Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Senses Fail
I didn't feel any different as the time crawled by. Not weaker or stronger, not better or worse. Just the same. I was getting desperate for something to change; I didn't care what it was. If I could only open and close my eyes, I would take it. If I could only move one finger, I would accept it. If it meant I had to die...well, I wasn't leaving that option out.
I heard the door open and close as the doctor entered. He began speaking to my parents, and at first his words were comforting, but the feeling quickly dissolved as he continued speaking.
"We've identified the poison, but I'm afraid we're still working on a way to treat him."
Treat me. There was nothing wrong with me. I was just asleep. Not in a coma, not in need of any treatment. Just asleep. I just needed to wake up.
A brilliant flash of golden light entered my vision, replacing the field of black and red that coated the insides of my eyelids. I watched as the light changed colors, forming reds and oranges in hues I had never seen before, all dancing and swirling like spilled ink. Eventually the colors settled into a blur of light surrounded by a field of light blue, and I finally realized I was watching a sunset. It was something I wanted to see more than anything.
That was the first time I realized I might die.
I wondered how our fans would take it. I always wondered about them. We were practically killing ourselves writing music for them, breaking bones and burning alive. We locked ourselves in a mansion for God knows how long, all for them. I had to watch from the window in my room as Gerard would walk outside in the middle of the night, take one step toward the pool, and then run back inside before he ended up killing himself. The house ate us alive. All for our fans. A large number of them would have died for us, just because they believed so strongly in our words and music. But they weren't there. They didn't live through it. They didn't waste away at the Paramour like we did. And though I knew it was unfair, it hurt me.
I heard the sounds of a thunderstorm outside, and the rain began to fall soon after. It was not the pelting, punishing rain I had become used to living there, but it fell slowly, as if it were taking its time. I felt myself falling into the rhythm of the raindrops hitting the window, a constant scattering of beats, like drum beats. Just like my heart was beating.
I wondered what would happen if it stopped.
And surely enough, it began to slow, the beats becoming more irregular and quiet until they seemed to drop completely. I had never heard such a silence before. Everything seemed to come to a stop, except the rain, because it's impossible to escape from that. For the longest time, everything was silent. For the first time since this had all began, I felt peaceful. Not afraid that I would die. I felt everything slowly slip away from me and fall into the empty silence, being washed away by the rain. The darkness was leaving me; this was the only treatment I needed. Everything that had hurt me in the past would slowly dissolve away, and I would be back to normal so I could wake up. I knew it.
An unwelcome shock of electricity shot through me. My heart flittered back to life with erratic, uneven throbs. Pain coursed through me with every beat, but still I could not scream. Everything I had just done to help myself had been carelessly thrown out the window and into the rain, like a doctor stopping a treatment too soon. They had ruined everything, and I would no doubt have to repeat the process to cure myself.
Even so, I knew I was alive again. And I didn't want to die.
I felt myself begin walking. I only saw darkness before me, but I knew the sun was there somewhere. I just had to find it.
I heard the door open and close as the doctor entered. He began speaking to my parents, and at first his words were comforting, but the feeling quickly dissolved as he continued speaking.
"We've identified the poison, but I'm afraid we're still working on a way to treat him."
Treat me. There was nothing wrong with me. I was just asleep. Not in a coma, not in need of any treatment. Just asleep. I just needed to wake up.
A brilliant flash of golden light entered my vision, replacing the field of black and red that coated the insides of my eyelids. I watched as the light changed colors, forming reds and oranges in hues I had never seen before, all dancing and swirling like spilled ink. Eventually the colors settled into a blur of light surrounded by a field of light blue, and I finally realized I was watching a sunset. It was something I wanted to see more than anything.
That was the first time I realized I might die.
I wondered how our fans would take it. I always wondered about them. We were practically killing ourselves writing music for them, breaking bones and burning alive. We locked ourselves in a mansion for God knows how long, all for them. I had to watch from the window in my room as Gerard would walk outside in the middle of the night, take one step toward the pool, and then run back inside before he ended up killing himself. The house ate us alive. All for our fans. A large number of them would have died for us, just because they believed so strongly in our words and music. But they weren't there. They didn't live through it. They didn't waste away at the Paramour like we did. And though I knew it was unfair, it hurt me.
I heard the sounds of a thunderstorm outside, and the rain began to fall soon after. It was not the pelting, punishing rain I had become used to living there, but it fell slowly, as if it were taking its time. I felt myself falling into the rhythm of the raindrops hitting the window, a constant scattering of beats, like drum beats. Just like my heart was beating.
I wondered what would happen if it stopped.
And surely enough, it began to slow, the beats becoming more irregular and quiet until they seemed to drop completely. I had never heard such a silence before. Everything seemed to come to a stop, except the rain, because it's impossible to escape from that. For the longest time, everything was silent. For the first time since this had all began, I felt peaceful. Not afraid that I would die. I felt everything slowly slip away from me and fall into the empty silence, being washed away by the rain. The darkness was leaving me; this was the only treatment I needed. Everything that had hurt me in the past would slowly dissolve away, and I would be back to normal so I could wake up. I knew it.
An unwelcome shock of electricity shot through me. My heart flittered back to life with erratic, uneven throbs. Pain coursed through me with every beat, but still I could not scream. Everything I had just done to help myself had been carelessly thrown out the window and into the rain, like a doctor stopping a treatment too soon. They had ruined everything, and I would no doubt have to repeat the process to cure myself.
Even so, I knew I was alive again. And I didn't want to die.
I felt myself begin walking. I only saw darkness before me, but I knew the sun was there somewhere. I just had to find it.
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