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Jane's P.O.V:

Last night was horrible... I was almost raped and I told the guy I liked that... wait did I just say that? Shit... I like Gerard. But I keep hearing that same voice in my head that's been haunting me for some time. I feel useless, unwanted, like no one would care if I hurt or even killed myself somehow. That's because a) You ARE useless, b) You ARE unwanted... who would want a little bitch like you? Maybe to slap you around some but that's about it... and thirdly, you can't kill yourself, but I can. I can push you so far over the edge with pain and heartache you won't be able to move without my say so...

He's still in my head, I still love him, and he'll always be in my heart. I can never let him go I love him too much to. I feel if I date another I would break his heart. Wihtout him my life wouldn't be complete. Like every breath I take would be an intake of thick black smoke, coarsing through my veins. He was right. He was always right. I'm worth nothing and i'm his, only his....

I was snapped out of my trance by Adam signaling that we were back at the tour bus but now there was a shitload of trucks and another tour bus with the My Chemical Romance name on the side in big red letters over the black paint. Fuckin great.... I sighed then decided to get out of the car and into the tour bus as fast as I could.

I was halfway there when someone jumped on my back.

" Holly!" I shrieked trying to get balance.

" Hahah you wish it's your favourite lova." Frank said laughing. I started to laugh some too then started running in the other direction of the tour buses. " Where are we going?" Frank asked kind of scared. More like terrified.

" FOR COFFEEEEEEE!" I screamed when I saw a Starbucks a block or so down.

" YAY!" he yelled giggling. I piggy backed him inside then let him down so we could order some coffee. We started talking while walking on the way back and learned some things about eachother. We kind of chugged down our coffees cause we knew the guys would be upset that we went there without bringing them something back.

" That was probably the funnest time i've ever had in a long time. You're now one of my few friends! Feel lucky that opportunity doesn't come along every so often. " I said blushing.

" Awww thankies! You're already my friend!" He replied hugging me like a big stuffed teddybear.

We kept walking and talking untill we were almost back at the tour buses.

" So I heard you have a boyfriend," Frank said casually looking at the scenery around him.

" Yup" I stated shortly.

" Wellllll does he have a name? Common i'm your friend you can tell me anything!"

" His name isss Anthony." Shit I just used my dead boyfriend's name. Fuckin great... why would anyone want to be my boyfriend anyway? I'm a fuckin worthless bitch... It was as if Frank heard me say that.

" You're not," was all Frank said before he went over to MCR's little group who seemed like they were in deep conversation. I walked over to my tour bus and hopped inside. I talked with the guys for a couple minutes then went back in my bunk to lay down. I shut my eyes, only to open them when someone knocked at the so called 'door' of the bunk area.

" La porte est ouverte!" I said in my stupid french accent.

" What?" I poked my head out of the bunk and saw him standing there. He was dressed in black from head to toe. Couldn't say anything bad about it cause I was too.

" I said the door was open, work on your french," I giggled. What the fuck did I just giggle? Shut the fuck up you stupid bitch and get him out of here! Gerard heard it too I guess.

" Is there anyone else in here? I thought I heard someone," he asked as if he was interrupting something. I looked out from my bunk at the expression of his face. It looked kind of gloomy but still beautiful.

" No, that was no one don't worry about it," I replied quickly. Yes it was you stupid whore.

Okay now I know someone's in here... who the fuck do you think you are talking to her like this? Gerard asked furriated.

It's no one Gerard just... it's nothing just don't listen to it I derserve every word he says. I replied on the verge of tears.

Gerard's P.O.V:

That's right skank you're nothing. I could hear the venom in this thing's voice. I looked down at the floor where she now sat. Her head hang low with what seemed like the sadest, most hurtful shame i've ever felt. I went over and sat down next to her.

" You don't derserve anything he says. You're not a skank or a whore or anything even close to that. You are so much more," I replied softly, "Beautiful as a butterfly," I whispered bringing her chin up to look into her eyes. They were filled with death, no hope. She looked back into mine, tears now running down her cheeks.

" You don't understand," she said standing up. An angel even at the worst of times. " You hardly know anything about me. You think of what you see of me. Everyone does. I've got comments ranging from my face as soft as a dove and gentle violet eyes. They say they've never seen anyone so lovely in their entire lives. But you all don't get me for who I am. You believe what you think of me by first glance. But i'm a totally different person. I feel like i'm stuck in a body that isn't mine. I'm not beautiful," she replied with no emotion showing in her voice then walked out into the bathroom.

" Hey Gee common we gotta get on our bus they're gonna start to move in a minute!" Mikey hollered to me.

" Comming!" I shouted back. This time I finally got some sense kicked into me and thought privately. I have to show her who she really is. Whoever was talking to her must've been someone in her life. Shit, if it's her boyfriend, when I see him i'll kill him. I have to help her feel again. I walked out of the Dead Girl's Diary bus after talking to the other guys for a minute or two then went onto my bus.

" Here we go guys another day, another amazing tour!" Bob said so everyone could hear. They all cheered and whooped when the buses started up but I didn't. I kept thinking of her. Alicia and Mikey came and sat beside me.

" Hey man I know what or more percise who you are thinkin of," Mikey said giving me a pat on the back.

" She has something that she's not revealing and it's killing her inside. I can feel it," Alicia said with deep concern. She and Jane talked on the phone last night for about an hour and Alicia filled me in on some of the details.

" Yeah, but what," I sighed sadly. Then all of a sudden I started to cry. All of the pain and loss I was feeling both from her and from me let itself out. They guys all came around me while Frank and Mikey were hugging me trying to confort me. " I-it hurts me t-to know th-th-that she's dy-dying on the inside a-a-and I can't do shit!" I cried almost yelling the last bit of it out.

" You've fallen in love with her," Ray said sadly, also feeling my pain.

Then, thinking for a minute, I finally replied in barely a whisper, " Yes, i've fallen in love for her. But not with her..."

Jane's P.O.V:

I locked the bathroom door and heard him walk by and exit the bus with the others. I turned the cold water on and splashed it on my face and dried it. After I put the towel down I stared at myself in the mirror. I was a nice weight, had all the right curves in all the right places, elegantly flowing chestnut wringlets with blue and purple streaked through it to blend nicely with my hair. My skin, as I like to perfer to as 'whiter than a ghost' was soft without a single mole. My facial structure was nice and perfected to the very tissue as if someone had created my from porcelin. My eyeliner was a bit smudged but I didn't really care. I looked at myself through all the sorrow I was feeling and all I saw was a girl who looks like she was made from a fuckin chisel and coated in a clear airbrushed paint. Fuckin rediculous. Who else in the fuckin world has violet eyes huh? No one except me! I'm a fuckin freak.

After galabanting about myself in the mirror for a good five minutes, I felt the bus start up so I went out to where the sofas where. All the guys and Holly were sitting out there as if they were waiting for me to come out.

" Jane, Frank told us that you told Gerard that you had a boyfriend, " Holly said calmingly while all the other guys looked at me as if they already knew what she was talking about but waiting to hear what I said in response. " You know he's falling for you," Holly said in a matter-of-factly but nice tone.

" And hard," Derek added. Adam and Jake agreed.

" Why'd you say that you had a boyfriend?" Jake questioned cautiously in case he said the wrong thing.

" No one deserves to love me, and i'm afraid if he gets too far down that he'll get hurt," I answered sadly.

" Cause you care for him too much to do that," Adam whispered but everyone heard him.

" Whatever i'm going to go lay down for awhile i'm tired."

" Sure but don't think this conversation is finished yet Jay," Derek replied. I didn't really care what he said I just needed some rest.

I made my way to the bunks but decided to go into the recording studio. It was small, but good enough to record an accroustic half ass song. I had some lyrics for a song on my mind for awhile that I wanted to sing so I decided to record it and play accroustic guitar. I hit the record button when I got it all arranged in my head.

Soft, gentle to feel,
Makes your bones shiver and sqeal,
Blood scoring through your veins,
I'm what helps you heal,
Cleaning up all the blood stains,

But I was the one who made you cry,
I said i'd love you till the day I die,
Loving you makes me wanna say,
That i'll never have a dying day,

I'm broken but no one's caring,
I help to heal but that's not the deal,
I kill to live, like I said I did,
But you never listened,
So it killed me to kill you,

I was the one who made you cry,
I said i'd love you till the day I die,
Loving you makes me wanna say,
That i'll never have a dying day,

My porcelin body never shared,
The secrets I store inside,
But why the fuck would you have cared?

I was the one who made you cry,
I said i'd love you till the day I die,
Loving you makes me wanna say,
That i'll never have a dying day,
Oh nooo i'll never have a dying day

I stopped the recording and a cd popped out that I labeled 'Dying Day' then put it in a case and hid it under my bunk in one of my suitcases. I crawled into the bunk and fell fast asleep feeling a little bit better. But not so much. I have to convince him even more that i'm not what he wants...

But what he hates....