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Title: Of love and Insanity

Author: Actual Reality

Rating: ummm... depends on how it turns out for now it can be PG-13

Parings: Roger/Mark Angel/Collins Maureen/Joanne Mimi/OC

Disclaimer: Rent does not belong to me but the great Mr. Larson

Summary: Roger left the East Village and became a big rock star. Mark stayed behind and went insane. The original plotline author, BohemiaLMM, granted me the permission for this plot. The original story is called "For Once the Shadows Gave Way to Light"

Betas: Sabina (Who is totally AWESOME! She is so good!) And of course Chris (who rocks also!)

Ok, now that I have all the necessities done... the standard disclaimer applies and always will.



^ ^ ^



It felt weird, knocking on the door of a place I lived in for so long. It would have been longer, but leaving for three years changes a lot in this world. The door is actually locked. We never used to lock it. Sure the door downstairs was locked, but that is because Benny is a prude.


I knocked again, louder then before, and I heard footsteps coming towards the door. Collins slid it open and stood there staring at me; I don't think he realized who I was. That hurt a lot. I had lived with Collins forever and he didn't even recognize me. I have had my face on the cover of magazines, people I don't even care to know, know who I am and one of my best friends didn't.


Things change a lot in three years. That time felt so slow, yet so fast at the same time.


Collins still had not said anything, he was just looking at me, as though he really didn't believe I was there, like he was wondering why I cam back at all. I stood still and let him stare on until he opened the door and let me in. I walked in and looked around. The loft looked very different. None of my shit was lying around; actually, not much was lying around. It was really clean. It almost looked bare. The appliances were all up to date and nothing was obviously illegal. Weird.


"Roger, why are you here? Why did you choose now of all times to show back up in New York?" Collins finally said. His voice sounded the same, maybe a little tired, but he still had his deep rumbling voice. Not that I thought it would change, mind you, but it was one thing around here that had not changed. Collins hadn't changed and it felt good that something around in this world felt the same.


"We just finished the third album and I wanted to come see you guys. It has been too long and for that I am sorry," I answered after my minor spacing. In reality I couldn't take the dreams I had been having without doing something about them.


I came back for Mark. I had along time to think and realize some things about my best friend. I am in love with him. Not brotherly love but full on "Shout it off the tower" in love with him.


Mark is the best friend I could ever hope to have him. I know it must have been hard on Mark during my heroin withdrawal. I had to go through it with Mimi, but I was not as forgiving as Mark was. We ended up breaking up in tears, with angry words flung at each other. We weren't talking when I left, but I hope it will be okay now. But Mark took my punches. He put up with me, made me take my AZT, made me eat, he took my crap, but he still stayed with me.


Running from the Alphabet City was the worst things I could do to him, but I had not fulfilled my dream them. I wasn't going to come back until I had a steady job. I wanted to be a rock star, and I got my wish. I now have a steady paycheck (that has four zeros on it) and I loved the music.


Now I was back. I had something for each of my friends and a brand new CD for Mark that wasn't even out yet.


I never forgot to sing a song for him at concerts and all of my CDs were dedicated to him. I always sang one for him. When he first came to one of my gigs he asked me to sing a song for him and I did. I have never missed it and I never will.


I finish my zone out and look at Collins.


"So... how is everything?"


"How is everyone or how is life going?"


"Both" I said with a nervous chuckle, which Collins matched with a hearty laugh at my antics.


"Well..." Collins paused and breathed deep and exhaled before leading me over to the couch. The couch was new too. Collins sat down and patted the cushion next to him. I complied and he continued. "Well let's see. I am good. I am back teaching at NYU, brain-dead classes, but it pays well. Angel is doing so much better. The new AZT has helped tremendously. It's amazing really. Mimi is happy and married to Jonathan. He had a daughter before he met Mimi, so she is Brittany's mother. Brittany is three and never knew her own mother and Jonathan is a quiet shy guy, but he is really nice. Oh! Mimi is co-owner of the Life now. Let's see... Maureen is... Maureen. She is the drama teacher at the high school. Joanne is still at her firm" Collins stopped there and looked away from me, "Roger there is something you need to know."


Something I need to know? What happened? What about Mark? He still about told me anything about Mark!


"What happened to Mark? Collins? What happened?" I could feel the tears behind my eyes and for once I had no second thoughts about holding them back. What happened? I could feel the beginnings of a panic attack. My chest was too tight and the room felt too small. "WHAT HAPPENED Collins?!?"


"Roger, when you left, Mark went insane. When you went away, he went away too, just not in body, but in mind. All day, all he would do is sit in his room talking to himself about how you went away from him and were not going to come back. He thought you left because of him." Collins had a pissed off look on his face at recalling that part of the past. I could tell how much it hurt him to have to tell me that. It hurt me too. "So, a year or so after you left, we had Mark admitted. We never left him though. We had someone there everyday, and for a little over a year, Angel has been working there as a private nurse. But he doesn't talk to anyone but Angel... I take that back. He says 'Hi' to Maureen every time she comes."


My Mark was Insane. My Mark was pretty much mute. My Mark was in an asylum. This was a lot to take in. I was hoping to come home, take Mark in my arms and love him the way he was supposed to be loved. But now... My hopes were shattered.


I sat back into the couch and looked at the wall. Collins didn't say anything. He just sat there supporting me silently. Good ole Collins. He is always there when you needed support, he was even there when he was at MIT, and he was just a phone call away.


He let me think for twenty minutes before he said anything else. "Rog, because it is Saturday, we all usually go see Mark. Would you like to go with us? He gets to go out today, and we were going to go to the Life."


"Sure, let's go." I spoke without thinking. I wanted to see my Mark.


^ ^ ^


Angel was at her desk at work. Of course she loved being here, but today she just wanted to go out. They got to take Mark out and he they had been looking to it for a month now. It wasn't very common that patients were allowed to go outside the asylum, but Mark was a 'model crazy person' (That was how Mark referred to himself).


Mark had made a lot of progress in his time here. He didn't talk to himself in corners anymore. He still didn't talk to many people, just Angel and his normal two words to Maureen, but he was getting better.


BeepBeepBeep* Angel's AZT buzzer went off, but Angel waited to take it. The new AZT worked so well and had helped her so much. It was amazing.


The door of the office opened and Angel looked up. Mark walked through the door in his hospital issued pajamas and went over to the chair in front of Angel's desk.


Most patients could walk around the hospital and the wing that held the worker's offices, but few were allowed in the rooms. Angel had made sure Mark had full access to her office, even if he only came in when he knew Angel's beeper went off.


Mark made sure Angel took her AZT everyday, at the times she was scheduled to take it. Angel had taken over the place for Mark's nagging. Mark nagged her a lot, mostly about her meds.


Mark used to nag Roger. Roger. There was a topic that came up all the time. Mark was in totally in love with him. Angel read him every article where the name Roger Davis came up.


"Hey Mark. How did you sleep last night?"


Mark went behind Angel's desk and opened the top drawer that held Angel's meds. Mark opened the pill bottle and gave Angel one. He then closed the bottle and returned it to the drawer and closed it. Mark did this everyday.


"I tried to sleep." Mark responded, looking down.


Tried... Tried and did not succeed. "Did anyone give you anything to help you sleep?"


Angel only worked until two officially, but most of the time she was there longer. Last night she had to get home because they watched Brittany, so Angel was not there to help Mark fall asleep. Group things nowadays was seriously lacking with two of their group members missing, so Angel spent a lot of the time she would have been alone at home at the hospital.


"No" Angel was snapped out of her thoughts by Mark's delayed answer. Mark was still standing next to Angel, looking at her.


"Do you want me to read you something?"


"Take your AZT."


Angel finally realized she still had the pill in her hand. She quickly swallowed it with some water. Mark gave her a smile and sat back on the other side in the chair.


"The gang is coming and we are going to take you out today. You still want to go to the Life right?" Mark nodded and Angel smiled. "Maureen said she had something to give you, but I have no clue what it is."


"Okay."


"So, Mark, are you ready?" It was time for Angel to do her daily process. "Okay, Mark can I see your arms?" Mark pushed his too big sleeves up over his elbows and held the out to Angel. He knew the routine well, even though he had never though about hurting himself, this was necessary. Angel quickly scanned Mark's pale forearms and pulled the sleeves back down. "Okay, can you tell me what this looks like to you?" Angel pulled out an inkblot sheet. To Angel this routine was stupid, but it was her job.


"A guitar"


Of course, the answer could be traced back to Roger.


"Okay, now for the pills." Angel went back to the cupboard behind her desk and pulled Mark's box down and took out his pills. She watched as Mark swallowed them one by one. "Great! Now, why don't you go watch some T.V. while I check up on my other patients and once the others get here I will come get you. Remember not to eat lunch because we are taking you out. Everyone else knows you are going, so you wont get in trouble."


^ ^ ^


We walked down the sterile hallway with Collins leading the way. Maureen had joined us at the loft and spent all of her time glaring at me. She was carrying a box for Mark that had a bunch of paper and a lot of pencils in it. Apparently Mark had just been granted permission to use them while under supervision, but he had not been told he could yet.


The more I thought about Mark being locked up here, the more I wish for a chance to make him all better, for the chance for him to be sane again.


We stopped at the front desk and the lady who was working there barely looked up before handing badges to Collins.


"Hey Martha. We have another with us today."


"Oh! Okay!" She looked excited once she saw me.


"And Joanne, Mimi and Brittany wont be coming unless they come with us when we have to bring Mark back." Collins explained, handing three of the badges back. Martha stood up and took the badges from Collins' hand and sat back down finishing the paperwork.


About three minutes later I was handed a clipboard with the paperwork on it. I was not surprised to see that most of it had already been filled out. All I had to do was sign the damn thing. I quickly did so and received my badge.


We made our way down some more sterile hallways until we came to a door.


"This is Angel's office. We are going to stop by before seeing Mark" Maureen explained to me. Most of the bitterness was out of her voice. Maybe she noticed that I was beyond nervous.


Collins opened the door and I saw the inside of the office. It was very Angel. Tastefully done, yet, not overly so. The colors stood out, just like Angel does all the time.


Collins went in first, followed by Maureen, and I slowly brought up the rear.



A/N Yay! Another story that will take me forever to finish, but this time I have it all written out! I just have to find time to type it and get it beta'd!