FicWad

Title: Lapse

Author: Henrika

Fandom: Still Crazy

Pairing: Ray/Karen

Rating: NC-17

Summary: While touring in Holland, Ray feels left behind and Karen offers her comfort.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters featured in this story, and I make no money from this. It is for pure entertainment only.

~~*

Ray Simms was, if possibly, feeling even worse after the catastrophic AA meeting, which really wasn't an AA meeting at all, but "OA" - Overeaters Anonymous. But at least Karen had been there to support him when he screwed up - yet again.

They had walked back to the bus - Hughie's purple "Land Yacht" - in silence, and he had been holding his arm around her shoulders, practically clinging to her smaller frame for support. Karen had let him do it, probably knowing that he needed someone to hold on to. Normally this person would have been Astrid, his wife, but when she was not around, someone had to substitute her.

They had left later in the afternoon, and Ray had endured hours of silly games, Beano's crude and less than great jokes, and Les' usual snide remarks. Ray had learned to tolerate them - hell, he had been forced to learn that over 20 years ago, as soon as he joined the band - but sometimes his band-mate's overall hostile attitude towards him became too much.

/Les, why can't you just respect me? You don't have to like me, or anything, but I would really want your respect./

The band's lead singer slumped in his seat, trying to block out the dull noises of the others laughing, joking, and enjoying themselves behind him. He didn't join them for the simple reason that he had nothing to contribute with.

It soon became apparent that they would not reach their goal - another bloody pisshole in some shitty town whose name could not even be pronounced - before nightfall, and Hughie asked the band if they wanted to stop by somewhere to have a bite and get something to drink.

Affirmative murmurs and sounds of approval sounded from most band members and the road crew, but Ray's shoulders slumped even further down at the mention of food and drink. This meant that they were going to a bar, and in a bar, there was alcohol. Ray was positively surprised that he had managed to stay clean and sober so far during the trip, and he was not going to tempt Fate by dragging his washed-up, fidgety ass to a bar with people who weren't exactly abstainers.

As expected, the bus stopped in a small, seemingly desolate little town, and almost everybody was happy to step out and get an opportunity to stretch their stiff legs and backs. Only two people remained inside - Ray and Karen. They first seemed unaware of each other's presence, both immersed in their own thoughts and troubles.

After a while, Tony came in, shivering in his thin jacket, as the weather outside had grown quite cold.

"Karen? Ray?" he asked. "We're going out to eat. Are ya guys coming?"

Karen shook her head, smiling. "No, I think I'll stay here. I had a bit of a headache."

"You sure? A bit of fresh air would do you good, you know," Tony pressed, obviously trying to make Karen change her mind. The brunette woman shook her head again.

"No, I'd really rather stay here and get some rest," she said. "But you go. We'll be fine." Karen shot a look in Ray's direction; the blond man was still sitting slumped in his seat, looking out through the dirty, tinted window with an absent look on his gaunt face. He looked sad. And lonely. Leaving him alone now was definitely not a good idea.

"Ray?" Tony asked, although he looked as if he already knew that talking the lead singer into joining them was a hopeless task.

Ray's absent expression endured a few seconds after Tony's question. Then he slowly rotated his head in direction of his band mate. "Nah, Tony, you know I can't..." he murmured quietly. "All that booze... You know what it'll do to me..."

"Well... I'm sure we could order mineral water for you, or something," Tony said. It was a lame attempt, and he knew it, but at least no one could say he hadn't tried. That Ray was under the weather was obvious to everyone, and supposedly he had his reasons.

"Thanks, mate, but no..." Ray shook his blond, wispy head. "You could bring something back to me, if you want... if you find something worth eating."

"Sure, will do. Bye, you both." Tony promised and gave Ray's thin, angular shoulder a friendly pat before descending down the stairs to ground level. The blond lead singer resumed his earlier pastime of staring out through the window, seemingly unaware of what he was looking at and what went on around him.

This went on for several minutes before he finally noticed that Karen had sat down on the seat next to him.

"How are you feeling, Ray?" she asked, her warm, brown eyes filled with sympathy and concern. He felt her fingers lightly brush his forearm. "Are you alright?"

Ray shrugged, and when he finally turned to meet her gaze, he looked more tired than ever before. "Why did we go on this tour, Karen?" he asked, his voice low and miserable. "Why did I agree to this? I should've known I'd just screw everything up again. It wasn't meant to happen twenty years ago, and it's not meant to happen now..."

"Ray..." Karen's hold on his arm grew slightly firmer. "Remember what we talked about earlier, during the... meeting. You haven't lost it. You just need more time... and a bigger stage," he added as a half-heartened attempt at joking. "You're a superb singer with an outstanding charisma and a great voice. Don't ever let anyone tell you different."

Ray tried hard to believe her words, but the conversation between Tony and Les, which he'd "happened" to overhear in the restroom in Groningen two nights ago plagued his mind.

"Same old fucking poseur. Only this time around, he doesn't have the chops."

Les' hurtful words refused to give him any peace. The sad thing was that the bass guitarist probably was right. In the eyes of the other band members, and Les in particular, he had never been their equal. He was simply someone who had taken over after the band's real lead singer, Keith Lovell, had died from a drug overdose. And Ray was tired of trying hard and receiving no credit whatsoever for his efforts.

"Why did you stay here, Karen?" he asked her. "Why didn't you go with the others to enjoy yourself instead of staying here with this sad old wreck?" he motioned to himself, eyes downcast.

Karen didn't know what to say. In truth, what she'd told Tony about the headache wasn't true. She just figured that leaving Ray alone in a state like this would not be a good idea, but that was something she didn't want either him or the others to know.

"I was feeling tired..." she began tentatively, "...and I thought you might want some company?"

As unexpected as it was, Ray actually smiled at her. "You stayed for me? That's sweet of you, Karen, but really, you didn't have to do that..."

"Oh, no, it's alright. I wasn't hungry, anyway. Ray... if there's something bothering you, you do know you can talk to me, right?"

Karen cupped Ray's gaunt, lined face in her hands and slowly tilted his head up. His eyeliner had daubed and caused black streaks beneath his eyes, and his hair, always sprayed with far too much hairspray, was tousled and wispy. In a way Karen was glad that Ray had decided not to follow the others out. He wasn't exactly in a state to show himself publicly.

Taken aback by the tender gesture, Ray brought his hand to Karen's and squeezed it. "I suppose that I..." he began, fighting hard to keep his voice from trembling. "...I'm afraid. It's been so long since I... you know, I miss my regular life, my home, Astrid..." Ray swallowed, feeling hot tears burn behind his eyelids. He did miss having his wife near; even though she was temperamental and often difficult to be around, she was his rock, someone he could always rely on in case he needed help or support.

Afraid that Karen might laugh at him, he was surprised when she instead pulled him into her arms and gently began to stroke his hair. "It's alright..." she murmured. "I know how it is... but I'm here for you, you know that?"

Sobs racked Ray's slender frame, and his long, thin arms crept around Karen's ribcage, squeezing her back almost brutally. She let him cry against her shoulder and didn't speak except to murmur comfortingly in his ear every few seconds.

After several minutes Ray's trembling body slowly relaxed and his sobs died out. Karen cupped his head again and lifted it from her shoulder so that she could look into his eyes. His make-up was now smeared all over his cheeks, giving him the look of a haggard, ghost-like being. Karen reached into her trouser pocket and pulled out a tissue, which she then used to carefully wipe his eyes and face. Once she was done, the lead singer of Strange Fruit looked somewhat presentable, if not perfect.

"Ray..." she whispered, letting her thumb caress his high, elegant cheekbone. Ray sighed sensually at the touch and leaned closer to her, and suddenly his lips brushed hers. Under usual circumstances, Karen would have been shocked at the bold action, but she did not pull away or even feel affronted. When Ray noticed that she was not resisting, he grew bolder and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue past her lips to explore the damp cavern of her mouth.

Ray's hands slowly travelled from her back down to her waist and began to search their way in under her shirt. Feeling his fingers working to open the clasp to her bra finally drew Karen from the haze.

"Ray..." she murmured, pulling away from the kiss and grasping his wrists with her own hands.

"I'm sorry, Karen..." Ray's voice was small and frightened, and he dared not meet her eyes. He was obviously deeply ashamed of his actions. "I... I don't know what got into me... Please, I'm sorry, forgive me..."

"No, don't be sorry..." She drew him close again and started playing with his hair. "Just... go slower, okay?"

Ray wasn't quite sure what to think or do when Karen kissed him again, softly this time, and began running her hands through his hair. A million thoughts surged through his head at the same time. Thoughts of Astrid, the band, Brian, Tony... and Karen, kissing him...

He hated to admit it, but he wanted her. He'd been lost the moment his lips touched hers. 24 years ago, when he joined the band, he'd never felt any sexual attraction to her - she'd been so young, practically a kid, almost like a little sister... and very hung-up on Brian. All that had changed, though - Brian was dead and Karen had grown up into a beautiful, independent, mature woman.

"Oh, Karen..." Ray groped her body - amazingly supple and fit for a woman in her 40s - and kissed her back with renewed fervour. He felt his body beginning to react to their intimate contact, and his pants suddenly felt far too tight. They were now entangled in the bus seat, Karen practically sitting on his lap and Ray's hand sliding in underneath her shirt. He passed her stomach and from there further up to her smallish but oh-so-firm breasts. He groped her right breast through her bra, feeling her hardened nipple, and pinched it experimentally. Karen moaned on his lap, her arms coming to rest around his neck.

Kissing the fragrant skin of her neck, Ray began to undo the buttons of her shirt. He was aroused and eager now, and the hot, throbbing sensation in his loins had increased tenfold.

/I shouldn't be doing this.../ Ray thought while his hands unbuttoned Karen's shirt. /Astrid, the band.../ What was happening now could jeopardize everything in his life that mattered... But on the other hand, Ray had never been good at resisting temptations.

As a young man in the 70s, Ray Simms was very popular with both sexes and lead a life that could be called hedonistic, to say the least - a carefree life full of sex, drugs, and comfort of the senses. Astrid had helped him clean up, and since he married her, his previous "wild life" was but a memory. The sex with her was great but was bound to feel a bit mundane after all these years with the same woman.

Karen felt Ray's hot tongue trailing over her skin, her shirt now open all the way. His left hand was kneading her breast, and she sighed with pleasure when he brought his mouth to it and moved the cup aside, taking her erect nipple between his teeth. She could clearly feel his raging hard-on beneath her; he was as turned on as she.

"Wait..." Karen said breathily, pushing at Ray's shoulders. He looked up at her questioningly, slightly apprehensive that she'd changed her mind. "Not... here. Come..." She stood up and offered him her hand, as to pull him up from his seat. Ray took it without question and began to follow her through the bus.

Karen led her would-be lover to the large corner sofa at the back of the bus. The small bunk beds each of them had were not exactly suitable for... activities like this.

He pushed her down, kissing her avidly, and his fingers now fumbled for his own shirt buttons. Ray had never been exactly dexterous, and when in a state of arousal, like now, he was even less nimble than usual. Karen took pity on him and helped him undo the top buttons so that he could then yank the shirt over his head.

Ray had a great body - slender and well-toned. Karen could see that Astrid apparently was as thorough with Ray's exercise as she was with his diet. She watched him undress with eager eyes, and her arousal grew as he revealed more of himself. Karen had never before seen Ray Simms completely naked, and when he finally skinned off his briefs, she could see that he indeed was more than averagely endowed.

As soon as Ray had freed himself of his own clothing, he pressed his now naked body against Karen's partially clothed one. His rock-hard erection was trapped between them and rubbed against the coarse material of her denim jeans.

"Oh, Karen..." he panted between the ardent kisses, finally able to unclasp her bra and get full access to her breasts. The woman's hands tangled in his hair and tugged to the point of pain when he took her right nipple between his teeth and gently nipped at the perky little nub.

However, Karen was still wearing her trousers, and the feeling of fabric between them was frustrating and distracting. Karen tried her best to unbutton her jeans and push them past her hips while Ray was busy kissing, fondling, and groping her, but it turned out to be a difficult task. She pushed at his shoulders again. "Ray... Hold on for a second, will you? Let me..."

The lead singer rose to his knees, his face flushed and his breath ragged and heavy. Karen struggled out of her pants, skinning off her panties at the same time. Ray's eyes devoured her as hers devoured him; they were two middle-aged people, but the excitement and passion they felt made them both seem like two love-sick teenagers.

"Oh, Karen... you're so beautiful, baby..." Ray murmured as he bodily pressed her down against the sofa. "Why didn't I see it before...? I wish I could've had you long ago..."

He reached down his hand between them and began caressing Karen's wet centre, sliding his fingers into her, and she moaned in response, clutching his back and shoulders almost spasmodically. She was wet and ready for their final union... Now he could get started anytime.

A squeak of protest left Karen's throat when Ray withdrew his fingers. She wanted him, craved him... Another more rational part of her wanted to remind her of the ethical side and the potential consequences of what was about to happen, but she didn't listen... would not... could not... All that mattered now was to feel Ray inside her, filling her... This was too far gone to stop now.

She took in the sight of him wonderfully aroused, his hard cock jutting forth from his slender frame, all pink and twitching with need. He was a very attractive - and well-endowed - man. Astrid was indeed a very lucky woman.

Ray brushed his hair back from his sweaty forehead and looked down at Karen. "How do you want me to do it...?" he whispered.

She spread her legs and reached down to guide his shaft to her wet crevice. "Take me... like this..." he groaned. "Don't wait, please... I want you."

That did it for Ray. He entered her with one single thrust, meeting almost no resistance at all. They both cried out from the wonderful feeling of being melded, and both wanted more. Ray pulled out almost entirely and once again filled Karen when he thrust back inside.

Karen could think of nothing else except Ray - moving inside her and atop her - and the wonderful, electrifying pleasure he brought her. He was a very talented lover - no doubt he had lots of experience. Karen herself had not had a huge number of lovers; in fact, since she divorced Clare's father, she had not dated at all.

Their sweaty, naked bodies moved together in unison for another few minutes. Ray knew he would not last long, he had known that since he first entered Karen. This was not meant to be romantic or tender but quick, hard, and passionate - perhaps even rough. The way Karen's fingernails dug into his back was uncomfortable, perhaps even painful, but right then he couldn't care less.

When Karen felt Ray's body go limp atop hers and a warm wetness flooded into her, she realized that he had come. Then almost simultaneously another, rather frightening thought occurred to her - they had no used any protection.

Ray breathed warmly against Karen's neck for the following seconds and waited for his body to recover. As a young man, he could manage two, maybe three orgasms in a row, but those day were over. He was a middle-aged man now, and his stamina had slowly decreased over the years.

"I'm getting up now..." he said with a heavy sigh and received a nod from his lover. The moral consequences of what they'd done had not yet reached Ray's thoughts, and the first thing he could feel was the rather chilly atmosphere in the bus. His naked, sweat-covered body was no longer kept warm by the intercourse, and he was getting cold.

As soon as they withdrew, breaking their intimate physical contact, the situation became awkward, to say the least. Neither knew what to do or say, and a deafening silence descended like a blanket over their heads. Karen felt suddenly very modest and grabbed her discarded shirt, wrapping it around her nude body. Ray was sitting a few inches away, hugging himself like a lost and frightened child. Goose pimples had formed on his pale skin, and his tousled hair and smeared make-up made him look like someone who had had a very rough night and forgotten to wash up before crashing into bed.

Still feeling awkward, Karen reached for Ray's shirt and handed it to him. "Get dressed, so you won't get a cold," she said.

He mutely accepted the garment from her and clumsily struggled to get his arms into the sleeves.

"I... I'm sorry, Karen..." Ray murmured with a trembling, unsteady voice.

"Sorry?" Karen asked. "For what?"

"For... you know..." Ray made a half-hearted gesture with his hand. "I never should have..."

"No, don't be sorry, Ray," Karen said resolutely. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm as much responsible..." As she could see that Ray was already shaken and remorseful about what happened, she did not want to frighten him with the possibility that he might have gotten her pregnant. It was unlikely, though - Karen expected her period in just a few days, and the risk was minimal.

She placed her hand on his thin shoulder and urged him to look at her. Ray hesitantly complied, his bright blue eyes shining through the layers of smeared eye make-up.

"Ray..." she began, trying to find the most tactful way to deliver her message. "What happened was a mistake... I know that... We both had a moment of weakness and sought comfort in each other. If you want to, we can just pretend it never happened."

Ray's situation was even more complicated than hers, and Karen knew this. He was married, and Astrid, even though she was intractable and domineering, no doubt meant the world to Ray, and the prospect of losing her because of one slip certainly frightened the life out of him.

"I won't tell her..." Karen whispered reassuringly. "Don't be afraid... I know how much she means to you. You love Astrid, don't you?"

Ray nodded. "Yes..."

"She will never know."

"And I know you miss him..."

"Who?" Karen asked with a slight frown.

"Brian, of course," Ray said. "It's obvious to everybody. You still love him, Karen. You always have."

She lowered her eyes for the first time. "I guess so... But Ray, you mustn't think that this happened because I wanted a substitute for Brian..."

"Then what did you want?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but no sounds came out. Ray had really nailed it. Really, what did she want? Sex? No, it was more than that. She craved love, affection, intimacy... However, Ray couldn't give her any of those things. He was happily married, and there was no place for her in that equation. Karen also knew that Ray was not really whom she wanted. She had only made herself believe that for a short moment. That moment was past now, and they both had to face reality again.

"God, it feels like I've used you..." she sighed.

"No, it's alright. I'm just sorry I'm not Brian..."

Karen felt tears burn behind her eyelids at the remark, but she pretended like nothing and decided to change the subject altogether. "We should get dressed. The other could come back any minute."

She awkwardly reached for her discarded clothes and began redressing herself. Luckily Ray had not popped any buttons when opening her shirt, so she simply smoothed out the garment and tried to make the best of it.

Ray remained on the sofa long after Karen had gotten up and begun to refresh herself, still half-naked, knees pulled up to his chest. She frowned at the image. It would not do to have the others discover him in such a state when they returned.

"Come on, now, put your clothes back on," she urged him, maybe even a tad impatiently this time. If Ray really wanted to keep this from getting out, he had to do his part. Karen picked up his various garments from the floor and dumped them on the sofa beside him. "And wash your face, too. You look like shit ran over twice," she added half-jokingly.

The comment drew a faint smile from Ray's lips. "You're right..." he murmured. "I'd better get a grip..."

He pulled his clothes back on in silence, dreading the time he'd have to spend with Karen alone in the bus before the others returned. It would be beyond awkward. Could they ever even be able to look each other in the eye without being reminded of today's lapse? No, pretending like it ever happened would just not work. He had to try something else.

After doing what Karen suggested and wiping the residue of his eyeliner from his face, he approached her and unexpectedly caught her in a hug.

"Karen... for our sake and for the band... You should know that I love you - as a friend, and I always will. And I'd really hate if this... slip would cause things to become tense between us."

The brunette woman smiled and returned Ray's embrace. "Same here," she agreed. "Let's find some way to while away the time now, shall we?"

~~*

When the rest of the gang returned, about one hour later, they found Ray and Karen sitting opposite each other, busy with a card game.

Tony approached them with a smile and offered them one white paper bag each. "The food was great," he said cheerfully. "I really wish you guys would've come along. How did you manage here without the rest of us? Was it dull?"

The two people in question exchanged a secretive glance. "Noo..." they both said, drawing out on the word. "I think we managed just fine..."

Finis