Categories > Original > Romance
An Exerpt of My Novel
3 reviewsI am writing a novel and this is an exerpt. Please give feedback as to whether you would read it or not. Thanks a lot!
1Ambiance
This is an exerpt from a novel I'm writing, please give me feedback, ratings, anything to help with the writing... thank you very much!
I reached into the fridge to find everything was gone. I mean everything: milk, oj, grapefruit juice, vegetable juice (not a huge loss in my opinion), water bottles... everything.
I turned and my little brother Spikey (this is his name this week, last week it was Pyro [as in Pyrotechnics, don't ask]. His real name's Michael, but he prefers to have a new name every week, he finds it more exciting) was staring at a glass of all the liquid we had in the house (all lined up quite neatly) with his hands folded under his chin.
"Should I ask?" I inquired, folding my arms looking expectantly at him.
"I'm trying to figure out what to drink this morning," he answered simply.
Spikey is nine years old and in grade 4. He's about 4 feet tall, with short brown hair (that he wants mohawked), a wreckless smile and wild hazel eyes. He's a strange child though (hense the beverages); he likes weird things. He likes stuff like mirrors (and writing backwards messages he then tapes in front of the mirror for us to find), boxes, new pencil sharpeners, those inflatable tubemen stores use to announce sales and he is absolutely fasciniated by the concept of a flying squirrel. The last one is cool, but he just cannot fathom the concept.
"Mommy, hot do squirrels fly? They don't have wings!" He'd ask. But he's a neat kid none the less. He's quirky.
"Hey squirt," an older Spikey replica swung around the corner into the kitchen and snatched the oj from the drink police line-up. "And the Iconator! What's the latest?"
"Some people are like slinkies, good for absolutely nothing. But they always bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
This is my older brother Dorian. He's cool, the perfect big brother: he actually likes me, he's also popular at school, which doesn't hurt my reputation. he looks just like Spikey, only older. He has a strong jaw, not quite square but close, warm brown eyes (like me), light, wheat brown hair and (from a girls point-of-view) he could be considered handsome. Maybe.
He likes to call me the "Iconator" because my hobby is collecting MSN icons, and I like using and website called Iconator.
"That's old! I said 'what's new '?"
"I know that's what you said, but that one's your favourite!" I said smirking raching for the jar of loose change on the counter to get some lunch money.
"True that. So whats new ?"
"Hmm. Yes I'm insane but ever now and then I have these horrible moments of boredom where I have to act normal like you."
I seriously thought he was goign to squirt oj out his nose.
"He... hee... what else?"
"If you can't laugh at yourself I'd be happy to do it for you."
He was clutching his sides so I went in for the kill.
"Have you ever seena wrinkled cow?"
He sat in a chair with one arm around his waist and the other hand over his eyes.
I figured I'd leave him there. I had to get ready for school anyway.
I glanced quickly at Spikey to see his reaction. He was staring intently at the milk glass as though it held the secret to unlocking all the bonus levels on his video games. Odd kid.
There I hope you like it. Please rate and review (I hate asking people to do that, but I NEED it this time) just so I can have some constructive critisism. Thanks so much!
I reached into the fridge to find everything was gone. I mean everything: milk, oj, grapefruit juice, vegetable juice (not a huge loss in my opinion), water bottles... everything.
I turned and my little brother Spikey (this is his name this week, last week it was Pyro [as in Pyrotechnics, don't ask]. His real name's Michael, but he prefers to have a new name every week, he finds it more exciting) was staring at a glass of all the liquid we had in the house (all lined up quite neatly) with his hands folded under his chin.
"Should I ask?" I inquired, folding my arms looking expectantly at him.
"I'm trying to figure out what to drink this morning," he answered simply.
Spikey is nine years old and in grade 4. He's about 4 feet tall, with short brown hair (that he wants mohawked), a wreckless smile and wild hazel eyes. He's a strange child though (hense the beverages); he likes weird things. He likes stuff like mirrors (and writing backwards messages he then tapes in front of the mirror for us to find), boxes, new pencil sharpeners, those inflatable tubemen stores use to announce sales and he is absolutely fasciniated by the concept of a flying squirrel. The last one is cool, but he just cannot fathom the concept.
"Mommy, hot do squirrels fly? They don't have wings!" He'd ask. But he's a neat kid none the less. He's quirky.
"Hey squirt," an older Spikey replica swung around the corner into the kitchen and snatched the oj from the drink police line-up. "And the Iconator! What's the latest?"
"Some people are like slinkies, good for absolutely nothing. But they always bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
This is my older brother Dorian. He's cool, the perfect big brother: he actually likes me, he's also popular at school, which doesn't hurt my reputation. he looks just like Spikey, only older. He has a strong jaw, not quite square but close, warm brown eyes (like me), light, wheat brown hair and (from a girls point-of-view) he could be considered handsome. Maybe.
He likes to call me the "Iconator" because my hobby is collecting MSN icons, and I like using and website called Iconator.
"That's old! I said 'what's new '?"
"I know that's what you said, but that one's your favourite!" I said smirking raching for the jar of loose change on the counter to get some lunch money.
"True that. So whats new ?"
"Hmm. Yes I'm insane but ever now and then I have these horrible moments of boredom where I have to act normal like you."
I seriously thought he was goign to squirt oj out his nose.
"He... hee... what else?"
"If you can't laugh at yourself I'd be happy to do it for you."
He was clutching his sides so I went in for the kill.
"Have you ever seena wrinkled cow?"
He sat in a chair with one arm around his waist and the other hand over his eyes.
I figured I'd leave him there. I had to get ready for school anyway.
I glanced quickly at Spikey to see his reaction. He was staring intently at the milk glass as though it held the secret to unlocking all the bonus levels on his video games. Odd kid.
There I hope you like it. Please rate and review (I hate asking people to do that, but I NEED it this time) just so I can have some constructive critisism. Thanks so much!
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