FicWad

Author's note: My pal, Roulette, deserves a big thank you for creating the character of Micah Finlay (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and giving Davey Jacobs a chance to finally find his OTP (awww cheeseball slash equals heart!). This is modern Newsie slash (because what else is there, at this point? XD), inspired by the Tibby's myspace RPG, run by Sage and Hair.

Chapter Summary: Micah and Davey meet again for the first time in person at Sheen's Garage. But Davey, the Walking Mouth, won't let himself SPEAK too much, for fear of SAYING too much (ah, me. Even my summary has taken on the Davey stutter. haha).


Davey is Bared
Chapter 1: I Think I Need a New Heart

Story by ShoeGoil
Song (in italics) by The Magnetic Fields



You grin and stick out your tongue at me because I suggest you're the first mechanic to make my car sound so happy. And you are cute. But I won't tell you that I think this. I'm what I'd call inhibited. My usual non-stop chattering is silenced this moment as you look into my eyes. 'Don't talk, Davey,' I tell myself. I'm biting my tongue. But it doesn't mean I'm not thinking anything.

Time stands still
All I can feel is the time standing still

'You'll regret anything you happen to say, Davey,' I remind myself. Roommates, friends... they are easy to admire, but easy to complicate things. Remember the past...

as you put down the keys
and say don't call me please

Before. In California. HE kissed ME. But it's a joke to say I didn't inspire this transgression against our mutual roommate...his girlfriend. My honesty... my walking mouth... it got me in trouble then, and it'll get me in trouble now, with you. And I don't want that.

While the radio plays,
"I Think I Need a New Heart." Ohhh

But I'm romantic. And I don't WANT to stop myself. I'd rather give in. I'd rather say what I feel as you playfully pat my face, getting engine grease across my cheek.

"I Think I Need a New Heart." Ohhh

We both grin. And as you take my chin in one hand, roughly wiping my cheek off with a cloth... I've almost given in... But still, I'm quiet. I stare into your eyes, trying to convince myself, I'm not the only one to struggle with accepting this connection. I tell myself,

You've lied too,
but it's a sin that I
can't tell the truth

I haven't even admitted to myself, completely, that I am gay... though I know I am. My skin prickles at your touch... and Tommy's lips wouldn't have offended me if it hadn't been for Cherise... and I might not have gone to college in California, if I hadn't felt so agitated whenever I was around Jack back in high school... and in the back of my mind I'm convinced you might not have quit cub scouts and lost touch with me if I hadn't gotten so close to you...

'cause it all comes out wrong
unless I put it in a song

My mouth opens now, ready for admission... but you've released my chin and you're back in the hood of my car. And my mouth closes, relief and disappointment jumbling in my throat. Trying to get free, but accepting my self-edit...

So the radio plays
"I Think I Need a New Heart" just for you

And you nod for me to get in the passenger's seat, so I do. And you start the ignition, pulling out of the parking lot too quickly. And my car squeals, absurdly speaking the same thrill my clenched stomach feels. And you drive quickly, swerving, yet remaining in control the entire time. And you're fearless, impetuous... tossing your fluffy curls with your right hand, before laying it casually on the back of my car seat. And your mouth and your eyes grin at me before looking back at the road.

"I Think I Need a New Heart"

I'm strangely aware of the presence of your arm, three inches away from my blushing neck. I wonder if you know what your actions are doing to my pulse, causing it to quicken... Is it obvious without my mouth speaking words, that I admire you? I want you to know, but if I speak, I won't be able to stop. I'll say too much.

'cause I always say, "I love you"
when I mean, "turn out the light"

Even all those years ago...Helping each other earn merit badges, what a laughable thought! Would I have ever learned to shoot a target without your help? Yes... but it wouldn't have been so fun. And I know the feeling was mutual.

and I say, "let's run away"
when I just mean to stay the night

But would you have ever been able to make it back to camp that time we got lost, if it hadn't been for me and my ability to follow the North Star? ... Or maybe we wouldn't have gotten lost at all, if we hadn't wandered off together, actions speaking louder and clearer than words. I grin at the thought now, of us two kids, alone in the woods, with the large, bright moon overhead, grasping onto each other out of fear, cold, excitement, and... I chuckle, even editing my private thoughts.

"What's so funny?" you ask with another swerve, pulling back into the parking lot of Sheen's Garage. My eyes turn to meet yours, but I quickly avert them. It's the way you are looking at me. Your eyes implore me. As if you know I'm thinking about you... and us...

But the words you want to hear
you will never hear from me

Not because I think an out-of-work writer and a mechanic couldn't be good together... And not because I don't crave romance... And not because I don't crave the feeling of YOUR fingers caressing MY neck familiarly, YOUR lips bringing out a blood-pumping newness that MY inexperienced heart would hardly be able to handle.

I'll never say "happy anniversary"

Because I won't let myself speak now, won't let myself admit that you and I WOULD be good together, won't let myself ask you for one date, let alone a whole year of bewildering joy.

...Never stay to say "happy anniversary"

Because I'm scared. Because you're amazing. Because you're comfortable. Because I am pathetic.

so I think I need a new heart. Ohhh

because, in spite of all of this, I have hope.

I think I need a new heart. Ohhh

Because I think that I can learn.

I think I need a new heart. Ohhh

Because you're worth taking on this new type of ache for real.

I think I need a new heart. Ohhh

"Micah...I'm leaving for Scotland tomorrow... to see my best friend get married."

"Then I'll see you when you get home, Dav-luv." Your casual assurance captures my nerves as if on film. You can see into me. You already seem to know. I realize how silly I am to worry, and yet you don't seem to mind. But still, I beg,

Give me time.