FicWad

It wasn't that he hadn't realized people would talk. It was what they do, especially in a town like Port Royal. There wasn't much exciting going on lately. A few encounters with an enemy nations, a few hangings of petty criminals who'd plagued the town, and one encounter with the real worst pirate James had ever seen. This man made Jack look like a bloody genius.

Well. Jack was a genius, of course. An insane one, of course. A tiring one, but a genius.

But that was besides the point. The point was people needed gossip, and James and his life provided it. He'd known from the very first moment Mary had announced she was pregnant with James's child that it would happen.

It was simply surprising how annoying it was. He'd gained a son and lost a community. No, he'd never been exactly comfortable with all of society, but he had his ambitions. And he had his position in society to think of. Now? He was fodder for all kinds of gossip and speculation, not to mention the incessant attempts at matchmaking.

He'd been safe from all that before. The moment Elizabeth had first come out to society, James had known that she was the woman he wanted. And he made it clear to everyone else, as well, rendering him effectively taken. Governor Swann had been sensitive enough to allow the relationship to run its course without any interference from him, and it'd been a relatively easy courtship.

Despite the fact, of course, that the object of his affection's affections were engaged elsewhere.

Now, Elizabeth had been married for over a year. James was not married and obviously the town felt it was time.

James found it all very laughable. If he ever married--and he was beginning to think that marriage was something he couldn't risk--it wouldn't be a woman from Port Royal. And, if it was, he'd choose someone who'd arrived after the scandal.

He'd been over this time and again. There was no use doing it yet again. It was late, well after midnight. After returning home from the party, he and Mariah had fed, changed, and gotten Gavin to sleep before having a quiet dinner. Afterwards, she'd retired to the parlor and he'd gone to his study to prepare for his upcoming mission.

As usual, he'd lost track of time. When he'd finally emerged from his work, it was late, so he'd settled in with a glass of brandy to muse on his son. And to do his best not to disturb his son while he slept.

There was a noise upstairs.

His heart pounded suddenly as alertness washed over him. Abandoning his brandy, James rose and took his pistol from inside his desk. He walked lightly up the stairs, avoiding the creak on the fifth from the top, stepping over the loose board that groaned, and making sure he didn't knock against the lamp that glowed softly on the table outside Mariah's room. Checking to make sure Gavin was sleeping soundly and safe, James went to his room, where the soft squeak of tread upon boards could be heard.

One, he counted silently to himself, door knob gripped in on hand, pistol in the other. Two. Three.

He flung the door open.

"Jamie!" Jack exclaimed joyfully. His eyes dropped to the pistol, and his smile melted away. "Now that's not a way to greet your old friend, is it luv?"

He exhaled hard and dropped the pistol. "Jack." Of course. Who else would it be? "What are you doing here?" He stepped inside his room and closed the door.

"Happened to be in nearby waters, and thought I'd pay you a visit." He approached cautiously, his dark eyes watching James narrowly, obviously unsure of his reception.

James crossed the room and set his pistol on the bureau. "I thought never to see you again. At least here." He shrugged out of his coat and hung it neatly in the wardrobe. Then he turned. "I thought that, perhaps, our business was finished, you'd sail away only to plague me on the seas."

"I can, if that's what you'd like. Though, seems to me, there's more left that we need to... explore." Emboldened now, Jack went to James and placed his hands on his stomach. "Don't you agree?"

"Yes," James sighed, dipping his head down to Jack's.

Their lips met softly. Jack tasted like the sea, salt clinging to his full bottom lip and around the soft bow of his upper. His tongue was gentle, questing, questioning.

"I've missed you," breathed James when they broke no more than a whisper apart. His hand pressed into Jack's back, and he felt the welcomed hardness pressed against his hip.

"Aye," Jack replied, and then he was back, only now their kiss was hungry, biting. There was teeth nipping at James's lips, his neck. Hands tugged at clothes, tore them, tossing them like dead leaves around the room as the tripped towards the bed, utterly graceless and completely drunk on one another.

Dear God, how he needed this. Needed Jack, needed this night. His life was a storm and James was simply a ship, tossing helpless through it. Through the child he'd never planned for, the wolves who judged him, the carnivores who coveted him, James owned nothing of himself. Allowed himself nothing but duty and honor and respectability except....

Jack. Jack was James's favorite sin.

James fell to the bed, pulling Jack with him. The bone almost poked him in the eye, and he jerked his head away.

"I thought I asked you to remove that," he said, reaching to where it was anchored to Jack's hair.

"Sorry. Wasn't sure of my reception, so wasn't sure if it'd be worth it. Ouch!"

"Oh, it's only a few hairs," James soothed, rolling his eyes. He tossed the bone away. "They'll grow back."

"Still hurt." He grabbed a fingerful of flesh on James's stomach and twisted.

"Ah!" James couldn't help shouting at the sudden pain that flashed through him. He laughed, moving to retaliate, when he realized what he'd done.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked when James froze, ears straining. "Can't take the..." He stopped talking at Gavin's scream bled through the door.

"Of course," James sighed, closing his eyes. Of course.

"What's that?"

"It's...." Rather than explain, James pushed Jack off him and went to the door separating his room from Gavin's.

Gavin's face was red as he screamed in his cradle. His fists waved impotently in the air, and he kicked hard to emphasize his displeasure.

"Shhh," James soothed, lifting his son. "There, there, it's all right. Father's fine, he was just playing a game." He kissed Gavin's hot cheek and bounced him a few times. "Why must you do this now?"

"Is there something you need to tell me, Commodore?" Jack asked from behind. His voice was near to frosty as James had ever heard it.

He turned. Jack was in the doorway, clad only in his breeches. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was looking at Gavin with a mixture of curiosity and displeasure.

"Jack, this is my son. Gavin."

"You're son." His frown deepened. "You should have told me you were getting married, luv. I would have come to the wedding. You know how much I love weddings."

"I'm not married."

Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Really? How interesting." He made a show of counting on his fingers a moment before saying, "You know, it's about nine months since I was last here. Has a miracle occurred, James? Is he ours?"

"Oh for God's sake," James snapped. He jostled Gavin rather harder then he meant to, causing the baby to squawk loudly. "Sorry," he immediately soothed, rocking gently. "He was got in the normal fashion, Jack. Remember the maid I told you about?"

"The one you found in your bed, yes." Jack cocked his head. "You said you didn't touch her. Did you finally give in, James? Are you human after all?"

He sighed in exasperation. "No, I didn't touch her. I...."

The door opened, interrupting him and Mariah entered. "I'm sorry," she said, sounding rather drowsy. "I didn't hear him. I... Jack!"

"Mariah," Jack replied with a nod of his head, sounding more interested then surprised to find her in James's home.

James looked back and forth between the two of them, his surprise at them knowing one another momentarily overtaking his embarrassment at being caught by her in a state of undress. "You know each other," he said.

Mariah looked at him, a knowing glint in her eyes. There was a small, lopsided smile on her face, as if she'd just figured out a troubling puzzle she'd been working on.

And perhaps she had.

"Of course, James," she finally said. She took Gavin gently from him and bounced him gently. "He's come to my tavern before."

"Oh." Then, he realized the implications and felt a wave of heat wash over him. "Oh."

"I could say the same thing, mate," Jack drawled, still lounging shamelessly in the door.

"No," James snapped, turning on him. Then, realizing how that may be taken, he turned back to Mariah, and said, "Not that.... I think you're beneath me, or anything. You're a great asset, Mariah, a good friend, but I could never..."

"Dishonor me so, yes, I know," Mariah said gently. "You are, above all else, James, a gentleman. Thank you for defending my honor even against a pirate."

"Thought he was defending his own honor, personally."

"Jack, don't be rude," Mariah said as James blushed harder. "Or jealous." She touched James's arm gently and said, "I'll take him to my room and keep him there tonight. That way you can talk with Jack."

"Mariah," James said desperately, feeling as if he owed her an explanation, yet not knowing what it was he needed to explain.

"Tomorrow," was all she said. Then, with a nod at Jack, she turned and left with Gavin.

He turned back slowly, stiffly, not sure exactly what to do or say. There was nothing more humiliating that he could think of than this night, being caught with his falsely gotten son by Jack, who would never understand, or being caught with Jack by ... anyone. He could be thankful, at least, that Mariah knew the world and knew the depths of depravity men could sink to. If he'd had his way, of course, James would have kept her good opinion a bit longer, at least for his son's sake, but what was done was done. If she wanted to leave and go to where at least men were honest about their sin, well then, James had heard there was good Christian woman in town who might be willing to share her milk with his son.

That was, of course, if Mariah didn't talk.

"So, James," Jack purred softly, crossing the room in that gracefully drunken gait of his. "You've some news."

"I suppose I do." He sidestepped Jack, who was attempting to pin him against Gavin's cradle, and went back into his room. His shirt had been thrown carelessly on the ground; he picked it up now and pulled it back on.

"He's your maid's," Jack prompted when James continue in his silence, unsure of how to begin. "And your son?"

James sighed and turned to face Jack. "Understand I tell you this in the strictest confidence, Jack. I've told no one everything, although those closest to me have... assumed some parts."

Jack nodded "I'll take your secrets to the grave."

"Gavin is not, strictly speaking, my son." A sour taste filled his mouth at the words. "I mean, he is not mine. I never lay with Mary, I was truthful when I told you that."

"So how did you end up saddled with him?"

"I'm not saddled with anything, Jack. Gavin is my son and a blessing."

Eyebrows raised, Jack pressed his palms together and made an obsequious bow. "A thousand pardons. Most men.... Aye, but then, Jamie, you are not most men." The frosty, wary edge Jack had adopted when he'd seen Gavin melted away, and James knew he'd been forgiven.

"Go on," Jack said, climbing onto the bed.

His tension melted a little. He knew he was in this deeper than was right, but the depth of his feelings still took him by surprise. "I wasn't sure how to handle the situation, not at first. I felt awkward at the idea of simply dismissing her without securing her a new position, but was unsure how I would explain the necessity without being indelicate. And then an idea struck. Elizabeth surely would need someone to help her settle into her new life. She was raised a lady with servants tending to her every need. Now she was expected to run her household on her own. I decided that I would give her the use of Mary, paying Mary's wages myself, for however long Elizabeth had need of her. Then, once Elizabeth was settled, she could help Mary find another position."

"Handy solution."

"I thought so, yes. But very soon after I did this, Mary began telling people she was pregnant. And then, she began to tell people that the child was mine."

"And of course you contradicted her," Jack said.

James gazed at Jack impassively.

"And of course you contradicted her, Jamie," he repeated more forcefully.

"I did not," he admitted. "I thought it best to simply ignore her and what she was saying. I knew there was no truth to her words, but I also knew that... by forcing her to leave, I'd cemented my guilt in the eyes of others. Denying that I was the child's father would only make me look like...."

"Like every other man of your standing," Jack finished for him. He sighed. "You fool."

James shrugged. "I didn't know what to do. I... I was damned no which path I chose. And it isn't as if I don't understand her position. She was desperate, she had to be if she decided to say it was mine. I couldn't marry her, I wouldn't marry her, but she said it nonetheless. I felt trapped. So, I continued to say nothing and I acted as if I didn't know of the rumors."

Jack rose and went to James. Taking him by the hands, Jack asked, "So, then, how did you end up with the little 'un?" as he pulled James to the bed with him.

Bone weary, James allowed himself to be led, crawling into bed like he was a child. Jack stretched out, head resting on the pillow; he pulled James's head so it rested on his breast, the steady thrum of his heart calming the storm inside James.

"She went into labor. It was terrible. Elizabeth sent for me, and by the time I got there, Mary was dead and there was Gavin. The midwife assumed he was mine. After all, I was there. She had no family, no real friends. No one to..."

"I'm sure the Turners would have cared for him."

"I couldn't ask them to do that. They want children of their own, and they had no real connection to this child."

"And you do?"

James smiled sleepily and kissed Jack's chest. "I have no complaints, Jack, you mustn't think that I've been unduly put upon. I love my son. He is more the blessing I could ever ask for."

Jack laughed and stroked his back. "You really are a wonder, mate. Not any that I know would take in a child that weren't his own, especially any men of standing. What about all that about serving others, eh?"

"I fail to see how claiming him as my own is entirely self-serving."

"So you're serving the community then? This is for crown and country." Laughing, Jack rolled onto James. His eyes were twinkling as he pinned James down, rolling his hips suggestively.

"I'm raising a son who may one day take my place as scourge of pirates everywhere," James groaned. He hooked his leg over Jack's back, grinding up against him. "It's my duty."

Jack panted, head dropping to steal a kiss. "Ah, yes, I see. And I suppose you'll raise him to be as fearsome as you are. Cream-skinned," he murmured, licking said skin, "strong jawed," a light nip, "and too damn noble for his own good."

"Yes, that's exactly it." James arched into Jack's touch, eyes shuttered. He gasped as Jack mouthed along his stomach, going lower as he did. "I d-don't see myself as noble, you know."

"Oh, I know." Jack licked a ring of fire around James's navel. Then he lifted his head. "What about when you marry?"

James blinked dazedly, unsure of what they were talking about. Surely they couldn't continue their liaisons if James married, and though he'd be loathed to give them up... "If I vow myself to a woman, Jack, I must honor those vows," he finally managed. He raised his hand and cupped Jack's cheek. "I will tell you before..."

"Not me, half-wit," Jack chided gently. He kissed the palm of James's hand. "I can handle myself."

"And often do, I imagine."

He got a flash of gold for that and Jack rode his thigh gently into him, causing a star-burst of pleasure to explode behind James's eyelids. He groaned, fingers digging into Jack's arms.

"I meant, what happens to Gavin when you marry? Have sons? What woman of your class--of higher, since Elizabeth was a bit above your station, wasn't she--wants to raise the illegitimate child of a beggar maid?"

James sighed, feeling himself wilting. "Way to destroy the mood, Jack."

"I need to hear you tell me that you won't do anything foolish, Jamie, before I can truly get into a mood."

"What do you want to hear me say, Jack? That should I get married, I'll give my son up to the Turners? To his other godparents? To you?"

"Yes," Jack said simply. "I'll take him."

Shock settled heavily over James. "What?"

"I'll take him. If you get married and the woman won't treat your son the way he deserves, I'll take him."

"You'll take him."

"Yes."

"You'll take him." Something in James's brain must have broken. Perhaps he was dreaming. Or drunk.

Jack smiled crookedly at him. "Is there an echo in here, love?"

"You'll... Why?"

"Because he's your son. And if you get married, you'll keep your vow faithfully to your wife, leaving no room for me. I want something of you, and even if he isn't of your flesh, he's of your heart. I want that."

Touched more than was right, James swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. He couldn't say the words, he didn't want Jack to say the words; they were too frightening to be said aloud. And yet, this gesture said more than any mere three words ever could.

He swallowed again and closed his eyes. He hadn't confessed this to anyone, not Mariah, not Elizabeth, not even Gavin. He hadn't even really allowed himself to think on it himself, lest it become too permanent a plan, or he talk himself out of it. "I don't think I'll marry," he confessed.

"James..."

"As grateful as I am for the offer, Jack, I don't want my son to grow up a pirate." He opened his eyes. "And you're right. No woman would accept him as her own. All my property and fortune would have to go to my first legitimate son. I can't cut Gavin out like that. He's my son. And, perhaps I'm not suited for married life, anyway." He cupped Jack's bottom and squeezed lightly.

"I'm nought but a distraction, mate."

"I don't think you are, Jack."

Jack nodded. Bending over, he kissed James gently, then rested their foreheads together. "Aye, Jamie. Aye."