FicWad

Tales from the Soul Society
Period of Instruction
Virgo


"So?" Kaien asked. "What did he say?"

His captain scratched his head and sighed. "Kurotsuchi-taichou outright refused." Ukitake tapped a finger against his desk. "With all these Hollows suddenly developing chemical and biological agents inside of them, we need to get the recruits this training."

"Can't someone from the 4th division do it?"

"Kurotsuchi-taichou has been studying these agents and their results thoroughly." He frowned, knowing just how 'thorough' Kurotsuchi was. "He understands it best, but refuses to do a lecture."

Kaien crossed his arms and furrowed his brow in thought. Then he broke out into a large grin. "I know how to handle it, just leave it to me, Taichou."

Ukitake looked up. "Really?" Then he narrowed his eyes quickly. "I'm not going to like your method, am I?"

"Me?" Kaien looked anything but utterly innocent. "You know me, I can charm anyone into doing anything!" His grin ruined any shred of 'innocence' he failed to uphold. "Give me enough time and resources, I could probably have him do it in a frilly tutu."(1)

~~~*~

Someone showed him into a room that Kaien had expected to be an office. It turned out to be a lab of some sort and Kurotsuchi was up to his elbows in something wet and sloshy. Asides from that, Kaien really didn't want to know what it was.

"Excuse me, Kurotsuchi-taichou."

"I already told your captain," came the highly annoyed growl, "I'm not doing this lecture. Now go bother someone else!"

Well, he was off to a fabulous start.

"But Kurotsuchi-taichou, you're the most learned on the subject! Our current training regime doesn't have the proper coverage and we need you to do a couple lectures every few months to ensure that the recruits don't-"

"I did say your captain already asked, didn't I? And my answer is still the same so get out!"

Kaien frowned, slightly miffed at having to pull his trump out so early.

"Ne, Kurotsuchi-taichou-"

"WHY are you still HERE??"

"You'd be allowed to get as in depth as you want."

"I don't want to get in depth at all!"

"You'll be allowed to bring any specimens you want. No exceptions."

That made Kurotsuchi pause thoughtfully.

"And there will be no time limit so you can have the recruits for as long as you like."

At the angle of his head, Kaien knew he just needed one more push to cinch the deal.

"No recruits will be allowed to leave until the lecture is over. That also includes any captains or vice-captains that will be attending the lecture."

As Kurotsuchi hmmed thoughtfully to himself, Kaien clenched his fist in victory.

~~~*~

"....and as you can see from this sample I have here what happens when a choking agent goes into your lungs. It literally swells up your lungs until you're unable to breathe. They differ from blood agents because the chemicals in blood agents attaches to the blood cells and prevents them from releasing oxygen in your body-"(2)

Asides from the recruits the other twelve captains and all thirteen vice-captains were also in attendance. Out of all of them, the only ones that didn't appear affected by the lecture were Zaraki (who was bloodthirsty anyway) and Tousen (who was blind). Even Byakuya and Soi Fong were looking peaked.

"Ah, Shiba." Ukitake swallowed as the recruits all cringed in their seats. "Kurotsuchi-taichou is no longer allowed to do any sort of lectures. EVER."

From his place by his captain's side, Kaien nodded numbly.

"And now for my favorite of all chemical agents," Kurotsuchi said from the stage, sweeping a covering from another sample, "blister agents!"

Kaien hid his face as someone near the front row threw up in the aisle. Damn his charm.

~~~*~

(1) Seriously, given enough time I think Kaien could wrap anyone around his little finger.
(2) I have to sit through this class and look at pictures of example every year. It sucks XP