FicWad

Love, love will tear us apart. The words he had written so long ago hadn't made any sense. But not much of what he writes does. He's a mystery. They say he's a calculates meticulous mystery. He calls himself an 'emogul', that side scares me the most.

*flashback*
Tick, tock, tick, tock. SHUT UP!!! I mentally screamed at the clock in our room. It was roughly 2am. I ,as usual couldn't sleep. The bed was cold and empty. I had randomly had a rager while Pete went to a benefit with Ashlee. They hadn't come home yet. Everyone else was sound asleep. Joe's snoring could be heard, even though he was sleeping in the ground floor guestroom, all the way in the other end of the house. I shifted in the comforter. Tick,tock,tick,tock. SHUT UPP!!!!!!!!!! I angrily got up out of bed, maybe someone else would be awake. I trudged along out of my room in my pink clandestine broken heart shorts and a white tank top. The house was still and quiet, only disturbed by the monstrous noise that was Joseph Trohman's snoring. I tip-toed to the kitchen and started to clean up. I heard the front door close and soft giggles and whispers. I sighed and kept collecting empty beer bottles to throw away. I heard footsteps come behind me and warm arms pull me into an embrace. As much as I hated him, I loved him and it was undeniable.
"Hey gorgeous" he said as he kissed my neck and below my ear. I smiled. "What blew up in our kitchen?" he asked laughing.
I turned away from the sink to face him and the mess.
" I had a party" I grinned proudly.
" I'll say!" I heard a voice from behind Pete, didn't she have a home to go to? I thought to myself.
"Hey Ash" I said, the weird thing about our relationship was, even though I was jealous, we were friends, we hung out and partied. It was sickening according to Patrick. And apparently I was making things too easy on Pete. She smiled at me grabbing empty cups and placing them in the trash. "How was the benefit?" I asked as Pete opened the fridge to look for food and settling for a cupcake with pink icing.
" it was mffi frroo tehh oossl" he mumbled, crumbs falling from his mouth.
"what?" Ashlee asked with a puzzled look. I laughed.It took years of mastering understanding the guys talk with their mouths full.
" he said its nothing from the usual, my loser boyfriend really needs to learn manners" I laughed as I kissed his cheek
" you like me dirty and lacking etiquette" he replied tickling my sides. " why are you awake anyways? Where you waiting up for me?" he fluttered his eyelashes exaggeratedly. I hit his chest
"No, I cant sleep with that goddamn clock one of you put up on my wall" I replied
"Yeah right, Lex just wanted a bit of midnight Wentz action" Ashlee teased. We both laughed as Pete's eyes grew wide and excited. " You staying the night?" I asked Ashlee. She nodded. "Cool, just take one of the rooms that the boys aren't in...or if your lonely go and take one of the rooms that the boys are in" I laughed as Pete dragged me away.
"Have fun making Wentz babies!" she called.

**


The heart is like a muscle. It gets stronger the more it works out, the more love it receives the better it works. When its injured. It can forever be defective. It can kill.While my heart was always full of love for Pete, it didn't feel like it was receiving enough at times. Mistakes can kill just like defective hearts.


*flashback*
My breath was short and fast paced matching y heart rate. I had just finished my morning jog. I collapsed on the front lawn where Hemmingway greeted me with sloppy kisses.
"Hem!" I complained pushing his squishy face off me. I heard two different spouts of laughter from behind me. I turned to see who see Patrick and Joe.
"Hey guys!" I exclaimed, jumping up to greet the guys. I ran over to give them sweaty hugs.
"Nasty Lexy!" Joe said backing away. I rolled my eyes.
"I thought you didn't scare easy Trohman? That your too hardcore for that?" I wriggled my eyebrows. He shrugged as Patrick laughed at my comment knowing exactly what I was talking about.
"what are you guys doing here?" I asked as Pete's car pulled into the driveway. Pete emerged from his car holding out two Laundromat looking coat hangers.
"Look what I go!" he sung dangling the hangers in the air. "Hey guys" he greeted his friends. We sat on the porch as Pete opened up the plastic case on the hangers with a toothy grin.
" This, my beautiful, no no my stunning gorgeous girl, is for you" he said holding out a beautiful black silky strapless dress. A grin spread across my face and I shot up reaching for it.
"Its beautiful" I said as he kissed my forehead. "what's the occasion?"
"The album launch" he replied, his hand on my waist.
"And your actually taking me as your date? I love you!" I squealed grabbing him tightly. Only the embrace wasn't reciprocated. The smile faded quickly and I stepped back to read his expression. Guilt.
"Actually..." he trailed. I pushed him back causing him to stumble.
"You cant buy me off" I scolded turning my heal and ran inside, pushing past Patrick and Joe
"Idiot" Patrick hissed at Pete and just as I slammed the front door behind me. He followed behind me.
This time I blared music as loud as the speakers let me. I pitied our poor neighbors. I sat in the middle of Pete's studio Indian style. Patrick entered the room cautiously. He didn't turn the music down, he simply say opposite me.
"Why does he keep doing this to me?!" I yelled. Patrick shrugged and fixed his hat.
"You deserve better!" he yelled back. I got up and turned the music down only to hear a door slam upstairs followed by the sound of ignition staring and a car speeding odd. Pete had left.
"Patrick this is getting ridiculous" I sighed and he nodded.
"Maybe... maybe you should leave him" he muttered avoiding eye contact and focusing on his shoes. I laughed at his remark.
"Leave him? Patrick if I leave him, I have no one and nowhere to go" I paused at the realization, " If I leave him, who will want me?" He opened his mouth to say something then shook his head changing his mind.
"Want to be my date for the album launch?" he asked.
"Of course" I replied.

When I was a kid, I remember seeing moments like these on TV and being amazed, in reality all red carpet events scared me. I fixed my lipstick for the last time in our Hummer limo as we pulled up to club LAX for the Infinity on High album launch. The CD had been leaked but the guys had insisted on having an official launch upon their return to LA. Pete fixed his tie as the door was opened for him. I kissed his cheek before he got out of the car.
"Im really proud of you" I told him.
" Nothing without you" he told me. I smiled forcedly as Ashlee followed Pete out of the limo.
"You ready to be torn apart?" Patrick asked wiggling his eyebrows. He exited and instantly was faces with screaming fans and flash photography.
"Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!" Patrick held my hand tightly. I giggles. He led me to some fans to sign a few autographs, then over to an interviewer. He answered questions and I tried to catch a glimpse of Pete who was the slightest bit ahead of us. Hand in hand with Ashlee. Andy and Kate joined us. I smiled widely at Kate, happy to see another overwhelmed FOB date.
" So boys, we've seen you on various occasions with your ladies, does anyone want to make any official statements on whether they're here to stay?". Andy laughed awkwardly. My eyes darting to see if I could spot Pete again. It was creeping me out that the media thought I had gone from Pete to Patrick. Kate's expression filled with hope that he would say something but was disappointed with his silence.
"Well, we're all real close arnt we Lex?" Patrick said winking at me. I nodded. " And as for these two, we hope they're here to stay"
'Well you heard it here first folks, Fall Out Boys look happy and possibly in love" We walked away.
"Why didn't you set them straight?" I asked. A cheeky smile crept on his lips.
"This way Pete gets a taste of his own medicine" he explained as we walked inside. I had a feeling this was the start of a problem.
The party was really taking off and the boys seemed genuinely happy. Kate sat trying to put on a fake smile, sipping on her martini
"I don't want to sound mean Lexy but I didn't expect Andy to keep me a secret, I mean we were a secret for so long I thought that was over, that he was proud to be with me.I mean that's more of a Pete thing to do". Wow that stung hard, but I knew what she meant, she was scared Andy would be pulled into living a lie like Pete was. She was afraid to become what I had become. I didn't blame her. Joe sat net to me.
"What the hell am I doing with you guys?You two are a major mood killer" he stated scanning the room for the others.
"Hey Jew boy, how come you have no date?" I asked. He shrugged.
" I like to keep my options open, besides this way I don't have to deal with the dramas you all talk about" his lisp ever present.
"smart man" Kate said. I raised my eyebrow knowing better.
"No way, we're finding you a girl tonight" I declared, that was when I noticed Patricks cheeks red and him giggling like a school girl as he slurred words by the bar. He needed to be cut from the bar, but being VIP there was no way the barman would ever tell him enough was enough. I got up to stop him before he did something ridiculous. I approached him leaving the Joe and Kate mid-sentence.
"Theres my date!" he exclaimed. I smiled tightly at the people he was talking to.
" Patrick babe, come with me for a bit" I said sternly tugging on his hand.
"No I cant" he muttered loud enough for me and his friends to hear.
"Patrick cmon" I hissed pulling him away and sitting him down on a vacant love seat. I ran back to the bar to get him some water. As I waited for the barman to hand me my water, someone approached me from behind.
"I miss you" Pete breathed into my ear, making me blush as he put his hands on my waist and lightly kissed my neck. He still had that same effect on me that he had when we first met.
"Pete." I pleaded. He smirked into my neck.
"Yeah your right, save it for later" he replied and left. I took a sip from the icy water in front of me as the barman gave ,e a look like I was doing something wrong. I walked back to Patrick.
"here you go" I handed him the icy water and sat next to him. He sipped it and thanked me.I smiled nodding and fixing his truckers hat and his now slightly sweaty hair.
"Your such a great girl" he said, I laughed lightly.
"Thanks kiddo, we need to find you and Joe a girl so you can have a proper date rather than drag me to these things" I said sipping his water. My eyes drifting to the large group of people we'd met throughout the years.
"I don't want to" he said, I smiled
"Why not?" I asked " Don't you want to have a nice girlfriend to look after you and cuddle with?" I asked him trying to think of the last time I had seen Patrick with a girlfriend. He sighed
"Yes but ..." he mumbled.
"What?" I asked turning to face him, lips came crashing into mine catching my completely by surprise. I pushed him away.
"What are you doing?" I asked standing up. Fear had sobered him up.
" I..I.. fuck.." he stuttered. Pete had pushed his way over to us
"What in the hell is this?!" he demanded. His eyes bloodshot and his veins looking like they would burst. I grabbed Pete's forearm to pull him away. He shook me off.
"Pete not here" I reminded him. He gave me a look full of hurt.
"Look man,I uhh I don't even know why I did that" Patrick tried to explain his actions.
"Lets just go ok?" I told Pete, he didn't look back at Patrick just walked away and I chased after him.

The drive back home was scary. I didn't know why I was scared, its not like I had asked to be kissed by Patrick. He was drunk. It was complete silence. ON arriving at the house, Pete walked straight in and once again I chased him, this time cautiously. He sat on our bed in the dark. I was at the doorway fidgeting with my hands.
"Pete?" I asked finally.
"He kissed you" he stated. I nodded. He buried his face in his hands.
" I didn't kiss him back" I told him. He said nothing. Hemmingway could be heard running around downstairs.
" I heard him say something to the press about wanting you to stick around" he said shaking his head.
" Yeah, as friends" I tried.
" I should have known, of course, Joe told me, Dirty told me, even Chris saw it way back then but I was stupid enough not to believe them" he was talking but I didn't think it was directed at me.
" What are you talking about?" I asked
" Patrick has been infatuated by you since we met Lexy, why the hell do you think he follows you around like a puppy dog!" he shouted.
"Don't be stupid Pete, we're friends, always have been, he was the only one out of your shithead friends that was nice to me, that's why we hung out, he has not been infatuated with me" I said making air quotes. He laughed
"Your so naïve"
" You're a bastard" I spat out at him.
" You want him don't you?" he asked his eyes frantic. I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes.
" HE kissed ME, not the other way around" I shouted back. " I love you, I've stuck by you regardless of the ridiculous things you've put me through, so you telling me I want Patrick is fucked up Pete Wentz!"
" Don't put this on me" he started
" If anyones to blame for any of this it is you, you fucking hypocrite!" I wiped the hot tears off my cheeks "You decided I wasn't good enough to be seen with, if you hadn't dumped me to be Patrick's date maybe non of this would have happened" it was at that point that we both realized we had left Ashlee at the party dateless.
" Don't start with the Ashlee thing, Lexy" he breathed out collapsing on the bed and closing his eyes. I was crying by that time.
"Whatever" I muttered and went to drown my sorrows with Hemmingway.
Sitting on the cold tile floor while Hemmingway sat beside me dropping a chewed up tennis ball for me to throw for him. I threw it and he scurried to retrieve it. Even his dog treated me better. This went on until I had stopped crying. I checked the clock on the microwave which read 1:05am. I got up to go to bed urging Hemmingway to do the same. As I walked up the stairs I hoped Pete has fallen asleep, I didn't want to fight anymore. I wasn't lucky as I wished I was, he lay there staring at the ceiling like I had left him. I sighed as I entered the room. I walked over and sat next to him. He let out a loud breath and his hand reached the small of my back.
"I'm sorry" he started, I turned to face him. He sat up with his arm around me.
" I don't love him Pete" I said softly. He nodded pulling me closer, his chin resting on my head. " I didn't kiss him, I love you"
"I know baby" he said kissing my hair, " I just got crazy thinking about someone being with you, I know you don't see Patrick like that, he... I need to talk to him" he trailed off.
"He was drunk Pete, he didn't mean it"
"I don't want to talk about it anymore" he said as he stroked my arm and brushed his lips on mine. Make-up sex.

The next morning I was woken up by the news on the television way too loud. I cursed the newsreader.
" Celebrity singer Ashlee Simpson looks like she's been dumped by emo rocker Pete Wentz at the launch of his bands new record". My eyes flew open and I shot up. Pete emerged grinning.
" Its just me and you babe, no more bullshit" he said, I couldn't believe it.
" The eyeliner wearing rocker was seen leaving the club hastily with what appeared to be his ex girlfriend which happened to be his band mates current girlfriend" the newsreader said. I switched it off
"No kidding?" I asked
" I told people in an interview this morning" he said smiling " I said, whatever Ashlee and I were is over, I'm in love with a girl and I want the world to know that". He said kneeling on the bed and kissing me.

**
Maybe hearts can be mended, maybe hearts can be sown together like he had told me years ago. All I know now is, that action of telling people about me wasn't about me, it was about gaining control of his life again. Regaining his identity and seizing the lie of a life he forced himself to live.