FicWad

Joe loved to sleep when it was raining. It was so soothing to hear the rain hit the window, but he awoke to the telephone ringing. He cursed; then turned over and picked it up. "Yeah." He looked at his watch; it was 5:30 in the morning.
"Joe!" Steven exclaimed. "I gotta talk to you."
The panic in Steven's voice instantly woke Joe up. "Steven? What's wrong?"
"Just come to my room. I can't explain it, not over the phone."
Joe quickly got dressed, and walked the empty hallway to Steven's hotel room. He had a million things racing through his mind. Something terrible must have happened: They figured that Steven would be the best at telling him.
He walked in, stopped dead, and stood there in absolute shock. He never would have come up with this scenario: Not in a million years! "Um, Steven, uh, well," Joe stammered.
"Yeah, I know!" Steven threw his hands up in the air. "What the hell happened to me?"
Joe looked Steven up and down. Somehow Steven Tyler had been transformed into a woman. He wore one of his t-shirts, now pulled very tightly across his chest, and his faded blue jeans also pulled a bit tight over his now shapely hips. If it wasn't so shocking, it probably was very funny.
"Dude looks like a-" Joe said as he stared at Steven's ample breasts.
"Shut the fuck up!"
"OK, OK, OK." Joe finally said. "This is some sort of joke, right?"
"I wish it was! I woke up and went to take a piss, and I really can't cause I'm short on a piece of equipment! Then I look down, and I got these!" Steven motioned to his breasts like they were some foreign objects that he had no idea of dealing with.
Joe walked to Steven; his eyes fixed on him. It was Steven; this wasn't an impersonator. Joe's eyes moved down. He reached out and touched Steven's warm, firm breasts. "Oh, my God! They're real!" He said out loud.
Steven slapped his hands away. "Goddamn it, Joe! Of course they're real!"
"Sorry! I just had to see." Joe looked Steven up and down again. "I just can't understand this." Joe's eyes transfixed onto the new necklace hanging around Steven's neck. "Hey, that necklace. Look at the stone!" It was a grass green. Steven held it out, "Oh, I thought it was a lighter green."
"It was." Joe shuddered from the chill running down his back. "Man, that thing's just freaking me out!"
"This is the least of my troubles!" Steven exclaimed as he sat down. "I just don't understand! How in the fuck did I end up like this?"
Joe sat down across from Steven. He couldn't help but stare at him. Steven was just so incredibly beautiful; Joe never noticed that his eyes were such a warm inviting brown...
"What the hell are you looking at?" Steven yelled.
"Nothing." Joe's eyes darted down to his own lap. "So now what?"
"She said I'd find out; little bitch! We have to go back to that shop."
"I'm sure that they aren't open. It's not even 6!"
"I don't care! It has to be something to do with this thing!"
He frowned a bit, "Hey, does my voice sound higher?"
"Maybe," Joe shrugged; from Steven's disgusted look, he knew it was the wrong answer. "Just a little," he quickly added.
"Oh great," Steven moaned. He rose, and put on his oversized black leather coat. "Are you coming with me?" He put it on a pair of sunglasses.
"Yeah."
They went out down to the lobby; Steven walked ahead. Joe was still a bit confused by the entire morning's events. He heard someone say his name. He turned and there was a teenage boy, pushing a mop. The kid seemed startled that Joe had turned around.
"Excuse me. Are you Joe Perry?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah I am."
"I hate to bother you, but could I have your autograph?" He asked. "I mean, well I could get into a lot of trouble. We're not supposed to bother the guests."
Joe understood. "Oh, hey, no trouble. I'm just on my way to-" he couldn't really say where he was off to, "breakfast."
"Thanks. Can't wait for your show."
"Ya goin to it?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Yeah, it'll be great. You won't be disappointed. What's your name?"
The boy gave a smile. "Joe."
"Cool name." Joe signed the paper and handed it back. He saw this Joe staring at Steven. Oh shit. What if he notices that Steven's 'different'...
"Thanks, Mr. Perry." He again looked at Steven, and raised his eyebrows, "God, she's beautiful!"
Joe frowned a bit; not because of what he said, but because he didn't recognize Steven. This young Joe was embarrassed. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything. I was thinkin' out loud."
"No problem. Later, Joe." He quickly joined Steven.
"He thought I was your lady!" Steven exclaimed.
"Oh, he's just a kid." Joe brushed the incident off.
"No, he's not." Steven pulled up his collar. "He knew you! He's going to the show! He didn't know who I was!"
"Maybe he's into guitars. Not everyone in the world knows who you are!" Joe gave a shrug. "Are you hungry? Wanna get some breakfast?" Breakfast sounded like a good idea.
"No. I want to go back to that shop!"
Joe was about to protest, but he sort of understood. If he were in this fix, he'd want to go back. He looked up; the rain was still gently falling. Soon, they were in a warm cab, retracing their steps. The store was dark, Joe figured that much. A sign hung on the door, "Closed for vacation"
"Fuck!" Steven exclaimed. "How will I find her?"
"Whom do you seek?" A bum asked. He came out of the darkness, dressed in tattered clothes, but he had an air of dignity to him. He tilted his head. "Are you seeking Kali?"
"I just need to talk to the blond girl that works here." Steven declared.
"Kali. Her name's Kali." The bum answered.
"Do you know where she is?" Joe asked.
"Kali is a hard one to keep track of. Sometimes she's gone for weeks at a time." The bum took a long drink out his paper bag. "She's a free spirit."
"Do you know where she went on her vacation?" Joe's tone was impatient.
"Alex would know." The bum went through his tattered pockets. "Here's his address." He handed Joe a dirty business card. "When you see him, tell him that Doc said hello." He turned and started to walk away. Joe looked at the card, then at the old man shuffling away.
"Hey, wait!" Steven called out. Doc stopped, and turned.
"Steven what are you doing?"
"We can't let him go! Look at him!" Steven caught up to him. "Are you hungry?"
"Oh, well," He looked down, with shame on his face. "I'll find something. Don't worry your pretty little head. I can fend for myself."
"Hey, well, we were gonna go get something, you wanna come too?" Steven looked around; there was a diner at the end of the block.
"No, that's fine, you go ahead. Go to Alex."
Steven took out some money, and pressed into his palm. "Go get something to eat. Don't spend it all on booze!"
Doc looked at the money, "Thank you, dear. God Bless you." Steven watched him walk to the diner and go inside.
"Steven, come on." Joe grabbed him by the arm and they walked back to the cab.