FicWad

This was originally posted as part of Saro's Inuyasha Sketch Comedy Round Robin on the now-defunct Iridescent Dreams forum This was originally posted as part of Saro's Inuyasha Sketch Comedy Round Robin on the now-defunct Iridescent Dreams forum. This is the only one of my posts there that is self-contained enough to stand alone, and has only minor changes.
I don't own Inuyasha or its characters or settings. Long live Rumiko Takahashi! I don't own "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl" or its characters or settings. They are from the belly of the Mouse. I don't own silly fan authors, but I count myself among their ranks. Johnny Depp is for everyone.
Diana R. Flynn drf24@columbia.edu
.
.
.
"Every fucking time! Disney puts out a new movie and I get another stupid costume!" Inuyasha fumed.

"Come now, Inuyasha. It is not that bad."

He jabbed a claw toward his feet, "That's easy for you to say, bouzu!"

"That's Captain Bouzu to you."

"Uuuuuuuu..." Shippo wheeled. "When does the boat stop moooooving?" The kitsune plopped face-first onto the deck.

Stupid fucking fan-author didn't even watch episode thir-fucking-teen... Inuyasha fumed. Now the brat would be puking everywhere, and no way was Captain Asshole going to help hold his head over the side.

"You are only jealous because I got to be Johnny Depp." The ex-monk paused thoughtfully. "Arrr."

Miroku leaned back, setting both hands on the spoked wheel. Inuyasha scowled into the disgustingly sunny ocean. It was one thing to be cheerful, but Miroku was forgetting the important things!

For example...

Inuyasha dropped to the deck, claws gouging uselessly at the leather cages on his feet. The stupid fold-top boots wouldn't come off! Maybe if he used his teeth...

"Look on the bright side, Inuyasha. Here we are, two boon companions-"

Shippo blanched, "Hhrrk~~!"

"And one seasick rat," corrected Inuyasha.

"-off to rescue a fair maiden from evil men, and the only things in our way are a few pirates, the British navy, and a curse that does not involve anyone getting sucked into his own hand."

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes.

"Kagome told me about the movie," explained Miroku, "but we still don't know whose face will greet us once we overtake the Black Pearl..." Miroku rubbed his scraggly chin-braids.

"Don't be a moron," snorted the dog demon. "They all pick Naraku!"

"Yes, Inuyasha, but many of the American fanwriters haven't seen past episode sixteen. Some prefer your brother Sesshoumaru."

"She'll put Naraku as the bad guy."

"A wager, then!" Miroku clapped his hands together, and the boat spun wildly to the right.

"Keep your hands on the fucking wheel!"

"Oooooooo, hrrkkk~~~!"

"Sorry!" Miroku shook his head. "I didn't think a sailing ship would be that responsive." His tongue clicked. "No research..."

Inuyasha scowled. "You are enjoying this way too much."

"Well this is a nice hat," Miroku grinned. "We shall be home again once the story ends. Won't you at least try to have fun?"

.
.
.

"Welcome to Tortuga!" Miroku eyed a scantily dressed woman as she approached.

...and doubled up her fist.

Slap!

A second woman stormed up, "Who was she?!" she demanded.

Slap!

"That's got to be a record," commented Inuyasha.

.
.
.

And recruiting allies on the Interceptor:

"Sango! I was wondering where you'd be cast!"

"You stole my boat!" Slap!

.
.
.
And aboard the Black Pearl:

"I be Captain Naraku! And you be the lowly son of my crewman whose blood I be needin' to end the curse! What say ye to that?"

Inuyasha turned to Miroku, "Pay up."

.
.
.

And on a desert island:

Miroku turned to Kagome, "Aren't we both supposed to get drunk now?"

Slap!

.
.
.


"Parley?" Miroku asked the balding pirate.

Slap!

.
.
.

"He may be a pirate," Inuyasha protested to the governor's men by the gallows, "but he is also a good-" he snorted. "This is a good ma- heehahee! Can I start over?"

.
.
.

"You were right, Miroku," Inuyasha wiggled his bare toes in the grass outside Kaede's house. "That was fun."

"Scurvy dog..."