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The hotel suite Crawford had rented for the month had all the basic comforts of home only half way across the world. Probably he had arranged it that way so no one could complain and thus far it had worked. The fridge was stocked, the beds fresh and clean, the television aiming to please with far too many channels. Schuldig had gleefully noted that it reminded him of the good old days before Takatori went bat shit crazy and their on-the-site residence had come equipped with maids.

He had thus taken up his old habit of leaving wet towels on the floor.

Crawford watched from the doorframe as his telepath dropped one said towel directly beside the hamper. "Schuldig, you could have just put it in the hamper. It's right there," he felt the need to point out.

The German looked appalled. "Crawford, that's completely besides the point. If I treat the place like home, then it isn't really a vacation-"

"It's not. We're here on business."

"-and the maids will be out of work, unable to provide for their poor, freezing little families. The entire economy of the country would shift off balance. I'm doing them a /favor/."

Crawford rubbed his forehead. "By making a mess."

"Right."

"That's so you, I can't even feign disbelief anymore."

Schuldig smirked. "Soon we'll be like all the other old psychotic married couples."

"I doubt it," was the dry response. "I'm going to a meeting in twenty minutes. It's your turn to take the kids out," Crawford reminded him and straightened his tie, glimpsing in the bathroom mirror before nodding in satisfaction.

"It's begun." Schuldig grimaced and wondered if Nagi or Farfarello were facing similar fates. "And what do you mean, take them out? It's Halloween. The night of All Hallows Eve. The entire city is a mass of tourists. With traffic. And some brilliant yet aesthetically pleasing bastard decided it was the perfect time to take that job in Salem and you did this just to piss me off, didn't you?" He growled and waved his hairbrush menacingly.

Crawford smirked. "Of course not, /dear/." And ducked out of the room as several hair care products went flying his way.

"Smartass," Schuldig grumbled and stormed out into the living room, snatching the remote out of a protesting Nagi's hand and flopping on the couch. His feet landed somewhere in the vicinity of Farfarello's lap. It was a good thing the Irishman didn't feel pain, or they both would have been in a world of it.

Channels were flipped.

More channels were flipped.

"There's nothing on," the redhead whined.

Nagi shot him an annoyed look. "There was, actually, but someone changed it."

Farfarello tossed a piece of Chex into the air and tried to catch it with his mouth.

"But you were watching it, Naggles. That means it sucked."

Missed. Tried another one.

"You mean it actually had a plot. Oh, the horror."

Missed again. These Chex were tricky bastards.

"Hey, the brats like my choice of television just fine, kid."

The Irishman examined the cereal and did some quick calculations.

"A bunch of teenagers like your idea of entertainment. Be proud, Schuldig, be proud. Hey...where are they anyways?"

"Getting ready to go out I think..."

Throw it in the air just as Cailin comes sashaying into the room laughing. The Irishman made the mistake of glancing at her. She was dressed as-

The piece of Chex fell into his gaping mouth. Coughing and sputtering, Farfarello tried to simultaneously dislodge the cereal and choke Schuldig. Who was laughing his ass off.

Nagi looked pale. "Cailin...is that your costume?"

The gold-eyed girl nodded and twirled, straightened hair swinging about and the tails of her green coat swirling. She stopped when she faced her Da and Uncles again, winked, and put her hands on her hips. Red lenses flashed from where they sat on auburn hair and a yellow headband.

Farfarello managed to breath again. Then grabbed Schuldig by his shirt and shook. /Hard/. "Wha' have ye done ta her?!" he yelled.

Schuldig wheezed a bit.

"It was my idea, Da!" Cailin exclaimed brightly. "I wanted to be original and I found this coat in the hallway closet back home and I remember the couple pictures Uncle Schu had shown me from before we were born." She beamed then, trying to be in character, /smirked/.

Nagi had never known Farfarello to cry but at the moment, the Irishman looked fairly close to doing so.

"But," Cailin continued, "you don't look happy. Is it bad? I have another costume I can wear because I wasn't sure but I wanted to surprise you all..." she trailed off, fiddling with the cuffs of the old jacket.

"That might be a good idea," Nagi said, kindly but strained as he tried to pry Farfarello off of one twitching German.

Cailin nodded and murmured a "sorry, Uncle Schu," before dashing off again. Schuldig sat up, rubbing his throat, and said "At least we know she had good taste."

Nagi didn't tear Farfarello away this time. Instead, he got his remote back.

*

Schuldig stared at the television from the other side of the room-well away from any insane Irishmen. He narrowed his eyes, which he claimed was his thoughtful look. Nagi just thought his eyesight was bad.

"I think," Schuldig started and the other two members of Schwarz rolled their eyes, "that these people need to team up. Together, they could get all their needs of revenge taken care of. They'd be unstoppable."

Nagi stared at the commercial playing and hoped it wasn't being referred to. "Who should?" he asked.

"The leprechaun. And the rabbit. I mean, really, their situations can be easily rectified. See, the rabbit is trying to get cereal. But can't. Whereas Far's countryman," Schuldig grinned and artfully ducked some Chex, "is just plain tired of running away from kids who are after his stuff. See what I mean?"

Nagi was about to agree and end it all but Farfarello beat him. "I don't see."

Schuldig sat up straighter and flicked his hair over his shoulder, in full explanation mode with no signs now of stopping. "Well, Lucky must be starving to death, never able to stop for a quick bite to eat, and the Rabbit can't eat because those kids have never heard of charity-"

"Neither have you," Nagi pointed out.

"-so they could...switch. Cereals, I mean. Or maybe kids, since the kids clearly have a preference so-"

"Some people argue politics. My Schuldig argues animated marketing tools," Brett said from behind them.

"And mine is forced to listen to it. I hope you're not like that when we get older." Kirito snorted.

Schwarz turned as one to look at the Spawn.

"Kirito...why do you look dirty? For that matter, why are you clutching a towel? And why does your notebook have a "Don't Panic" sticker on...ah. I see," Nagi finished lamely. He scratched his head, unsure what else to do in this situation.

"At least I'm not horribly depressed," Kirito said cheerfully as he pulled out a small bag of peanuts that he'd taken from their last flight. "Besides, my costume is better than /his/." He jabbed a thumb in his cousin's direction.

Brett had apparently dumped an entire bottle of complimentary baby powder onto his hair, turning it a weird white-orange color. He had on eyeliner, a black tank top, collar, boots, and a pair of ragged, ripped jeans.

"Oi," he said.

"What are ye?" Farfarello puzzled.

"I'm Billy Idol...uh...bloody hell. Rock on." He waggled his eyebrows. Then waggled his tongue. Nagi contemplated jumping out the window. "I found the collar and jeans in your room, Dad."

"Thought it looked familiar."

Nagi sighed. "I'm guessing they both belong to you."

Schuldig squinted. "Nope."

"Oh. Crawford. That's...disturbing." Crawford didn't wear jeans and/or collars as far as Nagi was concerned. "And Schuldig, you need glasses."

"Stuff it, Naggles. I don't."

"Where's my princess?" Farfarello asked.

Cailin peered around the corner, a read hood pulled over her head. "Here!" She came out into view in her Little Red Riding Hood costume, froofy skirt froofing and basket in hand. She smiled.

There was very nearly a chorus of "awww".

Then she tugged on something (a leash. Crawford and Schuldig would have to remember to lock their door) and Miyavi bounded around the corner. With furry ears. And a furry tail. And paws. If that was the Big Bad Wolf, Schuldig reflected, he was first in line to get eaten.

"Much better than yer last costume, sweeting. What's in the basktet?"

Cailin tilted it towards the assassins. "Knives, pepper spray, a Colt, a tazer..."

"Thass my princess."

"So, can we go now?" Brett asked in a horrible English accent. "I wanna go on one of those lantern tours and see where people were killed."

Schuldig raised an eyebrow.

"People we didn't kill," the younger telepath clarified.

"Maybe you can find a pair of glasses for Schu to wear while driving. I wouldn't trust him not to hit a particularly large tree that had blinking lights on it. Maybe you could get the kind with rhinestones, or the emo kind for all the whining he does..." Nagi trailed off.

Schuldig flipped him off as he stood, grabbing his coat with his other hand. "I don't need glasses, you ass. Crawford's the only visionly handicapped in our house. Now, we're leaving. We'll likely get into all sorts of fun trouble while you two are stuck here watching crappy shows and eating stale popcorn. Then the little Spanish maid will wander in and yell at you both in Spanish for making a mess because she'll think you don't understand." He snatched up his car keys and stomped over to the door, throwing it open with a flourish before making his big exit.

"Oi."

"Now there," Kirito observed, "is a hoopy frood that really knows where his towel is."