Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > A Friendship To Last A Lifetime

I Can't Begin To Let You Know Just What I'm Feeling

by checkered_stars 6 reviews

Rachel and Gerard makes their decisions on weather they're going to be together or not...

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Drama, Romance - Characters: Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2007-07-02 - Updated: 2007-07-03 - 3643 words - Complete

Chapter 11-

"What do you need to talk to me about?!" I hissed as Gerard let go of my arm.

He had lead me to the very back of the garage, were no one could see or hear us.

"First of all, this." Gerard whispered as he pressed his lips against mine.

He pushed me back until I hit the wall of the garage. I then opened my mouth and let his tongue explore my mouth. He briefly broke the kiss to quickly breathe, before leaning in again.

Gerard kissed more forcefully as he slipped his hand underneath my shirt and caressed the skin on my stomach. He broke the kiss again, pausing to catch his breath. Gerard then gently kissed my lips and started trailing kisses down my jaw line, and down my neck.
He softly bit down on my neck as he continued to trail kisses up and down my neck.

"Gerard... Gerard!" I said breathlessly.

Gerard brought his head up from my neck and kissed my lips gently.

"What?" He asked, just as breathless as I was.

"What did you want to tell me?" I said, pushing him away from me slightly so he wasn't pushing his body against mine.

He stood up properly, but still left his hands wrapped around my waist.

"I came to tell you..." Gerard said, smiling.

"I broke up with Kara..." Gerard said, kissing my neck again.

"And?" I asked.

"And to tell you I want to be with you..." He said, stopping and looking straight into my eyes.

He had took hold of my hands with his.
I looked at him clueless, not knowing what to say.

"I didn't really get a chance to tell you last night, but I love you Rachel. I always have, but it was till now that I've realized." Gerard whispered sweetly.

I smiled and kissed him roughly. I pulled back and leant my forehead against his.

"I love you so much Rachel." He said, smiling and sweeping stray hairs away from my face.

"I love you too Gerard Way. And it would bring me great pleasure to be with you." I said quietly, a huge smile playing on my lips.

"Oh it'll bring up pleasure alright..." Gerard said seductively, before kissing me passionately once again.

I brought my hands up and wrapped them around his neck. He slowly began to nibble on my neck again. He gently nipped the spot between my neck and my collarbone, and I let out a low involuntary moan.

Gerard smiled and mumbled against my neck: "Like that do ya?"

I smiled and ruffled his hair.

We made out for a few more minutes, enjoying each others bodies. Before I decided to break the silence.

"Do you reckon we should tell the other people yet?" I asked, breathlessly.

Gerard didn't answer.

I pried myself away from Gerard, immediately missing his warmth. I sat down on a huge log not far from where we were standing, and looked up at him. Gerard came a sat down beside me, and rested his head on my shoulder.

"You don't think it'd get weird between us because we're pretty much best friends?" Gerard asked.

"I think we're a bit more than just best friends now!" I giggled.

Gerard laughed and kissed my cheek.

"I don't think it will. I hope it doesn't... That might be a bit of a problem..." I said, scratching my head.

"So do you think we should tell the others yet or not?" I asked.

"About what?" He asked.

"About how we went to la-la land, and saw the man on the moon!" I said sarcastically.

"Oh, I get ya now!" Gerard laughed, poking my sides.

"But do you think we should?" I asked seriously.

"Umm... Maybe not yet..." Gerard answered.

"Ok, so it's settled. We're together, but we're not going to tell anyone yet..." I said.

"Yep!" Gerard said cheerfully.

"I think it'd be more fun this way, sneaking around to see each other..." I smiled.

"Defiantly." Gerard whispered as he nuzzled my neck.

I giggled and pushed his head away.

"We need to do some serious talking..." Gerard said, a serious look on his face.

"Why?" I asked, even though I had some idea of what he was talking about.

"Just cause, there's a few things we need to clear up..." He said.

"But we can't do it now. We've kinda been gone for a while now, the morons we call friends are probably starting to get suspicious." Gerard laughed.

"Ok, so how about later?" I asked.

"Later is good. How bout you come to my place and stay the night?" Gerard suggested.

"Even better, you come and stay at my house... Mum and Dad are going out for the night, and are staying at my Aunty and Uncle's... And Matt will be at his friends house, cause he refused to be looked after by his big sister..." I suggested, a cheeky smile spread across my lips.

"So we'll be all alone?" Gerard said seductively.

He began to kiss my neck again.

"So we'll be all alone... Just you, and me." I giggled.

I stood up and brushed off my jeans.

"Come on, we better get going back over there. Like you said before, they're going to be suspicious..." I said, turning and walking away.


"My, my, my you two were gone for a while... Get up to anything interesting? Anything we should know about?" Scarlet teased as we sat back down again.

"No, we didn't Scarlet. Thank you for asking..." I said sarcastically, smiling.

"Oh, well we just thought you were gone for so long that you couldn't possibly be just talking." Scarlet shot back innocently.

"And I think I might've heard a few slams against the garage..." Frank said cheekily.

"Well, nothing happened... We talked and that was it!" I defended calmly.

If it was one thing I knew not to do, was get all defensive and stuff. Because that's when they really started to get suspicious.
You needed to act calmly, like nothing being said was fazing you. And I did a good job at that, which defiantly came in handy from time to time...

"So, what's the news?" Mikey asked, dropping the subject, knowing it could go on like this for hours.

"I broke up with Kara..." Gerard said.

There was a hushed "yes" from the people around me.

"And?..." Ray asked.

"And what?" Gerard asked, confused.

"Yeah, I ah, kinda told them about what you said, slash what happened last night. About Kara and... us..." I said, laughing awkwardly.

"WHAT?! Ah, that's great! Thank you very much Rachel!" Gerard screamed, growing slightly red in the cheeks.

"Well sorry! They forced it out of me! I swears!" I screamed back.

"WE DID NOT!" Ashley screamed.

"So... are you two together or not?" Tegan asked quietly.

Gerard and I both looked at each other.

"No. We're not." I said quietly, looking down.

A collective "Aww" filled the air and my female friends embraced me for some weird reason.

"We decided to just be friends." Gerard added, silently freaking out.

Maybe we should've had a plan of action before we came back, so we didn't have to think of excuses on the spot.
But the stupid minds of Rachel Cummings and Gerard Way never thought of that, did they?

"So is everything going back to normal?" Lily asked hopefully.

"Hell yeah it is!" Gerard shouted triumphantly.

I laughed as everyone got up and started cheering.


"So why did you do it?" Dad said in a stern voice.

I sighed and explained what happened the night before, leaving out the events that took place between Gerard and I.

"That's not a very good excuse to go and hit someone Rachel. You should know better." My Dad sighed.

I looked up at my Dad, seeing the disappointment in his eyes.

I sighed.

"I'm disappointed in you Rachel. I thought I taught you better than this." Dad sighed.

"To taught you to never to hit someone unless it's pure self-defense. To TALK you're way out of a fight, and to certainly not START a fight!" Dad roared.

"Did she even get a chance to defend herself?" My Dad asked.

"No..." I mumbled.

There was an uncertain silence for a minute or two.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but you're grounded for two weeks.
No contacting or seeing friends, and no friends seeing or contacting you. You're not to be with friends, unless you're at school... And I'm taking your stereo and laptop as well..." Dad said quietly.

Great, in all the times my father never grounds me, he decides to ground me now. Just as the holidays are coming up.

"WHAT?! But Dad!" I screamed.

"No buts! You did something wrong, and you need to be punished for it... Just be grateful your mother isn't the one punishing you..." Dad said.

He was right, I was lucky. If Mum was the one sitting on the couch in front of me, talking to me about my wrong doings, I wouldn't be allowed to see daylight for the next three years.
But then again, I wouldn't really mind. I like my room, and I hate sunlight. So in a way, it would be a pretty painless "punishment".

"But do you need to take all that stuff away from me?! I mean, what am I meant to do for two weeks?! Sit in my room and twiddle me thumbs?!" I screamed.

"Maybe it'd teach you a lesson to not hit someone again?" Dad shot.

"But what about tonight? I've asked Gerard to come and stay tonight, and his Mum already said yes... He's actually meant to be here soon, I can't just go and tell him he can't come now..." I sighed.

"Ok, Gerard can come. But when we get back tomorrow, the grounding starts then ok?" Dad sighed.

"Ok..." I mumbled, looking down and playing with the carpet.

"If I were you, I'd make the most of your possessions while you can. Cause you won't be seeing them for a while..." Dad suggested.

"Dad, it's only two weeks." I pointed out.

"Yeah. But I know my daughter. She can't live without music or her laptop. It'll seem A LOT longer than two weeks for her... And you know what makes it even better? Holidays are coming up in a week. So you'll be spending the first week with no friends, no laptop, and no stereo." Dad said, smiling faintly.

Sometimes it was bad for my Dad to know me this well.

"Yes, but I still have my I-Pod, don't I?" I said cheekily.

"You do, but in the first few days you'll listen to it occasionally, you'll keep using and using it, until the battery runs out. And guess what? You won't have a computer charge it on either..." Dad sarcastically said.

"I still have Mum's computer..." I sang softly.

"I'll just get her to change her password..." Dad sang back.

"Damn it!" I shouted, slamming my fist into the carpet.

"Haha, it's going to be torture for you. But fun for me!" Dad said getting up and walking to his bedroom.

Probably to get ready.

"I hate you!" I shouted.

"No you don't!" Dad shouted back, laughing.


"Boo!" Gerard whispered in my ear, while wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Ah! You freak! You scared me!" I squealed, turning around and facing Gerard.

"Yeah, that was kinda my goal..." Gerard laughed, kissing my neck.

"Mum, Dad and Matthew are gone..." I whispered seductively.

"I know. You wouldn't let me do this if your parents or brother were around." Gerard mumbled against my skin.

I pulled his head up and kissed him passionately.
I wasn't lying when I told Lily Gerard was a good kisser. In fact, he was a great kisser.

I gently placed my hands on either side of me on the table, and slowly began to lift myself up. Gerard then decided to help me and placed his hands on my thighs and lifted me up onto the table, still kissing me.

"Where's all your stuff?" I asked breathlessly.

"Outside..." Gerard whispered, and then continued to work on my neck.

"Go get it." I said, shoving him slightly.

"Why? I've got all I need right here." Gerard said evilly.

I kissed him again, gently tugging his bottom lip with my teeth.

"I want to talk to you..." I whispered.

"Then talk..." Gerard whispered back.

"Wait, why are we whispering?" I asked, giggling.

"I have NO idea!" Gerard laughed.

"So what do you want to talk to me about?" Gerard asked, resting his head on my shoulder and hugging me to him.

"I just wanted to know what Kara said, or how she reacted to when you broke up with her..." I said smiling.

"She freaked out a bit. She's a bit of a drama queen. And she asked 'if this had anything to do with that freaky whore that abused me'." Gerard remembered.

I burst out laughing.

"ABUSED?! FREAKY WHORE?! I didn't fucking abuse her! I just hit her a few times, maybe caused a few bruises that's all... If she wants the real meaning of abused, well then I'll show her!
And who's the one wearing all the short skirts and sleeping with all the guys? Not me!
And I can't help it if I'm a freak, it's just who I am. And I'm damn well proud of it!" I screamed.

"Which reminds me." I said in a calm tone.

"You saw her after I left my mark... How much damage did I do?" I said, smiling devilishly.

"Well, you just gave her a black eye, a shit load of bruising on her face, a split lip, and a sprained wrist... Nothing too big." Gerard said sarcastically.

"Shit! I did all that?! I kinda feel sorry for her... Only just a little bit..." I said quietly.

"Is that all she said or did?" I asked, looking up at Gerard.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it..." Gerard lied, looking away.

"No, there's something else." I said.

"No. That's it." Gerard lied again, still looking away.

"No, there's more to it. What else did she say?" I asked seriously.

"She, uh... Said that she was going to get me back either way, no matter what it takes. A-and that she was going to give you what you deserve..." Gerard quietly stuttered.

"Well, she's not going to get you back unless I'm dead, or you actually WANT her back. And there's no way in hell I'm gonna let her touch me." I said.

"PLUS, I have a whole army of fighters. Willing to fight and protect their queen." I added, placing my hands on my chest.

"Well. I'm not really sure you should trust her. She seems like a psycho. I'd just watch out if I were you." Gerard said, worried.

"You don't need to worry about me baby, I know self-defense..." I said, ruffling Gerard's hair.

"And what is she going to do to me, huh? Bitch slap me while trying not to break a nail?" I asked sarcastically.

"I won't under estimate her. You know better than all people to never judge a person by their looks." Gerard said, still a little worried.

"Fine." I sighed.

"I'll be careful." I sighed, pecking Gerard softly on the lips.


"What?!" I yelled.

"Nothing. Just admiring your beauty." Gerard smiled.
Tracing his fingers up and down my side.

We were in the living room, watching 'The Wizard Of Oz'.
I had picked it out of course. It being one of my all time favorite movies.
And typical Gerard, picks out the horror, blood and gore movie. But after I said I didn't feel like horror tonight, Gerard swore that the apocalypse was coming and we had to run and save ourselves while we still could.
There was a huge bowl of popcorn sitting on my lap. I didn't trust Gerard with it, every time he had it, it'd miraculously end up all over the floor. So I confiscated it off of him. Much to his dismay.

"But I need to talk to you about a few things." Gerard whispered.

"Shoot." I mumbled, my mouth full of popcorn.

"Well... If you don't want to talk about it, then I understand. But, last night... When you were kinda, chucking a spaz... You said something about... Ah..." Gerard quietly stuttered.

"Well? Spit it out!" I screamed, my mouth still full of popcorn.

"You said something about, the truth coming out when doors close..." Gerard started.

I sucked in my breath and stopped breathing.

"And something about how you have to lock Matt in a room so he doesn't see what really goes on. And how you are the one that always has to break em up?" Gerard finished quietly.

Gerard turned and looked at me.
I looked at him, my face lifeless and blank.

"If you don't want to say anything, it's fine, you don't have to." Gerard said comfortably.

He put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him.

"Ok... I'll tell you... But don't go around judging and telling people..." I said softly.
I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes.

"Why would I go and do that?" Gerard asked.

"Just don't please." I chocked.

Gerard nodded his head in agreement. He then looked at me with a look that said 'go on'.

"Mum and Dad have been fighting a lot lately... And they progressively get worse and worse. They occasionally get violent towards each other. But it only really happens when Dad drinks." I said quietly.

"It's been happening more frequently lately. And there's been a few times when Mum's threatened to leave Dad, and take Matt and I and move somewhere far away. These certain events happen on days that kinda matter to me. Like Easter for instance, Dad wasn't there with the rest of us, he was at home, by himself, HUGE hangover, Mum's wedding ring in his hand. The wedding ring my mother has never taken off in her seventeen years if marriage." I sobbed quietly.

I could feel the tears slowly running down my cheeks.

"When they fight, and Dad's drunk, Dad will throw Mum up against the wall, or Mum will throw a few plates, or whatever she can find..." I whispered.
I paused, allowing the lump in my throat to subside.

"I try and ignore it, like I usually do with everything else. I turn my music up real loud, close my door, hide under my bed and cover my ears. But I always make sure that Matt's right there beside me. I protect him and tell him everything's ok.
But that's when I have to lock Matt in the room, and tell him to never come out unless I opened the door." I sighed.

"That's when I'd go out, and stop my parents from killing each other...Literally!
I got hit a few times. Remember when I came to school that day with a huge cut on the side of my face? And I told all you's I just fell off the motorbike and cut my face on a huge rock? Well, that was the result of having to pry quarter of a smashed window off my Dad.
He didn't mean to get me, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time...I guess. But I would rather have it me than Mum or Dad." I sighed.

"I remember that! It seemed a bit suss that a cut that big could come from you falling off a motorbike. But it was pretty believable now that I think about it." Gerard gasped, stroking my cheek where the cut used to be.

"But what makes it even worse is, that the next day, they act like nothing happened. They just act like they're a happy couple and there's not a problem in the world. And that's what gets to me the worst..." I finished, crying softly into Gerard's chest.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Gerard whispered in a soothing tone.

"When it started getting worse you were still with Kara, and we really didn't talk that much anymore. Plus I was kinda going through that stage where I don't want to talk about anything, and I blocked everything out. And pretend that nothings going on..." I said quietly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you... But from now on, I'm gonna be there, no matter what." Gerard whispered in my ear, before kissing the top of my head.

"Thanks." I whispered.

"You weren't serious when you said that you've gotten to the point were you don't want to wake up?" Gerard asked carefully.

"Kinda. Sometimes I have good days, and sometimes I have bad days... But, yeah. Sometimes I don't want to wake up." I admitted.

"I wish you wouldn't feel like that." Gerard said softly, placing his chin on top of my head.

"I wish I wouldn't feel like that either..." I whispered, tears slowly streaming down my face again.

"Why do you feel that way?" Gerard asked.

"I have no idea..." I replied.

"Have you told anyone else? About what's been happening, and about how you feel?" Gerard asked.

"Nope. I hinted a few things towards Scarlet, but I haven't told her the whole story." I said, wiping my face with the back of my sleeve.

"Are you going to tell anyone else?" Gerard asked.

"Probably when I'm ready." I said.

I looked up at Gerard and smiled. I gently kissed his neck and buried my face there.

"Whenever you're ready. But you can trust me to not tell anyone." Gerard softly said, stroking my hair.

"I trust you Gerard." I whispered.


I hope you liked it.
Thank you for all the reviews, they were awsome...
And keep them up, i need encouragment...
Sign up to rate and review this story