FicWad

In a lonely area, filled with trees and a small lake, sat a boy with bone white hair and an even fairer completion. He kept reaching up and smoothing down his hair, it was almost a nervous tic. His hazel eyes shifted around the park, as if he were looking for someone or something. His clothing was just a Misfits tee, tight black pants, and a pair of Chuck Taylor's.

In the distant strode a thin boy with black hair, a lip ring, a nose ring, and gauged ears. He wore a plain black shirt, tight blue jeans, and skating shoes. As he strode up to the other boy, he called out, "Hey, Gerard! What are you doing here? It's getting late out, and you know Mikey will worry."
The pale boy looked up, "Frankie, you know how I haven't been feeling well? Well, I went to my doctor's today and he wants to do some tests. He thinks I have cancer."
Frankie sat next to him, clearly shocked. "Are you sure? What kind of cancer?"

Gerard shifted on the grass, pulling his legs in. "I dunno. Might be bone marrow cancer."
Frankie made a gasping sound, "Dose anyone else know?"
Gerard just shoke his head no, looked down, and played with the hem of his pants.
"You know I'm here for you, whatever you need. You've always have been like a brother to me." Gerard gave him a shaky smile, and gripped Frankie's hand harder. "Thank you. My fucking hand will never be afraid."
After a while, Gerard and Frankie walked to Gerard's and Mikey's house. Gerard flopped onto the couch, while Frankie sat in an old recliner. Mikey over to them, and pushed Gerard's feet off of the couch. "Where have you been, Gerard?"
An evil grin slipped over Gerard's mouth, "To London to see the queen."
Frankie snickered loudly, "We were in the park."
"No doubt making out." Mikey murmured.
This revelation made Frankie laugh even harder, "Now, now Mikey, you know that Gee and I are as straight as a line."
"More like a circle." commented Gerard.
Mikey laughed loudly, "I knew it." he said lamely.
"I bet you did." Gerard said, "What gave you your first clue? The screaming or the moaning?"
Mikey scrunched his face up distastefully. "I don't want to know what my brother dose behind closed doors..."
"Ahh! But you do! I've seen you poke your head in."
"I was looking for you! I didn't look in to see you on top of Frank!" Mikey practically yelled at Gerard.
Frankie made a noise that stopped the two brothers from their fight. "On a more serous note, Gerard I think you should tell Mikey what you told me."
Gerard's face looked at once sad, and unwilling to tell Mikey the awful truth, "Mikey, I might have bone marrow cancer."
Mikey looked up, "Are you for real? You might have cancer? Wow. Talk about life imitating art!"
"I know what if I have to get chemo? I dunno how I'm going to explain thinning hair."
Mikey looked up, "Just say your trying to look more like the Patient! He died of cancer didn't he?"
Gerard slowly nodded his head, "What if it kills me Mikey? What if I linger on, in pain, and dieing?" Mikey looked at a loss for words. He shrugged his shoulders. Gerard looked up, "Maybe I don't have cancer. Maybe the doctor is just on a hunch, the tests could come back negative."
Mikey sighed, "Gerard, don't get your hopes up yet. Just wait until the tests come back. I sure hope you don't have cancer, but you might."
"Yeah...I am going to get the tests done tomorrow in any case. I'm just gonna go lie down and think about what I'm gonna do if I have cancer." Mikey helped him get up, and he shuffled off to his room.

*

Laying there in his bed, evil thoughts came to him, haunting him of how he would look. How would the fans react? He didn't even want to start thinking of that! He knew that they would stand behind him as he went through the chemo-they would stand behind all of them! He hoped with all of his heart that the chemo would help him, maybe even get rid of the cancer! He held that thought close to him, basking in the possibility of defeating cancer. His thoughts became erratic, and soon he drifted off to an uneasy slumber.
The next day slipped in through a dark and cloudy sky. As Gerard left the house, fat rain drops began to fall. He drove to the hospital, making his way around the growing puddles.
When he got there, he parked his car near the front entrance, and slipped out of his seat. He stepped inside, inhaling the sterile air. Slowly panic set in, and he began to smooth down his stark white hair. He stepped up to the counter, and a lovely woman of 24 asked him if he needed help. A nervous smile crept across his lips, "I'm Gerard Way, and I'm here for some tests." The young lady nodded her head slowly, "Right."
He could hear the keyboard click as he waited. "You need to go to room 517." Gerard sighed as she told him how to get to room 517, and then shuffled off. His stomach lurched as the elevator took him to the third floor. Stepping off of the silver elevator, he walked down the hallway looking at the placards by each door...500...501...he turned the corner, 510...511...he saw the sign down the hall 517...his hand reached out and grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open. "Ah! Mr. Way, please come in!" His doctor was on the other side, "Sit down and let me see your arm." Gerard did as he was instructed. "Now you'll feel a slight pin-prick." The doctor took a sample of his blood. "Now, would you be as kind as to giving me a urine sample?" He asked, giving Gerard a small white cup. He nodded his head, walked over to the tiny bathroom. He came back out and gave the doctor the now yellow cup. "In about the week I'll call you with the results, ok?"
Gerard nodded his head, "Then what?"
"Well, then if the tests are positive, we will then need to figure out what type of cancer it is, although if you do have cancer, my best bet is bone marrow because of the complaints you have told me."
"Then what?"
"Then we decide on treatment."
"Chemo?"
"If you choose to do so, yes."
"Will I loose my hair?"
"It's a possibility. Yes."
"Can it kill me, the cancer?"
"It's a possibility."
"Will it hurt?"
"More than likely."
"Do you think, if I have cancer, should I continue touring, and should My Chem keep going?"
"Gerard, that's up to you. I'd say as long as you feel up to it, continue doing everything you used to."
Gerard shook his doctor's hand, "Thanks"
"You're more than welcome, Gerard. I really hope you don't have cancer. It would be a shame."
Back at home, Gerard told Mikey and Frank what the doctor told him. He looked so weary from having been out all day. "Gee, I hope you know, if you have cancer, we're gonna have to tell the fans." Frank whispered to Gerard.
"Don't remind me, hun. I don't wanna think about it." Frankie kissed Gerard on the cheek. "I'm sorry, I love you." Gerard smiled and kissed Frankie back, "I love you more, Fwankie."
"I loved you first!" argued Frank.
"I said it first!"
"I mean it more!"
Gerard laughed, "You always know how to make me happy."
"Yeah, but still, I love you more than any thing. I would happily die for you. Heck if I could I'd take your cancer and have it instead of you."
"Aw, Fwank, do you mean that?"
"With all of my black little heart."
Gerard took Frank's hand and led him up the stairs. "Where are we gong?" asked Frank.
"I think you already know." giggled Gerard. He pushed open the door and pushed Frank into the room. Frank stumbled in and fell on the bed, as Gerard climbed on top of him. He held down Frank's arms, "Who's your favorite fuck?" Frank's eyes glittered, "You, and only you." Gerard slid off and unzipped Frank's pants, "Looks like someone's happy to see me." He wrapped his hand around Frank's growing member. Frank moaned loudly, "Gee, stop teasing!" Gerard smiled evilly at Frank, sliding his mouth all the way down. "Gee, ohmigosh!" Gerard allowed his pace to quicken, and put pressure all around the now throbbing member, "Gee, I'm about to go." squeaked Frank.
"I bet you are." purred Gerard. He doubled his pace, and was soon met by a rush of warm liquid.
Frank sighed, "Now, milove, it is your turn."Gerard giggled, "Yay!" after a very explosive hand job, Gerard and Frank took a warm shower and layed down in Gerard's bed.
Frank snuggled close to Gerard, "And I still love you more, Gee."
Gerard made a noise, "Tis I that who love you more." There was a quiet knock at the door, and Mikey poked his head in, "Frank, your ma is on the phone, she wants to know if Gee and I want to come over for dinner."
"Sure. But please don't anyone mention that I might have cancer. I don't want Mrs. Iero to cry."
"Yeah it would suck to see ma cry. And youse guys know you can call her ma, she's been hinting at that for years." Mikey laughed, "I know, but I think as long as we live, we'll call her Mrs. Iero. I can't imagine calling her ma."
"Nor could I." commented Gerard. Later that night, Mikey Gerard, and Frank walked over to the Iero's home. Gerard knocked on the door, and Mrs. Iero answered it, "Hello boys, how are youse tonight?''
Frank smiled, "Ma, you act like we never come over! Gee and Mikey practically live here!"
"If they did, I'd charge 'em rent." She smiled, "Come on in, boys, your father and I would like to talk to youse."
Gerard panicked slightly, "What did I do now?"
"Oh Hun, you didn't do anything wrong. We heard a rumor that you have cancer, and we weren't sure if it was true. Tell me it isn't!"
Gerard looked very shocked, "How did you hear this?!"
"You know how rumors start around here...he said, she said."
"Do you think my mom has heard them?" he was in full blown panic now.
"I don't know, Gee. She may have, but if she did, I'd imagine that she'd call you."
Gerard nodded his head, agreeing with her. "So," Mrs. Iero pressed, "Is it true? Do you have cancer?"
"Well, I donno yet. The tests haven't come back yet." He smoothed down his white locks. Mrs. Iero smiled, "Do you miss your hair?" she asked.
"Yeah kinda. I think I picked up the habit of smoothing it down when I'm nervous."
"Gee, darling, I know cancer's nothing to laugh at, but I know quite a few women who have survived breast cancer."
Frank blushed, "Ma, he don't have breast cancer! He has bone marrow cancer!"
Gerard nudged Frank hard, "Frank! You weren't supposed to tell her what kind!" he hissed.
"Sorry." muttered Frank.

*

At the end of the week, Gerard went to the hospital to pick up his results. He walked in and asked the receptionist where he could pick up his results. She smiled and said, "You can pick them up here, what's your name?"
"My name is Gerard Arthur Way."
"Ah, ok. Wait here while I go get them." Gerard nodded his head, and went over to the waiting room. He sat down in a hard plastic chair. He waited for several minuets before she came back. "Gerard Way?" She asked into the room. He could feel everyone's eyes on him as he walked up to her. "Here are your results." She handed him a thin manila envelope. "Good luck!" she wished him. He looked up at her; the fear of the truth shadowed his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"Can you open it and tell me the results?"
"Sure Mr. Way." He handed back the manila envelope, and it shook like a leaf in a hurricane. She gently took out of his hand and opened it. She slid her hand in the yellow-colored envelope, and with drew a single white slip of paper. She looked at Gerard a moment, and then glanced down at the paper. She read the words on the paper, and glanced back up at him, "Well?" he asked nervously.
She smiled slowly. "Gerard, I'm sorry. I really am. You...you have cancer."
Gerard's face fell. His eyes became glassy. He backed up and kind of fell into the chair that was behind him. He was clearly in shock. The receptionist put her hand on his shoulder, in an attempt to soothe him. He dully looked up at her, "Now what?" His voice was so dull and lifeless.
"Make an appointment with your doctor."
"Oh. Ok."
"Do you want to call someone to come take you home?"
"Yeah. Call Frank Iero for me if you will." He handed her his cell. She took it and called Frank, "Hello? Is this Frank Iero? Could you come pick Gerard up at the hospital? I believe that he is unable to drive his self home."
She handed the phone back to him, and he slowly got up and walked ever so slowly outside. As he waited for Frank, he smoked cigarette after cigarette. He finally saw Frank's red car, and he got in, "Frank, I have cancer." he said in the same dull, lifeless voice.
"Want me to call Kayla?" Kayla was his girlfriend. They had started dating when My Chem first started, way back when. She had, at one time, been a promoter for My Chem, and she had met him at a My Chem show, she knew every song and screamed her heart out on every lyric. She had been with him when he was addicted to narcotics, and getting drunk every day. She was there when he attempted suicide; she talked him out of it. She was there through Bert, and Matt, two of his ex-lovers. She was his first, and she loved him more that anything.
Gerard nodded his head, "Yeah, call Kayla."

Frank got out his cell and called Kayla. "Yeah, hey Kayla? It's me, Frankie. Uh, can you come meet me at the house in about ten minuets? Ok, cuz I have some stuff to tell you. Alright, hun, see you then, bye!" Frank then turned to Gerard, "She'll be there. Do you want me to tell her, or do you? Gerard's eyes slowly moved and looked at Frank, "Uh...you tell her. I'm no good at this kind of stuff."
"I'll start crying."
"Ok, Gee. I love you."
"I love you too, Fwankie," with that, Gerard started to cry, "I'll never marry, or have kids, Frank!" Frank took a hand off the steering wheel, and placed it on Gerard's shoulder, "I know, Gee, Hun."
Gerard cried even harder, "How will everyone react?"
"I dunno, babe. Just know that I will be here for you."

~at Frank's house~
Gerard lay on the couch, his eyes puffy and red. He blew his nose for the seventh time, when the doorbell rang. He got up and answered it. He saw Kayla there, and he fell into her arms, crying once more, "Kayla, I have cancer, I'm dieing!" Kayla looked shocked; her hand went to Gerard's back, comforting him, "Are you sure? Cancer?"
Gerard nodded his head, "Cancer. I have cancer." that was all he could seem to say, he said it over and over, "Cancer, Kayla!" She led him to the couch, sitting him down, "Gerard, stop. Listen; let me get you a glass of water." He nodded, and then accepted the cool glass. He took bitty sips from it. "I'm sorry," his voice sounded more stable now, "I dunno what came over me, I just couldn't control myself."
"It's understandable, Gee. When did you find out?"
"Today. I got the tests back, and she told me I have cancer." Kayla put her hand on Gerard's face, "Oh Gee, I'm so sorry!"

*

Late that night, while every one was asleep, Gerard lay awake in his bed. His thoughts raced, as he mulled over the day's events. He really didn't know what to do. He turned on the TV. He sat there watching E! and he heard the following: "Lead singer of My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way, has cancer. Watch Celebrity News at 9:00 tomorrow to hear more about this shocking development!" Gerard was shocked, how did they find out?! Now every one will know...and he had wanted to tell everyone himself. He cried a bit, he didn't want them to find out this way! He felt so betrayed. Why would they say things like that? How did they even find out? He got out of bed, and shuffled to Mikey's room. He opened the door and lay in Mikey's bed. Mikey rolled over, "What's wrong, Gee?" he asked.
"Oh Mikey, they found out! They are broadcasting that I have cancer!"
"Are you for real?!"
"Yeah, I dunno how they found out! Some one must have told them!"
"Oh, Gee, what are we going to do? You know as well as I do, that every one is going to bother us now about this."
"I know. What about the fans? If they were watching TV, and if they watch that Celebrity News, they will find out!" Gerard curled up next to Mikey, putting his arms around Mikey's middle, "Hold me, Mikey. I don't want to be alone!" Mikey put his hands around Gerard's shoulders, and pulled him self closer. He placed his head on Gerard's head, and slowly fell back asleep.

*

Soft rays of golden sunshine streamed into the room, slowly warming up the room. This warmth woke Gerard up; he turned over and looked at his slumbering brother. He reached out and smoothed Mikey's hair out of his eyes. Mikey moaned softly in his sleep, and shifted around, closer to Gerard. He smiled and pulled up the sheets on Mikey, then got up. He stretched out his body, his shirt exposing his tummy. He shuffled out of Mikey's room, and down to the kitchen. He looked at the caller ID, and noticed that they had 20 new calls. He scrolled through them, and at least five were from his mum. He picked up the phone, and dialed her number. "Hey mum, how are you?"
"Gee? Is that you?"
"Yeah momma, it's me. What are you calling five times for?"
"I was watching that E! channel and it told me that you have cancer. Is that true, Gerard?"
"Yeah momma, it is. I have cancer."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let the TV tell me?"
"Momma, I was scared. I didn't want to believe it myself, and I only just found out yesterday. I was gonna call you!"
"Gee, baby, you know you can tell me anything, you don't have to be afraid!"
"I know momma, I'm really sorry you found out that way. I love you so much!"
"I love you too, Gee. I gotta go make your pop breakfast, ok darling?"
"Ok momma. Bye."
"Bye, baby."
Gerard hung up the black phone, and went back upstairs. He knocked on Mikey's door, and then went inside, "Mikey, time to wake up! We have to meet the rest of the guys at the air port, and then we gotta go do this interview with MTV."
Mikey looked at him for a moment, and the he got up, and got dressed, then went downstairs, and ate breakfast.

*

On the plane, Gerard sat nervously, smoothing down his white hair. He looked at Frankie, who sat next to him, "I really hope they don't ask me if I have cancer. I don't think I'll be able to answer that with out crying."
"Yeah, same here. I'll answer for you if they ask, Gee."
"Thanks Frankie. I really appreciate that."
"Your welcome, what are brothers for anyways?" Gerard smiled and slipped his hand over Frank's.
~At MTV~
"And now for the time we've all been waiting for! My Chemical Romance!"
Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Bob, and Frankie walked out from backstage at this announcement. Loud cheers rose from the crowd, and outside the window, even more fans were going wild. All five men stood around the host, and he turned to Gerard, "So, Gerard, we have information saying that you have cancer. Is that true?"
Frank stepped forward, "If I can, I will answer that." The host looked at him dumbly for a bit, and then nodded his head. "Yes, Gerard dose have cancer. A week from now, he is starting chemotherapy. I am hoping that our prayers will be with him, and he defeats this." Gerard wasn't looking at anything in particular; he was concentrating on not crying on camera. Frank noticed this and took his hand, whispering, "Its ok, Gee. Don't cry; be strong for your fans!" Gerard calmed down, slightly. He smoothed down his hair, and then said, "I have cancer, and hopefully I will beat this. Our tour will continue until I am too weak to sing, and be touring." He smiled weakly, and reached up to his short, white hair. In almost an afterthought, he put his hand back down. A girl from the audience raised her hand, Gerard turned to her and queried, "Yes? Do you have a question?" she got up and leaned towards Gerard, saying, "I will pray for you every night!" He hugged her and, slowly, tears fell from his face, landing on her shirt. She reached up and wiped them away.

~days later, at the hospital~

Gerard was fussing with the sheet on his bed, today was his first chemo session. He still hated hospitals, and the sooner he was done, the better! A nurse wheeled him to the radiation rooms, and gave him chemotherapy. Afterwards, he slept for a few hours, when he awoke, he saw Kayla sitting next to him, stroking his hand. "Can you get me some water?" he asked his voice harsh, and ragged. "Sure, Gee, anything for you." She gave him a Styrofoam cup, filled with cool water, and he drank greedily. He looked at her for a while, and then slipped back into a deep slumber. Kayla looked at Gerard, her eyes welling up with tears; she never wanted this for him. She had dreams of him, giving him children. Not of watching him die in a hospital bed. She knew this would kill him, she knew soon his hair would be gone; she knew that he would be in pain till his dieing day. He would push himself too far, touring well after he should have quit, causing more pain to himself. She looked at him angrily for a bit, hating him with every fiber in her being. He was going to leave her; he was going somewhere she couldn't follow. He swore to her that he would never go where she couldn't follow, he lied. She hit him as he lay there, sleeping, she hit him hard. How dare you leave me? She thought, how dare you go where I can't follow? You promised me you would stay here for me! You swore that you loved me! Look at you now, dieing in a fucking hospital! Is my hate and misery killing you? I hope so. I hope you hurt so badly. I hope you die slow, too. His eyes opened slowly, "Kayla, are you ok, hun? You look like you've been crying."
"I'm not ok, Gerard! Your gonna die and leave me here, to rot in misery!"
Gerard sat up, offering his arms, "Oh Kayla, if I had the choice, I would not. I don't mean to leave you. I want to stay, but Death, it seems, has different plans."
Kayla fell into his arms, crying hysterically, "Hold me, just for a while. Let me feel the warmth of your arms, before they wrapped in Death's cold shawl!" He held her close, letting her curl up in his lap. He didn't want this for her. He knew that she would try and follow him, but what if she tried, and couldn't find him? He sighed. Cancer's a bitch. Life is too short to begin with. Death must be in love with his ass, to want him so badly. He made a face, and gently pushed her off of him, "Gotta piss." he murmured to her. He left her and went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, "Soon, I won't even recognize you." he said to himself. Frustrated, he broke the mirror, "And fuck you, seven years of bad luck! I'll be dead soon anyways!" Kayla heard the shattering glass, and looked in to see what he was doing. He looked at her, his hand bloody, and shards of glass on the sink, on the floor.

~a month later, 4 chemo sessions later~

Gerard lay on his bed, too weak to move. He had just had his fourth chemo session, and they were really starting to wear him out, but as they said, the show must go on! And go on he would, in about an hour; My Chem. had a show, so he would rest for a bit until then. He could hear Ray and Frank playing in the back of the bus, and he smiled softly. They have told him to slow down, to move the tour dates around, and to stop doing shows on the same days as his chemo sessions. He never listened. The chemo was slowly catching up with him, he moved a bit slower now, sung too harshly, but if the fans noticed, they didn't say that they did. Now, because Gerard had cancer, the places they toured at sold out at record time. It seemed like the fans knew that this might be the last time they would see him. Letters of sympathy poured in, tips on how to feel better poured in. Gerard shook his head, and got up. As he was brushing his short hair, he noticed slivery strands in the brush; he blushed and hid the brush. He put on his makeup thicker than normal, due to his paler completion today. He put on his pants, his black under shirt, and his jacket, and then sat down to put on his boots. As he did this, a swirling, dizzying sensation washed over him, and he passed out. Ray heard a loud thud coming from the mid-section of the bus. He put down his guitar, and ran off to the sound. He saw Gerard on the floor, passed out. He freaked a bit, and then knelt down, shaking Gerard, "Gee! Wake up!"
Gerard's eyes slowly fluttered open, "W...what happened?"
"Dunno, you just passed out, and fell on the floor, are you ok?"
"Yeah I think so. There's a small bump on my head though." He rubbed his head, scrunching his face up in pain.
"You ok enough to sing?"
"Yeah I believe so. It doesn't hurt that much."
"Ok, let's walk to the stage then, it's almost time."
All five boys walked to the stage, and when there, they were announced. Gerard walked on, and thousands of fans started to scream. He pulled the mic off of its stand, "This, my friends, is one of the last My Chem. tours. I know, I know, terrible. Today I was too sick to even put on my boots, and that was only after one month of chemo. So, if I get worse in, say five months, then the touring stops. I'm sorry, but if I couldn't even put my shoes on today, in five months I don't think I'll be able to sing, but if I can, the tours continue." He then launched into "Helena".

After the show, Gerard passed out on his bunk, sleeping soundly until mid-afternoon. Upon waking up, he slid out of his bunk, and went to make some coffee. Mikey smirked, "Going get some coffee, Gee? We are all out of filters."
"WHAT? We have no filters? I NEED MY COFFEE!"
Mikey laughed loudly, "I got you Starbucks last night, bro. Chill." he got the glass jar out of the refrigerator, and handed it over to Gerard. He took it and drank greedily, "Thanks bro., I owe you one!" His brother just laughed, little things always made Gerard happy. Gerard scooted into the bench that was sitting by the table; he put some bread into the toaster, and sat sipping his coffee. The toast sprung out of the metallic toaster, and he put some jam on it. He sat there eating his toast, when he noticed Mikey watching him. He grinned, and wiggled the toast in front of his younger brother, who followed it with hungry eyes, "Want some, Mikey?" he taunted.
"Yes...." His brother drooled. Gerard laughed and slid another slice in.

days later

Gerard was singing his heart out on stage, "Turn away, if you could get me a drink of water cuz my lips are chapped and faded, call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favorite colors, my sisters and my brothers, still I will not kiss you, cuz the hardest part of this is leaving you.....cuz the hardest part of this is leaving you...." He stopped and looked out into the crowd, his eyes welling up. Big fat tears fell from his eyes, falling onto his costume, "I'm so sorry, I cannot finish the song." He ran off stage, and sat in the back, his hands over his face, balling like a child. Frank walked back, "Gee, you can't just leave the show! They paid good money to see us!"
"Your right." He got up and walked back out, the crowd cheering his return, "I'm so sorry." He told the crowd, and began singing "Mama".
After the show, Gerard and the boys were back stage, talking to fans. One fan, named Crissy, said, "Gerard, you can't have cancer! What will we do with out you?"
Gerard smiled slowly, "I do, and you'll carry on, and know that My Chemical Romance will always live on in your heart." He signed her picture of him, and hugged her. He stepped back a bit, letting the fans talk to the other members. During the rest of the meet and greet, he kept to the back, and to him self, only talking if someone talked to him. Afterwards, he lay in his bunk, knowing that tomorrow would be another chemo session, another day in the hospital, another day of sickness, and another day that he would sleep all day. He really hated chemo days...they took so much out of him, and left him sick and tired. He was not looking forward to it...His eyes closed slowly, and he drifted off to sleep.

*

The next day oozed in under a dark and cloudy day. Frank bent down into Gerard's bunk, shaking him lightly, "Gee, get up, it's time to go to the hospital." Gerard moaned and rolled over, grunting softly, "Don't wanna."
"Come on, Gee, get up." Pleaded Frank.
"NO!"
"Please? For me? With sprinkles on top?"
"NONONONO!"
"Come on Gee, your being a big baby about this, just get up!"
"Let me die in peace!"
"FINE! BUT WHEN YOU DIE DON'T COME RUNNING TO ME!" Frank stormed away from Gerard's bunk, and sat on the couch in a huff.
Finally, Mikey convinced Gerard to go to the hospital. Frank stormed into his room, still blazingly upset, "Oh, you'll go for your brother, but you won't go for me? I see how it is!" Frank stood there, screaming at Gerard, and he sat there, just looking at Frank, not saying a word. When Frank was done ranting, Gerard whispered, "Frankie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you, I should have just gone to the hospital like a good cancer-ridden boy." He gave Frank an odd smile. Frank rolled his eyes, "God, why won't you let me hate you? Why do you always make me love you all over again?"
Gerard batted his eyes, "Because you know you can't live without me? Because you love me? Because....because you like it in the ass?" he sniggered loudly at Frank, who threw a pillow at him. Kayla walked in as a pillow whizzed by her, she paused for a bit then looked at the two men in front of her, "I swear, do you two ever not play around?"
Gerard gave her a sheepish smile, "Nope. We will always be little boys at heart."
Kayla smiled and walked towards Gerard, "Did you already have your chemo session?"
"Nope. Not yet, they should be coming at any time. I just got up here."
"Oh, ok." As she said this, a nurse walked in, looking very important.
"I'm going to have to ask you all to leave now; I have to get Mr. Way ready for his chemotherapy." Kayla and Frank looked at each other, and then left. When they got out side, Kayla turned to Frank, "Do you think he's going to beat this, Frank?"
"To tell you the truth, I overheard the doctors talking, and I heard them say that it's farther advanced then they originally thought. They only give him 8 months to live, if even that, they said that he has had it for a year already, but the symptoms have never shown. But they haven't told him this yet, which worries me, what if he won't even last that long? What if he only lives for five months? It could happen, I heard them say that the chemo isn't helping, and that they were going to stop giving to him soon because it's just making him suffer all the more." He looked sad, and his eyes were down cast, tears slowly oozing out. Kayla put her hand on his shoulder, "Oh Frank, should we tell him?"
"Really, I wouldn't. He'll only push himself harder. I don't want to lose him yet!"
Frank walked with Kayla to the waiting room, and they sat in the hard, cold plastic chairs. They looked at one another anxiously, both praying that Gerard would never know just how bad it really was for him. After a while, the nurse came back and told them that they could go see him, but he was resting, and not to wake him. They walked back to Gerard's room, and saw him lay there, Kayla walk to him and smoothed down his hair, but when she took away her hand, stands of bleach blond hair were all over her hand. She looked at Frank, horrified, and then wiped her hand off on her clothes. Frank came over and raked his hand through Gerard's hair as well, and his hand was covered in short white hairs. They both looked at one another, shocked. Gerard was loosing his hair, and not just a little bit of it, it was falling out in clumps!

The next day

Gerard was fast asleep in his bed, today was his birthday! Mikey and Frank were making plans for him, they wanted this to be the happiest birthday he'd ever had. They sat at the kitchen table, snickering at one another; they had made all kinds of silly plans for him. When they heard shuffling coming from Gerard's bunk, they quickly shut up, and gave him the dopiest grin, he looked at them oddly, but thought nothing of it. Mikey sprung up, "Happy birthday, bro!" Gerard grinned at him, and pulled him into a hug, "Thanks." He said, pouring himself a mug of coffee, and sitting down, lighting a cigarette. He took the first drag, and closed his eyes, "Nothing like coffee and a cigarette, first thing in the morning." Mikey laughed nervously, and sat next to him, "So, big bro, what do you want to do today?"
"Really? I want to relax. Sit here and drink coffee, and smoke cigarettes."
Mikey laughed again, "You can't do that all day, it's your birthday!" Gerard looked at him suspiciously, "Sure I can, and it's my damn birthday. If I don't want to do anything, I'm not gonna." as he finished his sentence, his phone vibrated, "Gerard Way." he chirped into it. "Oh! Hey Kayla! It's my birthday; wanna come give me a birthday lap dance? Of course I'm kidding, sweetheart; I'd never make you do that. I dunno, why don't you come over and we'll see what comes up? Kayla! I didn't mean it like that! Oh alright, I did...but I feel good today! Nothing could get me down! Oh ok, see you in a bit. I love you, bye hunny."
He grinned at Frank and Mikey, "Kayla's coming over, to wish me a happy birthday." Mikey smirked at him, "I bet she's going to come over, and I bet she's going to give the birthday boy a good present." Gerard just gave him a wide smile, and said nothing. There was a knock at the bus's door, Gerard flew to answer it, and standing on the other side was Kayla. He pulled her into a hug, and kissed her. She blushed lightly, and kissed him back. Gerard sat down on the couch, and Kayla sat on his lap, she whispered in his ear, "What would the birthday boy like?" Gerard's face lit up and he whispered something back into her ear. She blushed deeply, but took his hand and led him to his own bunk. Mikey and Frank looked at one another, and rolled their eyes. Minutes later, they could hear Gerard moaning loudly, and Kayla laughing. She slid out of his bunk and sat at the table, making herself some coffee. She looked innocently at Frank and Mikey, "What?" she asked, "I gave him what he wanted!" Bob walked into the kitchen, and looked sternly at Kayla, "You woke me up, girly." She just looked at him, and shrugged her shoulders. "So, today's Gee's birthday, what are we going to do?" Bob asked. Mikey exploded into a list of things that Gerard had always wanted to do, but never had, for what ever reason. "Let's take him to Disneyworld!" Squealed Kayla. Mikey looked at her, "That's a wonderful idea! Let's take him to Disneyworld!" Kayla bounced off to Gerard's bunk, and dragged him out, and he was very undressed. She dragged him all the way to the kitchen, with him protesting the whole time, "Kayla! I'm naked, let me get clothes on!"
"No no no, you need to come now! I have a surprise for you!"
Bob looked at Gerard with a surprised look on his face, "Uh, Gee...you don't have any clothes on....I can see your privates."
"I know! Kayla won't let me get dressed!"
Bob made another face, and gave her the You-must-be-crazy look. "Any who, Gee, we are gonna take you to Disneyworld!"
"Now? Can I go get dressed?"
"Please do!"

*

They arrived at Disneyworld, and Gerard acted very much like a little four-year old girl. He told all the characters that it was his birthday, and they in turn wished him a happy birthday. He was incredibly giddy the whole day, running from ride to ride. That night, he and Kayla had dinner under the nightly fireworks show. "Kayla, this has been the best birthday I've ever had. Makes me wish we could spend the rest of our lives here. I'm so happy, I could explode!" He pulled Kayla close to him, cuddling with her. She smiled gaily, and wrapped her arms around him. They sat like this for a while, then Kayla turned to Gerard, "Gee, baby? Are you ok? Gee! Wake up! Come on baby, wake up!" She shook him violently, but he didn't respond to her. "Gee!! Gee!! Wake up! Come on, wake up! Someone help! He won't wake up!"
One of the waiters ran to her, "What's wrong, miss?"
"I dunno! He has cancer, and has been getting chemo, so, he may have worn himself out."
"I'll call an ambulance!" The waiter ran off, leaving Kayla with an unconscious Gerard. She began to cry heavily, "Gee, please wake up. I love you! Don't leave me like this." She kissed his face over and over, her tears wetting his face. The waiter came back, "They are on their way, miss." He sat with her, waiting with her, every now and again checking his pulse and breathing. The ambulance came in screaming, and the paramedics ran to Gerard's side, and putting him on the gurney, and whisking him away. Kayla rode with him, all along the bumpy ride, holding his hand and crying. A few times the paramedics pushed her away, to push needles into Gerard's arm. She would cry even more as they did this, "He's afraid of needles! Stop it!" They ignored her, and her pleading, often shoving her away to attend to him. When they got to the hospital, they made her wait in the waiting room. She paced back and forth, waiting for someone to tell her if he was ok. Finally she sat her eyes red and swollen. Frank showed up, and sat next to her, "I went to the restaurant and the told me what happened, so I came here to see how you are." Kayla fell into his arms, crying all over again, "Frank, he like passed out, and I couldn't get him to wake up!" Frank rubbed her back and held her close, kissing her head. She leaned into him, sniffling, "He's gonna die."
"No, he won't, not yet."
"I told him I love him, just incase."
"He knows you do, Kayla. We all do."
She nuzzled his chest, and he picked up her face and brought it up to his, and kissed her. He didn't know why he did, but it felt so right... She looked at him surprised, and then returned the kiss. "Hold me, Frankie! Just hold me." She kissed him over and over, her tears falling, she knew this was wrong, but it felt so right! They heard a noise, and they both looked, faces flushed. "You can go see him now, we have him stable, but he's in a coma. It's not that serious, we thing he could come out at anytime. He put too much stress on himself, so his body reacted the only way it knows how. It shut down, but he's ok, his body is forcing it's self to heal." Kayla got up quickly, and rushed to his room. He lay there, so fragile and so pale. Tubes ran all over his thin frame. His eyes were taped closed, and a breathing tube was down his throat, as was a feeding tube. Kayla ran to his bed, crying "Gee!! Wake up, I beg you! I love you, I love you!" She kissed him as well as she could around the tubes in him. Frank hung back, his eyes stinging. This shouldn't happen to people like us. What did we do to deserve our best friend's death? Why must he suffer like this? It's just not fair! Tears etched their way down his cheeks, it hurt to see Gerard with all those tubes around him, it stung to know he would die young, to never marry, never have children, or grandchildren. He leaned up against the wall, letting his tears fall freely and unchecked. He watched Kayla fuss over Gerard; she seemed the perfect girlfriend, always by your side, even in a hospital. He always loved her, more than he should of; she was so perfect to him. She could do no wrong, and he would be by her side when Gee died, and she would be in his arms, crying. He would sooth her, kiss her forehead, tell her everything was ok. Yes, that's what he would do.

Kayla fussed over Gerard, wiping small beads of sweat on his forehead, pressing down the edges on the tape that was on his eyes. She put his hands on his stomach, and slid the ring she was going to give him that night. It was a pretty ring, silver with a black stone, and a diamond inside of that. She wanted to marry him, and the dinner had been the perfect escape from the rest of the band. She had it all planed, at the end of the fireworks, she would of asked him to marry her. Now, though...now he was laying in yet another hospital bed. She didn't know if he'd make it through it this time. She sighed and sat next to him, petting his still hand. His hand is cold, she mused, and so she pulled it closer and put both of her hands around his cold one. Then it hit her, his hand is cold! She got up and felt his arm, his chest, and then his face. He was cold all over, and not just a little cold, he was freezing! She ran out of the room, and to the first nurse she saw, "Can you help me? Gerard is freezing!" she nodded her head, and followed her back to Gerard's room. The nurse checked his pulse, then his temperature, "Your right, his temp. is a little low. I'm going to go get him another blanket."
"That's it?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Nothing else is wrong with him. He's just cold."
Kayla sighed, well...at least he's just cold, and it's nothing major.

~a day later~

A nurse was in Gerard's room when she noticed Gerard trying to open his eyes, but because of the tape he couldn't, so she gently tore off the tape. "Morning Sunshine. Sleep good?" She took out his breathing tube and his feeding tube. Gerard made a gagging sound, "Don't try and talk, Mr. Way, you're in the hospital, you slid into a slight coma." He raised his eye brow, as if to say Oh really...I didn't notice. He looked around, and she smiled, "Kayla was here, as was Mr. Iero. They left last night after I kicked them out." Gerard smiled weakly, and shifted around slightly. "Are you hungry? I can go get you something to eat." Gerard nodded his head and rubbed his stomach. The nurse laughed, "Ok I'll go get you something." She left, leaving him there alone. Gerard looked around some more, and then glanced down at his arm. He noticed the needle in his arm, and panicked slightly, he hated needles. He heard the click of the nurse's shoes, and smiled. She came in, and sat the tray down on a table. "I'll feed you; I don't think you can feed yourself." She sat in the chair next to him and scooped up some peas, and offered them to him, he opened his mouth, and she fed him. He smiled, and mouthed "Thank you." She patted his arm, "Your welcome, Mr. Way." He motioned that he wanted pen and paper; she obliged and gave them to him. He wrote, you can call me Gee, and gave her the paper. She giggled, "Ok, Gee. You can call me Shaylah
." she offered her hand, which he took and shook. He sheepishly smiled at her, and wrote, Can I talk now? She giggled, "Yeah, you can talk now." She put up the tray that his meal was on. "So, Gee, how are you feeling?"
Gerard opened his mouth, and his ragged, harsh voice spilled out, "I feel ok...Shaylah."
"Somehow, I feel that I know you..." She mused, "You look familiar."
He blushed deeply, "I have a band that you may have heard of."
"Oh, what's it called?"
"My Chemical Romance..." Gerard blushed harder.
"Wait...then you're...no...really?"
"Yeah, I'm Gerard Way, lead singer."
"Oh. Wow...imagine that...I'm a fan of My Chem.!"
"Really? Wow, I love meeting fans!" He nodded his head.
"Oh, wow, I heard you had cancer, but I never thought I'd get to meet you, and that made me sad. Now I can say I met Gerard Way!"
Gerard blushed. He shifted around in his bed, and made a face. "What's wrong?" Shaylah asked, worried. "I...I have to pee." She giggled, and helped him up, and walked with him to the bathroom, "Do you need help?" she asked.
Gerard looked shy, "I just need you to hold me up." She stood behind him, with her arms around his chest. "No need to be shy, Gerard, I've seen guy's parts before."
"Yeah...well no one's seen mine except my girlfriend, Frank...Bob...Ray...and Mikey." He blushed a deep maroon. She giggled, "Your mom has I hope."
"Yeah that too..."

~days later~

Gerard was back on the bus, taking it easy. He was over doing it, and he knew it. He lay on his bed, talking to Frank, "Hey Frankie?"
"Yeah, Gee?"
"I think we need to change some of the tour dates, I don't think I'll be able to tour day after day." Gerard played with the end of the blanket, "And I started loosing my hair." He reached up and smoothed it down, when he took his hand away; silvery strands were on his hand, on the pillow, on his pajamas, and on the blanket. He had large patches missing on his scalp, they were very noticeable. He sniffed softly, whispering "This is killing me."
"Tell them that you don't want chemo anymore, it's not helping you, and you know that."
"I know. Plus when I was in the hospital, they found a cancerous tumor in my arm."
"Really? Did the take it out?"
"Yeah, they did. Now they are telling me I have a month or so left!"
"To live?!"
"Yeah...that's what they told me."
"Oh my gosh, Gee. Why didn't you tell us?"
"I don't want anyone to know that I'm dieing so quickly."
Frank pushed Gerard over and laid down beside him, putting his hands around Gerard. "I love you more than anything, Gee. You know that right?"
"I do Frank." He kissed Frank's forehead. "I love you as well. More than anything, except maybe Kayla." Frank play-hit Gerard and stuck his tongue out. Frank sighed and cuddled up with Gerard, and they lay there, just talking.

Kayla walked back towards the bunks, when she saw Frank and Gerard snuggled up in the bunk, close to one another, Frank's lips still on Gerard's forehead. She took a few steps back, and whispered, "So this is what you do when I'm not here! You little cheat!" She stepped forward, "Is this what you do when I'm not here! You fuck Frank? Is that what you do?" Gerard sprung up, "Kayla, what are you talking about? I wasn't screwing Frank! We were just laying there! What in the devil has gotten into you!"
"I saw you...and him" she pointed at Frank "laying together, his lips on your forehead! What else do you do when I'm gone?"
"Kayla, your getting all bent out of shape! I have never had sex with Frank! Why would you think this? Why are you doing this?"
Kayla began to cry, "You're dieing, and you're CHEATING on me! I know it!"
"Kayla! I am not! I swear on Elena!"
Kayla hic-upped and looked at him, "I'm sorry, Gee, really..." she fell into Gerard's arms, "Please forgive me!" Gerard put his arms around her, and soothed her, kissing her head. "Kayla, it's ok. I know it's been tough on you. Just know that I love you more than anything!" He held her close to him. She continued to sniffle, and she snuggled closer to him, "I really am sorry, Gee."
"I know, Kayla, I know." Gerard sat on the couch, looking quite bummed about something. Bob strolled in and informed Gerard that someone was calling to talk to him. Gerard looked at him funny, "Who would be calling me on your phone?"
"I don't know, they said it was important."
"Oh, ok..." Gerard took Bob's cell out of his hand and timidly asked, "Hello?"
"Mr. Way?"
"This is he..."
"This is Skyline Hospital. I am calling to inform you that you will no longer be receiving chemotherapy."
"Uh...why?"
"Your cancer has advanced too far for chemotherapy to help you, so we have agreed that it would be best to take you off of chemotherapy, as it would just make you sicker."
"So...uh...how long do I have left to live?"
"That depends. Anywhere from two to five months."
"Oh...ok...thanks, I guess..." Gerard hung up the silvery cell, and handed it back to Bob.
"I have two to five months live." He told them, fat tears falling quickly down his cheeks. Bob, Frank, and Kayla all hugged him at once, each in turn telling him that they were sorry. Gerard sighed, and wiped away his tears, he was sick of the sadness that he felt. In the back of his mind, a small voice whispered, you know, a few beers will make all of the go away. Gerard opened his mouth, and then closed it, shaking his head slowly, trying to get that small whispery voice out of his head, but it persisted, getting louder and louder, until it consumed him. "I'm going out for a bit. I don't know when I'll be back." He left the bus, and got into a rental car that sat near the bus. He drove to the nearest bar, and went inside, the smell overpowering him. He inhaled it like it was a perfume to be savored. He sat down on the dingy duct-taped stool, and ordered a beer. The first taste made him make a face, but boy was it good. He gulped the beer down quickly, and ordered another. He continued this pattern, until the bar-keep stopped him. "Go home, son. You've had enough!" Gerard got up, and the world spun a bit. The next few minutes felt like a blur to him, and he felt himself slide into blissful unawareness. When he awoke, he found himself in a hospital. Again? He asked himself, what happened? He looked around, and saw Frank sitting next to him, "What happened?" he asked, his voice crackling.
"You, ah, had an accident. They found the car in a ditch, with the air bag deployed. Said you were drunk. Were you?"
"Uh...I don't remember..."
"Gerard Arthur Way, were you drunk?"
"Frank! I don't know!! I can't remember!"
"You know you were, you swore you'd never drink again! YOU LIED!"
"I'm sorry? I don't remember!"
"What if you killed someone?? What if you killed your self?"
Gerard was speechless, he just stared at Frank. He looked down quickly, as hot tears rolled down his face.
"You'll get no sympathy from me, Gee." With that, Frank left Gerard to lie there, alone, to think. He groaned he was drunk that night; it hit him like a ton of bricks. His tears fell faster. He had no right to live, no right to even be here. He looked around the room for a bit, when his eyes fell on a razor. Normally a thought like this would never enter his mind, but when it crossed his mind, it sounded very good. He picked it up, and dug it into his frail skin. It bit into him with tiny metal teeth, the pain much like a paper cut. He let out a shivery pained sigh, and looked at his arm. Bright red flooded his vision, and flowed onto his flimsy hospital gown. His eyes rolled back, and he slid back into darkness.

*

They had fixed Gerard, but just barely. He had really done a number on himself, nearly cutting his vein open, and nearly killing himself. Frank's words echoed in his mind, and his mind making the words even worse. He would hear, "I don't love you anymore.", and "Get out of my life, you drunk!" he just didn't feel like being here, in the hospital. He didn't want to live anymore. He hoped that his cancer would kill him quicker, just so he wouldn't have to deal with asking Frank to forgive him, he knew asking Frank to forgive him was like trying to teach a cat how to fly. It was impossible. Gerard made an aggravated noise, and scooted over on the bed. How could he even begin to ask Frank to forgive him? His mind slid back to when he swore to Frank that he was never going to drink again...

~Flashback~

Gerard sat on the couch giggling hysterically, "Frankie! I'm drunk, I suppose! Can I crash on your couch?" He petted the couch, "Fraankie!" He got up and stumbled around a bit, then kind of fell on top of Frank, making the both of them fall to the floor. "Get off, you fucking drunk! I hate it when you're like this!"
Gerard pouted, "I didn't hear you complain last night."
"Gerard, I was drunk last night as well. You started drinking again as soon as you got up! Are you ever sober?"
Gerard shakily got to his feet, "Nooope!" He spun around, "Wee! Spin with me, Frank!"
"You're going to get sick..." as soon as the words left his mouth, Gerard stopped, and looked quite green. His eyes got wide, and he tore off towards the tiny bathroom. The sound of him loosing his lunch echoed through the bus. Frank sighed and went to the small room, and pulled Gerard's hair away from his face, and patted his back. "God, I wish you could see you're self like this!" He helped Gerard back to his bunk, and tucked him in. "Sleep it off, Gee. We have a show soon."

~Hours later~

Gerard paraded around the stage, still drunk. He started to jump around, making his pants fall down. He fell to his knees, and Frank ran over and helped him back up. Gerard shoved Frank away from him "I got it!" he slurred. Frank backed off, sighing; god he wished Gerard could see himself!
Later, after the show, Gerard was talking to a camera, as if it were someone to talk to.

~Later~

Frank sat next to a now sober Gerard. He got up and put a tape into the VCR. "Watch this!" Frank told Gerard. Gerard sat there, and watched himself being a drunken fool on stage, his pants falling down, and then him falling down. Then he saw himself talking to the camera, as if it were a person, telling it how much he loved his fans, and why his pants fell down. He looked at Frank, "Frankie, I think I have a problem!"

~End of flashback~

Gerard sat there and hummed to himself a few bars of "Cancer", and his thoughts strayed off. The song was made for other people that have gone through cancer; he just never thought that the song would speak so loudly to him.
"Turn away,
If you could get me a drink,
Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded.
Call my Aunt Marie.
Help her gather all my things,
And bury me in all my favorite colors.
My sisters and my brothers still,
I will not kiss you.

'Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.

Now turn away,
Cause I'm awful just to see.
Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony.
Know that I will never marry.
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't living.
And I just hope you know,
That if you say goodbye today,
I'd ask you to be true.

'Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.

'Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you."

Tears streamed down his eyes, The Patent was him, and he was The Patent. He had just never realized the connection. He lay there, sobbing over every thing her was going to miss, things that he had never done. Things he would never do. Tears racked his body, shaking his frame; he would never marry, and never father children. He was loosing it, his sanity, his life, his band...his life slowly marched past him, all of the good memories, and all of the bad. The time Mikey fell down, and came crying to him, and how he slowly rocked Mikey till he stopped crying. How his first girl friend ripped his heart to shreds, and how he and Mikey sat for hours, planning her demise. The first time he sung with My Chemical Romance, and how nervous they all were, and how drunk they had been that night. The first time he saw "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love" in the store, and how he picked it up and bought it, not because he had never heard it, but because they had made it. How Frankie loved him, and the time they got piss drunk, and were singing in his backyard, until the wee hours in the morning. When Ray made his hair straight, and how badly he teased him for looking like a poodle. The time Bob broke the camera from MTV, because it wouldn't leave him alone, and kept following him. He basked in those memories, got lost in them, and never wanted to forget them. Then, for no reason, he forgot what he was thinking about...his mind became blank...and as hard as he could, he couldn't remember what he was thinking. He shook his head, and lightly smacked it, trying to clear the sudden fuzziness he felt. Not being able to clear it, he pushed the little button that called in a nurse. He only had to wait for a few seconds for her to pop in. "Yes? Is something wrong? Are you in pain?"
"No...I forgot what I was going to tell you...I know it was something important...gosh what was it?"
She looked at him oddly, "Are you ok?"
"No...I can't remember anything...who am I?"
"You're Gerard Way." She said softly, "Can't you remember?"
"No, I can't. Why am I here, again?"
"You, ah, have cancer. You were getting treatment."
"Really? And who are you?"
"I'm your nurse."
"What do they do?"
Surprise shot through her, he couldn't remember anything! "I'll be right back, Gerard."
"Who's Gerard?"
She sighed, exasperated, "You are!"
"Oh...really?"
She left, quickly, to find his doctor. Something was definitely wrong with him! She paged him, and soon he came to her station. "Yes?" asked Dr. Myers.
"Mr. Way is very quickly loosing his memory. Do you think that his cancer has spread to his brain?"
"Well...let's do an EKG on him, and find out."

~on the tour bus~

Frank was beating himself up mentally, how could he say such things to Gerard? What was he thinking? The phone call that he just received told that Gerard had lost his memory, and he couldn't remember much of anything, and that he was going to get an EKG to see if he had a brain tumor. The last thing he had told Gee was hurtful, and knowing Gerard like he did, he knew that Gerard's last known memories would be pain filled. He would be twisting Frank's words around in his mind, making things sound so much worse. Frank was racked with guilt; he had to go see Gerard, even if he didn't remember a damn thing!

~back at the hospital~

Gerard lay in his bed, shortly after his EKG, and he did in fact have a tumor in his brain, and it was inoperable. Too much risk would be taken to get it out, it could kill him. He lay there in his world of unknown. He had faint memories, but they were misty, and just out of his grasp. Somehow, he recognized the things around him; he just couldn't remember what they were called! He sighed, thoroughly frustrated. In the distant, he heard the scuffle of feet; he sat up in his bed expecting one of those white-clad ladies that fussed over him. To his surprise, a young man of 20-something slowly walked up to him. Gerard looked at him curiously, he looked familiar. Those eyes, and that face, he had seen them before, but he couldn't put a name to the face. "Hello." Gerard said, slowly, "Who are you?" The boy's face fell, and tears streamed down his face, to plop plop plop onto his shirt, leaving dark splotches on it. Gerard tilted his head, trying to figure out why the beautiful boy was shedding tears. "What's wrong? Did I say something bad?"
The boy swiped at his face, "No. You said nothing wrong, if only you could remember me! I want to tell you that I'm sorry, but you won't know why. I know you'll never remember me, but I just want you to know how much I truly love you, and that you mean the world to me. If telling you my name helps, my name is Frank Iero."
Gerard pondered this, he didn't know who the beauty that stood in front of him was, but he seemed to be so sincere, and the glow in his eyes told Gerard that yes, this boy did know who he was, and yes he loved Gerard to death. Boy, he wished he could remember this boy! His face haunted his dreams, over and over telling him, "I don't love you!" and "Get out of my life you fucking drunk!" Confusion set in, and Gerard began to loose it. "Who are you? Why are you in here, telling me these things? Your face haunts my every waking hour, telling me horrible things! Why must you come here, telling me that your sorry? My dreams tell me that you are glad I'm gone!"
Frank sobbed, "Gee, I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you! I never meant to say those awful things! I was just so mad that you got drunk! It came out all wrong, I meant to say that I was disappointed in you. I never meant to make you think I hate you. In fact, I love you dearly!"
"Who is Gee? Is that me?"
"Yeah, it is you. Oh! How I wish you could remember! I don't want you to die, thinking I hate you!"
"I won't..." he faltered for the boy's name.
"It's Frankie, Gee."
"Yes, I won't die knowing that you hate me, Frankie. Even though I don't know who you are, you must have been important to me."
"I was." Frank lost it, he stood there, spilling every emotion he ever had, crying his eyes out. Gerard looked at him oddly, the things...Frankie...said sounded like something out of a dream. A band? Fans? A loving girlfriend? Wow, what a wonderful life! How he wished he could remember!

~a week later~

Many unknown faces marched past him, confusing him, and telling him that they loved him. They seemed to know something he didn't, but then again, on a good day he remembered his name, on a bad day, he couldn't remember anything. He knew he was getting worse, though. He felt burdened, and heavy, like he was in a lake with a rock tied to him, making him sink sink sink to the bottom. His coughs came out ragged, and sometimes bloody, and he could hear the white-clad ladies talk of caner in his lungs, and how it was spreading oh-so-quickly. He heard whispers in the night, speaking of funerals, and what to do when he was gone. He felt like he was locked in a dungeon, buried deep underground, where no one heard his screams for help. He sat there, hacking loudly, when a huge blood clot shot out of his mouth, and landed on his pristine white sheets, horrified, he screamed loudly. A white-clad lady ran in, "What's wrong?" she asked.
He pointed, "That!" and tried to push it off of his pretty sheets, but the more he moved it, the bigger of a mess it made. Frustrated, he threw the sheet away from him, crying. "Icky icky red thing!" he yelled at it. His pretty boy walked in, worried, "Gee? Hunny, what's wrong?"
Gerard pointed at the offending red substance on his white sheet, "I got ickies on my nice sheet!"
Frank smiled slowly. Gerard might not remember him, but he was still the same. "Let me get you a new one, Gee." Gerard let Frank call him Gee, even though he had no clue that was his nickname. Gerard clapped happily, "Yay! A new pretty sheet, for pretty me!" Frank ruffled what was left of Gerard's hair, "Yep." Frank tucked Gerard back in, with a new sheet, and kissed him softly on the cheek. The nurse had left, leaving Frank and Gerard alone. Gerard snuggled in deep, sighing much like a three-year-old, "Pretty boy, can you get me a glass of water? My lips are chapped." Frank shook violently, those were the beginning lyrics of Cancer! Well, not exactly, but maybe somewhere in Gerard's mind those lyrics still hung in a cob-web coated place. Frank left the room, to get him water. Gerard closed his eyes, and thought, maybe I'll sleep a bit before he comes back.


Frank walked back, a plastic cup in his hand, he smiled softly, for Gerard had drifted off to sleep. He put the cup down on the tiny table next to Gerard's bed, and gently shook Gerard. "Gee? Wake up, I got you your water." but Gerard failed to respond. In fact, his chest failed to heave, and his face looked paler than normal. Panic set in. Frank shook Gerard harder, "Gee? Please, wake up! Don't leave me! Don't go where I can't follow!" Still, Gerard failed to respond. Frank ran out of the room in a panic, "Help! Gerard won't wake!" Quickly, two men in white lab coats ran to him dragging a defibrillator behind them. Frank watched in horror as Gerard's body heaved from the electricity surging through him. After a few minutes of trying to bring him back, they gave up, and pronounced him dead.

~the funeral~

Many many people had shown up for Gerard's funeral. Ray, Frank, Bob, Mikey, and Kayla sat in the first pew of the church, and listened to the priest prattle on about how wonderful Gerard had been. All five of them were crying, even Bob. When they buried Gerard, each of them left a memento in his casket. Frank left his bracelet, Mikey left Gerard's old teddy, Ray left his favorite pick, Kayla left her necklace, and Bob left one of his drumsticks. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do.