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Home Is Where Your Heart Is

I sigh for the millionth time that day.

Christmas Eve and I'm stuck on a tour bus.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

I move over to the bunk area to rest, maybe surf the net on my sidekick, email my family.

Something to get over this depression of not being home for Christmas.

I'm homesick.

I'm mindlessly walking around the tour bus that all of us call home. I sigh softly as I see Spencer sulk into the back.He wanted to be home like all of us. But what could I do to make it seem like he was home? I look down at my body and then wander to bunk area. "C'mon Spencer smile,it's Christmas eve"

"I know but I want to be home. What's Christmas without your family?"

I sigh closing my sidekick.

I know I'm being childish, and selfish being the only one in a mood about it, but Brendon and Ryan have each other, and Jon, well Jon's just Jon. He'll be all grown up about it.

Like I should be.

"I bet I can make you smile, while the other two snog in the backroom" I disappear briefly to my own bunk grabbing my backpack and then walked into the bathroom.

"Pftt. I doubt it." I reply lazily before realizing he's already disappeared.

I remerged dressed up as Chris Cringle himself. "Ho ho ho. I see a little boy sad on Christmas Eve. Tell me Spencer, what troubles you on this holy night"

"My god Jon you idiot. What are you wearing that for?" I laugh.

"Jon? I'm not Jon. I'm Jolly Old Saint Nicolas"


"Oh right, well then 'Saint Nic' I've been a good boy this year, and for Christmas I'd like to be with my family." I respond sarcastically, once again acting like the selfish idiot I really was.


"Well you chose this job when you know it would pull you away from your family. However you have a really good friend here that is also away from his family and is willing to spend Christmas Eve with you"

"Well you see Santa. Jon has just disappeared, I don't know where he's gone, and Brendon and Ryan are doing the naughty in the seating area. Who's going to spend Christmas with me when my band mates are busy or missing"

"Well Spencer I can arrange for Jon to come back if you like"

"Well yes that would be great, but what would Jon and I get up to cramped on a bus with no chance of playing a video game thanks to Ryan and Brendon taking up the seating area where the games console is. There is no way that I want to know what they get up to." I shudder at the mere thought.

"Sometime you can have fun if you use you're imagination"

"What imagination? Oh my god, I can't actually believe I'm having a normal conversation with a twenty-one year old dressed as Santa."

"You're using it now. You've referred to me as Santa a few times"

"Come on Jon this isn't funny anymore, this really isn't helping me, I miss my family. It's not fair."

I pulled my fake beard down."Brendon,Ryan and I do too but you see we're making the most of what we have."

"What do we have Jon? We've got nothing but a tour bus and each other. I'm sorry I know I'm being completely selfish, but I didn't realize I'd be touring over Christmas"

"Eachother's enough for Ryan and Brendon"

"What about us?"

"We have eachother too"


"Not like that though. I mean you're straight." I mentally curse myself for nearly admitting to Jon that I'm not just into women.

"Who says? Not the easter bunny"

"Easter bunny? Jon you're getting worse man." I reply trying to change the subject.

"Am not.Read between the lines Spence"

"What lines are there to read between?"

"When did I come out and tell you that I was straight hmm?"

"I-I j-just t-thought..." I blush becoming a stuttering mess.

"I'm not Spencer, infact the reason I'm bi is on this bus"

"Brendon and Ryan. Jon that's just ew. As if."

"Not them you silly boy. YOU"

'Me' I mouth pointing to myself in complete shock.

"Yes you..proceeding my first meeting with Brendon in which we sang along to Disney music on his ipod, I met Ryan and then you. Something about you hooked me and reeled me in"

"I...I don't know what to say." I'm pretty much speechless and staring open mouthed at him.

"Then..don't say anything." I pause in my motions before leaning over and embracing him.

"When did you... y'know, know you were... into men?" I ask. " I mean you said it was when you met me, but it mustn't have been that soon for you to realize, surely?"

"I think I was born bi like everyone else is, you're my first boy crush" My face is redder than my outfit by now.

I refrain from the 'AWH' that's just dying to make it's appearance from the colour of Jon's cheeks, instead I move my head into his neck, grabbing a hint of that scent that is just Jon.

"I'm not gay."

"I had a feeling..but just so you know, I'm here for you"

"No I don't mean I'm not gay I mean I'm confused." I blush.

"Confused eh? Maybe my Christmas gift to you could be to help you"

"How could you help me Jon?" I murmur my head back into his neck.

"Words can't explain how I can help you.We'll have to rely on our actions" I smile softly. I know he can't see it, but I smile anyways my hand rubbing his back gently.

I sigh softly, and look back up at him before laughing slightly.

"I can't take you serious looking like that."

"I'm happy to be holding you 'tis all"


"But you're dressed as Santa."

"I can go change if you want"

"I don't mind."


"Alright then take me serious" I joked with him. My eyes glanced over at the clock. Five minutes to midnight.


"Fine then." I giggle poking my tongue out at him.

I smiled softly. He was finally happy. I rub my hand against his face.

I don't know what to do or say next, so I lean into him and wait for him to speak.

I'm lost for words. I decide it's either take the risk of loosing a friend or deal with the 'what if' for the rest of my life. Deciding on the first, I tilt his head up and gently place my lips on his.

Shock? Yes.

Good? Definitely.

I move closer to him and try to kiss back, but the beard he'd placed under his chin tickled.

I had to giggle.

I giggle back pull off the beard and place it on the bed and kiss him again.
"Should we even be doing this?" I ask, still unsure of myself and how much I should be enjoying this.

I'm guessing not as much as I am though.

"What's your heart telling you?"

"I don't know it's m brain doing the work, and that's not particularly working for me right now. I kow I'm liking this though."

"Well then that's a good thing. I embrace him tighter before looking over at the clock. "Merry Christmas Spencer"

"Merry Christmas Jon."