Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > My Immortal
On January 12, 2014, George Ryan Ross and I, Emily Lynn Barker, got married. Everything had been planned. Ryan and I were to be taken in a horse drawn carriage to the church, ( I'm a Christian ) where we would be excorted inside. My older brother would be walking me down the aisle while Ryan's mother did the same for him. My younger sister Jessica would be walking with Brendon, Jon's girlfriend would be walking with him and Spencer's girlfriend walking with him. My dress was strapless and vintage. It had black embrodery on the back which was a mesh. I thought it would be silly, and a little too cheesy if I had a train and a huge veil, so no train and a small veil, one that fell just over my eyes and had the same black embrodery to match my dress.
Ryan's tuxedo fitted him perfect, but he just couldn't wear the traditional black, he had to have white. But he wore black gloves and his tie was black as well. The bridesmaids wore a smokey gray color, while the groomsmen wore black tuxes with smokey ties and vests. It was perfect.
But on the last minute, the day before the wedding, the day I was getting my hair done while my nails were being fussed over, Ryan barged into the salon. The girls screamed and covered me up so Ryan couldn't see, he pushed them all aside and finally got to me.
" Emily-"
" Ryan, what are you doing here?! It's bad luck to see the bride before-"
" I don't care!" he had a crazed look in his eyes which were red and looked as if he had been crying.
" Baby, what's wrong?" I whispered.
" We've gotta go...we're gunna leave right now." He pulled me by the hand and dragged me out of the salon, the girls screaming and asking what had happened. I simply crawled into the passenger seat in Ryan's SUV and we took off.
" Babe....where are we going?" I said shakily. He bit his lip and looked at me.
" I promised you a wedding, the best wedding you ever had, but we need to do this...we need to get married now." my eyes popped.
" Ryan..we can't get married now!" I shouted at him, my eyes on the road, Ryan was driving rather fast.
" Why not?!" he half whined half yelled.
" What about all the invitations! All the people that are coming! We spent thousands of dollars on this wedding! Our cake alone cost almost 10,000!! What about our parents, our friends! Sweety, just turn around and-"
" No, I have to get married to you right now. Please Em, I've done soo much for you, do this for me." he parked the car outside The Little White Chappel. I put my perfect manicured hands over my mouth has my eyes glazed over with tears.
" Ryan...please, I can't do this..let's just go back and we can sort whatever you're feeling out...please.." he jumped out of the car, slamming the door. I flinched in my seat and watched him walk around the car pull open the door for me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. He stood in front of the old receptionist impatiently. When she finally got off the phone she turned to us and forced a smile.
" Can I help you dearies?" she asked.
" Ya, we have an appointment in...five minutes." Ryan checked his watch and looked back at the lady.
" Ross?" she asked after she looked through the computer. Ryan nodded. " Alright, the minister is waiting for you in hall 2." Ryan grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.
As we stood in front of the minister, I stared angrily at Ryan. Why was he doing this? What was going through his head that he needed to get us married a day before? All the planning we did, all the preperations. The ice sculptures, the ballroom, every little thing had been done. From the scent of the candles, to the lighting in the ballroom, the bands we had booked, all the guests. Ryan..what are we doing?
" Do you Mr. Ross take Miss Barker to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till death do you part?" Ryan licked his lips quickly, his red eyes searched mine. He hesitated.
" I do." The minister smiled slightly, and repeated what he had said to Ryan, but for me. When he finished, Ryan looked at me expectantly, his grip on my hands grew tighter when I hadn't yet answered.
" I-I do."
" By the power vested in me, and the state of Neveda, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." Ryan pressed his lips against mine quickly and softly. But there was no feeling in that kiss, no emotion, it was as if it didn't matter.
The ride back home was the hardest. Ryan kept his eyes peeled on the road and never once looked at me. Tears silently rolled down my cheeks as I played with the engagement ring on my finger. Slowly, I slid off the wedding band. I examined it closely, looking at the inscription. I couldn't help but let a slightly sob escape my lips as I read the inscription.
" Minnie Mouse." Ryan's of course said Micky Mouse. It was little thing, but it meant soo much.
Once at home, Ryan stayed downstairs while I went up to our room. After slowly taking a shower and letting the tears fall, I crawled into the sheets and curled into the ball.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this wasn't how it was planned. My brother was going to walk me down the aisle, Ryan and I were going to read out vows to each other, the one's I had slaved over for three whole months. I was nothing close to a writer like Ryan was, the words just flowed through his fingertips onto paper, while I had to sit there and think. But it still meant so much to hear what he had written, and now I wasn't.
After Ryan and I kissed, the room was supposed to burst into applause, not the fake Elvis and Madanno impersonator; and that kiss. It was like...it was nothing. My knees didn't give, my heart didn't melt, butterflies didn't fly through my stomach. The look in his eyes...it was deadoned. Nothing like the way he usually was. I could always see the look of love in his eyes when they met mine, it had been like that for years. Every little kiss made me feel like I was floating, but today..none of that happened.
There was a sudden crash that brought me out of my thoughts and I jumped out of bed. There was a few more as well, like glass breaking. I ran down the hall and too the banister. I leaned foward slightly and could see Ryan in the family room. He was chugging a bottle of vodka, and then he threw it against the wall. The broken glass around him made it look as if this wasn't his first one. I slowly started creep down the stars watching him when I realized he wasn't wearing any shoes. He was walking barefoot across the glass, and by the pained expression on his face, the glass just kept sinking deeper and deeper. I wanted to call out to him once I was outside the room, but I didn't. It was like my voice was stuck in my throat and was afraid to come out, because I was afraid. I was terrified.
It seemed he had settled down, he was now sitting on the couch staring into the flames in the fireplace, so I walked over to him. He didn't glance, flinch, or give the slightest inclination to my presence, he just stared deeper into the fire. We sat in silence for a while.
" Ryan.." I started to whisper when I couldn't take it anymore. I turned to him and was shocked to see he was crying. His lip was between his teeth and his face was screwed up in a pained expression. " Oh..baby no." I scooted over to him and pulled his head into my lap. He willingly laid his head in my lap as I stroked his hair.
" Don't cry baby, you know I loved you. Shhh." I rocked to the sides slightly as I brushed through his hair. His tears soon stopped and finally he looked as if he was falling asleep. When his breathing became even, I didn't dare get up. He was holding onto my legs for dear life, and he was clenching my nightgown with his fist. I stayed up and continued to stroke his hair. He looked so peaceful, so untroubled. Innocent. The smallest of smiles escaped me as I closed my eyes and too fell asleep.
Ryan's tuxedo fitted him perfect, but he just couldn't wear the traditional black, he had to have white. But he wore black gloves and his tie was black as well. The bridesmaids wore a smokey gray color, while the groomsmen wore black tuxes with smokey ties and vests. It was perfect.
But on the last minute, the day before the wedding, the day I was getting my hair done while my nails were being fussed over, Ryan barged into the salon. The girls screamed and covered me up so Ryan couldn't see, he pushed them all aside and finally got to me.
" Emily-"
" Ryan, what are you doing here?! It's bad luck to see the bride before-"
" I don't care!" he had a crazed look in his eyes which were red and looked as if he had been crying.
" Baby, what's wrong?" I whispered.
" We've gotta go...we're gunna leave right now." He pulled me by the hand and dragged me out of the salon, the girls screaming and asking what had happened. I simply crawled into the passenger seat in Ryan's SUV and we took off.
" Babe....where are we going?" I said shakily. He bit his lip and looked at me.
" I promised you a wedding, the best wedding you ever had, but we need to do this...we need to get married now." my eyes popped.
" Ryan..we can't get married now!" I shouted at him, my eyes on the road, Ryan was driving rather fast.
" Why not?!" he half whined half yelled.
" What about all the invitations! All the people that are coming! We spent thousands of dollars on this wedding! Our cake alone cost almost 10,000!! What about our parents, our friends! Sweety, just turn around and-"
" No, I have to get married to you right now. Please Em, I've done soo much for you, do this for me." he parked the car outside The Little White Chappel. I put my perfect manicured hands over my mouth has my eyes glazed over with tears.
" Ryan...please, I can't do this..let's just go back and we can sort whatever you're feeling out...please.." he jumped out of the car, slamming the door. I flinched in my seat and watched him walk around the car pull open the door for me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. He stood in front of the old receptionist impatiently. When she finally got off the phone she turned to us and forced a smile.
" Can I help you dearies?" she asked.
" Ya, we have an appointment in...five minutes." Ryan checked his watch and looked back at the lady.
" Ross?" she asked after she looked through the computer. Ryan nodded. " Alright, the minister is waiting for you in hall 2." Ryan grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.
As we stood in front of the minister, I stared angrily at Ryan. Why was he doing this? What was going through his head that he needed to get us married a day before? All the planning we did, all the preperations. The ice sculptures, the ballroom, every little thing had been done. From the scent of the candles, to the lighting in the ballroom, the bands we had booked, all the guests. Ryan..what are we doing?
" Do you Mr. Ross take Miss Barker to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till death do you part?" Ryan licked his lips quickly, his red eyes searched mine. He hesitated.
" I do." The minister smiled slightly, and repeated what he had said to Ryan, but for me. When he finished, Ryan looked at me expectantly, his grip on my hands grew tighter when I hadn't yet answered.
" I-I do."
" By the power vested in me, and the state of Neveda, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." Ryan pressed his lips against mine quickly and softly. But there was no feeling in that kiss, no emotion, it was as if it didn't matter.
The ride back home was the hardest. Ryan kept his eyes peeled on the road and never once looked at me. Tears silently rolled down my cheeks as I played with the engagement ring on my finger. Slowly, I slid off the wedding band. I examined it closely, looking at the inscription. I couldn't help but let a slightly sob escape my lips as I read the inscription.
" Minnie Mouse." Ryan's of course said Micky Mouse. It was little thing, but it meant soo much.
Once at home, Ryan stayed downstairs while I went up to our room. After slowly taking a shower and letting the tears fall, I crawled into the sheets and curled into the ball.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this wasn't how it was planned. My brother was going to walk me down the aisle, Ryan and I were going to read out vows to each other, the one's I had slaved over for three whole months. I was nothing close to a writer like Ryan was, the words just flowed through his fingertips onto paper, while I had to sit there and think. But it still meant so much to hear what he had written, and now I wasn't.
After Ryan and I kissed, the room was supposed to burst into applause, not the fake Elvis and Madanno impersonator; and that kiss. It was like...it was nothing. My knees didn't give, my heart didn't melt, butterflies didn't fly through my stomach. The look in his eyes...it was deadoned. Nothing like the way he usually was. I could always see the look of love in his eyes when they met mine, it had been like that for years. Every little kiss made me feel like I was floating, but today..none of that happened.
There was a sudden crash that brought me out of my thoughts and I jumped out of bed. There was a few more as well, like glass breaking. I ran down the hall and too the banister. I leaned foward slightly and could see Ryan in the family room. He was chugging a bottle of vodka, and then he threw it against the wall. The broken glass around him made it look as if this wasn't his first one. I slowly started creep down the stars watching him when I realized he wasn't wearing any shoes. He was walking barefoot across the glass, and by the pained expression on his face, the glass just kept sinking deeper and deeper. I wanted to call out to him once I was outside the room, but I didn't. It was like my voice was stuck in my throat and was afraid to come out, because I was afraid. I was terrified.
It seemed he had settled down, he was now sitting on the couch staring into the flames in the fireplace, so I walked over to him. He didn't glance, flinch, or give the slightest inclination to my presence, he just stared deeper into the fire. We sat in silence for a while.
" Ryan.." I started to whisper when I couldn't take it anymore. I turned to him and was shocked to see he was crying. His lip was between his teeth and his face was screwed up in a pained expression. " Oh..baby no." I scooted over to him and pulled his head into my lap. He willingly laid his head in my lap as I stroked his hair.
" Don't cry baby, you know I loved you. Shhh." I rocked to the sides slightly as I brushed through his hair. His tears soon stopped and finally he looked as if he was falling asleep. When his breathing became even, I didn't dare get up. He was holding onto my legs for dear life, and he was clenching my nightgown with his fist. I stayed up and continued to stroke his hair. He looked so peaceful, so untroubled. Innocent. The smallest of smiles escaped me as I closed my eyes and too fell asleep.
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