FicWad

"Really?" Patrick asked, shocking. Pete nodded sadly.
"Yeah, she's been kind of distant lately, but she's been really attentive to me and paying me even more attention than when we first started going out."
"So you think it's a guilty conscience?" Patrick asked, resuming bathing Josh, while Pete shrugged half heartedly.
"I dunno. I just know something's wrong and I don't know what. I'm terrified if I ask, she'll leave me."
"You never know unless you try. Anyway, that's what a relationship is about; understanding and communication." Patrick replied, his own unpleasant, distant relationship with Christina flooding back to him. He only wished he could say that to her right now.
"I don't want to lose her." Pete said, wiping the shampoo out of Danielle's eyes as she began to scream.
Patrick watched him slowly filling the jug and letting the water run down in front of Danielle, while she sat absorbed in the patterns the water made on the surface.
"No one wants to lose someone, Pete."

"Promise me you won't let them go running off." Patrick half dictated, half asked Pete after lunch, when they were in the studio. They were sitting in the side room where the recording booth could be seen through the glass window that covered most of the wall. Pete, along with Andy, had been ordered to babysit while Patrick recorded a song.
"Oh, yeah, 'cause at four months old they can run." Pete said sarcastically. "They're fine, Patrick, relax. They're with their Uncle Peter and Uncle Andy, what could go wrong?"
Patrick didn't answer, just rolled his eyes as if to say 'everything', and left the room.
"Look, watch your dad, look how cool he looks. I bet you won't know anyone else who has a voice like that." Pete said, sitting Danielle on his lap and making her face the window so she could watch Patrick as he communicated to the producers by talking into the microphone and giving them the thumbs up when he was ready.
"I bet he'll be turning around like every five seconds." Andy said from next to him, doing the same with Josh.
"Most likely." Pete replied with a grin, bouncing his knee up and down, making Danielle squeal.
But when Patrick stepped into the booth to record, as always, he became completely different. He stood confidently, none of the hands-in-pockets, biting his lip and looking at the floor characteristics he normally had when he stood up. He didn't turn around once as he began to sing, his mind was totally fixated on the vocals and holding the notes, perfecting the melody. Inside his head, he was thinking about nothing other than making this song the best it could sound. All his emotions flooded out in his voice, this was the first time in a long while he had been able to sing loudly without anyone crying as a result. He wanted his kids to remember his voice. Not just because he was their dad. No, he wanted them to remember it as they would remember somebody like Jeff Buckley, or Nat King Cole. Like if he wasn't their father, they would remember his voice even if they were from a completely different family. All his anger, rage, disappointment and regret came rushing out in the form of the most beautiful and powerful voice you could ask for. They may have been four months old and hardly able to understand anything he did, but his children were enchanted, their eyes transfixed on the person he'd become. While Patrick sang, images of everything he'd experienced in the last year flashed throughout his mind.
Christina telling him it was over. Christina informing him she was pregnant. The worst feelings of loneliness and loss of security flooding his entire body for months. The birth of his children. The love he'd experienced from the moment he saw their picture on the Doctor's monitor, it all invaded his mind and it triggered something inside him, something that made him forget every negative memory he had. Only concentrating on the rush of adrenalin he experienced while being able to sing and re-living those memories at the same time, it pushed him to blow the vocals off the scale.
And that's exactly what he did.

"Fuck me, Patrick." Pete whispered, unable to tear his eyes away from him.
"You know, that doesn't sound too good if I didn't know why you were saying that." Andy said, not taking his eyes off Patrick either.
"Jesus, that was amazing, dude!" Pete said, as Patrick came into the room half an hour later after recording the song time and time again.
"Thanks." Patrick mumbled, shyly, back to his nervous self now he'd stepped out of the booth.
"Did you like that, Princess?" He asked, when Pete handed Danielle over to him. He spun her round and held her above his head as she laughed.
"She loved it." Andy said, while Patrick switched with him. He spun Josh around and rested his nose against his.
"You wanna be a musician like us, right boy?" He asked, and Josh giggled and slapped his small fist against Patrick's glasses, knocking them askew.
"Or not, you can be an actor." Patrick shrugged, then grinned, hitching him up further onto his waist and then onto his lap as he sat down. The door opened and Bob looked in.
"Pete, Joe, you guys are up for recording now. And Andy - Neal wants to go over some fills with you." He said, and Pete, Andy and Joe obediently got up and left the room, Pete sat Danielle on Patrick's free leg as Patrick shifted to make room for her before he left.
"Alright there, Patrick?" Bob asked, nodding at him. Patrick looked so happy to anyone that looked at him, a happiness sparkled in his eyes even if he tried to conceal it, there was no denying it.
"Yeah, I'm good." He said, his head ducked as he grinned when Bob closed the door, leaving him alone in the room. He rested his chin in between Danielle's and Josh's tiny shoulders, and whispered to them singing softly and rocking them side to side gently.
"A thousand angels dance around you,
I am complete now that I've found you."
"Look at him!" Joe said, shaking his head, when he and Pete walked into the recording room Patrick had just used. "What a sap."
"Hey, give him a break, dude." Pete said, turning his head to watch Patrick. "He deserves it. Look how happy he is."
"Wow, who's /that/?" Joe whistled, as a tall, long legged red headed woman left the room opposite them where the sound boards and production equipment were.
"Ha-wt." Pete winked.
"I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I-" Patrick stopped singing when he heard the door open. He turned his head to see a friendly looking woman with large green eyes and beautiful red hair smiling at him. He froze and looked at his feet shyly.
"Hi, um, I'm Amanda. The new PR?" The woman said, holding out her hand.
"Oh, right, Amanda." Patrick nodded, trying very hard to look her in the eye and keep Danielle and Josh on his lap. "I'm Patrick."
"Yeah, I know. You're the singer."
Patrick nodded.
"Nice to meet you, Patrick." Amanda said, holding out her hand. Patrick tried to shift Danielle further in his lap so he could return the handshake, but finding he couldn't, tried the same with Josh. He looked at her helplessly.
"Uh, I would but..."
"That's OK." Amanda said, flashing him another one of her friendly smiles. She walked over to him and knelt down in front of Patrick.
"Oh, wow. Your babies are adorable."
Patrick laughed nervously and was very aware of how uncomfortable he was; both emotionally and physicaly. He wanted to stand up but he knew he'd look like an idiot trying to hold two babies.
"They are yours, right?"
"Oh, yeah, they're mine." Patrick said, with another nervous laugh. "This is Danielle and this is Josh."
"Hey guys! Wow, they look just like you." Amanda told him, tickling Josh under the chin.
"Thank you." Patrick said humbly. He opened his mouth but they were both interrupted by the sound of a cell phone ringing.
"Sorry about this, it was lovely to meet you, and your kids." She said, after rummaging in her pocket and pulling out her cell. Josh bounced up and down on Patrick's leg at the sound of the ring tone, and Danielle simply looked up at her father, watching him as he watched her back. He looked up at the sound of the door closing, and then the silence filled the room again.
"Well, she was pretty."
Danielle made a snuffling noise and moved her head, while Josh did his best to point at Joe and Pete who were standing grinning at Patrick, giving him the thumbs up. He nodded at them and grinned, shaking his head, turning back to Danielle who was still making noises.
"Don't worry, sweetie, you're still my number one girl. Besides, I think Josh had her wrapped around his finger."
Right on cue Josh grabbed Patrick's finger like he had the night before, and twisted it.
"Ouch! You got me wrapped around it too," he said, trying to bend his finger amidst the sharp pain, and then kissed Josh's head, causing him to object in the form of making noises too.
"You gotta stop doing that, pal. When you reach three years old you'll be flooring me."

"You were amazing today, man. How did you do it?" Pete asked, waiting for Patrick to unlock the door to his apartment that night, which wasn't an easy job with a child asleep on your hip and a cell phone in the other. Pete stood by him, shivering though it was bearing towards summer, while he supported Danielle on his shoulders. Patrick was secretly terrified that he would drop her.
"I don't know," Patrick said, opening the door and letting Pete enter first before kicking it closed behind him. "Something just sort of exploded in me. It was weird."
Pete followed Patrick through to the kids' room, where he helped Patrick put them to bed. Thankfully, they were asleep within the one song Patrick leaned over them and sang, at last giving peace to both he and Pete when they drifted off.
"Look at them. They don't deserve this. It's so unfair, Pete. I know I'm thinking way too much into the future but, they're gonna be the kids all the other kids point at and laugh in school. Because they don't have a proper family unit. I know, I was one of those kids."
"Yeah, but it didn't traumatize you or anything." Pete shrugged. Patrick was getting worked up over nothing. Or at least something that would happen in ten years time.
"I don't care about me, Pete, I don't have time to care about me anymore. I just don't want them to be those kids everyone calls from a 'broken home'." Patrick replied, picking up one of the baby monitors and pocketing it when he left the room, Pete right behind him. They both sank onto separate couches, glad to be able to sit down and relax at last.
"If anything, they'll be called 'the rock star's kids', Patrick, seriously. No one's gonna give a fuck about you and Christina not being married or together or whatever."
"But I do!" Patrick objected.
"I know you do! But you're just gonna have to tell them the truth one day, like, everything. Just worry about it when it happens." Pete replied calmly, the notification of a new email for Patrick sounding in their ears. Patrick threw Pete the TV remote and sat at the desk to read his email while Pete flipped channels.
"It's from Christina!" Patrick said excitedly. Don't get too excited, pal. Pete thought in his head, unaware Patrick was thinking exactly the same thing in his own head.
"Oh, wow, look at this." Patrick said, gesturing for Pete to come over, and turning the laptop screen towards Pete so he could read it.
"I told her all about the kids, and like three lines about the house. That's all she's replied." Patrick said angrily.
Dear Patrick,
I'm glad you're settling in well. The pictures are great - the view is amazing. Your apartment is lovely.
Christina.

"Wow. Mom of the Year." Pete said sarcastically. Patrick looked drained.
"No, 'I hope the kids are doing fine, give them all my love,', or 'tell them I miss them so much'. That's what normal mothers do!" Patrick argued to no one in particular.
"Well, then that's her problem."
"No, Pete, any problem to do with my kids is my problem."
"So what are you gonna do, Patrick? You've been moaning about it since they were born but you haven't gotten up off your ass and done anything about it!" Pete snapped, walking away from the desk and flopping back onto the couch. Patrick looked back at the screen and bit his lip. He knew Pete was right - but he was still terrified of all the 'what ifs' and 'maybe's.
"You have everything you dreamed of - except your beautiful wife. Which there is no point in denying you will get one day. You have two beautiful children when some people don't even get to have one. Or they lose theirs. You should re-name the song 'She Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was Two Amazing Children. That's exactly how you're acting! My girlfriend is cheating on me. You think you have it bad?"
"Yeah, maybe your girlfriend is cheating on you - but what were you telling me last night? You were too scared to tell her incase she left you!" Patrick replied calmly.
"So?" Pete said indignantly. "What's wrong with not wanting to lose her?"
"Nothing, I never said there was. But you're being a hypocrite."
"Excuse me?" Pete blinked.
"Yeah. You're nagging at me for not telling Christina about this," he waved at the screen behind him, "and yet you don't do anything about Jenny."
Pete grabbed the cushion and Patrick stood up, ready to dodge it if he threw it at him. Instead, Pete brought his knees up to his chin and hugged the cushion, his head down.
"I'm sorry, Patrick. I don't know what the hell I'm doing." He whispered. Patrick got up and sat on the coffee table.
"It's alright, Pete. It's OK to feel that way. I know how you feel. There were times, a lot actually, where I wanted to ask Christina if she'd ever met someone else. And you know what?"
"What?" Pete croaked.
"I never did. And look where that got me."
Pete thought it over, biting his lip. Maybe Patrick was right - maybe if he left it too late she would find someone else.
"You're right. I have to ask her."
"Right. It's probably the best thing to do." Patrick said, bending down and picking up one of the kids' toys. He watched Pete looking lost and sadder every minute.
"Pete, everything will be OK." Patrick said, as the phone began to ring.
"No, no, no!" Patrick whispered frantically, scrambling for the phone. "Stop ringing..."
He groaned as he heard one of the twins crying, and looked at Pete pleadingly.
"Can you answer it? Tell them thanks a lot for disturbing my babies' sleep!" He threw the phone to Pete and ran off down the hallway into the kids room.
"Hello?" Pete answered.
"Pete!" The voice sounded from the other line.
"Jenny? What's up?"
"Nothing! I was just, uh..."
Pete narrowed his eyes as a sickening feeling crept up his stomach.
"I thought you'd be here so I called."
"At 10 pm? You know Patrick has kids."
"Nice to hear from you too, Pete!" Jenny snapped from the other line.
"I'm sorry, sorry. I'm just a little tense at the moment."
"Hard day?" Jenny said, her anger subsiding almost as quickly as it had begun.
"Yeah." Pete said, lying back and massaging his head. "It was."
"Aww. I wish I was there with you, baby."
Pete paused, maybe she was lying.
"Yeah." He replied. There was a long silence on the line, a silence that they'd never experienced.
"So..." Pete said, wondering what to say.
"I better go. I just wanted to check in."
"Oh, OK. I'll see you next week, then?"
"Yeah. Bye, Pete."
"Bye, baby. I lov..." The dial tone sounded in his ear.
"You." He finished sadly, tossing the phone to his side.
"Man, /finally/. I swear if I sing that song one more time..." Patrick came out of the bedroom and down the hallway into the living room, but stopped when he saw Pete sitting forward, his head in his hands.
"Are you OK man?" He asked, again sitting on the coffee table in front of Pete.
"I don't know." Pete said, his voice muffled. "That was Jenny who was calling."
"What? Why... why was she calling here?"
"That's exactly what I thought. She said she thought I'd be here."
"So why didn't she just call your cell?"
"I don't know. I'm gonna talk to her when she comes out next week." Pete sighed, passing the phone to Patrick. There was a knock at the door and they both looked at each other.
"Oh, maybe it's Jenny." Pete said sarcastically, watching Patrick get up and go to the door.
"Who was that incredibly hot chick you were talking to earlier today?" Joe said excitedly, barging in as soon as Patrick had opened the door. Andy stood shaking his head at Joe, reserving his manners.
"I'm sorry about his behavior. He had subway. And I swear he smoked a joint." He said apologetically.
"Oh, great, contaminate my kids with your drugs." Patrick turned to Joe and waved Andy in, joining Joe, who was dancing around by Pete.
"So? So? So?" Joe chirped.
"So what?" Patrick asked exasperated.
"Who was she?"
"Who?"
"The red headed chick! She was smokin'!"
"Oh, that was Amanda."
The three guys whistled and laughed, waiting for Patrick to go on.
"Guys, shut up." Patrick sighed. He hated ignorance towards girls, wolf whistling, offensive nicknames, the lot.
"She's our new PR. Remember Bob was telling us about her?"
"Yeah! He said she was good at her job, but who cares, if she's that hot!" Joe grinned.
"Joe." Patrick warned.
"She was totally coming onto you!"
"She was not."
"Was."
"Not."
"Wa..."
"Shut up." Andy told Joe.
"She was only talking to me about Josh and Danni."
"Wow, your kids are a total babe magnet." Joe said. "Can I borrow them and go get myself a hot chick like her?"
"Joe! I don't know if you remember, but last time I checked, you had a girlfriend."
"Oh, yeah." Joe laughed.
"So why don't you ask her out?" Andy asked. "She seemed interested in you."
"You guys, I only talked to her for like two seconds."
"So? Ask her out and get to know her." Pete chipped in.
"I can't." Patrick shook his head and got up to go into the kitchen.
"Why not?" The three said in unison. Patrick stopped at the kitchen doorway to see them all turned around to look at him.
"Because I only have room for one girl in my life right now. And that's Danni."