Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Senses Fail
I opened my eyes, only to feel another stab of fear when I did so. I sighed sadly, wondering if that's how I would wake up every morning. In fear.
"Hey, Mikey," said Alicia. Her voice sounded slightly hoarse, as if she had been crying. "They said you can be released today."
"That's great," I said with a false smile. "What about my brother? How did the surgery go? That was supposed to be yesterday, I think." I heard a muffled sob, and my heart immediately fell.
"They couldn't go through with it," she said sadly, choking back sobs. "They said it could let the infection spread to the rest of his body. It could kill him." I didn't know what to say. Obviously I wanted Gerard to live, but I also wanted him to sing again. Singing was so important to him...he didn't deserve to have this happen to him.
"They're going to keep him here for one more day, but they're going to let you, Frank, and Ray be released."
"What about Bob?" I asked nervously.
"I don't know. I haven't heard anything." I sighed and rolled over, just wanting to be left alone. I knew Alicia was trying to help me, but I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to see my brother...and I could never do that again.
"You okay, Mikey?" Alicia asked me.
"I just want to visit Gerard...y'know, make sure he's okay..."
"He's doing fine," said Ray. "I checked on him earlier."
"What about Frank?"
"He's doing okay. Considering," he said nonchalantly. My blood turned cold at his words.
"What do you mean, 'considering'?" I asked in fear.
"I thought you said you were gonna tell him," I heard him whisper to Alicia.
"I couldn't do it," she whispered back. Ray sighed, and I heard his footsteps approach me.
"Frank lost his hearing," he told me quietly. Tears sprang to my eyes right away. That was nearly as bad as Gerard losing his voice.
"Is there anything else you guys haven't told me?!" I shouted, sitting up. I heard Alicia sob again, but at this point I was too angry.
"I didn't even know until about an hour ago!" Ray yelled back. I turned toward the sound of Alicia's crying and looked at her as accusingly as I could.
"What about you? Did you know too?"
"I - I'm sorry, Mikey," she said tearfully. "I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't-" I heard her stop as she burst into tears. I felt guilty on the inside; I hated it when Alicia cried. At the same time, though, I was angry. I felt like everyone had betrayed me.
"Just go away," I said sourly. "I want to be alone." I heard someone run out of the room with light footsteps. That had to be Alicia. Heavy footsteps and a slammed door followed her. I was alone, just as I had asked.
'You don't need them,' said a small voice in the back of my mind. 'You're better off alone.'
"What about Alicia?" I asked myself, feeling the guilt take over. "I...I love her."
'If she loved you she would have told you about Frank earlier,' the voice reminded me.
"That's not true. She was probably just trying to help me."
'You tell yourself that if it makes you feel better,' the voice said. 'But you know I'm right.'
I denied it. I couldn't let thoughts like that into my head. 'Soon enough I'll be out of here,' I told myself. 'Everything will get better when that happens. When we're all back together.' But I didn't believe it.
"Hey, Mikey," said Alicia. Her voice sounded slightly hoarse, as if she had been crying. "They said you can be released today."
"That's great," I said with a false smile. "What about my brother? How did the surgery go? That was supposed to be yesterday, I think." I heard a muffled sob, and my heart immediately fell.
"They couldn't go through with it," she said sadly, choking back sobs. "They said it could let the infection spread to the rest of his body. It could kill him." I didn't know what to say. Obviously I wanted Gerard to live, but I also wanted him to sing again. Singing was so important to him...he didn't deserve to have this happen to him.
"They're going to keep him here for one more day, but they're going to let you, Frank, and Ray be released."
"What about Bob?" I asked nervously.
"I don't know. I haven't heard anything." I sighed and rolled over, just wanting to be left alone. I knew Alicia was trying to help me, but I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to see my brother...and I could never do that again.
"You okay, Mikey?" Alicia asked me.
"I just want to visit Gerard...y'know, make sure he's okay..."
"He's doing fine," said Ray. "I checked on him earlier."
"What about Frank?"
"He's doing okay. Considering," he said nonchalantly. My blood turned cold at his words.
"What do you mean, 'considering'?" I asked in fear.
"I thought you said you were gonna tell him," I heard him whisper to Alicia.
"I couldn't do it," she whispered back. Ray sighed, and I heard his footsteps approach me.
"Frank lost his hearing," he told me quietly. Tears sprang to my eyes right away. That was nearly as bad as Gerard losing his voice.
"Is there anything else you guys haven't told me?!" I shouted, sitting up. I heard Alicia sob again, but at this point I was too angry.
"I didn't even know until about an hour ago!" Ray yelled back. I turned toward the sound of Alicia's crying and looked at her as accusingly as I could.
"What about you? Did you know too?"
"I - I'm sorry, Mikey," she said tearfully. "I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't-" I heard her stop as she burst into tears. I felt guilty on the inside; I hated it when Alicia cried. At the same time, though, I was angry. I felt like everyone had betrayed me.
"Just go away," I said sourly. "I want to be alone." I heard someone run out of the room with light footsteps. That had to be Alicia. Heavy footsteps and a slammed door followed her. I was alone, just as I had asked.
'You don't need them,' said a small voice in the back of my mind. 'You're better off alone.'
"What about Alicia?" I asked myself, feeling the guilt take over. "I...I love her."
'If she loved you she would have told you about Frank earlier,' the voice reminded me.
"That's not true. She was probably just trying to help me."
'You tell yourself that if it makes you feel better,' the voice said. 'But you know I'm right.'
I denied it. I couldn't let thoughts like that into my head. 'Soon enough I'll be out of here,' I told myself. 'Everything will get better when that happens. When we're all back together.' But I didn't believe it.
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