FicWad

Okay, I know I don't pay much attention to everyone here on ficwad. And i'm sorry. BUT. To make up for it, i'm going to not only uplod the teaser/preveiw chapter but I am ALSO going to upload what might become chapter two. As well as the one-shots I may not have uploaded.

Forgive me?
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How to start...?

From the beginning, yes, thank you, I know that Bob.

Heh.

The beginning, huh?

Lets just start from New Years, okay?



Everywhere Gerard went, I was in tow. They were performing on MTV; god knows why I was there, but I'd been dragged from my cosy house to attend with them.

It was actually quite nice. We were stood outside at one point, my hand practically welded to Gerard's, and people were actually talking to me. People I didn't know.

I suddenly understood what Alicia had been talking about: It is quite reassuring to have your own fan base...

Of course, there were camera phones around. Much to my annoyance. Not that I have a problem with them, it's just...I don't know. You just KNOW that when someone's talking to you, their friend behind them is recording you.

Several times over the night, people actually asked how I, ME, I, was. One conversation that stands out with one girl went something like:

"Sam! How are you?"

"I'm fine thanks!"

"Hey! I'M the famous one here! What about asking me how I am!?"

"I'm sorry - How are you Gerard?"

"With enthusiasm!"

"Gerard! How are you!?"

Fanbase. Yay.


After New Years, everything went downhill.


I still hadn't found the guts to tell Gerard I was pregnant. It wasn't hard; it wasn't even many words, just three.

But every time I tried...

I don't know. I just couldn't, somehow. He'd have been happy to know, so happy...it would have been like telling a child they could have the toy they've been begging for.

But I wouldn't be writing this is everything turned out just peachy, would I?



I remember that morning. I woke up and I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary. Gerard left to go and fetch me a muffin while he was a Starbucks fetching himself coffee (WHY he won't drink normal coffee when given half a chance to go to Starbucks - I don't know) and left me in bed.

I lay there for a few moments in what I shortly realised was discomfort.

The bottom of my back was in agony. It spread forward to create this kind of...pressure in my back. I rolled over and started to think why on earth I was in pain.

Then I sneezed.

And I felt it. Something wet...and an awful lot of pain.

I gasped and jumped up from the bed, clutching at my back while I dived for the bathroom. My mind was screaming 'no' over and over again while trying to clutch at whatever sense of calm I had left.

I left the door open as I yanked down my PJ shorts.

I collapsed on the toilet as I stared at the crimson blood smeared all over the white flannel and the inside of my thighs.

Another wave of painful cramps hit me and I doubled over on the toilet.

I stood up at one point, determined to fetch LOTS of painkiller...before the cramps attacked again. I bent over, clutching at my stomach, before lowering myself to the floor, crying softly.

'I should shut the door...if I leave it open he'll find me...then again, I can't very well hide THIS pain from him...nor the blood...oh god!' I groaned and just sat leaning against the bathtub.

Half an hour later, roughly, Gerard came home.

I was still sat on the floor of the bathroom. By now I had cried too much for to care very much about what he did or didn't know.

"Sam, I had to get blueberry, they were out of-" A very brief, very momentary silence as Gerard clasped eyes on me from across my living room. I nearly cracked a smile as I thought of telling him to mind the furniture as he came diving across the room. "Sam! Sam, baby, are you okay?" He skidded to a halt next to me before crouching next to me. I watched him take a moment to survey the state the bathroom floor was in, and the state of the PJ shorts that I'd managed to remove from my legs.

I shook my head distantly.

"What's wrong?" I sighed heavily as I felt my eyes brim with tears again. He placed his hands on either side of my face as a lone tear fell down my check. "Sam?" I opened my mouth several times, but I only managed whispered syllables.

Another wave of cramps hit and I doubled over, clutching at my stomach. Gerard's hands slid from my face, instead wrapping themselves around my shoulders.

"I..." I took a shuddering intake of breath. "I..." I gulped down air and squeezed my eyes tightly shut. "...Pregnant..." he pulled back from me sharply, staring at me in shocked.

"You..." He licked his lips before continuing. "You were?" I nodded once before lowering my head. His arms slowly came back around my shoulders, rocking slowly back and forth.


For a while after that, I shut myself in my room and refused to leave.


But soon we were back on tour again. Gerard offered to let me stay at home and take a break, but I was insistent that I went - I'd spent god knows how long taking a break in my bedroom.

March seventh rolled around and Alicia made damn well sure I was in attendance for her and Mikey getting married, seeing as I'd threatened to just go back to the bus and sleep.

I got to be maid of honour.

Okay, that did cheer me up immensely. I was already on a small high because March seventh is my birthday, and the amount of MySpace messages I'd had wishing me a happy birthday was phenomenal.

So, stood next to Gerard as Mikey and Alicia stood side by side, I was one of only two people to cry AT the ceremony - everyone else waited until after the performance. Bob was the one to try and hide the fact that he was crying. Bless.

"So how do you want to celebrate your birthday?" Asked Gerard as I attempted to brush up his make-up. I shrugged.

"I tell you what I'd like," I replied distantly. This was the most interaction I'd had with anyone for a while. Aside from Alicia, who was kind enough to refuse to leave me alone. "I'd like to see you perform," He frowned.

"What?"

"I listen to your music, I paint your face, but I've never seen you perform. I'd like to," He smiled up at me.

"Okay,"

As soon as I was done with the make-up, he disappeared off somewhere.

"I'm married!" Alicia exclaimed quietly, throwing her arms around me. I smiled and laughed.

"That you are," She pulled back and held me at arms length, smirking.

"Think you'll be getting married soon?" I blushed and scowled at her.

"Don't start that again,"

"What? I only want to see you two happy!" I huffed. "Fine, fine, fine. I'll drop it. But you know he thinks about it, and I know YOU think about it, so just don't deny it!" She huffed herself and turned around, stomping off in search of water.

"I'd like to see you two married too, y'know," I jumped and turned to face Mikey. I rolled my eyes.

"Only because you've just gotten married," He grinned.

"I know I have," I smiled at his grin. I was about to say something when Gerard appeared again.

"C'mon," Was all he said before he took a hold of my hand and pulled me along with him. I had a good idea of what was going on, and I was already smiling when he pulled me through a white corridor and out of the stage door. He tugged me gently down the stage stairs until I was literally face-to-face to with a screaming crowd.

I laughed as he scooped me up into his arms and instructed some of the crowd to move back slightly. Yet still in that sweet way only Gerard can instruct.

I gripped at the barricade as he set me the other side of it, standing one my own two feet. He beamed at me and gave me a quick peck on the lips, momentarily silencing the nearby crowd.

"Happy birthday," He whispered into my ear before stepping back to address the nearby crowd. "Do you know who this is? Raise your hands if you do," I looked around as several of the surrounding girls raised their hands. "For those that don't, this is Sam, our make-up artist and she's very special to us. I want you to look after her, okay?" Everyone nodded. "Good. See you at the end of the show," He told me, smiling briefly before dashing backstage.

"Oh my god, Sam!" I turned and leaned against the barricade as someone addressed me. I was met with a rabble of girls, and now boys alike, staring goggle-eyed at me. "How are you?" The girl was...concerned for me. Why? "Alicia's told us something happened but we don't know what. Have you lost weight again?" I gaped for a moment. That answered 'why', somewhat.

"I have lost weight again, yeah. Something...bad did happen. The tour's the first time I've left my bedroom, really," She smiled and enveloped me in a hug.

"Well, happy birthday," She said, pulling away. "My name's Lucy," I smiled back at her.

"It's nice to meet you Lucy,"

"So how many have these shows have you seen?"

"This is my first,"

"Really? But you're their make-up artist, how could you have not-"

From there we began talking more avidly about MCR. It's a bad habit, really. I start talking to girls and it's surprising the kinds of things we'll talk about. Well, some topics were avoided in the middle of a crowd, but most all others were covered. The girls seemed very interested to know whether Gerard was a good kisser or not...

...

And then I got see my first MCR show. Suddenly I felt so proud of them. And proud of myself for remembering most of the lyrics, too.

"And now, guys and dolls, for some very special news," I smiled up at the stage, feeling very...unique. Out of all of the girls salivating over Gerard in that place, I was the only one that could say I knew what it felt like to be near him, to sit on him and to kiss him...amongst other things.

I started to regret shutting myself in my room. I'd missed him, seeing as I'd been having troubles sleeping in the same bed as him. We hadn't long gotten past that. And I missed daylight, too.

"My...wonderful darling brother...has just gotten married!" I happily screamed along with the crowd as a spotlight settled itself on Mikey, who gave the crowd the thumbs up. "C'mere, gimme a hug," I laughed to myself as they stood in the same spotlight and hugged, doing that manly pat on the back thing.

It'll never make any sense to me. Ever.

"And not only is it a special day for Mikes and his...special lady. But it's also a special day for my special lady," Lucy laughed from next to me. My shock and horror must have been evident on my face. "So if you give me two seconds," He jumped from the stage and strode over to me, holding his hand out. "C'mon, it'll be okay!" He called over the crowd. I thought a moment before I felt Lucy push the small of my back.

"Go on," I looked at her before sighing and taking Gerard's hand, letting him help to get me over the barricade. I ambled after him as we went up the stairs onto the stage. I squinted into the crowd, hearing the screams get louder. I waved shyly, clinging tightly to Gerard's arm.

"So, on the count of three, I'd like you all to sing happy birthday to her for me. For those that don't know, this here is my very own Sam. A Sam that will be tear my arm off...if she clings to it any tighter," I smirked and adjusted my grip on his arm slightly. "So on the count of three, sing her happy birthday. That's the whole song, not just 'happy birthday'," I pursed my lips. "In three...two...one," He raised one arm as the crowd began to chorus my birthday song, Gerard singing from next to me. My ears caught other distinct voices, and I turned to scan the stage. Ray was singing, and Mikey and Frank were gathered around one microphone. Bob was singing too, in his own 'I'll sing because I want to, but I don't wanna be seen' way.

I even got 'hip, hip, hoorays'!

"Alright, I'll let her go now," I let go of his arm and quickly darted off stage, skidding along my way. I practically fell down the stairs before having both security and crowd help me over the barricade.

I know, Gerard could do it on his own, but it took nearly seven people to get me over.

"And if anyone wants to send her a present, just go out after we've finished, buy some food, and then come back. She'd appreciate it," I rolled my eyes before the beginnings of Cancer resounded through the speakers, quickly being pushed from left to right as the crowd began to sway.