for a hint that I didn't care...I suppose I always will. And I'll always want us to be, her and me. I heard the doctor enter the room.
"Could you please leave I would like to talk to Elspeth alone." She said kindly.
"Okay." I sighed while feeling the tears building up in the corner of my eyes.
"Is the father with you?" She asked as I opened the door.
"He's on his way." Elspeth replied it sent daggers through my heart.
I just couldn't take it any longer. I needed to get out of here. I ran down the corridor and out of the hospital. The rain poured down onto my head, I stared up into the sky and fell to my knees. I put my head in my hands and just let the tears out. I just wanted this bad dream to end. How the fuck could she move on so quickly? Maybe she didn't really love me at all? I'd just been a puppet for her to play with until she'd got Pete's attention. I was running a never-ending race...a race I would never win. I sat in the gutter the blood from my broken heart and alcohol running through my veins. I needed the answers they'll be the only things that will get me through. I stared into the cark park and I saw Ryan and Pete run up through the cars. I put my head down I couldn't let neither of them see me grounded down to this. But Ryan the Good Samaritan he is came up to me and sat down.
"Why are you out here in the cold rain?" He asked seriously.
"I just need to get away from there...I can't even be around her without my heart aching." I said while staring at his wet dripping face. I stared into his eyes and I could see his lip quiver since something was waiting to slip out.
"Whats wrong?" I asked anxiously.
"Nothing." He was such a bad liar.
"Just fucking tell me Rye!" I shouted.
"Well...erm when I went to get Pete...well he was kinda with another woman, but you can't tell anyone!" Ryan said seriously.
"He fucking what!" I screamed while rising to my feet.
"Brendon no!" Ryan said sternly.
"Look I'm getting my heart torn to shreds cuz of that dick and he goes and does this to Elspeth! No! I love her too much to let her go through this." I said while panting with rage as the tears continued to trickle down my face.
"Brendon if you did tell her and you got together, you'd still be second best! Do you really want to put yourself through all that? When she lies next to you at night and the last thing she thinks about is Pete?" Ryan said thoughtfully.
"But I love her." I said with a quiver in my voice.
"I know but I know how it feels...and its mental torture, I don't want you to go through that I care about you to much for that Brendon." Ryan said while getting up and facing me.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked. I was cold and confused. "Oh it doesn't matter...I don't care she needs to know!" I said while marching into the hospital. Ryan followed after me as I made my way up to outside Elspeth's room. I pushed the door open. "Elspeth there's-"
"Brendon just fuck off! She's just lost the baby and she doesn't need you making it worse!" Pete shouted. I stared at her puffy red face; I couldn't do this not now. I suppose there will never truly be a right time for things like this. I sighed while feeling the gentle tear trickle down my cheek.
"Brendon just get out!" Elspeth cried. I bit my bottom lip and ran out the room letting the tears drip down my face. I cricked my neck and stared at the two of them sat in there like the happy couple they should be. It made it hurt even more. The last rope Elspeth and me had left had been severed, there was nothing left. I wasn't quick enough the pick up those pieces. This was it I was at the end of the line and my time was up, I'd been a selfish bastard and it's about time I just erased myself from everything. I ignored Ryan's' enchanting voice and took the elevator to the roof.
The rain thumped hard on my head as I stared down at the cold hard ground miles from my feet. My hair blew out of control with the wind that also took prisoner to my tie. I was alone I didn't really have anything left to loose, the band means the world to me but not even than can save me from this. I shut my eyes and dangled my foot over the edge I could see all the happy memories running through my mind. I took a deep breath and felt my heart skip a beat. I felt someone firmly grab my arm and pull me back from the side of the building.
"Brendon your not going anywhere...don't let her win." Ryan said seriously.
"But-" I quivered.
"Screw them...we're gonna get equal but this isn't the right path, look beneath your feet and just check where your heading." He said while not loosing eye contact with me. All the words got through my skull.
"You don't need to do this! We have something against Pete that can ruin everything, if you jump off there that's it. Brendon Urie is gone. Not only do I loose my fucking best friend I loose my role model." He said sincerely.
I sighed weakly and stared at the floor. I needed help I couldn't believe I'd been redueced to this. I jumped onto the flat roof we walked out of the cold and into the warmth of the hospital. I felt like I could lift my head up from the ground now I'd lost all this weight that was tying me down to the surface.
"Thanks Ryan I've already given up on myself twice...third time is the charm." I said hopefully.
Thats it the end of this story please tell me what you think! I want to know what you liked about this story and yes there shall be a sequal I've already started writing it and its going to be called Apoligies, Glances and Messed Up Chances. When it comes up check it out. This doesn't end here.
Brendon's POV
"Okay I'm going to get Ryan, I'll be two minutes." I explained softly as I belted Elspeth up in the backseat of my car.
"Hurry Bren!" I heard her call as I raced into the darkness. I ran into the hall and found Ryan glued to the same seat as he was before.
"Brendon?" He asked raising an eyebrow.
"Come on!" I shouted as I pulled him up off his seat. "Follow me...now!"
"What? Why?" He asked as we ran back to my car.
"Elspeth needs to get to hospital, that's why." I said while climbing in the back with her and passing him the keys. We all belted up and Ryan sped down the highway to the nearest hospital.
"Why didn't you just call an ambulance?" Ryan asked while fixing his eyes on the road.
"Because it'd ruin Spencer and Hayley's day." Elspeth said weakly.
"Shh...don't speak save all your energy." I said softly while putting my arm around her and rubbing her back. She rested her head on my chest and I nervously looked out the window as we pulled up to the hospital.
"Dude get a wheelchair." I said to Ryan, as he parked the car. Elspeth stared nervously up into
my eyes, "It's going to be okay." I said anxiously.
I carefully helped her out the car the look on her face made me realise she was in severe pain. Although I said I didn't want the baby...I didn't want her to loose it, as it was the last link we had left between us. I helped her into the wheelchair and I followed Ryan to the maternity ward.
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"Brendon please get Pete." Elspeth begged as she lay in pain on her bed. I felt my body burn up with sadness; it should be me that she wants not Pete.
I got up and slowly walked over to Ryan, "Get over to the hotel and get Pete." I said quietly while passing him Elspeth's room key.
"Okay, ring me if there's any change." He said while waving goodbye to Elspeth. I stared out onto the horizon through the window. Everything had changed, not for the better for the worse, all the pieces I had left were disappearing at my feet, no matter how hard I tried to hold onto them. I just wish that I could take this stupid mask off that was called love. If only it was as easy and painless to come out of the tunnel of love. I turned around and faced Elspeth I stared innocently into her eyes. I stared and searched for a hint that I didn't care...I suppose I always will. And I'll always want us to be, her and me. I heard the doctor enter the room.
"Could you please leave I would like to talk to Elspeth alone." She said kindly.
"Okay." I sighed while feeling the tears building up in the corner of my eyes.
"Is the father with you?" She asked as I opened the door.
"He's on his way." Elspeth replied it sent daggers through my heart.
I just couldn't take it any longer. I needed to get out of here. I ran down the corridor and out of the hospital. The rain poured down onto my head, I stared up into the sky and fell to my knees. I put my head in my hands and just let the tears out. I just wanted this bad dream to end. How the fuck could she move on so quickly? Maybe she didn't really love me at all? I'd just been a puppet for her to play with until she'd got Pete's attention. I was running a never-ending race...a race I would never win. I sat in the gutter the blood from my broken heart and alcohol running through my veins. I needed the answers they'll be the only things that will get me through. I stared into the cark park and I saw Ryan and Pete run up through the cars. I put my head down I couldn't let neither of them see me grounded down to this. But Ryan the Good Samaritan he is came up to me and sat down.
"Why are you out here in the cold rain?" He asked seriously.
"I just need to get away from there...I can't even be around her without my heart aching." I said while staring at his wet dripping face. I stared into his eyes and I could see his lip quiver since something was waiting to slip out.
"Whats wrong?" I asked anxiously.
"Nothing." He was such a bad liar.
"Just fucking tell me Rye!" I shouted.
"Well...erm when I went to get Pete...well he was kinda with another woman, but you can't tell anyone!" Ryan said seriously.
"He fucking what!" I screamed while rising to my feet.
"Brendon no!" Ryan said sternly.
"Look I'm getting my heart torn to shreds cuz of that dick and he goes and does this to Elspeth! No! I love her too much to let her go through this." I said while panting with rage as the tears continued to trickle down my face.
"Brendon if you did tell her and you got together, you'd still be second best! Do you really want to put yourself through all that? When she lies next to you at night and the last thing she thinks about is Pete?" Ryan said thoughtfully.
"But I love her." I said with a quiver in my voice.
"I know but I know how it feels...and its mental torture, I don't want you to go through that I care about you to much for that Brendon." Ryan said while getting up and facing me.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked. I was cold and confused. "Oh it doesn't matter...I don't care she needs to know!" I said while marching into the hospital. Ryan followed after me as I made my way up to outside Elspeth's room. I pushed the door open. "Elspeth there's-"
"Brendon just fuck off! She's just lost the baby and she doesn't need you making it worse!" Pete shouted. I stared at her puffy red face; I couldn't do this not now. I suppose there will never truly be a right time for things like this. I sighed while feeling the gentle tear trickle down my cheek.
"Brendon just get out!" Elspeth cried. I bit my bottom lip and ran out the room letting the tears drip down my face. I cricked my neck and stared at the two of them sat in there like the happy couple they should be. It made it hurt even more. The last rope Elspeth and me had left had been severed, there was nothing left. I wasn't quick enough the pick up those pieces. This was it I was at the end of the line and my time was up, I'd been a selfish bastard and it's about time I just erased myself from everything. I ignored Ryan's' enchanting voice and took the elevator to the roof.
The rain thumped hard on my head as I stared down at the cold hard ground miles from my feet. My hair blew out of control with the wind that also took prisoner to my tie. I was alone I didn't really have anything left to loose, the band means the world to me but not even than can save me from this. I shut my eyes and dangled my foot over the edge I could see all the happy memories running through my mind. I took a deep breath and felt my heart skip a beat. I felt someone firmly grab my arm and pull me back from the side of the building.
"Brendon your not going anywhere...don't let her win." Ryan said seriously.
"But-" I quivered.
"Screw them...we're gonna get equal but this isn't the right path, look beneath your feet and just check where your heading." He said while not loosing eye contact with me. All the words got through my skull.
"You don't need to do this! We have something against Pete that can ruin everything, if you jump off there that's it. Brendon Urie is gone. Not only do I loose my fucking best friend I loose my role model." He said sincerely.
I sighed weakly and stared at the floor. I needed help I couldn't believe I'd been redueced to this. I jumped onto the flat roof we walked out of the cold and into the warmth of the hospital. I felt like I could lift my head up from the ground now I'd lost all this weight that was tying me down to the surface.
"Thanks Ryan I've already given up on myself twice...third time is the charm." I said hopefully.
Thats it the end of this story please tell me what you think! I want to know what you liked about this story and yes there shall be a sequal I've already started writing it and its going to be called Apoligies, Glances and Messed Up Chances. When it comes up check it out. This doesn't end here.
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