FicWad

Amys POV \n\nI sighed and turned on the sterio. My Chemical Romance blasted through the house. God I love to be home alone. No one tells you to turn the music down, no one tells you when and what to eat.. I love it! I haven\'t eaten in about two days straight now. I know, I know, it\'s not healthy, it\'s not good for you. Don\'t you think I\'ve heard that, like, a gazilion times before? And I hate it, everyone tries to force you to eat. Don\'t they understand that it has the oppisite effect? Dumbasses.. And don\'t say that\'s not a nice thing to say about your family, cause you don\'t know \'em as I do! My family is full of dumbasses! Well, at least I have my writing. I write a lot, mostly lyrics and fictions but also poems and stuff like that. And I draw. And I like to sing(not that I think I\'m very good at it). And my selfesteem is noneexcisting. And I slit my wrists from time to time. And I have anorexia. Fuck, life sucks.. Being 16 isn\'t all that fun. I closed my eyes and started to sing along with the songs. I hate my life. I walked to the bathroom and looked for my razorblade. Fuck, I can\'t find it! Mom must\'ve thrown it away again.. I went back into my bedroom and sat down at my desk. I had my laptop there, but it was buried in lyrics, drawings and fictions. I tock out my pad and started to write down some random words, then I made a song out of it. I rarely get satisfied with the songs I write at random, but this was acually kinda good. So much emotion in it.. I started to cry silently as I read through the song. It was how I felt, how my life is.. This is me. I wrote the title, This Is Me, at the top of the paper and put it in the folder where I kept my lyrics. It\'s pretty full, I need to get a noter folder, but right now I don\'t care. I went through the papers on the desk. Some went into the trash, some into the lyricsfolder and some into the fictionfolder. I know, why write on paper when you have a laptop? Cause I just got the laptop. Besides, it\'s easier to write on a pad. I flipped the laptop open and turned it on. First of all I checked my email (only spamletters or forwardmessages.. Gah!) then I logged onto a fictionsite. I read the fictions other people had written, but I never posted one of my own. Not that I don\'t like them, I just haven\'t bothered. Too lazy I guess. I sat there all day and made it trough day three without eating.\n\nWhen I woke up by that damn alarmclock ringing I got up and got dressed. All my clothes are two or three sizes too big, witch kinda sucks cause I look wierd in them now. I grabbed my pads, pencils and sketckbooks, showed them into my bag and walked the two bloks to school. I was, as always, two hours early so I sat down in the shadow of the bid oaktree on the schoolyard and started to draw. I just drew a bunch of random stuff for two hours then got to class. Math, ugh! I hate math!\n\"I hope everyone have done their homework.\" my mathteacher, ms. Smith, said looking straight at me. This time I acually have done it, whitch suprised her a great bit. Ha, in your face! As I walked out of the classrom when class ended I saw the school counsil. What now? I know it\'s me she\'s looking for, she always is. And I was right, again. She wanted to talk to me, but I lied and said I had an important class. Okay, so I had science, but it\'s not that important. Ha, that dumbass bitch. And yeah, I cuss a lot. Everyone tells me that. I don\'t give a flying fuck what they think, I have the right to say whatever the fuck I want! Science sucks too.. Fuck it, SCHOOL SUCKS! Live sucks, EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS!! I hate life. Maybe I\'ve told you that before, and you will hear it from me again. A lot. all the time. As always I\'m invisible. Feels kinda nice, no one bullies you anyway. The schoolday moves in slow-motion, as it always seems to do.. When it finally was over, I hurried home. Fuck, mom\'s home. I sneaked up to my room and locked the door, but nothing goes past my mom.\n\"Honey, how was school?\" she asked from downstairs.\n\"Fine..\" I answered and turned on the sterio again. I turned it down so it wasn\'t full blast, but it was enought to keep my moms happy voice out. The smell of food on the other hand.. Let me just say that I\'ve spent the last three day without eating, and just the smell of food makes me wanna puke. Mom knocked on the door, announcing that dinner was ready and I walked down into the kitchen. I said I\'d be eating in my room, grabbed a plate, filed it with food and went back up to my room and locked the door again. You think I ate? Nope, not a single bite. Just the thought of food makes me wanna throw up. I hate it, it has become my worst enemy. I sat down at my desk and made some homework instead. When that was done I started on a new fiction, this time a My Chemical Romance fanfic. I don\'t remember exactly what happened in it, but the general idea was that this girl met the band, they helped her run away from her abusive parents, happy ending. Life, sadly, is never that easy. My parents aren\'t abusive, they just don\'t give a fuck. This last year I\'ve lost about 30 kg and they haven\'t fucking noticed! Or they\'ve said that I looked fat!! Great parents I have, huh? Dad is never around anymore, and the times I do see him, he tells me to loose a couple of kg.. I hate life. I hate my family and I just want to get out of here! But I don\'t have the guts nor the streingth. All I want is for someone to notice me. Or maybe I\'m ment to be all alone in life..\n\nMCRANDFOBLover: so, what do you think? Do you like it? I just wanna say that I am NOT anorectic (I love food too much), I don\'t slit my wrists and my parents do care about me (sometimes a bit too much and they become annoying.. -.-\') so Amy is a lot fictional. But Not everything, she IS after all a bit based on me..