Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I Want To Hate You Half As Much As I Hate Myself
These lyrics were written by me and though they aren't all that great they are only for the purpose of the story. Just pretend they are good.
Here I am, sitting at my drum kit ready to dance for my dinner (well drum for my dinner technically). He only wants to hear one song from us luckily so we decided to play, Winning Is For Losers (But Losing Is A Winners Game).
"Can't you just bite the bullet and swallow your pride?
Cant you be up for a fight and down for the ride?
Can you just pretend to hate me too?
Because I honestly wish I hate you,
Is this just a game to mess with my head?
Or a ploy to get yourself into my bed,
You long for something fickle like fame,
Well winning is a losers game,"
Steve sang with nothing but Jamie's and Harveys guitars to support his voice. It was after this that Hope came out to play with her little drum kit and Steve got to do what he loves second most (after singing). Bass.
"And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And I swear, yeah I swear I will never break it,
Because it isn't really mine,
Not needing you but wanting you,
Is gluttony really a crime?
And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And I swear, yeah I swear I will never break it,
Because it isn't really mine,
Not needing you but wanting you,
Is gluttony really a crime?"
He sings his heart out. I might write the words but he adds the passion. There is a slight instrumental as I send my drumsticks smashing into the drum strong enough to break them, thanking God it is the end of the song. Did I mention how passionate I am about music?
"Not bad." Not bad? Not bad? My skin bled tears for a not bad? I could have pounced if he hadn't said what he said next.
"Fucking great, that's what it is. Awesome dudes." He paused, glancing at a glaring me. "And dudette."
I couldn't help but smile. He had me worried. No one ever had me worried, I had to hand it to him; he has some serious skill. If only he wasn't a celebrity...or an attention whore.
"You're signed." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Just like that?" I asked. It seemed too easy. There had to be a catch. Life was full of catches, and lies to throw you off the scent. Throw and catch, I feel a lyric coming on.
"Just like that." He said as the rest of the guys were hugging everyone and anyone in sight.
I had to get to a notebook and pen. Where's my bag when I need it?
I ran around the room like a headless chicken searching for my bag, my notebook, my life. Sad but true that book was like my baby.
"A voice recorder would be better." Pete laughed as I found my 'baby' and wrote it down before I forgot.
Children got it in one,
With games of throw and catch,
Everything has a catch,
And something to throw you off the scent.
To be worked on!!!
"Always working." Harvey said squashing me in a bone crushing hug which I was happy to return. No longer would I have to live in that dingy apartment. We were signe by Fueled by Ramen/Decedayne records. I can't wait.
And I guess Pete is okay but as funny as Pete is I still have very little respect for him. I'm in love with his art (wit, humour and music) but he still as stuck up as ever.
___________________________
Three weeks later we were getting our stuff ready. The tour bus was to pick us up from my house in an hour and I hadn't packed. I'm going to be spending three months on the road, supporting Fall Out Boy and I haven't even packed. Life's great when your names Hope.
"No wonder you never invited us over, I mean look at this place." Harvey said. "You should have said something I have a spare room."
They seem to forget that I don't like being helped. It makes me feel like a charity case. Last thing I need is sympathy, I've lived 25 years without it.
"Its been fine, I'm hardly a damsel in distress." I said. If they think this is bad wait until I open the door.
"Now are you ready?" I said as I did the opening of the door ritual.
Almost as soon as we had packed my suitcase and brought it downstairs (I say we, I mean they) we heard a bus pulling up. I ran downstairs in my Fall Out Boy T-shirt, Skinny Jeans, Vans Slip-ons and emo bangs. I never usually dress like this, (I'm 25 not 15) but I wanted to piss Pete off.
"PETE! I LOVE YOU! LET'S HAVE SEX AND MAKE LOTS OF BABIES!" I screamed imitating a teeny bopper.
"Okay, let's go." He said, grabbing my hand. That wasn't the desired effect.
"I was...joking." I said pulling my hand back uncomfortably. He gently shoved me forward slapping my backside.
"So was I." He whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes, and jumped on the bus.
As I walked onto the bus I was met by the rest of Fall Out Boy. Shit. Look at what I am wearing. Oh my fucking lord.
"Guys meet Porcelain Dolls, my newest signing." I smiled at his corny introduction and cringed at what I was wearing.
"I don't always dress like this, it was just to piss him off." I said, pointing at Pete.
"I know." Joe replied. "We heard." I cringed again though inwardly this time.
"Next time, if you wanna have someones babies try not to announce it publicly." James said as they all laughed.
We started to talk and I got to know the guys really well. Andy is most like me, I figured out, a straight - edged vegan who supports PETA. He doesn't talk much and tends to observe before jumping in with something to say. But when he says something it demands the attention of everyone there.
Joe is the funniest guy I have ever met. He tells a lot of jokes, usually at the expense of others. Patrick's shyness, Pete's attention seeking-ness, Andy's aloofness and even his own inability to keep his mouth shut.
Patrick. What can I say? He reminds me so much of one of those nerdy school kids. Sweet as sugar and as warm as a summer day. Warm is close to hot, fire is hot. I have got to stop doing that. His flaming red hair never fails to amaze me and you just got to love a guy whose trademark is trucker hats.
We talked about what parts in our bands we played, our favourite music, our favourite bands and everything we could think of.
Pete kept stealing glances at me; I could feel his eyes on me. But when I turned he didn't try and hide it, instead he raised his eyebrows suggestively and looked towards the bunks. See why I don't like people like him? He thinks he can have any girl he wants, but not me. No way. So why did I feel I couldn't trust myself alone with him?
Here I am, sitting at my drum kit ready to dance for my dinner (well drum for my dinner technically). He only wants to hear one song from us luckily so we decided to play, Winning Is For Losers (But Losing Is A Winners Game).
"Can't you just bite the bullet and swallow your pride?
Cant you be up for a fight and down for the ride?
Can you just pretend to hate me too?
Because I honestly wish I hate you,
Is this just a game to mess with my head?
Or a ploy to get yourself into my bed,
You long for something fickle like fame,
Well winning is a losers game,"
Steve sang with nothing but Jamie's and Harveys guitars to support his voice. It was after this that Hope came out to play with her little drum kit and Steve got to do what he loves second most (after singing). Bass.
"And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And I swear, yeah I swear I will never break it,
Because it isn't really mine,
Not needing you but wanting you,
Is gluttony really a crime?
And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And then I swear I get lost in you,
Winning your heart without wanting to,
And I swear, yeah I swear I will never break it,
Because it isn't really mine,
Not needing you but wanting you,
Is gluttony really a crime?"
He sings his heart out. I might write the words but he adds the passion. There is a slight instrumental as I send my drumsticks smashing into the drum strong enough to break them, thanking God it is the end of the song. Did I mention how passionate I am about music?
"Not bad." Not bad? Not bad? My skin bled tears for a not bad? I could have pounced if he hadn't said what he said next.
"Fucking great, that's what it is. Awesome dudes." He paused, glancing at a glaring me. "And dudette."
I couldn't help but smile. He had me worried. No one ever had me worried, I had to hand it to him; he has some serious skill. If only he wasn't a celebrity...or an attention whore.
"You're signed." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Just like that?" I asked. It seemed too easy. There had to be a catch. Life was full of catches, and lies to throw you off the scent. Throw and catch, I feel a lyric coming on.
"Just like that." He said as the rest of the guys were hugging everyone and anyone in sight.
I had to get to a notebook and pen. Where's my bag when I need it?
I ran around the room like a headless chicken searching for my bag, my notebook, my life. Sad but true that book was like my baby.
"A voice recorder would be better." Pete laughed as I found my 'baby' and wrote it down before I forgot.
Children got it in one,
With games of throw and catch,
Everything has a catch,
And something to throw you off the scent.
To be worked on!!!
"Always working." Harvey said squashing me in a bone crushing hug which I was happy to return. No longer would I have to live in that dingy apartment. We were signe by Fueled by Ramen/Decedayne records. I can't wait.
And I guess Pete is okay but as funny as Pete is I still have very little respect for him. I'm in love with his art (wit, humour and music) but he still as stuck up as ever.
___________________________
Three weeks later we were getting our stuff ready. The tour bus was to pick us up from my house in an hour and I hadn't packed. I'm going to be spending three months on the road, supporting Fall Out Boy and I haven't even packed. Life's great when your names Hope.
"No wonder you never invited us over, I mean look at this place." Harvey said. "You should have said something I have a spare room."
They seem to forget that I don't like being helped. It makes me feel like a charity case. Last thing I need is sympathy, I've lived 25 years without it.
"Its been fine, I'm hardly a damsel in distress." I said. If they think this is bad wait until I open the door.
"Now are you ready?" I said as I did the opening of the door ritual.
Almost as soon as we had packed my suitcase and brought it downstairs (I say we, I mean they) we heard a bus pulling up. I ran downstairs in my Fall Out Boy T-shirt, Skinny Jeans, Vans Slip-ons and emo bangs. I never usually dress like this, (I'm 25 not 15) but I wanted to piss Pete off.
"PETE! I LOVE YOU! LET'S HAVE SEX AND MAKE LOTS OF BABIES!" I screamed imitating a teeny bopper.
"Okay, let's go." He said, grabbing my hand. That wasn't the desired effect.
"I was...joking." I said pulling my hand back uncomfortably. He gently shoved me forward slapping my backside.
"So was I." He whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes, and jumped on the bus.
As I walked onto the bus I was met by the rest of Fall Out Boy. Shit. Look at what I am wearing. Oh my fucking lord.
"Guys meet Porcelain Dolls, my newest signing." I smiled at his corny introduction and cringed at what I was wearing.
"I don't always dress like this, it was just to piss him off." I said, pointing at Pete.
"I know." Joe replied. "We heard." I cringed again though inwardly this time.
"Next time, if you wanna have someones babies try not to announce it publicly." James said as they all laughed.
We started to talk and I got to know the guys really well. Andy is most like me, I figured out, a straight - edged vegan who supports PETA. He doesn't talk much and tends to observe before jumping in with something to say. But when he says something it demands the attention of everyone there.
Joe is the funniest guy I have ever met. He tells a lot of jokes, usually at the expense of others. Patrick's shyness, Pete's attention seeking-ness, Andy's aloofness and even his own inability to keep his mouth shut.
Patrick. What can I say? He reminds me so much of one of those nerdy school kids. Sweet as sugar and as warm as a summer day. Warm is close to hot, fire is hot. I have got to stop doing that. His flaming red hair never fails to amaze me and you just got to love a guy whose trademark is trucker hats.
We talked about what parts in our bands we played, our favourite music, our favourite bands and everything we could think of.
Pete kept stealing glances at me; I could feel his eyes on me. But when I turned he didn't try and hide it, instead he raised his eyebrows suggestively and looked towards the bunks. See why I don't like people like him? He thinks he can have any girl he wants, but not me. No way. So why did I feel I couldn't trust myself alone with him?
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