FicWad

A*N--
Heyy yall!
It's 3 in the morning...
literally.
and i'm so tired...I'm dizzy and have been having trouble seeing the keyboard.
If this doesn't make any sense, I'll read it tomorrow and redo it if need be.
Night night fuckers!
xxoo
***




I held my hand out to him and he took it as we skipped [a little too quickly] downstairs.
When we got there Mikey was standing by the door, with his backpack over his shoulder. Asleep. I shook his shoulder and grabbed my purse and my backpack. I clicked the lock on the front door as I walked out, closely followed by Gerard and a still groggy Mikey.
"Gerard? ....Why? Why do you torment me so?" I asked him with a grin.
"Skiiiiiilar! How could you ask me that! Skii- I love you! How could you ever even imply that I torment you? Tease- maybe...no confirmations... flirt?...maybe a little... but torment?...huh-uh. I love you too much to be mean to you!" he replied with a smirk.
"Geeeee!" I whined. "You know what I mean. First with the bathroom thing! If you're going to take that long when you stay over from now on, get up earlier so I can have control of my own bathroom...in my own house, thank you!"
He pouted, but nodded. "Good. And then, with the...the-"
"Kiss," he interrupted.
"Yes! Why? Why did you do that? Gerard...first I though-" I turned to him, stopped and realized that I had been holding my hands in front of me, palms up, as if to say 'why?'. I dropped the hastily to my side and resumed my walking. "I thought you were gay." I said the last part loudly, but in such a soft tone, it came out quietly. Curious.
"Sugar, you say that like it's a bad thing. And I never claimed to be gay... the school... claimed I was gay. I just like wearing make-up...forgive me!!! Please God Almighty!" He dropped to his knees, and clasped his hands together, holding them in the air. "Forgive me for going to art school and actually being artistic!!!! I'm sooooo sorry Lord!!!!" I leaned back and smacked his hands and he stood up.
"Well, sor-ree! Geezis. Last time I say anything to you about rumors... I guess that means I shouldn't tell you that Frankie told me that you fucked a cat?" I smiled.
"Oh, no...I really did that!" He returned the smile and we both laughed.
"LOSERS!!!! COME ON YOU FUCKTARDS!!!! LET'S GET A MOVE ON!!! IF I GET KICKED OUTTA CLASS BECAUSE OF YOU QUEER BITES!!!!!"
Good morning, Frankie, baby.
Haha. How we were greeted every morning. When we got to the corner that Frank was waiting on I waltzed up to him and kissed him on the cheek, gracefully, before walking by him. He smiled and followed. I was like this with all 3 of them. It was funny to watch how they reacted. I was friends with tons of people, but only really talked to the guys. Guys didn't backstab. They didn't start rumors, and they didn't talk behind your back. I was happy with that.
We walked up to the school and up the stairs, to the front door. We said our good byes and headed in different directions. All of us were going to art school, but Gerard and I were the only ones that were actually good at anything artsy, at all. Frank was okay with computer shit and Mikey was okay with photography, but no one else could draw or paint. That being said, Gerard and I headed to Quinn's room [he was about 23 and very laid back. We basically could do whatever we wanted to in his class, as long as we were making art. People having sex? Sure! Just make sure somebody paints it!], Mikey went to Professor Burchett's [she was about 97 and wow, was she someone you did not want to upset...] and Frank headed to Professor Climly's [he was about 4o and pretty laid back. He said follow my rules and we'll be okay, and most of the time, he let the rules stretch to the point they should be breaking, but dismissed it with a wave and a simple "don't let it happen again"]. We took our usual seats next to the window and got out our tools. Our easels were side by side, specially moved [to accommodate us] so they faced out the window, and we could still peek at whatever the other one was doing. I looked out the window and instantly saw what I wanted to paint. In the distance, I saw the old Ferris wheel on the abandoned pier [it was abandoned because a little tourist boy had fallen through it one day, and it was claimed to be 'unfit for usage' and 'officially closed until repaired'. None of us cared, we went and hung out there anyways] with the sun rising behind it. It was beautiful. I saw it everyday, yet I never really noticed it. It was just another of many things I had always taken advantage of... things that I saw, but didn't really. Things that existed, but were kind of just... there. Huh. How did I never notice this before? I wondered. I just shrugged to myself and started mixing paints. Pinks and oranges and yellows and light purples. Wow. How amazing! I was apparently too caught up in my painting to notice anything around me, because the next thing I notice is that Gerard's canvas is already drying in another part of the room and the room is deserted, except for us.
"Wow. You've come along nicely from where you started. I always knew you'd do well... haha. My little apprentice." He was smiling appreciatively at his own joke and the beauty of my painting. He held out his hand to me and I took it, standing and allowing him to take my backpack and guide me to the door, where Mikey and Frank were already waiting.
When we reached the door, I grabbed Mikey's hand and we walked outside.
"My, my. What a lucky girl I am to have such beautiful men with me." I turned and winked at Frankie, who was walking quietly behind us, feeling left out. Poor bugger. If only I had one more hand. "Are we going home, or are we going to eat, Darh-lings?"
I turned first to Mikey, who just shrugged it off and left the decision to everyone else, as he always did. Everyday I asked him first and everyday, the same answer came. I expected that one day, he'd change his mind about not knowing and, just like magic, he's know! Oh, well. Maybe one day... Next I turned to Frank. He replied instantly with, "The Park" referring to the 5o's diner downtown, that had the best burgers and the best milkshakes. Gerard next.
"Food."
I smiled.
"The Park, it is. And what do we all want?" Everyone shrugged. "All-righty, then. We'll figure that out later."
We walked the rest of the way in silence. It was only about a 5 minute walk anyway, so it wasn't a big deal.
We walked in and found ourselves in a booth [Frank and Mikey across from Gerard and me], with menus in our hands, none of us quite sure how it had happened. I put mine down first. Hamburger with everything and a strawberry milkshake. After all of us had ordered, we talked about our day.
"Haha! Dude! Burchett, like, flipped, at Billie Jo! She was screwing around and pretending to make, like, a porno site or some shit and Burchett caught her and oh my gawd!!! It was so funny. I'm surprised that she didn't just find something and start beating her right there," Frank told us, laughing the whole time. Mikey mumbled something, inaudibly, about 'in your dreams' and I turned to face him.

"Mikers? How was your dahhh-" Halfway through me saying 'day', Gerard had slipped his hand under the table and it was currently resting at the top of my right thigh. I looked up at him and he winked. I continued like nothing had happened.
"-Your day?" I finished. He grumbled and made a strange raspberry resembling sound, before his head fell with a dull blunk onto the table.
"Maybe you shouldn't have drank so much last night, ay, Mikes?" Frank pestered Mikey.
"Frank Anthony Iero! Will you please quit harassing the bugger?" I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing at Mikey. He noticed that I was trying to hide it and he sat up. This time I really did laugh, because he had a napkin stuck to his forehead. He grunted and again, his head fell to the table. Gerard had started moving his hand gently up and down my leg, and I wanted to tell him to stop. To ask him what his problem was. Why he had acting so strangely lately. But I realized that it would seem strange to everyone else at the table and around us, so I kept my mouth shut. All of us quickly crammed food in our mouths and went back to my house to hang out. As soon as we walked in the door, I grabbed Gerard's hand and dragged him upstairs. I pulled him into my bedroom and slammed the door shut.
"What the hell is your problem?! You've never acted like this before! I always thought... You NEVER!!! Now, out of no where, you're in love with me!? How? How, Gerard, can you do something like that!? What about the boyfriend that I just dumped 2 days ago, because he had been sleeping with 4 other 16 year olds!!! He got pissed at me and tried to shoot me in the fucking head because I wouldn't fuck him! And what about Frank? Huh? What about him! He's been trying to get me to date him for, how long now? How long, Gerard!?" I was whispering loudly. I would've been yelling if it weren't for the other people, currently residing on my futon and shoving their faces full of my pop-tarts. Gerard looked like a little boy that had just thrown a rock threw the neighbor's window. Guilty.
"Four years," he said quietly. Almost so quietly, I couldn't hear him.
"That's right, Gee! Four years. Four goddamned fucking years that boy's been trying, and every time... every single time he asks me, what do I say? What do I say Gerard? I tell him that I won't ever look at him that way. We're friends. Nothing more. And never will be. I can't look at any of you as anything besides brothers! For Christ's sake, Gerard! When your brother and you were younger, you would come home, from school, daycare, be whatever, and I would be there making you lunch, wouldn't I?
Does that mean anything to you? I acted like your mother! Do you know why!? I acted like your mother because ours were always out partying. Drinking and partying! Where's moma now, huh? I'm 19 and I own my own house! It'll never get paid off...I'm working 2 jobs...I don't have anything but pop-tarts and tap water to eat! But, hey! It's the best I can do since I grew up my own mother! I grew up your mother! Gee... I am younger than you are! I'm younger than you, and I still took care of you... do you know why, Gerard? Do you know... know the beginning of it...of everything!? I felt bad. I fucking felt bad for you. I knew how it was. And even at that age... I knew it sucked ass and I knew that it was going to be like that for a long time. I was the only girl and I had always seen the movies- the TV shows. The girl always had to be the mom. No matter what. The girls cooked, they cleaned, and they made sure all the kids, even ones that weren't theirs, all had food. At 6, I could hardly make sure I had food, let alone the neighborhood, but you and your brother... I had a connection with you two... I loved you both, from the second I met you. So of all the kids in the town... who did I choose to take care of? You! I made sure you had food! And I figured out how to wash clothes...when I was fucking 6!!! And this is what you do? You let me go out with some shit-ass fuck-off? You let me figure it out by myself. You know my best friend has been trying to date me for the last 4 years and you still are trying to get me to agree to date you? Why, Gerard? Does it really matter that much to you? Why have you gone on all along and acted like I was nothing...
Just something that was always here and something you assumed would always be here. Another thing you see everyday, but never think to say 'thank you' to? Something that's there, but really, pft, it's not...it's kinda actually just a bunch of cells, to make, you know, a mother for you. And can I tell you something Gerard?" I threw myself onto the bed next to him. "I love you. I love you, Gerard! And not in the 'oh, look at the cute little boy' way. I want to marry you, Gerard. I want you to stay up late at night with me, and hold me as we watch movies together. But that won't work. It just won't happen!!!!
It's all wrong! You cannot love your son... or-or your brother!" I was pacing. "I can't take care of you anymore if I'm you're girlfriend. It just doesn't work that way!"
"Skiilar! What is your problem!? Why? Why can't it work that way!? There is nothing stopping you from loving me- from marrying me. Nothing but you!" Gerard blurted out standing, quickly, to show that he had more authority than I did, over himself.
"Everyone! Everyone is...well, they're not stopping it yet, but- bu- but, they will. They will try to stop it, and-" He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my hips close to his. He was as close to my mouth as I was to his this morning. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. It smelled like mint. At that point, I really didn't care what anyone would say, but I wanted to feel his lips on mine. I wanted that incoherent feeling you get when you're in love and you're kissing somebody. That rush of adrenalin you get when you know that you shouldn't be kissing that somebody. But you do it anyways, because, it just feels... right.
"Oh, yeah? I'd like to see them try." As soon as the "-i" in "try" sounded, his lips hit softly on mine. He was gentle and slow. We stood for a moment, his warm lips over mine, but I pulled away.
"Gerard..." I breathed. But I knew it was pointless. Word was out. He knew. I knew. Everyone else knew. It was too late. "...I love you."