FicWad

Sometimes I wish I knew what goes through his head.

He sat there, his head in his hands and didn't speak a word to me. I sat on the other couch across from him, just staring at him; his tangled red hair hung over the sunglasses that held it back, some pieces probably hovered over his cerulean eyes, the ones I hated but still loved. How did I get so tangle up into him? I don't know, but it's a lot more easier making the tangle then it is to have it undone. I've tried and failed so many times; you grow tired of trying to undo the mess that you somehow stumbled upon.

My tangled mess was the redhead that sat in front of me; Reno.

He took in a deep breath, finally moving his head from his hands and moved into a new position. He held his hands together, his thumbs sticking out and hitched under his chin so his index fingers were pressed against his lips. I was right about certain strands of messy red hair hovering over his eyes, but he didn't bother to blow them away; instead he stared blankly at the carpeted floor.

"What should I do?" He finally spoke, the words tumbling out of his mouth and echoing through my ears and mind. What should he do?

"Let her go," I finally responded. "It makes no sense to hold onto something if you're going to be confused and frustrated with it all the time."

"And then what? Should I hook up with you?" He snarled and a pang of pain went through my chest.

That was the thing I hated about him, he assumed that we would never work out. He never gave it a fucking chance, never; he just went along his way with that stupid girl that told him sweet nothings but really - she would never give him the time of day. She told him the things I told him, but she wasn't fucking there to hold him when he cried about his life. I never saw her there - because I was the one who was there.

Me - Cloud fucking Strife.

And he still runs to me whenever something goes wrong or if he was confused, frustrated, upset, mad, depressed - you name it, I've seen it. A friend told me I shouldn't stick around anymore, to just let him fall so maybe he would get some common sense into his fucking head. But when you love someone so damn much, you don't have the heart to do it.

I don't have the heart to do that to Reno.

"You asked for help bitch, and I'm giving it to you. If you want to shove it my face like that then fine, run back to Lana and see if I care if she drops you all over again." I snapped - knowing I should have never said it.

Reno moved his eyes from the floor to me, his brow knitting together and it shows his annoyance in me. I should throw this damn pillow at him so he could know how annoyed I am - the bitch. If only he would just listen to me, he knows I'm not ok with this. I made it perfectly clear when he brought her name up that I was not fine with him seeing that girl, I loved him not her.

She was just some stupid girl who wore mini skirts and would bend over just to show off her ass that just squeezed out of her g-string. Well, I have a penis; I can't wear g-strings and mini skirts, then bend over to show the world my ass. I guarantee that a foot would be shoved up my ass before I could stand up straight again.

"Don't start Cloud."

"Don't start - damn it Reno! You do this every time! Leave the bitch alone, she's just some girl who is fucking with your head and your letting her do it!" I snapped, standing up with my frustration towards him.

"Damn it Cloud, you make everything so hard." Reno mumbled into his hands, burying his head into them once more.

"No, you made this situation difficult by trying to be with that damn girl! I am fully aware that yes, I do not have a vagina, but her? She's like a whore on a stick waiting for some dumbass to pull her off so she can take what she wants and go back to her stick for her next victim!" I yelled, waving my hands around.

"Shut the hell up Cloud!" Reno snapped as he looked up from his hands and at me.

"It's the truth Reno! We were perfect, we were doing so good and when she came along everything just got fucked up!" I replied - I am not going to cry, nope. When he leaves, maybe I will, but not right now. That will be a hell no.

"Cloud-"

"Why Reno? Why don't you love me like I love you?"

It slipped; I never meant to say that. He knew perfectly well what I meant by it too, his eyes widening at my sudden comment. Shit, if I could rewind time I would, and I would make sure I never said that comment. But it was said, no turning back, no denying it.

"What?"

"Do not act stupid! Ever since you met Lana I was simply thrown to the side like nothing and I still am! You tell me you love me but I find it hard everyday to believe those three stupid little words you tell me. Then you call me over to either talk about her or for you to fuck me like nothing," I said. "I'm tired of being second best Reno, I want to be the main priority, you're wearing me out Reno."

Reno sat there, stunned at my words and soon looked back down at the floor - with nothing to say.

"I can't do this anymore," I stated as I rubbed the back of my neck. "It's either me or her. If it's her then I'm gone, I refuse to continue this on any longer."

He didn't seem to realize just how hard it was to say those words to him, to actually tell him that it was either her or me. To be honest, I was afraid. I was scared shitless that he was going to pick Lana and I had to walk out the door, with the last image for him to see was my back. Damn that Lana.

"Cloud, I can't - don't do this." Reno pleaded, but his begging wasn't going to work this time. Nope, he can't have the best of both worlds.

It's a tiring circle, this thing he somehow created and got me tangled in. Him with Lana, then by the end of the week, or if I'm lucky the end of the day, he's with me. No more, I can't do it anymore; but it'll hurt a hell of a lot more to walk out that door if his decision was her then it was actually having to deal with the never ending cycle of Lana, Reno, and Cloud.

He stood silent, his index fingers once again pressed against his lips and he thought it over. He cannot possibly love this girl, she has done nothing to earn that from him. Just reveal her ass through her mini skirt and all the straight guys are fucking happy - but Reno isn't straight. He's on that border of liking girls and guys; bisexual. Honestly, I much prefer Reno being someone's bitch then some girls play toy.

It shows how horrible the woman is.

His silence is bugging me, and I have the distinct feeling that I will have to walk out that door to prove to him that I will not go on with this. Because I can't, and I refuse to do it any longer; enough is enough. I crossed my arms across my chest, staring him down as he looked up at me with the cerulean eyes that I hated but loved at the same time.

"Cloud, I just can't give up." Reno replied softly.

That was all I needed. I shook my head at him, uncrossing my arms and walking cross the living room to retrieve my jacket from the same couch Reno was sitting on.

"Oh come on Cloud, this isn't fair!"

"It's always about you, isn't it?" I asked as I slipped my jacket on, looking at Reno as he stood up. "You can't have everything Reno, I thought you would know that by now. Turns out, I was wrong. Dead wrong."

I walked past Reno, walking to the door and placed my hand on the doorknob -

"Fine! Leave! You'll only come crawling back, and when you do I'll just chuckle and say 'I told you so.' Because Cloud, that's how it works." Reno piped, trying this as his last chance to make me stay.

I simply shook my head, smirking at his attempt. "Maybe in your book Reno, but not in mine."

"Please, don't leave. I need you."

"You already picked, you need Lana." I stated. "She's what you wanted, right?"

I didn't let him respond; instead I turned the knob of the door and walked out. I closed it behind me, looking over the snowy streets and took in a deep, shaky breath. It was difficult, not turning back and simply telling him 'Ok, I'll stay.' It was tempting, very tempting, to do so; but I already made up my mind. And being the stubborn person that I am, I was going to stick with it - no matter how much it killed me.

Reno said I would come back crawling - when really, it was the other way around. Reno would come back crawling; it was always him that did.

But being the pain in the ass he is, and he's just a stubborn as I am, he was going to fight every limb in his body to fight the urge to come back. I'm just hoping he realizes sooner that he fucked up, big time. That Lana was really just another girl who didn't really want him, but his attention really - and that's why she led him on. Because she knew, he would always come crawling back. That was something both Lana and I had in common - we both knew Reno would always come back.

But this time, I don't think he'll come back.

And I sometimes regret making the decision I made.

And I still wish that I could know what goes through that head of his.