Categories > Anime/Manga > Ceres, Celestial Legend
Beloved (I Cannot Have You)
0 reviewsAki hates himself for it. But he can't help it. In a way, he and the intruding spirit both love the same woman. Aki just happens to love the version that is also a blood relation. INCEST!FIC.
0Unrated
TITLE: Beloved (I Cannot Have You)
SERIES: Ayashi no Ceres
RATING: PG-13
CHAPTERS/ONE SHOT: One-Shot
GENRE: Romance/Angst
PAIRING/S: Aya/Aki
SUMMARY: Aki hates himself for it. But he can't help it. In a way, he and the intruding spirit both love the same woman. Aki just happens to love the version that is also a blood relation.
NOTES: This is incest!fic. If this is your squick, click the back button and don't bother leaving a comment about it. Honestly, the Aya/Aki should have been a dead giveaway.
Often, Aki would writhe and thrash around on his bed. His innocent spirit and the Progenitor dark, vengeful spirit were in a constant struggle for control. Things would get thrown, skin scratched, blood spilled. It became so bad that they sent in Dr Howell to strap him down. Wei watched over his prone form and said nothing. He almost always said nothing.
Aki wanted to believe in many things. He wanted to believe in his own strength, strength that dwindles under the pressing force of the Progenitor. He wanted to believe that everything wouldl turn out right in the end; that he and the sane portion of his family will live and love together until death. He also wanted to believe he has nothing in common with Progenitor. Aki wanted to believe this so badly, it hurt every time he considers such notions.
He wanted to believe in many things. What he did not want to believe was that he could ever harbor such feelings about his own sister.
Admittedly, Ceres is a beautiful woman. The Progenitor often imagined her naked, black flowing tresses covering her breasts, a natural goddess. Then Aki entered the subconscious like an unwelcome neighbor, and it changed. She became a young nude brown haired girl who giggled and toyed with her hair and loved to sing, unabashed about her lack of clothing. It's these thoughts that made Aki wonder how connected he really is to the Progenitor. How much of it is his own thought? How much of this longing is his own responsibility?
Aki could remember the days he spent with Aya at the Mikage household. They were like two peas in a pod; always playing with each other, finishing each others' sentences, the best of pals. Aki felt that Aya completed him; even after the throes of adolescence subsided, they were as close as ever. Their mother had worried that they would never find friends outside of each other. And even though they did, her fears were well-founded. Although they eventually found new people to play with, Aki considered Aya closest to his heart.
Aya checks on his beloved memories while the Progenitor is out to play in the labs. it's the summer of 1988, and Aya and Aki are both eight years old. One of their favorite places to play is the sand box in the park not far from their house. On weekends, their parents would bring them there, and they would play in the beige-colored sand and pebbles. They made sand castles and pretended to be royalty. Aki was always the prince, while Aya was the princess. Aya ordered Aki to make more additions to her castle, which Aki did dutifully with his shovel and multi-shaped buckets.
As Aki built the moat, Aya decided to help with construction. Only she didn't announce her presence beside him, and a high back-swing had Aya shrieking and clutching her mouth where the back of the plastic shovel made contact. Aki instantly froze up, frightful of doing permanent harm. When the shock wears off that he actually hurt his twin sister, he checked her mouth and is instantly relieved to see only a minor bruise, only that will fade in an hour or so. Aya, however, still sniffled and complained that it hurt badly.
So Aki did what mother did whenever they got a boo-boo during play time. He kissed the injured area - Aki kissed Aya's mouth. It wasn't unpleasant, but his stomach stirred like something's wrong. Aya thought nothing of it, and neither did Aki, and they almost forgot about it. Almost.
A week before Aya's sixteenth birthday, they were watching movies together, warming up under the kotetsu with a plate of rice balls with plums to snack on. There were also small, empty cans of Sapporo in a nearby trash can, covered by some newspaper. To be fair, Aya heard one could build a tolerance to the stuff by drinking it in small amounts over a two-hour period. All it did was make the twins a little on the tipsy side. They were watching a really cheesy movie and Aya wondered why Aki would want to watch such a chick flick, until she saw one of his favorite actresses playing the lead role, and laughed under her breath.
"What's so funny?" Aki asked, although he, too, was smiling.
"I-I can't believe you like this girl!" Aya said, laughing. "She's horrible! It's like she's reading off a TelePrompTer or something!"
Aki pretended to pout, although it's obvious he didn't mean it. "Oh, shame on you for not recognizing good talent! The script must have called for stiff, emotionless acting." He can't hold the charade for much longer, and bursts out into peals of snorts and giggle; soon, the twins are laughing uproariously together, completely ignoring the movie on the television. Until, that is, an ad came on the TV for the latest issue of /Hana to Yume Tsubasa/, with a feature on a gothic manga called /The Count/.
Aya started talking about how it was all the rage and how exotic Count Kotobuki is, a child born from incest. "They can tell because he has golden eyes," she said, sounding like she thought herself an expert on such things.
Aki snorted. "I'm sorry, that doesn't sound exotic at all. It sounds wrong."
Aya began waving her hand around, flustered, her face flushed visibly. "Oh, I didn't say it was cool in real life. But he solves murders and makes poisons and---"
"So children born from incest are just exotic pets? L-like jaguars?" Aki was becoming quite bold due to the Sapporo flowing through his veins.
Aya pouted and looked down at her half-eaten pear on the table before looking back up at Aki. "God, Aki, I didn't mean it like that. It's just a manga, y'know."
Aki smiled warmly at Aya, even as funny-feeling storms began brewing in his stomach. "I'm sorry, dear Aya," he said. He leaned forward to grab a rice ball, the one with the biggest plum in the middle (he had made it himself).
Aya made a big miscalculation then and there. She grabbed another mini-Sapporo, gulped it down, and kissed Aya firmly on the lips. For a moment, Aki resisted. This was so /wrong/. But common sense had left him along with his inhibitions. Soon, he had taken control, slipping his tongue in Aya's mouth, tasting her from the inside. Not surprisingly, she tasted of pear and beer, stick rice and sweet plums. Aya is not hesitant, not one bit of her said no, and for a fleeting moment Aki fooled himself into thinking it's Aya, not the booze, who is craving his kiss, his touch.
The rest of the scene came to Aki only in short quick flashes. Aki's arms encircled Aya's waist. Aya ran her hands through Aki's hair. Aki touched Aya's breasts - first gingerly, then needfully, slipping through the shirt to get to bare skin. Aki sucked on Aya's collarbone and listened to her moan. Their limbs were entangled next to the kotetsu, kissing and rubbing and touching everywhere. Then Aya pushed Aki off and scrambled to fix herself up before collapsing in a boozy haze. Aki lifted her up and carried her to her bed upon which she sleeps off the alcohol. He kissed her once, the last time, on the forehead. He cleaned up the family room and went to his bedroom and faked sleep, so that when the rest of the family came home, they would figure he had called it an early night.
The next morning, Aki's face was burning with shame and frustration. Aya was a little sleepy, but other than that, seemed to have carried no ill effects from the night before. When Aki asked how she liked the movie, Aya acted like there was no movie. She admitted to drinking a little more than she should have, but she said that after she began, the rest was a total black-out.
A deep, dark laughter filled his mind, and Aki found himself staring up at a brightly-lit ceiling, lying in his uncomfortable bed, arms strapped down. At his side sat Wei, watching him. Aki squirmed under his sharp eyes and wished the restraints weren't so tight.
"I see the Progenitor has fallen asleep, young Aki," Wei said. His voice was calm and betrays no emotion.
Aki nodded. "What did he do?"
"As usual, a failure. None of the girls were Ceres. So he killed them."
Aki didn't want to be used to this. To the thought of innocent girls dying because they weren't the one. To the possibility that one day, it could be Aya underneath the beast's brutish strength. He didn't want this . . . thing inside of him, tearing up his humanity, destroying what he knew to be himself. He doubted anyone in the corporation cared a fig for his feelings.
Like his feelings for Aya. /Damn it/. What was wrong with him? He knew Aya was going through the same problems, growing up being the vessel of the spirit of the /tennyo/. All he wanted to do was make sure Aya was all right - to hold her in his arms, stroke her hair, tell her everything was going to be okay. It wasn't wrong to want those things, right? Right?
He shouted all this mentally, his tone pained and furious. For all his troubles, the dark voice laughed back. Aki yelled. The Progenitor yelled back. They fought like an old married couple, only the relationship is more violent and Aki ended up the abused spouse, helpless to call on a sympathetic face. Only the face is not there. Aya is not there to call out "Aki-san!" or hold his hand. No one is there. Aki realized he is alone and the transformation began.
Later, he is swallowed by the painful darkness. And then, even the light that he once held dear to him, the image of Aya, smiling, face shining with glee, begins to fade.
SERIES: Ayashi no Ceres
RATING: PG-13
CHAPTERS/ONE SHOT: One-Shot
GENRE: Romance/Angst
PAIRING/S: Aya/Aki
SUMMARY: Aki hates himself for it. But he can't help it. In a way, he and the intruding spirit both love the same woman. Aki just happens to love the version that is also a blood relation.
NOTES: This is incest!fic. If this is your squick, click the back button and don't bother leaving a comment about it. Honestly, the Aya/Aki should have been a dead giveaway.
Often, Aki would writhe and thrash around on his bed. His innocent spirit and the Progenitor dark, vengeful spirit were in a constant struggle for control. Things would get thrown, skin scratched, blood spilled. It became so bad that they sent in Dr Howell to strap him down. Wei watched over his prone form and said nothing. He almost always said nothing.
Aki wanted to believe in many things. He wanted to believe in his own strength, strength that dwindles under the pressing force of the Progenitor. He wanted to believe that everything wouldl turn out right in the end; that he and the sane portion of his family will live and love together until death. He also wanted to believe he has nothing in common with Progenitor. Aki wanted to believe this so badly, it hurt every time he considers such notions.
He wanted to believe in many things. What he did not want to believe was that he could ever harbor such feelings about his own sister.
Admittedly, Ceres is a beautiful woman. The Progenitor often imagined her naked, black flowing tresses covering her breasts, a natural goddess. Then Aki entered the subconscious like an unwelcome neighbor, and it changed. She became a young nude brown haired girl who giggled and toyed with her hair and loved to sing, unabashed about her lack of clothing. It's these thoughts that made Aki wonder how connected he really is to the Progenitor. How much of it is his own thought? How much of this longing is his own responsibility?
Aki could remember the days he spent with Aya at the Mikage household. They were like two peas in a pod; always playing with each other, finishing each others' sentences, the best of pals. Aki felt that Aya completed him; even after the throes of adolescence subsided, they were as close as ever. Their mother had worried that they would never find friends outside of each other. And even though they did, her fears were well-founded. Although they eventually found new people to play with, Aki considered Aya closest to his heart.
Aya checks on his beloved memories while the Progenitor is out to play in the labs. it's the summer of 1988, and Aya and Aki are both eight years old. One of their favorite places to play is the sand box in the park not far from their house. On weekends, their parents would bring them there, and they would play in the beige-colored sand and pebbles. They made sand castles and pretended to be royalty. Aki was always the prince, while Aya was the princess. Aya ordered Aki to make more additions to her castle, which Aki did dutifully with his shovel and multi-shaped buckets.
As Aki built the moat, Aya decided to help with construction. Only she didn't announce her presence beside him, and a high back-swing had Aya shrieking and clutching her mouth where the back of the plastic shovel made contact. Aki instantly froze up, frightful of doing permanent harm. When the shock wears off that he actually hurt his twin sister, he checked her mouth and is instantly relieved to see only a minor bruise, only that will fade in an hour or so. Aya, however, still sniffled and complained that it hurt badly.
So Aki did what mother did whenever they got a boo-boo during play time. He kissed the injured area - Aki kissed Aya's mouth. It wasn't unpleasant, but his stomach stirred like something's wrong. Aya thought nothing of it, and neither did Aki, and they almost forgot about it. Almost.
A week before Aya's sixteenth birthday, they were watching movies together, warming up under the kotetsu with a plate of rice balls with plums to snack on. There were also small, empty cans of Sapporo in a nearby trash can, covered by some newspaper. To be fair, Aya heard one could build a tolerance to the stuff by drinking it in small amounts over a two-hour period. All it did was make the twins a little on the tipsy side. They were watching a really cheesy movie and Aya wondered why Aki would want to watch such a chick flick, until she saw one of his favorite actresses playing the lead role, and laughed under her breath.
"What's so funny?" Aki asked, although he, too, was smiling.
"I-I can't believe you like this girl!" Aya said, laughing. "She's horrible! It's like she's reading off a TelePrompTer or something!"
Aki pretended to pout, although it's obvious he didn't mean it. "Oh, shame on you for not recognizing good talent! The script must have called for stiff, emotionless acting." He can't hold the charade for much longer, and bursts out into peals of snorts and giggle; soon, the twins are laughing uproariously together, completely ignoring the movie on the television. Until, that is, an ad came on the TV for the latest issue of /Hana to Yume Tsubasa/, with a feature on a gothic manga called /The Count/.
Aya started talking about how it was all the rage and how exotic Count Kotobuki is, a child born from incest. "They can tell because he has golden eyes," she said, sounding like she thought herself an expert on such things.
Aki snorted. "I'm sorry, that doesn't sound exotic at all. It sounds wrong."
Aya began waving her hand around, flustered, her face flushed visibly. "Oh, I didn't say it was cool in real life. But he solves murders and makes poisons and---"
"So children born from incest are just exotic pets? L-like jaguars?" Aki was becoming quite bold due to the Sapporo flowing through his veins.
Aya pouted and looked down at her half-eaten pear on the table before looking back up at Aki. "God, Aki, I didn't mean it like that. It's just a manga, y'know."
Aki smiled warmly at Aya, even as funny-feeling storms began brewing in his stomach. "I'm sorry, dear Aya," he said. He leaned forward to grab a rice ball, the one with the biggest plum in the middle (he had made it himself).
Aya made a big miscalculation then and there. She grabbed another mini-Sapporo, gulped it down, and kissed Aya firmly on the lips. For a moment, Aki resisted. This was so /wrong/. But common sense had left him along with his inhibitions. Soon, he had taken control, slipping his tongue in Aya's mouth, tasting her from the inside. Not surprisingly, she tasted of pear and beer, stick rice and sweet plums. Aya is not hesitant, not one bit of her said no, and for a fleeting moment Aki fooled himself into thinking it's Aya, not the booze, who is craving his kiss, his touch.
The rest of the scene came to Aki only in short quick flashes. Aki's arms encircled Aya's waist. Aya ran her hands through Aki's hair. Aki touched Aya's breasts - first gingerly, then needfully, slipping through the shirt to get to bare skin. Aki sucked on Aya's collarbone and listened to her moan. Their limbs were entangled next to the kotetsu, kissing and rubbing and touching everywhere. Then Aya pushed Aki off and scrambled to fix herself up before collapsing in a boozy haze. Aki lifted her up and carried her to her bed upon which she sleeps off the alcohol. He kissed her once, the last time, on the forehead. He cleaned up the family room and went to his bedroom and faked sleep, so that when the rest of the family came home, they would figure he had called it an early night.
The next morning, Aki's face was burning with shame and frustration. Aya was a little sleepy, but other than that, seemed to have carried no ill effects from the night before. When Aki asked how she liked the movie, Aya acted like there was no movie. She admitted to drinking a little more than she should have, but she said that after she began, the rest was a total black-out.
A deep, dark laughter filled his mind, and Aki found himself staring up at a brightly-lit ceiling, lying in his uncomfortable bed, arms strapped down. At his side sat Wei, watching him. Aki squirmed under his sharp eyes and wished the restraints weren't so tight.
"I see the Progenitor has fallen asleep, young Aki," Wei said. His voice was calm and betrays no emotion.
Aki nodded. "What did he do?"
"As usual, a failure. None of the girls were Ceres. So he killed them."
Aki didn't want to be used to this. To the thought of innocent girls dying because they weren't the one. To the possibility that one day, it could be Aya underneath the beast's brutish strength. He didn't want this . . . thing inside of him, tearing up his humanity, destroying what he knew to be himself. He doubted anyone in the corporation cared a fig for his feelings.
Like his feelings for Aya. /Damn it/. What was wrong with him? He knew Aya was going through the same problems, growing up being the vessel of the spirit of the /tennyo/. All he wanted to do was make sure Aya was all right - to hold her in his arms, stroke her hair, tell her everything was going to be okay. It wasn't wrong to want those things, right? Right?
He shouted all this mentally, his tone pained and furious. For all his troubles, the dark voice laughed back. Aki yelled. The Progenitor yelled back. They fought like an old married couple, only the relationship is more violent and Aki ended up the abused spouse, helpless to call on a sympathetic face. Only the face is not there. Aya is not there to call out "Aki-san!" or hold his hand. No one is there. Aki realized he is alone and the transformation began.
Later, he is swallowed by the painful darkness. And then, even the light that he once held dear to him, the image of Aya, smiling, face shining with glee, begins to fade.
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