FicWad

I just got out of school, and I'm looking for a job and a place to live, so it might be a while before I have the kind of privacy I need to continue this story at the previous rate. Speaking of privacy, I'm sending Kurama back to Togashi, on account of the gag getting old.

KURAMA: Old? I'm going back because your lease on my contract was nothing more than some scrawled crayon and my own gullibility!

Never underestimate gullibility, my dear fox-bandit.

KURAMA: Believe me, from now on, I won't! Now just hope my cab gets here before my patience with you grows thin.

Not gullibility, and not high-speed cameras.

KURAMA: What are these?

Exactly what they look like.

KURAMA: (Flips through photographs) What in blazes?!
I take it back, you did look good in that Sephiroth costume.

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Kaede allowed her borrowed horse to set its own pace for the last leg of the return trip. For all her hurry, there was no sense exhausting the poor beast.

How would Inuyasha react to her news, she wondered. A stoic smile creased her heavy mouth as she realized that it was hardly more difficult to predict Inuyasha's responses now than it had been when he had remained still as a stone against the Goshinboku.

If Kagome had returned from her native land, then he would grumble and curse to make her scold him, perhaps complain about slaying shardless demons for ungrateful villagers. And then she and Miroku would drag him off by his ears. If Kagome had not yet returned, then Kaede would find him next to the Bone-Eater's Well, probably pacing a bare spot in the grass and swearing that he didn't miss Kagome one bit.

Kaede allowed her smile to soften. It was almost sweet the way Inuyasha craved the girl's attention in any form. In some ways, he was more demanding than the kitsune.

The priestess wondered for a moment when it had all become so familiar to her. It had been some time since the villagers had shown anything more than passing fear of the dog demon, even in his moods, but Kaede, oddly, found herself almost eager to be home again. She could almost hear the voices in her head of all the vibrant souls that Kagome had released, saved, or gathered into her village: First Shippo, and then the honey-voiced monk. Half the young girls in the village were quite in love with that Miroku. The other half had gotten within groping distance.

Kaede could see them in her mind's eye, these people whom she had suddenly missed and memorized, had learned every reaction to the point where she felt she could read their hearts as her very own.

And that was fine with her, she realized as the tired horse plodded into the view of the village proper. The world, after all, held more than enough surprises.

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"Is he a demon?" Inuyasha's voice was oddly eager as it filtered through the trees. "He's a demon, isn't he? I knew it! That talisman around his neck must be masking his-"

"No, Inuyasha," Miroku answered evenly. "Though I must admit that things might be simpler if he were."

Shippo scurried up to where the monk was deep in conversation with Inuyasha. "I didn't miss anything good, did I?" He blinked at the red handprint on Miroku's face. "Oh..." he said, crestfallen for only a moment as he seated himself at the foot of Miroku's robes and began to rip open a small plastic bag.

"Brat, you were supposed to be looking for Kaede, not nose-diving into Kagome's pack!" Inuyasha snatched the bag away from Shippo.

"Potato chips," Miroku observed. "Did Kagome say you could have those?"

"She would have!" Shippo jumped and swiped at the packet in Inuyasha's hands. "I was just saving her some time." He gave a little growl. "You only want to eat them yourself!"

"Pipe down, runt," Inuyasha waved at him, tucking the half-open bag into his robes. He turned to Miroku, "Now what were you saying? Hobo's a what?"

The monk's face turned serious.

"A natural," he explained. "It's something that Mushin used to talk about-"

"That old drunkard?"

Shippo tried to climb up Inuyasha's back and reach around into his haori, but the bigger demon batted his arm aside.

"That old drunkard," Miroku countered, "knows more about women than any other holy man alive!"

"The sad thing is that you don't realize how strange that sounds," Shippo sighed against Inuyasha's sleeve.

The big guys ignored him, as usual.

"A natural is rare in men our age..." Miroku went on.

"Well I wouldn't count that ugly little whelp to be more than a few years out of diapers."

"They are attracted to his innocence and sincerity. A natural finds himself irresistible to women, even without any skill," Miroku's voice thinned in disapproval, "or training, or finesse-"

Inuyasha snorted, "He manages to get girls' attention without being a pervert, you mean."

"Exactly! He's a menace!"

"Hojo did seem very polite," Shippo chimed in. "Maybe Kagome likes him better because he doesn't swear at her or put his hands where he shouldn't."

Inuyasha stiffened, "What did you say, runt?"

Shippo grinned inwardly, knowing exactly which words had set him off, "I said," he answered, "Kagome likes Hojo better than you because-"

That earned him a bop on the noggin and a head-first dive into the ground.

Shippo twisted into a sitting position and rubbed the new bumps on his head, "You sure get violent when you're jealous, Inuyasha..."

"What?" his arms went rigid at his sides, "I'm not jealous of that little human boy!"

Shippo gave him a dark glare. Miroku joined in.

Inuyasha growled briefly, "So what else did Holy Mushin have to say about neuterals?"

"Naturals," Miroku corrected.

"Whatever. How do we get rid of one?"

Miroku looked away, "Actually... Mushin told me that, upon encountering a natural, it is wisest to give way and seek other forms of entertainment."

The growl was louder this time. "No fucking way!"

"I agree," he answered. "This is not the time to retreat."

"Wait a minute," Shippo looked to Miroku. "Why are you so-" his eyes went wide. "Does Sango like him too?!"

"No!" the monk answered quickly, "I mean she- No, but..."

"She does?" Inuyasha tilted his head to the side, musing, "That might distract him..."

Miroku shot him a glare.

Shippo scrambled up the side of Inuyasha's robes as the monk seemed to calm himself. "It is possible, Inuyasha," he said with closed eyes, in a voice that was just a little too bland, "that I have exaggerated the seriousness of the situation."

"Exaggerated?" Inuyasha scoffed. "What happened to your 'menace'?"

Shippo reached toward the edge of Inuyasha's haori.

"The very nature of a natural is that he truly means no harm to women - and often - to their virtue. If you fear that Hojo will supplant you in Kagome's affections, Inuyasha, then perhaps you should simply act more kindly toward the girl."

"I don't think he's going to plant me in her affections!" Inuyasha folded his arms and turned up his nose.

Shippo giggled, "I'd bet not!"

"I just don't want her distracted," the dog demon's voice was just a little too high-pitched. "We should right now be out looking for jewel shards, but instead we have to babysit a metal-reeking wimp of a human!" Shippo shook his head. Inuyasha was a terrible liar.

"What I am trying to say, Inuyasha," the monk's words were level. He was a better liar than Inuyasha, "is that perhaps if we give the boy a chance, we'll find that things aren't as bad as they seem. Why I almost enjoyed his company before I realized what he was."

Inuyasha snorted, absently batting Shippo's hand out of the way. "I'd rather just send him back where he came from!"

The monk looked away for a moment.

"I think that's a very good idea," he admitted.

"You bet it is!" Inuyasha pulled the bag from his robes and held it out of Shippo's reach.

"So," said Shippo, dropping to the ground, "where is he now?"

"He's touring the village with the girls," Miroku answered.

Then he paused.

Inuyasha's hands went stiff.

"Fuck..."

"Perhaps we should go and check on-"

"I think they went that way."

Shippo watched the two of them leave. A moment later, he picked the unnoticed bag up from the ground, ripping it open happily.

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So what do you think is fair? Ten percent?

KURAMA: I will not allow you to sell these pictures on the internet! I want every copy, and the negatives.

Okay, fifteen.